Dear Bella: This is hard for me to write but I do not know where to turn. I am a 22-year-old who is feeling out of it. I have been seeing a 34-year-old married man for months now and he and I have a great relationship.

His wife is an awful person, she doesn’t cook she doesn’t clean and she does not even do her wifely duties. All of those things happened prior to him and me meeting each other. Now that she has finally found out about us he has changed and it’s as though he is always frustrated because she knows he doesn’t love her anymore and blackmailing him is all she can do. Her mission lately is to tear us apart but I’m not letting go because I love him and I’m starting to have thoughts about doing her something terrible because I have never had love like this.

He has made me into a woman and I’m a much better person. Lately he is holding back and he told me its killing him not being able to love me the way I deserve since she is “acting up” he says he have to “hold it down”. My life revolves around him; this is the way he made it. He gives me everything I need and more and without any malice. He makes it his business to see that I am happy and I love him dearly. He explores my mind and gives me feelings and lately she is taking that away from me and I feel like I want to hurt or kill her and I cannot get it out of my head. I do not know what to do anymore. She follows me everywhere I go, she calls my job, she has been harassing the only two friends I truly have. She has been stalking him and following him so as of Monday she now knows my address and last night she slept in her ride outside of my house.

I can’t see myself without him because he has me where I want to be- sheltered, protected, comforted and most of all well taken care of. He is my joy, I cook and clean for him and he loves that because he has never received those things from her. It sucks but it’s true. She just likes the money and now that he refuses to give and she knows about me she is tearing my life apart. I’ve been ignoring her but I can’t take it anymore .I love him and the feelings he gave me came from him as a result of his love for me, he made me fell for him and now I feel like there is no recuperation from this. I’m going overboard and all I want to do is Kill her or react but I don’t need the troubles.

Hopeless and ready for whatever.

Dear Hopeless and ready for whatever,

Don’t you justify the man’s wife attempting to breakup your relationship with him? Didn’t you contribute to the decline of a marriage? Despite whatever excuses you give to exonerate yourself this is a marriage you’re messing with. You would be well advised to let this go before the wife harms you before you get to her.

You have brought this drama upon yourself- the harassment, heartache, frustration, anger- you and him both have brought it upon yourselves. While people can’t help who they fall in love a line should have definitely been drawn when both of you realized you were getting emotionally attached. Now your friends have been dragged into this mess.

Also if you feel threatened by the wife you should alert person or even the police, but do not complain about to them that she is trying to break up your relationship with her husband because really it would be embarrassing for you. Women these days should try to uplift themselves and hold close their pride. I do not condemn you for we all make mistakes; however your arrogance about the situation knowing that you are wrong is what is mind-blowing.

I hope too that you are not in pursuit of this man for his money, as you claim his wife is only concerned about that. If things are so bad then he should divorce his wife to be with you, and if you have mentioned it to him and he has not responded to that then his love may not be genuine. Never allow your life to revolve around a man. This is not worth it to take a life; you have your plans to fulfill.


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