Dear Bella: I am currently in a long distance relationship with my best friend whom I have known for seven years. He is a wonderful person however when we decided that we wanted to be with each other he hurt me after only two months.

He was confused because his ex was pressuring him to take her back, which caused a strain on our relationship so I broke it off. He was upset because he said he never told me he wanted her back but needed some time to get over her since we went into a relationship right after they broke up.

We are now back together and he has asked me to marry him. I am now a bit afraid. I am constantly approached by my son’s father to take him back. I know deep down that this won’t be the right thing to do because of our past. I am having mixed feelings. I don’t trust my current boyfriend as I used to. I am very independent and don’t need a man to take care of me and my son. My views on relationships are that they always fail. But sometimes I get real lonely.

I don’t want to live a life where I just use men when I feel the need to. It’s been almost two years since my break up with my son’s father and the pain from that relationship is still there. How do I move on? I have seen a psychiatrist and I have rededicated my life to Christ. I have forgiven my son’s dad and we are now good friends. How can I change my perception of relationships? How do I move on? I really want a family but I’m afraid to get hurt again.

Afraid

Dear Afraid: It’s obvious that based on this letter that you have a lot of personal issues. You are insecure and you’re not trusting, as it relates to relationships. Only you alone can decide to do what’s right for you, and no one else. You can only be advised.

My advice is if you’re not ready to do something, do not do it. Most times people see something good about to happen to them, it’s good, but actually allowing it to happen gives them that doubtful gut feeling. Why would you accept the good thing if you’re not sure if it’s what you want? Do you prefer to feel miserable or trapped for many years to come? No I do not think so. So follow your heart.

Also, regarding your long distance relationship, you admit not trusting your boyfriend. It is very difficult to trust someone who you cannot keep tabs on, however, what’s the sense being in a relationship if you do not trust your significant other? You may be wasting his time.

As for your ex. Yes, he wants to come but you’re not sure. Well, if you’re not sure, then follow your feelings.

If you’re not ready to commit as yet or if you haven’t found the man that actually vanishes those gut feelings, then do not rush into anything. Marriage is a serious thing. Commitment is serious. Do not get involved in anything you do not want to.

But while you ensure that you look out for you first, do not be selfish and harm other people’s feelings. Be open with them, and let them know if you’re ready or not. Do not let your insecurities or mistrust feelings get in the way.

Just do what you feel is best for you.

Bella

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