Dear BellaDear Bella,

I have this dilemma where I am still having casual sex with my ex. I do not wish to add any new skeletons to my closet but the familiarity is comforting, however lately it has been less than comforting.

For starters, we are only seen together in the confines of a bedroom and he only comes to see me when he wants sex and not when I want it.

Lately he hasn’t been kissing me during sex or touching me, it is just in, out, goodbye.

When I ask him what are we? Or where is this going, he refuses to answer me.

When we were in a “serious” relationship, things were so different, he was so loving and caring, but later down he made a 360 degree turn.

I don’t think I can take this any longer.

This is so depressing; how do I break it up with him again?

Sincerely,
Scared of Lonely

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Dear Scared and Lonely,

First of all, you cannot break up anything that is not together and from all you’ve said, you and this ex are not together.

It appears that you are simply someone he is using for sex whenever he wants.

This man as far as his behavior is concerned is coming to meet his prostitute. You need to guard yourself against him. You must ensure that when he comes to his brothel, he doesn’t find you. He’s despicable and seems to be preying on your emotional weakness.

Listen Scared and Lonely, you must love yourself enough to know that you deserve better.

You shouldn’t be used like this in the name of familiarity. There’s nothing familiar about having casual sex with someone who doesn’t even want to kiss you or to be seen with you.

In fact, you should distance yourself from situations like these.

You, like many other young women settle for less because of the fear of being alone.

But Loneliness should not be equated with a fear of being alone.

Everyone has times when they are alone for situational reasons, or because they have chosen to be alone.

Being alone can be experienced as positive, pleasurable, and emotionally refreshing if it is under the individual’s control.

Don’t think twice about taking a different road, just do it. One day you will look back and wonder why it took you so long to make that turn.

Best,

Bella

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