I’m in an abusive relationship

Dear Bella: I want to leave my boyfriend but I don’t know how. I depend on him for everything; he works hard and provides for me and our daughter. He is also a nice person most of the time. The only problem is that he likes to drink. His father drinks a lot too and I think that is where he got the habit from.

Anytime he is drunk he is very loud and controlling, and anything gets him angry. Sometimes he beats me. I try to put up a fight but he is much bigger than me. Then the next morning when he is normal again he tells me he is sorry and that it’s because he was drunk. I have tried to get him to stop drinking and he does it a little less but he hasn’t stopped.

I don’t know what else to do.

Dear Miss:

The answer is simple: leave the man – that probably will knock some sense and reality into him.

Leaving him won’t be easy. No woman deserves to be abused, especially physically by a man, her man at that. Next time he hits you call the police.

Some men use drunkenness as an excuse to beat their women. Drunk or not, this is unacceptable and if he does not want to change, you have to be the change.

Best of luck.

Bella

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18 Comments

  1. Ashamed to be Dominican
    January 13, 2011

    Honey, u just have to stand up for urself and let him know u are not afraid of him anymore. There are many ways to skin a cat. Not because he is bigger than u, u are the one who cooks for hin, washes his clothes and cleans for him. Teach dat man a lesson grl. U need to sit and watch Madea movies more it will teach u a few!!!

  2. mints
    July 21, 2010

    sound like u want six man take you out of that relationship in a long box. yea he provides 4 u financially did u ever stop to tink that is the reason y he feels he can control and beaT d Hell out of u. start makin a livin 4 urself. and ohh get the HELL OUT!! while u still alive

  3. kool girl
    July 8, 2010

    YEH RIGHT,GET HIM OFF

  4. shyne po
    July 5, 2010

    if i was in ur place i live de man stop fellin sorry 4 ur self fool wake up and smell the coffee

  5. Dr. Finger
    July 1, 2010

    Leave the dam man alone. If he was really sorry he would have stopped the first time he realized that being drunk is detrimental to his relationship. Wait till he goes to bed and pour hot water on him. Then run like hell. I promise yo he will never beat another woman plus everytime he see the scars it will serve as a reminder that his hands are for work and caress

  6. charmz
    July 1, 2010

    @drlove: alcohol abuse could be the result of something bothering him. first try to find out what is his problem personally sound like he’s a good man when sober then try to help him solve that problem then u will see. he won’t have the urge to drink as much any more and when he does he wont b as violent and abusive. his father’s drinkig have nothing to do with it.

  7. BIGNASA
    July 1, 2010

    Bella have enough problems of her own to deal with.She find soleace in giving revengful advice to make her feel good in her depress state.
    Bella like that british woman who became a hit in England never been kissed never touched in that little spot so what does Bella do read novels and make up stuff.Bella when last you get something? don’t tell no lies. 20 carnivals ago? lol! That probably like concrete wee bella The guy who come close will have to walk with a chizel.

  8. Typical Dominican
    July 1, 2010

    @Immune to Shit!: whatever…i gave my opinion ok??..i never said it was a fact so pssssssssh

  9. D/can Lady
    July 1, 2010

    whenever i hear about abuse,it hurts all over again.NO ABUSER IS GONNA CHANGE NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE TRY TO HELP UNLESS THEY ARE READY TO CHANGE.I was abused by my boyfriend for a long long time and i always made excuses for him.(i made him angry.the food was ready on time,the kids made noise while he was trying to take a nap)he would always be sorry afterwards and made up for it.thing is he kept on doing it and it got worse as time went on.when people told me to leave i could not,he was the provider and i had no where to go.i ended up at the hospital and that was my wake up call.I LEFT,went to stay at the family resource center antil i could find a job and an apartment.i was not easy cause i still loved him.lost 40lbs in a week.(looked good thou)cried a lot,struggled to feed my kids and every day the pain got a little bit less.i am still recovering.IT WON’T BE EASY BUT IF I CAN U JUST MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO IT.help yourself and your daughter first get out before he sends u six feet under.

  10. July 1, 2010

    u see the thing is there is no perfect relationship the same people that saying if it was them they would have left they damn lie.their spouse might not be beating them but i am pretty sure that they are going through some sort of abuse maybe worse and they are not living.my advice to you is seek advice from someone who went through the same things and got away,and ask them how they can go about leaving their spouse without anything bad happening to themselves.

  11. Anonymous
    July 1, 2010

    Sometimes Bella can be so harsh with her responses. Right now the woman is confused. She loves her man AND she is seeking help for him and Bella just straight up telling her to leave. Come on, come better than that. Send him to AA class if there is one in the country and have him seek some professional help. It’s not an easy road when someone has an addiction

  12. July 1, 2010

    until he knocks the daylight out of u and then it is 2 late then u will wants 2 move away from this kind of abuse. lady run if u can u only have one child wat about the women who has more than one and can survive on their own u are an idiot 2 sit in this relationship and better again it seems like u like the abuse so sit there and take wat u get and stop asking bella 4 advice

  13. Immune to Shit!
    July 1, 2010

    @Typical Dominican: My Family is not Christian and I have never seen my parents, my grandparents and not even my uncles those who just dont glance at the church, ever raise their hand on their loved ones so stop with that BECOME A CHRISTIAN STORY, I am a Catholic I go to church and I’m a strong believer of my faith so having God in your relationship i agree is very important but one thing i am aware of is forcing someone into something you want can make them resentful and that is where abuse will start. So be careful with how you go about getting him into religion if he is not already into it.

    Like they told you give him a wake up call, leaving him is a very good step. Maybe then he will see what most important you and his daughter or the alcohol.

  14. Anonymous
    July 1, 2010

    @Typical Dominican: I know of many persons who are in “christian relationships” who are abused by their spouse. Abuse does not only happen in non-christian relationships.

    The young man in question needs to seek help and so does the young woman. Young lady, my advise to you, this abuse nevers stops and while persons may encourage you to not give up, you have to think of yourself and your daughter. Is that the kind of example you want to set for her, that getting hit by the one you love is ok? I don’t think so.

    Get out of this relationship, but continue to encourage him to stop drinking so that he can be the kind of father that you need him to be for your daughter.

  15. Typical Dominican
    July 1, 2010

    @BB: @BB: no its not gonna be simple but still give it a try..who knows,it might just work

  16. BB
    July 1, 2010

    @Typical Dominican: Talk him into becoming one too????? It’s that simple, huh?

  17. Typical Dominican
    July 1, 2010

    hmm…thats why all u have to obey God.God said in his word :Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Cor. 6:14, KJV).
    If you were a christian and in a relationship with a christian boyfriend you wouldnt be abused now.
    ADVISE TO YOU:BECOME A CHRISTIAN AND TALK TO HIM TO BECOME ONE TOO,IF HE DO NOT LISTEN THEN Leave this man.!

  18. drlove
    July 1, 2010

    my dear you have come a long way and a complish a bit dont give up keep trying to help him weather is by threat or normal he will stop the drinking if he can come that far by drinking less he will stop so dont ive up hope

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