Dear BellaDear Bella,

I am in trouble. I married someone I don’t love. At least not in a romantic way.

The thing is I was raised poor and I didn’t have much to go around. I always dreamt of living a life where I could eat and afford anything I wanted and I made a vow never to marry someone who cannot provide for me.

Well there came a man who is -as we say in Dominica- “well off”. He fell in love with me. During the time, we dated he gave me all and sundry. I was never broke and I transformed from looking trashy to classy.

He asked me to marry him about nine months after we met and I said yes.

Now we live together. He provides everything for me but I sometimes look at him and realize I have no real attraction for him.

Bella, I think I don’t really love him. Now I am stuck in a marriage and I am not happy although I have everything I want. Oh by the way, he is 60 and I am 35.

What should I do?

Haunted

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Dear Haunted,

It hurts to get letters like yours. When I started reading, all I could hear was “money can’t buy you love.”

That old saying still proves to be true today and in your case, you will never be happy, regardless of the amount of material things you possess, or how much money your husband can give to you.

You feel like you made a smart decision by marrying this man for his money but you knew there’d be compromises. So brace yourself for some tough decisions. It’s your fault.

And if you’re reading that and wincing because it seems like I’m placing the blame squarely on our decision, guess what? I am.

You need to be honest with your husband. Let him know exactly what you just wrote – that you married him because you felt he was a form of security and not because of love.

If you fail to do this, then you run the risk of being a bored, miserable housewife, stuck with someone you don’t love, while depriving yourself and your husband of real happiness.

I hope you can find the willpower to talk to your husband.

I pray he’s one of those men who can face the truth and move on in peace because if he’s not, then you may want to prepare for some backlash. As I said early-brace yourself.

These endings are never happy.

Best,
Bella

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