Dear BellaI have been wrestling with this decision for a long time now.

I am married for a little over ten years now but the thing is because of circumstances we have been separated for more than seven years out of the ten years.

We were not separated because of infidelity on any of our part.  We have a child together and I have been raising the child all on my own.

My husband used to visit us  during the holidays but it has been over four years now since we last saw him or heard from him.

I have remained faithful to him because I am a Christian woman but it has been so hard.

Lately I have become interested in a man but can’t seem to move on from the fact that I am still married to a ‘phantom husband’.

There is little or no hope of us getting back together but I just can’t seem to get that into my foolish head.

I don’t know what to do because the thing is I still long for my husband.

I still hope that we can get back together even though it has been so long.

How can I get over this man who still plague my heart, desire and dreams?

Please tell me what to do!



Dear Lost,

You and your husband had a marital relationship over seven years ago.  You all have been living apart since. Sweet, if your husband is not in an institution somewhere, note that he has moved on which is why you have not been seeing or hearing him for the last four years.

You need to speak with him if you have his current number/or email him.  Is he having financial difficulties? Why he has not been able to come home to see his family? Ask him to be honest with you as to whether he has found comfort in the arms of another.  If he has moved on, that reassurance will cause you to feel more comfortable to free yourself and file for a divorce.

I am sure that your love for him is simply because you married him.  You are not foolish to love your husband, but you will be foolish if your gut feeling and all signs shows that there is no relationship and you do not strengthen yourself to realize that this is a hopeless cause and you should move on.

I really hope you find the courage to do so…your only human anchor now is your child.


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