I find myself really upset all of the time. I have cheated on my boyfriend and it was multiple times. Every time he has forgiven me and I am so grateful. I have cleaned up my act and I have done what it takes to make him happy.

It has come down to buying him things he wants and spending my last dime on him just to make him happy. I spend all my time with him and any question he ask me I tell him everything and nothing but the truth, but we argue constantly now.

He brings up things that I have done that was over 2 years ago. I know that he still hasn’t forgiven me for. I cry and scream because I am so hurt because I know that I was wrong. I admit it to him all of the time. He tells me that he is going to leave me and I cried more because I cant imagine life without him.

He says that I used to be so happy and he said that he cant get over stuff if I dont get over it too. But he is the one that starts the arguments. I feel like if I am happy, he brings something up to make me miserable again.

I feel like I have to tip-toe around his feelings and I have to make sure that i do not say anything to make him mad, because all he is gonna do is bring up the past.

Listen, I try everything to make him happy. The worst part about it is that he has cheated on me too, and he makes me feel so bad about myself I don’t even dare bring up what he has done. I really love this man and I want to be with him for the rest of my life, regardless of all of the mess we have been in.

He tells me that he wants to marry me and he loves me also. Sometimes I feel like I am at a crossroads, I just feel like we need some help. I am confused and scared that he will leave me and that is the last thing that I would want. please help…..

Signed Scared of Lonely

Dear Scared of Lonely,

It appears that your boyfriend has not forgiven you for your past transgressions and from all indications, he probably won’t. This makes the relationship a very unhealthy one and as far as I can see it is having a profound impact on on you.

If you hold on to this relationship you will cause more harm to yourself than good. The love and need you feel for him now could just be guilt and it can cripple you. And to make it worst he is also cheating on you, adding more insult to injury. He even mentioned he is going to leave you.

Probably its time for the both of you to see a third party, a pastor, priest, close friend or counselor. If that doesn’t work, then maybe it is time you move on.


Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at dominicanewsonline@gmail.com. Dear Bella is published Tuesdays and Thursdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.