Dear Bella: I love reading your column and your advice always seem helpful, so I’m hoping you will be able to help me out. I’m a young lady in her 20′s and I have two boyfriends. I love them both but for different reasons.
I have been with my first boyfriend for about three years now and upon until recently we were engaged but I called it off because I felt that neither of us was ready for such a huge step in life. I still love this man very much but there are times when I feel like we should go our separate ways because I feel like I’m in a relationship by myself.
We’ve had many communication issues before. However, we managed to stay together this long.
But here’s the thing: Recently there’s this young man whom I’ve grown really close to. He seems to be everything that I ever wanted in a man, not that my first boyfriend wasn’t, but he’s just so incredibly wonderful. I really like this guy and want to be with him but don’t want to just throw away my previous relationship. Boyfriend number two, knows about number one, but number one does not know about number two.
It’s driving me crazy because I wish I could just combine the two together but I know that I can’t have my cake and eat it too. What do you think I should do?
Torn between two lovers.
Dear Torn between two lovers,
You sound very confused. As a matter of fact, you’re the one driving yourself crazy. Indeed you cannot have your cake and eat it too. You need to know what works for you. Who makes your heart beat every time you see him? Who makes you blush so evidently that you can’t stop smiling? Who makes time stop when you’re with him? Most importantly, who considers your emotions and opinions and sacrifices for you?
While you should not rush into things with Boyfriend 2, you should also take into consideration that if Boyfriend 1 is jealous, selfish and always wants you to please him then there is a great possibility he is leaning too much on the possessive, controlling side and once in a while every woman wants her independence to make her own decisions. Plus I’m sure you don’t want to be living a life looking over your shoulders because you’re torn between two lovers.
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