DEAR BELLA: My friend’s married lover beats her

Dear BellaDear Bella,

My friend is in love with a police officer, who happens to be married and has his wife, and he also beats her.

And she is afraid of telling anyone.

I realized he is a control freak because whenever we go out, he would call and ask her to be home by this time and that time. Sometimes she would get afraid if he calls before she gets home.

I have seen marks over her body and she would give me excuses. Until she broke down in tears and told me he beats her.

I am worried about my best friend as this relationship is unhealthy.

But she loves him so much I don’t want to intrude and I end up losing her in the process.

Worried

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Dear Worried,

Married and abusive. This is a double whammy because your friend is getting blows for nothing.

It is normal to worry about the people we love and in your case, you love your friend. It is one thing to be in an abusive relationship with a control freak but to add insult to injury he is married with a family.

Surely your friend ought to know that she cannot accept any form of abuse from any man, much less a married one.

I suggest you let your friend know your concerns and encourage her to get out of the relationship.

Keep in mind she may not because from what you’ve said she loves him.

If she does agree to end it, she needs to ensure that she has some sort of protection against him whether it is by law or otherwise because he will come after her.

Nonetheless, you should not discourage her from doing the right thing.

Best

Bella

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34 Comments

  1. Mrs Maury
    August 5, 2017

    Well….!!!!!! I’m excited and happy to see so many respondants, so fierce brave and strongwilled. Folks it is easy to give advice and be judgmental when you are not in it. For those people who have been in an abusive relationship or illicit affair will be able to relate. Unless you walk in someone’s shoes you do not know what they are going through

  2. The Darkness
    July 21, 2017

    By the law… 2 warning shots… the 3rd is for him.

    As an officer… well i have nothing good to say about police.

    They lie, cheat, steal and are corrupt. Their brain capacity is questionable at best… I mean… which graduate or intellectual would want to become a pig?

    Her 1st mistake was choosing a police man to love… untrustworthy…
    2nd He is married… Seriously, have you no shame?
    3rd He is abusive? You MUST be mad!!! You are a Dominican… sadly and stupidly fierce. Where does taking a beating come into that formula…

    • UDOHREADYET
      July 26, 2017

      He was a person before he was a police so i don’t think his profession has anything to do with character. thats like saying everybody that work at cable and wireless like to eat titiwi because your friend works there and like titiwi! its not working for cables that make him like the tititwi!

  3. MARRIED WOMAN
    July 21, 2017

    First, your friend knew this man was married. How you say? He never invited her to his home, whenever he’s at her place he has to leave, he never spend any holiday with her. Why is she afraid to tell his superiors? Shame? You also said that she’s afraid to tell anyone? What do you consider yourself? Your friend is a “FOOL”
    Tell your “foolish” friend “WHO YOU CANNOT MANAGE, YOU DAMAGE.

  4. July 20, 2017

    You know it always amazes me when a woman or anyone for that matter is willing to suffer abuse in the name of love. Love is just a crutch for accepting what is universally wrong in all aspects. I believe it is actually low self-esteem and dependency that is the driving force behind such behavior. A lot of times women are made to accept such behavior from childhood because they were exposed to that as a child. This ownership mentality by us men is also exasabting the matter. Married or not you do not own anyone and so us as men need to break the cycle of abuse of our women. Remember you owe your life to a woman. Your MOTHER

  5. DA/
    July 20, 2017

    Your friend is in no position to lead you in this matter . She is the one getting abused, and she is in a dangerous place between a family and she must direct those desires elsewhere . Case closed . Tell her, to get out , and do it now.

  6. Shameless
    July 20, 2017

    Well, a police officer have right beating up on a woman he claims to love. That is called ‘battery” under the summary offenses act (CAP 50 or 51 of DRL of 1961..further amended). It can even be classified in other forms based on the severity of the beating.

    I would say advise your friend to immediately report him to the police high command but on second thought it is “alleged” that they all have side chicks so you are wasting your time. She just need to leave him, file a restraining order, file criminal charges through a private attorney and then formally file a written complaint to the Chief of police copied to the AG, PM and President. I am certain that will get his attention real quick especially if he holds the rank of Inspector or higher. If he insists then hot oil poured in “certain” body cavities while he is asleep will definitely get his attention 8) 8)

    Assertive like the rod of Moses! :twisted:

  7. Oh Snap
    July 20, 2017

    This is funny, so she couldn’t get her own man- she has someone else’s and she still getting blows on it. I wonder if he can beat his wife.

    • Shameless
      July 20, 2017

      :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: now that is funny :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: .

      Assertive like the rod of Moses! :twisted:

  8. Lord help dem
    July 20, 2017

    Not married man she want na?

    • Shameless
      July 20, 2017

      Married man need love too my dear 8) 8) 8) ! If you don’t believe me just ask the Punjabe-Doctor!

      Assertive like the rod of Moses! :twisted:

  9. DA girl
    July 20, 2017

    I will never have respect for any man who raises his hand to a woman, married or single. I strongly suggest that you try your best to encourage her to get out of the relationship. This pig might end up seriously injuring her or worse, killing her. You also have to be careful because if he finds out that you are trying to get your friend to leave him he might turn his attention to you. If you do seek professional help also be careful because these police officers have friends in many places, and as evil as he may be he will get support from those in his circle.

    The fact that she is hiding these injuries and is so terrified of him says that he mas more control over her than you think and it is going to be very hard to get her to leave, for fear that he will come after her and possibly kill her. What’s worse is that he is a police officer and can cover up his tracks. It will be easy for people to say ‘oh she too stupid, just leave the man’. Psychological control is a powerful thing.

  10. Fan Chooy
    July 20, 2017

    She must be an octopus or conch! Why doe she get all those licks? Is bladaw by there boop by there leedeep by there alas thats too much give her a tonic instead what mr think na is coffee he giving her then.

  11. Cindy
    July 20, 2017

    Well Said bella and To worried if she is yr bestfriend for real tell Her how u Feel about this maybe she is afraid To go because he might beat Her or worse as a police officier something can be done she just have To be wiling To do it even worse he already have a family so why accept all of these none sense she need To get out from there because she in double trouble

  12. dady b
    July 19, 2017

    it.should be my sis he.would be out like.a lamp.

  13. July 19, 2017

    You need to tell your friend to walk away , the man is married , that was her first mistake when she got involve , What love got to with it, the man is abusive , report him to his supervisor, and to his wife asked for forgiveness from the Lord next time you open your legs make sure it is to use the bathroom.

    • July 20, 2017

      So truth. There is no love this illicit relationship.

      It is lust, and a low class lust at that.

      But oh, so many are caught in this trap. There is one way to avoid the trap. The same way will enable the
      victim to break free.

      By nature and by practice we are all sinners. Jesus Christ has provided salvation by taking our guilt upon Himself and dying for our sins on the cross. We can be saved by believing this and receiving Him as our Savior. There s no other way to be saved. You cannot save yourself. It does not come by doing good works. See St John 1:12. and Ephesians 2:8,9. This means we will be forgiven. It also means God will break the chains (bondages) of sin and set us free.

      Please read Romans 5:6-8, 1 Corinthians 15:1-4, and Romans 1:16. *…the power of God unto (resulting) in
      salvation…* means MORE than forgiveness. Salvation includes deliverance from the bondage of sin. It takes you from being a VICTIM and makes you a VICTOR.

      Sincerely, Rev…

  14. Joseph
    July 19, 2017

    Leave him.
    Get protection.
    Make a police report.
    Request a restraining order against him.
    Tell his wife what is going on.

  15. Dominican Passports
    July 19, 2017

    Good for her, allu woman to dotish, choose your man wisley :-x :lol:

  16. July 19, 2017

    So you rather go to her funeral? If she don’t want to report it, then you do it or if not give his wife a clue. He is not above the law.

  17. July 19, 2017

    Girl stop lieing that woman ent your best friend she need one like me u get u a baseball bat and she. That man come over u start swinging and again a married lover? Hello no u swing hard and make sure you make contact let that mother [email protected] go beat the hell out of anger

  18. goofla
    July 19, 2017

    she needs to watch madeas reunion and beat his

  19. small mouth
    July 19, 2017

    Hmmm should watch Lifetime Movies.

  20. As if
    July 19, 2017

    You need to show a lot of support to your friend. A lot of people will say ‘just leave nah”; easier said than done. She may feel like she loves him and he will change, she may also feel embarrassed that this is the situation she has found herself in. She finally confided in you and you can clearly see she is not happy. These kind of men are control freaks, the whole calling to see where she is and giving instructions on when to go home. She will be walking on egg shells the whole time with him cuz any minor thing will trigger a beating.

    Encourage her to find her backbone and leave him and prepare for backlash, which means he may stalk
    her or start spreading nasty rumors about her. He may also come pleading he has changed and he wants her not his wife and he is going to do so many things for her, they can at least remain friends, some sad cry cry story.

  21. UDOHREADYET
    July 19, 2017

    Sounds like an emotionally and physically expensive relationship… FIND YOUR FRIEND A BETTER MAN!

    If there’s only one man that selling fish in the market, that man set the price and quality of fish but once there’s competition with better fish at a better price… that man must lower his price and improve his quality or be put out of business!

    • Positive
      July 20, 2017

      Truth, sadly there arent many men in Dominica

  22. mine
    July 19, 2017

    You don’t love herself. Why should she with a married man who beats her. We all make mistakes, but married and beating she should get herself out the first time he put his hands on her.

  23. July 19, 2017

    There are two problems here.

    (1) The man is married.
    (2) He beats her.

    These are two reason she should end this relationship immediately. As her friend I hope you will advise her to do so and share with her the following reasons:

    She should realize if he would be unfaithful to his wife he would probably be unfaithful to her now, and even if he divorced his wife and married her he would likely be unfaithful.

    For a man to beat his girlfriend or wife is psychological. Without counseling or therapy it gets worst. Some cases end in murder. He should know it is illegal (against the law) to beat (assault) anybody. What kind of cop is he? If he would beat somebody what else illegal might he do :?: This is enough to make us wonder if he even has a future in law enforcement.

    Rev. Donald Hill. Evangelist. (Pastoral Counselor Certificate)

    • Shameless
      July 20, 2017

      Reve, Rev, Rev…I totally agree she should leave that bastard but not because he is married because “married men” need love too :mrgreen: However, she should run away like hell because no man, far more a police officer should be beating a woman he claims to love. Matter of fact, I don’t like violence but I will say here (if DNO will permit) she should wait until he falls asleep and pour hot oil in his ears.

      Assertive like Moses’ rod! :twisted: :twisted:

  24. jihan
    July 19, 2017

    This is no police officer,he is a coward,and you young lady have no self esteem,so sad how our young beautiful,smart black sisters in the islands accept this as right from these cowards,but the caribbean island has no laws on protecting our young women again from these cowards.

    • July 21, 2017

      Are you sure the Caribbean has no laws to protect a young woman?

      I would expect the same law that forbid a man to beat anybody else would apply to beating ones girlfriend or wife.

      No law? Some men would take this as a license to go home and trash their wives.

      Do not tell me there are not such savage creatures in Dominica. They should be in insane asylums or jails. But they are on the streets and in bars.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill,

  25. papa
    July 19, 2017

    She is a fool what is she doing with someone else husband let him beat her good for her

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