DEAR BELLA: My father’s wife is younger than me; that’s a problem

Bella,

My father recently married a young woman who can be his daughter and I am upset. He is 57 and she is 20. Bella I am 24. What kind of respect is that for me?

My mother died around four years ago and my father met this young girl in church that he married about a year ago. I am not happy; neither are my younger siblings.

I honestly have no issues with the girl expect that I cannot have respect for her because I feel like my friend is speaking to me whenever we talk.

I don’t think that I should respect her. Besides I am older than she is.

She walks around with little pieces of shorts in the house. I hear them at nights because she’s loud.

I want to move out but it’s my mother’s house even though she’s dead.

I think my father should get his own house to put his new little wife and leave our mother’s house for her children.

Am I being inconsiderate?

 

Hurt Child

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Hello hurt child,

There is really not a thing you can do about who your dad chooses to marry. You might as well give it a chance and hope they are happy.

Having sour attitude or refusing to be polite about it will only make you look bad.

You are an adult and asking your father to leave a house that I am sure he built or pays for is unreasonable. In fact, many people may say that you should be the one to leave.

I am not saying this to say your concerns aren’t legitimate. I am simply trying to let you realize that there’s nothing you can really do about it.

Try to get to know your step mother. Respect has nothing to do with age really. Are you saying that you cannot respect your younger siblings?

Once your father is happy, be happy for him because I am sure the loss of your mother wasn’t easy to deal with.

 

Bella

 

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18 Comments

  1. Ahh
    January 31, 2019

    I feel sorry for her..who in the kitchen feels the heat. To have a younger step-mother can be a tough pill to swallow especially at their ages and stage of development. Living together and hearing ‘sounds’ only makes things worse…I am sure she never heard her Mum and Dad getting it on…some young people have no manners and so respect is harder to be earned.

    20 – 24 years are young girls…maybe if they were older the age difference and maturity level issue would be less.

    However, the house could be her mother’s …people do have things as theirs even if they are married and if the widow/widower stays unmarried, then they will have certain privileges but otherwise. .no.

    She is probably. ..well not probably. ..I am sure she is helping bringing up her younger sibling and that is a big responsibility. Moving out on them is not a smart move and the 20 year old should be expected to mother them either.

    Dad should go with his new bride..it will be better for all concerned.

  2. SMH
    January 30, 2019

    Did you just advise her to get too know her Step Mother?????!!!! you mean her Little step sister cause at that age that is all she can be. That man has no respect for his children!

  3. Blank
    January 30, 2019

    The woman clearly said its her mother house. So where you coming sayin is the man house he built or paying for. With one eye you does read

    • CALYPSO
      January 30, 2019

      BLANK,! she reading with her eyes close. hahahahahahaah

    • Karl Orndem
      January 30, 2019

      she can clearly say is skerrit house if she want, or mine for that matter. Until the title is shown we will never know who own. Her mother die. Automatically it can go straight to her father especially if it BOTH their name. Mamselle is a fool. Is not your house unless you mother left it to you.

  4. Awe
    January 30, 2019

    As I read this, it seems you are the type of people who do not respect those who are younger than you. Yes, it might have been your mother’s house but unfortunately, she’s passed. if you are not pleased with what’s happening in that house right now, I suggest you move out. Find your own place or move in with family or friends. Your Father should also respect you.

    SIDE NOTE: YOU WRITE JUST THE WAY YOU SPEAK

    • Stranger
      February 1, 2019

      A 20 girl year old marrying a 57 year old man; another economic union where the young women latch on to the old men who appear to have some wealth? If it was the mother’s house, wouldn’t the husband have ‘life interest’ in the property but the house belongs to the children upon his death?

  5. UREADY
    January 29, 2019

    wow… THAT WAS SOME GREAT ADVICE! On Point!

  6. Shadow would say
    January 29, 2019

    He lookiing for horn boy.Somebody go horn him,but I guess he have a payday.It still will not save him

  7. ????????????
    January 29, 2019

    Hello darling. You are 24. I know the wife is not 20 as you state. Can you not be happy for your dad that he chose to be married instead of going around? He is married and I think that you should try to be polite and understanding. She cannot replace your mother. Your mother is dead, gone, buried and she cannot come back. Start by being a friend to her and I am sure you will get on well as she is around your age group but you must learn to respect others even if they are younger than you. Be mindful too that she is your father’s wife. Give her the respect she deserves. Try not to be stubborn or rebellious.. Your mum cannot come back. Daddy has to move on. The fact that you are still living with him means that he is still considerate and hold you dearly to his heart as a daughter. Start the family fun with your step mum. You will enjoy it I say. Relax darling no need to feel this way.

    • !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      January 30, 2019

      @???????? it seems is you then, how you know the age so well? Keep your lavway down or leave the children in the house their mother work hard to build.

  8. January 29, 2019

    Age cannot be measured in years.

    Some of the youngest and most dynamic people I’ve known have been in their eighties, and some of the oldest and dullest people I’ve known have been eighteen.

  9. Frank N Stein
    January 29, 2019

    Is anybody wondering about the age of the other sibblings in the house? The 24yr old should be on his or her own but what is she is there to take care of the youngers ones as the mother is dead. If this is the case the father should show love and respect for the children by being discreet. Yes he has a life but I am sure none of the mothers here would like for their children to be in such a situation if they pass and leave young children, this is very sensitive. Young women marrying men with children should bear in mind that this could happen to your own children. Its so hard when your mom dies and leave you young and daddy and mom in law willy nilly in your face. If they are all grown they should leave but if not, it is too sad. Think about it people, discretion is the key and remember the golden rule.

  10. Man bites dogs
    January 29, 2019

    I am not going to be gullish like Mr Zandoli. But my advice to you is you are a big woman now so give your old man a chance to enjoy some fresh young fruit and mine your own business.

  11. lula
    January 29, 2019

    Girl/boy, you are of legal age. Get out of the house ,find a mate and move on with your life. Your mother is dead ,your father made a choice where he feels he can find happiness . With them making noises during their private time maybe an indication that you should move out. By law, the house is not yours….as long as your father is alive , the house is his since both your parents spent on building it or buying unless there is a WILL left by your mother leaving you as the HEIR to her estate. Be happy for your father and show some respect or else YOU will bring stress to yourself and siblings. Stop being a brat

  12. zandoli
    January 29, 2019

    Be prepared for the day when your father dies and the house is left for the young wife.

  13. Melly
    January 29, 2019

    I am upunger than my husband two first sons and they hve respect for me. U just bitter. Get u a man girl n b happy too

  14. dora
    January 29, 2019

    Get on with your life girl, let your dad live his life and move on. As long as the man happy and he choose to marry her. do you have a man??

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