Dear Bella: After being in love with a guy for six years I’m still not sure what’s going on. I love him I must confest but I think I’m addicted to sex!
My boyfriend
and I live together. We both work and finish work at five o’ clock for the earliest so when we head home he is really tired. He just take his dinner and head to bed whereas I’m still there wanting to make love. But Bella I have been sleeping with other guys – let’s say 25 different other guys.
My boyfriend and I have had problems because I know for a fact he cheated once before, but like the saying goes once a cheater always a cheater.
I am not sure if I should tell him about my affair or just leave it like that and try to change. Please tell me what I should do before it’s too late.
Dear Miss:
Being addicted to sex does not give you the right to cheat on your boyfriend. It is disgusting and heartbreaking. I doubt you can change overnight, but you need to take some deep soul-searching. And be prepared for a breakup if you confess, which I think you should. Can you live with a lie as big as that one? If you can, then you’re dangerous.
I am sure your man is not tired all the time. Communication is key. Talk to him. It’s been six years, your communication skills in the relationship should be sharp, better yet open.
Talk this concern with him but this cheating must stop if you want to change, and if you honestly love him. You’re also putting yourself and your boyfriend at great risk for STDs. Please get tested. Plus, if you do not want to live a lie, confess, and be prepared to move on.
Bella
Do you have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at [email protected]. Dear Bella is published every Monday and Friday. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion, and by reading this column you agree to indemnify us from any such liability. We encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.
HAHA Trust Dominicans to come and salay a person looking for “advice”. My girl, the only advice I can give you is go single. You only hurting the man with your ways. If he know he hurt. In this case, he don’t know but is still hurt becasue is slow poison you be. There are alot of people that are addict. Addict ot drugs, addict to gossip, addict to stealing, addict to all sort of negative things. You just like sex and ohh well, you wont be the first nor last. I just pray and hope that you using protection in all your endeavours. In the meantime, do enjoy beacuse all like me, I aint getting none.
P.S. To those saying is a fake story, you might be surprise how real this could be. This world is a crazy crazy place and trust me, cheating with 25 man not impossible. She doesnt have to fuck all in one day or in one month. Cheating is cheating so she know her business.
Jah guide you my girl… and everybody else in situations like this.
Make me 26.. I will work that thing for u..come check me!
Funny how everyone is so quick to judge. She did not state she lives in Dominica. She did not mention anyone guy name. She needs help. There is more to this than is being interpreted.
The level of ignorance here is ridiculous!!! this young lady is sick and needs help its not her fault.
Sexual addiction, which is also called sexual dependency, hypersexuality, nymphomania (females), satyriasis (males), compulsive sexual behavior and sexual compulsivity, refers to the phenomenon in which people cannot manage their sexual behavior.
The individual is obsessed with sexual thoughts – thoughts which interfere with their ability to work properly, have relationships, and go about their daily activities. Many say that sexual addiction is a form of obsessive compulsive behavior.
A person with sexual addiction obsessed with sex, or has an abnormally intense sex drive. Their lives are dominated with sex and the thought of sex; so much so that other activities and interactions become seriously affected.
That lady don’t. Know to climax if she was. Reaches at the top of the mountain and back she would not have sex like that. Most men she she going with just sat8sfies themselves so she still stay hanging
she sound more like she prostituting from 8 to 5. Posing that she has a real job in the town and sleeping with all these men for money. TRAMP indeed.
This case is more complex than is appears. The danger of STDs including AIDS may be underestimated. This lady has had 25 partners besides # 1. If each of these man has had four other partners this means the lady has been exposed to 100 potential disease carriers. Not every contact with a carrier results in an infection. But the possibility of 100 contacts not passing on a disease is almost non-existant. BELLA certainly did the right thing to suggest thast she have herself tested. Any person who has sex with somebody other than their significant other is not only having contact with that ONE person. He or she is making contact with EVERY person that individual has ever had contact with. Don’t be deceived. There is no such thing as “safe” sex. The only way to be safe is to practice abstinance. Somebody mentioned the lack of sex counsellors in Dominica. Unfortunately people who practice sex counselling often – not alsways – have a personal obsession with sex. This is why they gravitated towards their chosen profession. In reality a sex problem is a life problem. We don’t treat a sex problem by itself. We treat the problem in the broader context of the individual’s life. This is why a pastoral counsellor, social worker, psychologist, or psychiatrist can be helpful. But it must be somebody who has been trained in counselling AND can be trusted to stay within the boundaries of Biblical Judeo-Christian morals and values. The best approach is to introduce the individual to Christ. He is alive today. Through the gospel He still heals sin sick souls. What they need is an encounter with Him that opens the door to total freedom. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Pastor.
Miss, allow me to share with you a fact of life that your other commentators either don`t know or are afraid to tell you. If you are having sex with a boy friend and you are not married to this man you are sinning. According to the Bible sex belongs in marriage between a husband and wife. Outside of marriage between two people who are not husband and wife it is a sin called fornication. You can read what God says about this in Galatians 5:19-21. So in reality if you sin with one man or twenty five men it is all sin. The truth is you do not belong to the first one any more than you belong to the other twenty five! However, if your boy friend thinks he has you to himself I`m sure he would not be happy to learn he is only one of many. Miss, all our sins come from the same root. That root is inside each and every one of us. It is the human nature which we inherited from Adam and Eve. It is a fallen, depraved, and sick nature. What sins we actually commit depends on our upbringing and our circumstances, along with other things. So you are no worse than I am or anybody else. It is just that the sinful nature in you is manifesting differently than it does in most people. Here is ther good news. On the cross at Calvary Jesus Christ became your substitute and mine by taking our place and dying for our sins so we can be forgiven and go free. Please get your Bible again and read Romans 5:6 and also verse 8. God commands yu to repent. Acts 3:19. This means to be sorry for your sins: so sorry you are willing to turn away from your sins, and believe in Christ according to Acts 16:31, then receive Him as your personal Saviour as t says in St. John 1:12 and Revelation 3:20. Now to answer your question Miss – YES, you must get out of your sinful relationships, ALL of them! When you really and truly receive Christ He DOES come into your heart. He will take over your life make every thing new! Please visit my website http://www.livinghopeministries.ca in the right hand margin click on to EAGLE COURSE. This 12 Lesson Manual can be studied from the screen or copied absolutely free. The very first lesson will explain more completely how to receive Christ as your personal Saviour. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.
girl if you tell him, he WILL leave you, you’r screwed!! i think its best if you break up with him, because that relationship will not go any further. TRUST ME
HELLO! PLEASE! SHE NEVER SAID SHE WAS FROM D/CA. PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO ASSOCIATE HER BY MERE ASSUMPTION. THANK YOU
If both of you get home together, how you find time to consider cheating. Obviously you dont love him. You see, if you did love him then you would give him a nice massage, or even take a shower together or anything else that would re-charge and energize him. The story cant be true since you come home together. No couple is going to come home together unless they are in-love. Furthermore the type of work that some men have to do will cause them to feel very tired and so when they reach home, they rather to go rest themself. You just like being unfaithful so stop blaming the man for your disgraceful behaviour. You a lier!
Clearly she needs to speak with her bf about this…cheated with 25 men!! wow
After reading all this, I have come to 2 conclusions 1)she is not suffering from sex addiction, because you dont need 25 different man to satisfy you. with 2 men she could get all the sex she was seeking in her boyfriend. 2) If she had to go with 25 men to get that satisfaction, then it’s a sad day for us as men in Dominica.
Let’s face it, she is suffering from DMA (Different Man Addiction). She just love feeling having different man close to her. She cannot stand the fact of sleeping with the same man over and over again. If she had sex addiction as she claims, then when her boyfriend says he’s tired, then she would go by #-2 or #-3 and she MUST get satisfied.
I woke up this morning in a bad mood but after reading this page my state of mind improved.
2 all the people throwing bricks……wat guarantess any of u that ur partner in a prev life didnot have 25 or more partners?????had they wat does that make u…..all the names ur directing at the chick…because u slept wit each and evry one of ur partners partner
the world really is upside down…im not tryna justify the young ladys doin…buh look at it this way…had it been a guy who was guilty of sllepping wit 25 women…do u tnk any of these terms wud be thrown his way????NO instead it wud be looked as if it were sumtng gud hed actually done…hed be called a playa and watev oda name u can tnk of that wud lead hm into thnkin wat he doin gud….but the min a woman falters…she goes by all the names in the book…slut,whore n all the odas…
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
Firstly, this young lady needs to do some serious soul searching and deep reflection. She needs to call on the creator of the universe (Ignore religion all together). She needs to have a serious heart to heart talk with the Lord, asking for his forgiveness because once she has life, she still can be forgiven. If you young lady is remorseful of this shameful act then it is the first path to repentance.
Secondly, she needs to cease immediately her actions, even if she has to yell stop when it comes to her mind. She has to fight because she must have a serious obsessive compulsive behaviour relating to sex.
The above relates to the young lady’s obligations to the Lord of the Universe.
The second portion relates to the rights of herself and others.
1. She needs to get tested and cease from sex over a 3 to 6 months period paired with psychiatrical counselling. She may need to do female circumcision to remove some of her clitoris, it may be too long. Note female circumcision is completely different from genital mutilation where the entire clitoris is removed (of course this is an option).
2. She needs to break up with her boyfriend. First of all, this is a relationship that is not permissible by the creator no matter what religious ideals one belong to. Fornication is unaminously agreed by all religious creeds to be wrong. She does not need to explain to him the details of her wrong doing, otherwise she can cause more harm than good.
All sex outside marriage is a sin the New Testament calls fornication.
If she has sex with a regular boy friend or 25 others it is still fornication.
This woman must stop committing fornication. The Bible clearly says they that do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. Please read 1 Corinthians 6:910.
Only CHRIST can forgive her sins. John 14:6.
Only His BLOOD can wash her sins away. 1 John 1:7.
She must BELIEVE this and RECEIVE Him as her own personal Savior. St. John 1:12.
Please do not recommend female circumcision. It is a cruel and heathen practice from a land where women are held in very low regard. It does not belong in a country that professes to be a Christian nation.
Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Evangelist. (Pastoral Counselor Certificate)
wat the f**k. 25 MEN. d/a have sluts. mama mama mama. really. you doe tired drink c*m . thats whoresome.
This is very disgraceful to women. But at the same time you are woman enough acknowledge your problem and ask for help, hence I assume willing to change.
Confessing to your boyfriend= Break up. Therefore prepare. You’re going to hurt him terribly.
But I think the best thing to do is confess and try starting a new clean life. Pray more. And remember what was meant to be will be.
And make sure the next relationship which you get into, your partner is a freak like you.
i believe honesty and trust are very important elements in a relationship. u have already cheated, this is your second time, at this rate if i were him i would assume that u are not ready for a commitment or you no longer longer feel intimately attracted to him, maybe you should sit down an think about how your actions of cheating affect you love life especially if you “love” this guy, you need to tell him the truth. you need to come forward, then after you should think if you would rather run around or be in a stable relationship.
you like wood eh.
WOW! 25 MEN AND YOU’RE NOT ASHAME OF TALKING ABOUT IT. YOU NEED TO GET THAT EXTRA PIECE OF FLESH CHECKED.
MEN BEWARE THE CAT IS LOOSE!!!
hahahahahahahahahahaha the cat is loose
Interesting how everyone equates number of partners to spreading disease. So ignorant.
Judge not, people! But then again, how often do we practice what we preach?! Peace out!
i personaly think that writer is just seekinng attention, or desperately seeking some help now the name calling wouldn,t do the trick. my sisthren if so be the case, on[ quote that u are addicted to sex]. which is not necessarily a bad thing, u should try to find a partner who,s the same way; but having different sexual partners is like having a chain around your neck, u has a boyfriend, the next guy has 2 girlfriends and 25 people= 250= 2500= 25000 people and thats how u began spreading what ever it is that u got from the 25 partners u started with. just because of an addiction u could have kept in your bed room, sweet heart here,s what u need to do, go get a complete phisical if all is well count it as a blessing, u dont necessarily have tell your man cause the truth could set u free, and it could as well cause your man to set u free, but if u has any consceince left let it hunt u not the poor guy. now go and cheat no more, find some profesional help for your addiction; and the hash comments u get i think u deserve them, but still let he that is without sin cast the first stone. good luck. LEE.
@ LOVING HUSBAND: You make me cackle at work there. I just take a breeze out and come and check out DNO and you have me there in stitches. We got some comedians in d.a.
Make it one more, Miss. TWENT-SIX instead.
Bigmama! Your good friend helping you out….LOL, mamselle have 25 helpers, well from what I hear it have plenty married women with children that never experience an orgasm, husband does just bachay….and thats it, no regard for how de woman feeling….and some of them playing ‘vegetarian’ if all you get my drift and want them woman to like to eat meat….eh hem…Too much taboo and hypocrisy about sex in this place….sexual addiction is a reality but sometimes we call it saloptay….and Dominica doh have no sex councillor for them kind of thing there. Even going and buy condom in a pharmacy people does get embarass….and tell me where in Roseau a woman can buy a dildo or a man can buy a blow up doll? Is order you have to order, and when it reach customs, everybody have to know your business, and they even calling Ministry of Trade to find out what is de duty on sex toy, so all them beffist in ministry can know your business….LOL….my wife buy a thong for me with an elephant trunk where my ‘bizniss’ suppose to go, my wife hang it on de clothes line when she was doing de laundry and de neighbour pass and see it while I was washing de car…..and he say ‘Garcon you dat wearing that thing….you must be a MARCO’ I was just trying to please my wife and spice up de relationship…she like elephant since she small, weh….My girl go for councilling eh….People shouldnt judge you, is clear you have a problem. Ask for me I just trying to keep my lovely wife happy, but I suspect she will make de neighbour call police for us…she keeping too much noise….
To the people who think that the man is sposed to feel some sort of difference with his lady’s vagina, I don’t really think he should. Remember there are exercise you can do to help maintain your “tightness’ for lack of a better word. Even holding pee for extended hours will do it.
Anyhoo, there is such a thing as sexual addiction. Because most women hardly experience orgasm with penile penetration I am wondering if our lady here is muti orgasmic, if she is then God help her. If she is a sex addict she needs help just like a junkie would. I personal just find 25 + in a lifetime far less at one time (juggling) too many. Girlfriend needs a rude awakening. Like a pregnancy and she doesn’t know whom it belongs to.
AIDS AINT REAL TO ALLU b**C**s MAN !!..?
SHE IS A LIAR! That is if she can really give the man she is with a good grinde!
its sad but true people it have a lot of us out there with sex problem but we have to think of other things sickness im away from my husband and people will not belive i don’t have a man where i am i doh need they help i work hard for every cent i have i love my husband but when it come to sex we have a problem im always ready but most time he is tired so i have a very good friend who help me out well we have oral sex and im no bein bashfull but better she had one other even its not right but 25 please thats too much soon ur ..will have no use
Tigress that like Wood!!! pun intended!!
or the Story is totally fabricated!
If not, Go to Sex Rehab!
bella should say the origin of these stories!
If Based in D/ca! God Help us!!
So none of the guys never felt the ‘difference’? I mean, after so many guys.. What’s left to enjoy? Wouldn’t she be.. ahem.. loose?
Rifff-Rafffff
that engine must be hot! Other people reving it out and ting. You supposed to be able to suspect something eh. Either mr doing his own ting on the side or the man doh care, or he sot! Either way that woman is a HARLOT! a Sandwich! A Cockroach… A Millet Riviere! YUCK!
to
Young man in dominica: i agree with you Jane must be the same as she
to Plz stupes stupes stupes must be you and
to Blackheart stupes stupes…give me a break when a walking bag of disease take her time and write bella epect up to comment and we only commenting on what the whore said so if you all doh like our reaction to this sorry tale go f*****yourselves or better yet help her with her 25 men STUPES STUPES
Girl stop cheating and get a Dildo
You people are to judgemental, like u have no faults. all of u doing the same or worst. the good ting is that she was the only one to admit she has a problem and seeking help. GROW UP you people are to small minded, u think u living in paradise stupes…….
wow, first let me say 1. why everyone has to be so judgmental, that definitely is on called for 2.well its hard to believe that really she can be sleeping with 26 men and her boyfriend included in this, isnt aware , when we are actually talking about a small Caribbean island. 3.yes there are people who are addicted to sex, and these are conditions that we have to learn to accept .
so , i think if this story is true you should seek help, no doubt about it , and to all those who have commented, if u are DOMINICAN, i am certan you may know a guy who has had kids with 6 or 7 different women,( because i know quiet a few, about my fathers age) and these are only those that we know because kids where born, what about those we don’t know that they we also sleeping with, so the question is if it was a man doing the same , WHAT WOULD OUR COMMENTS BE, outside that he is just cheating on his girl friend,……I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW.
finally young woman , if this story is true, SEEK HELP and impray god that you have been using protective measures.
OH MY GOSH— can anyone say- WALKING DISEASE! This is a damn shame- this woman has no pride, no self worth– that’s a pice of garbage – 25 men…. lord have mercy … that’s some porn star/ prostitue movement- only professionals i know that doing those things. Then again- you just said about 25 men- that may be your profession – the # could be higher or lower – either case, it wouldn’t be significantly lower becase 25 is a HUGE number……….oh my GOSH….. i am ashamed and disgusted by women like that….URGGGGGHHH – this ‘thing’ is spoiling Dominica… i feel sorry for your man – let’s just pray you didn’t give him a JACKET (CHILD) or worse yet, him and any other innocent man AIDS…
I’d just like to get my hands on this SAKQUAY SALOP CHIEN….. women like these need to be taught a lesson….
WELL YES DISGUSTED AND TO JUST A THOUGHT! I AM NOT SAYING WHAT SHE IS DOING IS GOOD , BUT DONT BE SURPRISED IF SHE IS CLEAN AND WE WHO ARE JUDGING HER ARE THE FILTHY ONES…! YOU MAY BE THE ONE CARRYING THE DISEASE AND WHO KNOWS SHE MAY HAVE SLEPT WITH YOUR MAN! OR WORST WITH YOUR GIRL!! GO FIGURE . CLEAN YOUR BACKYARD BEFORE YOU CLEAN YOUR NEIGHBORS
gir i first to begin that is a make up story just for bella and second where and when do u have time to cheat with 25 men whenyou said you and you man come home together and you live together so try something else that does not make any sense so you saying you sleeping with 25 different men and your man make it 26 and he does not no well i thin that man is a robot cannot hear or see come on you not fooling any one rewind and come again
Men be wary of these types, they are the ones who mess up relationships and spread std’s….such a trick!
And you know what sickenes me most? Is that my bf might just end up sleeping with her disease ass and bring it home to me! :-(
You watching too much VH1 ( Sex Rehab with Dr.Drew)….
1. You are a sacre Sallop!
2. Aids, Chlamydia, Syphillis, Herpes, Hepititis*, etc have no friends, and owe no favors so continue on that path..
3. Can’t even recommend church cause its in there 90% of the closet sallop and dog-men stay go..
4. Change NOW or you’re going down a path of self and community (people u have sex with and the ones they have sex with as well) distruction.
SAAADDDDDDD!! GROSSS!! Filthy!!!
jane it seems you are just as bad
Girl know that man eh cause according to the type of man they could met you dead,(thats really low of you should be shamed of your self) if i am your man dont tell me dat cause you could end up missing.Break up with this man but please dont tell him that you cheated with 25 other men this could be dangerous for both you and this man.This man is not never going to be the same again, for that man to love another he has to be really strong. Women like to say all men are dogs but for a man to expirence this he must turn into a dog.As for you my girl i wish i knew you so i can pass you straight on the road get tested.
this is really whoresome
Lady You Serious Man?!?! Hahahahaha!!! Is This BET Comic View????
Bella let me answer that one for you::::Girl u a a whore go seek help somewhere you a not no addicted to sex you a a whore and should maybe start charging for it cause u wesea. U a the type of women that go around spreading STD. go check your self and tell your boyfriend that u a a scheezer..trollop. And next time you have your sorry story dont write bella go to a psychatrist and then your doctor and then your priest. I feel sorry for you..TRAMP
If she has an 8 to 5 job, goes home with her boyfriend, has dinner and is at home at night according to what she says, when exactly does she get time to cheat? It’s a bit confusing. Or is it that she has already cheated with a total of 25 men? But currently doing it with 25? I think there might be some exageration and it is confusing.
My other guess is that she is a prostitute who prostitutes from 8 to 5 but lives in a house with her formal man. If she is a prostitute then that’s what she is, I don’t see why the complain about liking sex.
This is a sicko, did she not just read the article on Dominica newsonline where this gay guy professed to have been in Dominica having fun, He also claimed that “There are a lot of wives and girlfriends who are infected as a result of their unfaithful husbands and boyfriends. One, 2 or 3 could be a part of 25.
This young lady needs to be tested and please do that soon. I need to share a link with you which you must visit and read on sister. Cut this and paste into your browser, it is about 3 pages long. Hope u love reading as much as u love taking your pants off. This story should make you happy.
http://www.antiguasunonline.com/component/content/article/253631-man-who-confessed-to-infecting-over-90-men-with-hiv-dies.html?start=1
I may go before you but , YOU are a major death sentense in Dominica waiting to happen.
Good Luck my Sister
bella u never the saying that some of the most successful marriages are based on lies. i admit 25 is a little over the top, but who am i to judge her… just look at whats best for u
She need to work on coming and she will see if she will ever want Sex often