Dear BellaDear Bella,

I have a monster-in-law for a mother-in-law and if I don’t do something soon I might end up rolling her down my steps.

You see Bella, when I married her daughter, they were always close and I admired their relationship.

But now Bella, every time I come home, the lady is inside our house. Her daughter would cook and bring to her every day.

When I give my wife money for groceries, she has to buy half for her mother.

The mother has her own home but lives five minutes away.

She also has her husband and six other children but it’s like she depends on my wife.

I found out my wife took several items on hire purchase for her.

She would wipe out our refrigerator and cupboards once her mother asks.

Bella from match sticks, butter, even the gas she would unplug and give her mother. I can’t live like this.

What should I do? I Love my wife and if I ask her mom to reduce her presence at my home my wife will be hurt. I feel torn.

End of the rope

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Dear End of the rope,

The first step to your problem is speaking to your wife and explaining to her just as you have spoken out here.

Having this invasion by your mother in law is not good for your marriage. Clearly, your mother-in-law is taking advantage of her daughter’s love for her.

But your wife is allowing this. There’s absolutely nothing wrong in hosting your in-laws but this what you’ve just explained is taking “hosting” to another level.

Your wife should have informed you that she was purchasing things for her mother. When people are married, they become one as so you should have known.

I take it that she was quite aware that you won’t approve, hence the reason for going behind your back with it.

Your mother in law must begin to understand your marriage need breathing space and her daughter is no longer a child.

There are many right ways to show love and appreciation to one’s parents. Clearly, this way is not one of them.

Best
Bella

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