DEAR BELLA: My husband’s children hate me

Dear BellaDear Bella,

My husband’s children hate me. Notice I didn’t say “step-kids” because Bella I don’t even want them on my “Step”. These children are brazen. Terrible, just like the woman who gave birth to them.

My husband and I have been married for two years now and the kids are over 30 and they both have jobs. He divorced his wife who took everything he had and fled with some young boy (so I have heard).

So, when I met my husband he had nothing, no assets, only a good job and a car because he left the home for his kids. Now Bella two years in the making and he is slowly getting back on his feet.

He lives with me and he is now saving so he can start over, build a new home and so on.

But these children “shayshaying” my husband. Always want something. If it isn’t money for food, clothes and medicals they always come up with some “never heard about” dilemma.

I am believing that they are simply using him. In the two years, we were together he never got a birthday card, Christmas gift or nothing.

Only when I see them is when they picking up money and when they come to raid my fridge.

I am sick and tired of these terrible children. I want to ask them to stay away from my home but I can’t.

I want to tell my husband be careful about giving them so much but Dominican men always find an excuse to harbor their children. What should I

What should I do?

I am fed up Bella. Trust me!

Fed Up
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Dear Fed Up,

If it’s one thing I realize from your letter is that you do sound frustrated and if what you’ve said it true, that can drive anybody up the wall.

You need to sit with your husband and speak with him about your concerns.

But you cannot go to him with that kind of anger because that can turn him off. Be as subtle as you can.

Of course his children are his, and he will feel a level of loyalty to them but they are grown people and should be able to provide basic needs for themselves.

If he is to bounce back from walking out of marriage with nothing, then he cannot be giving money loosely to children who are adults.

There will be instances where parents may have to lend financial support to their children given the circumstances and you cannot be angry at that.

But if they employed they should be able to buy their own food, cloths and take care of the financial needs. If not, then they might as well quit their jobs.

Having a conversation with your husband could be the beginning of the end of this situation.

Best,
Bella

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21 Comments

  1. I CARE
    November 11, 2017

    my girl give it to the lord.. And he will direct your path. I believe these children doing that deliberately. They want to mess up your life but it’s up to u. Just ask god to help he will and tell the man how u feel. U can’t go with anger just tell him how u feel and what is expected of the situation. remind his kids are already grown and its your lives…. Their mother put them up to it…

  2. free
    August 31, 2017

    My lady have a serious conversation with your husband. Speak your heart, and eventually if he does not talk to them, tell them something like you all come here for stuff from your Dad but you all never give him a thing. See how they will react

  3. Riv
    August 31, 2017

    Dear Fed Up,
    Don’t listen to all those people here who talking about leave him..That is nonsense. The man children are above 30, so he probably close to 60, and you might be up there in age too. Loneliness is no joke. If the man giving to his children is the only issue, that is nothing that you can’t work out. Is the man cheating? Is he beating you? Is he an addict? Your problem is small and is not worth leaving your husband for. Give the man some more good loving, calm yourself down and stop worrying about the children. One night while you massaging him, tell him in a real sad voice that you are not happy and explain to him how the children are affecting you and your marriage. He will listen and call them low life kids and set them straight.

  4. Me
    August 31, 2017

    Looks like you got yourself a stray dog with fleas Madame. You can get rid of the fleas but can never teach an old dog new tricks. Get rid of him.

  5. Titiwi
    August 31, 2017

    Dear Lady, I don’t know if this is just one of those “Bella” stories to keep the readership of DNO up but if it isn’t the old maxim “love me, love my dog” applies. If you can not do that, leave this gentleman to his own devices because you would be on a hiding to nothing.

  6. papa
    August 31, 2017

    Lady your house put your foot down

  7. ALmighty God help
    August 31, 2017

    hmmm i get where you coming from is his children he will never forsake them for you,but at the same time he has to put his foot down because they are working they cannot keep coming to him for salary.

  8. UDOHREADYET
    August 30, 2017

    Kids need to grow up and take responsibility for themselves… husband need to invest in his and your future and you need to be clear about you expect from him and what you want for him. Write out the financial plan and follow up every month to make sure you two are saving, investing, paying bills and having fun with the rest.
    When his kids see that your financial planning is successful, teach them to do the same. If they don’t follow it then…

  9. Danziger
    August 30, 2017

    Madame, I fill yr pain courage to go on.

  10. EnBaLA
    August 30, 2017

    Bella your advice to FedUp is too light.
    Fedup let me tell you something if your needs are met, clothing shelter food and necessities are met why create problems in your marriage or try create issues with husband. You love drama.

    Fedup based on what I read you come across as woman who wants a bigger share.of your husbands.money. Just say that. If the man gives his children money and its not taking anything away from you. Are they shopping from your fridge?

    People have to becareful when marrying people with children grown or otherwise. There is more to your rant and frustration than you are letting us know. Stop being greedy.

    • Anonymous
      August 31, 2017

      But lol where you get that from? You know FedUp man. Can’t be pulling things from thin air so.

    • Anonymous
      August 31, 2017

      Haha, you sound like you have experience of being a scrounger like that lady’s man and his children. Unfortunately our people tolerate parasites like that too much. Best you stay en-bas-la!

  11. DA girl
    August 30, 2017

    What??!! Thirty-something year old?! They should be taking care of him!

  12. zandoli
    August 30, 2017

    He is not likely to change. If you do not like the present arrangement, you should look at Plan B – get out.

  13. SHUT UP!
    August 30, 2017

    :-D :lol: :-P all you dominicans will kill me dead

    • Me
      August 31, 2017

      What, double death? Only in Dominica.

    • ALmighty God help
      September 4, 2017

      hmmm you confessing your death?

  14. Dominican Passports
    August 30, 2017

    I think I know that woman, it have enough woman in D/ca that taking care of man children and they not getting nothing of value return, boy allu D/ca woman is good time. :lol: :lol: :mrgreen:

  15. Primrosette
    August 30, 2017

    This is pure common sense and a man should see this. As much as you love your children how much do you love your wife? She took you in with nothing, and you are putting her at a disadvantage for your grown, working adult children? Anyway Bella is right, speak to him, not in rage but reasonably. Please do not sacrifice your life for this if he does not budge, it would mean that he is just using your for a start up. A loving husband should be able to see right through this. The children are doing this on purpose maybe on instructions from the mom. This sounds like an aviege family. If it means you have to run, run for your life.

  16. annoyed
    August 30, 2017

    First of all I think the wife hates the children more than the children hate her…..and by the way if they are over 30 they are GROWN PEOPLE so your husband need to stop it….

    • Have mercy
      August 31, 2017

      sounds like she hates their behaviour, not them. If they learn how to behave properly, all will be sweet.

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