I am a young single mum who does it all for myself.
However for the past four and a half months I have been dating two guys.
They are both pretty great guys but both have flaws. One is unemployed but is a sweetheart, the other is employed but a bit stingy.
The relationship I have with both of them hasn’t developed into anything sexual but yet I am confused as to who I should be with.
I care about them both but want to know who I should really take serious in terms of a relationship.
They are both great with my child but am not sure if either is worth me being with because of their flaws .
Sigh, I am falling for both these guys
Yours truly
HELP!!
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Dear HELP!!
You are an independent woman raising your baby and that is very good. That puts you in a position where you can wisely choose something long-term based on what you really like in a man, and not based on an immediate need which may push you into a decision that you would not have made otherwise.
Like with any situation we face, it is always good to weigh the pros and cons and I see that you have been doing that. I want you to do one exercise that should help you make a decision. Do some self-evaluation, and make a list of what you want in a guy. Not the “perfect man” list, which is never fulfilled, but the “Mr Right” list. What man will make you tick as a woman. That list.
Your Mr Right list will help you know what you are looking for, and also what you need to do to make sure that Mr Right is pleasing. Mr Right has a reciprocal relationship (a two-way street), so the one that you are willing to do for as he is doing for you (not promising to do, but doing), will be the one who will be pleasing unto you. Mr Right may be one of your friends, or you may need to keep looking.
All the best finding your true love.
Bella
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“My God shall supply all you needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Take your time to make a wise decision. Are you looking for love, a fling or a Sugar Daddy? Do you want someone till death do you part? Reflect, be aware, be smart, trust the Lord, take Jesus as your Savior, repent of your sins and you will make the right decision. Do not repeat the cycle of fornication and heart break. Be the best Mom you can be and set a good example for that child. May you find the peace of God.
-.- why have one when you can have two?
My dear it looks like you’re an independent woman taking care of your kid by yourself. Keep taking care of yourself and your kid. Becareful who you introduce your kid to. You’re dating them you shouldn’t have introduce your kid to them yet…too soon. As for as who you should be with? I’d say take it God. I know someone who was in a similar situation and as it turned out the guys she was trying to choose from were not the one she was meant to be with. Is the unemployed one at least looking for employment?. Best of luck.
my girl stop dating them and the first one to bailout, you will have your answer or take it to prayer and be patience. things will work out itself. Anybody can lose a job as well anybody can get a job i believe or even get somthing to do.
@Muslim_Always July 30, 2013 “We love Jesus Christ (peace be upon him) more than any Christian could ever dream of. We believe in One God like him, we strive to dress like him, we circumcise like he did, we do not eat pork like him, Jesus greeted by saying ‘peace be with you,’ we say, ‘As salam alaikum’ which means peace in Arabic”
Muslim Always, none of that thing which you speak above has anything to do with the “Spirit” You are talking about “religion” and I will say it as many times as I have to do so: God wants nothing to with religion and those who continue to practice it. He said through His prophet Isaiah: “This people honor Me with their lips but their heart is far from Me, and in vain they worship Me, teachings as doctrines, the commandments of men”.
Your practice is an example of the “this people” whom God, the Lord, spoke about you see! Jesus repeated that same Scripture in the Gospels and the “Me” in the Gospels is Jesus Christ, the Lord–believe it or not.
Not only you and your congregation, but most people who claim to be Christians–the largest group is in the Roman Catholic Church- are yet to understand that “religion” is a thing of “death”–good works that is not God’s work.
God Almighty is of Spirit–He has made Himself the Living God through His Person, the Man who is Jesus Christ. Without this knowledge of God, people are still existing in their condition of death–separated from the wisdom, understanding and insight of Holy Spirit–who provokes Life in the soul of man
Christ is not a “surname” for Jesus, Christ is Eternal Spirit, Almighty God, who formed a body for Himself in order to do the work of Redemption, Salvation, and Reconciliation–because our first parents fell from that glory, when they interacted with Lucifer–that rebellious angel whom God Himself created.
Continue reading below
If you loved Jesus as you are claiming to do so, that Love in you would have testified the Truth to you. You would not be separating the Father from the Son, for they are One in the Spirit–that is the reason Jesus told His disciples “I am in the Father and the Father is in Me”
They did not understand Jesus either, and so one of them said to Jesus, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be good enough for us”. Jesus said back to that disciple–his name was Phillip–how long have I been with you, Phillip, and you ask Me to show you the Father?
And Jesus said again. from now on, anyone who has seen Me has seen the Father. This means that the Man of flesh and bones–Jesus the Son, came to this world to put on display the attitude and conducts of Love–for Love is of God Almighty, all in all–but Love is of Spirit.
Mankind could never have known Love and to function in Love without the Person of Love–Jesus Christ–Father and Son in One perfect state of the flesh–God Almighty.
The message of the Bible is the message of Life; and so Jesus tells us: “It is the Spirit who gives Life; the flesh profits nothing. The Words which I speak are Spirit and they are Life”.
Please notice that Jesus speaks of the first person “I” Why would Jesus take all of that authority for Himself–if He was separated from the “Father”
In the Old Testament God Almighty is referred to as Lord by the Israelites, He is the same Lord that is mentioned in the New Testament–except we also know Him to be “Jesus” the Son and so:
God, Eternal Spirit, has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of “Jesus” every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that “Jesus Christ” is Lord, to the glory of God the Father”. Amen!
Hello woman. You dating two men and you have a child for another. That’s a very poor start so why don’t you find four more men so you can have one for each day of the week. Who your child calling daddy and you must have some serious sugar down their lady. I guess you never here about Aids so keep it up so we can read about you again.
Take the one that not working please, and tell that idiot to lose his job then you’ll be with him.
we fall for anything and everything.this girl referring to three men and not two.a child needs both father and mothers love.father is out and two strangers walked in the child is confused.where is dad? you really need to grow up
Get a life woman
Who’s the baby fada??? XD
I am not in that unemployed thing at all, especially if it is because of laziness. So I am unemployed, you are unemployed……A JOKE THAT MAN! So you will just give me children, and what next? RED CLINIC? Give me a break!
Well give me the working man eh, stingy or not!
It is this kind of mindset that gives rise to women making poor choices. A man being unemployed may be a temporary situation, he may have some qualifications yet problems in getting a job. Additionally, this man may have ambition. On the other hand, if the man is lazy then this is a no-no.
The other man is clearly stingy, a pig with his money, how can any sane woman be with someone like this?
@Muslim Always Your darn fool. It said especially if you are lazy, or because of laziness. Go to school. YOUR ACCOMPLISHED IDIOT.
pwan nomn la epi lajan mama
All u wasting time with this mad woman u better go get a life and better yourself and leave men alone u are already used and dump so u are here, looking for more man to use and dump u , u may remain baby mama for the rest of your life u know
it depends on what youre looking for.if you want a man with money you pick that one and if youre looking for love you pick that one .but again no money no honey .so i say neither one nor the other is the right choice
the stingy one sounds married…is he the child’s father?
ahahhahahaha lol
Honey maybe you should stop falling and start standing. Pick yourself up, learn a skill and find a way to earn your way as an independent woman. Be able to provide for yourself and your child. When you are able to do that, consider a relationship. A broke man have no choice but to be nice, is a free ride all around, an employed man can afford to be stingy and arrogant because he feels you need him. What gives? 2 loosers. Get yourself together and earn your keep, then you can step your game up and command what is real in a man and relationship. You want somebody who is going to build life along with you and help bring stability to your child, not give you more instability with another baby. Break the cycle. Best of luck.
Tell her that again Tristate beauty. As much as we scream gender equality and independence is as much as I find our women looking for handout. She knows full well hungry belly can’t think and the outcome in this situation is just another baby to drag through misery. You have a baby to care for without a father another man is the least of your issues right now, you too busy.
She said she does it all for herself, read properly. but yes i agree with u.
D/can people who are doing it for themselves don’t lament on other man wallet. She needs to find her baby daddy, drag him in court for child support and truly learn the meaning of doing for oneself. A man is not her issue, is employment and self esteem.
This is obviously a question about money not love. So if you’re looking for money, sell yourself. If that’s not an option, pursue other men for money don’t pretend its love you’re looking for when money is your #1 priority. Misleading these two men prevents them from pursuing other meaningful relationships. In the case of the jobless guy he should be looking for a job not spending time with you and your children… while you seeing someone behind his little broke back!
You must be some kind of superwoman! When I was a young single mom, I was so busy working overtime and taking care of my child that I did not have time for one man, much less two. After all, that’s what “does it all for myself” means. You should write a book, you’d become rich and wouldn’t have to bother with either one.
So ture.
Dat is a hard ting, money is not love yet u cannot do without it, girl get a married man and protect urself. They care more
none of them,roll with ur child just make sure u have a job urself and wait GOD do things in his own timing (struggle still my girl)ok
You need to seek God in that matter. Pray and read His word in order to find out what He is saying to you. Read the books of Psalms, Songs of Solomon, and Proverbs.
Your choice or friends may not be God’s choice and this could cause a lifetime of heartache.
HELP!! you didn’t provide much information, esp. about the flaws that they have… but from your letter, i assume the financial stability of the men is of importance,since u mentioned one’s working (also stingy) and the other isn’t…
what i’m interested in, is whether u have to provide for the unemployed financially, if u do, then that’s a no no.. if not then cool… nothing wrong with a top up once a while though…
u say you’e independent… so u don’t ‘need’ their money, though like most ladies, would like to get spoiled once a while… it boils down to, are you in love or in lust… do u honestly feel that you’re being loved… does the umemployed guy have any drive or motivation… cause you don’t wanna be stuck with a lazy man… he needs to be a go-getter… if u love him, then maybe u can help hi order some stuff online like snapback caps in bulk and sell… see if he’s interested… if not, then probably he’s a lazy dude…
the working guy, you said he’s stingy, how so?… don’t want to pay fees when out on dates? wouldn’t let u hold something when things are rough? a relationship is a 2-way effort… if he has no interest to provide for/in you… then maybe he isn’t the right one yet…
how’s the interaction with your kid?… is it genuine?… why don’t u ask them at a time.. to stay home and watch the kid for you as u go to town… to do some fast shopping.. to see the response… a man can’t love/accept you if he can’t accept your child… assuming the child isn’t rude etc
could say more, but i’ll leave it there for the while..
The first problem is that, you allowed yourself to be falling in love with two guys. this is wrong. The result of you not knowing who to choose is the outcome of this first problem. It’s a course for unhappiness, pain, heartaches and regrets.
Problem number 2: because you are falling for both these guys, evening after you have chosen one, you will find yourself going back or wanting to go back to the other because one lacks wa the other one has and vice versa. You might even regret choosing one over the other.
You could have avoided these problems by just being virtuous true in nature by allowing your heart to fall for one and only one guy. It’s only then u can better show appreciation to the relationship and wanting to do everything to make it work well.
We can’t control who we like,, but what we can control is how far we take our attraction. there is a limit to everything. But you have passed ur limit. Stop b4 its too late and you do harm to yourself rather than good.
Right now all I see is that you are sharing your love between two. Would you love a man to share his love between you and another girl? I dont think no woman would want that or like that. So dont do it to these fellas. They are humans as well.. and I bet you that they both dont know of this tri-angle?
Solution to Miss “Help” – Forget about the both of them, read about Islam to save yourself and your child from the hell fire.
You already have a first child out of wedlock, you are a single mum; do you want to fall in the same vicious cycle, having 3-4 children with different men? The economy is getting worst, is this what you want? Be wise, come to Islam, practice and Allah will grant you a righteous husband.
http://www.islamreligion.com.
Sister go to Church and pray to Our Lady of Perpetual Help!! Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!!God bless you.
How could you pray to a woman? Was that the practice of Jesus (May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him and his mother)?
Shouldn’t one pray directly to the Most High without mediators? Jesus (p) prayed directly to Allah, the Most Gracious, Most Merciful; will you not reflect?
Muslim Always — Go wash your back below with a bottle of water with no soap in other words don’t come here and implement your religion on we Westerners !
All praises be to Allah who has taught us that there is no compulsion in religion; truth is clear from falsehood. It seems to me that this western world is not providing any tangible solutions to this young lady’s problem. Here is this young lady going to fall into the same evil of fornication, this is a chance for her to purify and liberate herself from Satan; cleanse herself from the polytheism of Christianity.
a righteous husband, where u as a man wants to have 3-4 wivies, that’s bull… i hope u will be save and to provide for each wife u wanna have when the economy gettin worst.
The hypocrites tries to dazzle with their speech, an amazing argument they think they have. How many women do men generally sleep around with in Dominica? What about those bastard children due to infidelity in the Dominican society? How many marriages have been destroyed as a result of adultery in this country?
What about the men and women who are players? What about the bastard children born out of wedlock? Do you believe in your own book which condemns fornication and adultery?
Before you negatively criticize polygamy which was practiced by most prophets of Allah and which is recorded in your books, you need to remove the beam from your own eyes, take a good look into the society you were raised. Women have become public property instead of having access to men who can treat them equitably in a polygamous marriage.
Islam provides practical solutions to problems.
have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and personal savior? it seems you have not, it is not too late for you my son. repent, jesus loves you dearly
We love Jesus Christ (peace be upon him) more than any Christian could ever dream of. We believe in One God like him, we strive to dress like him, we circumcise like he did, we do not eat pork like him, Jesus greeted by saying ‘peace be with you,’ we say, ‘As salam alaikum’ which means peace in Arabic.
Muslims are the real followers of Jesus Christ (p), Jesus worshiped one God and we do the same, we submit to Allah in Islam. Will you reflect?
jesus said i am the way the truth and the light, there is no other way but through me…
That Muslim is just a jackass.then he will bring more women in the house and say u are all wives.girl run far from that terrorist organisation.
Your response shows that you lack quality and has a serious defect in your intellect. If Allah wish any good for you, He will guide you to the truth. It seems that you have a serious disease in your heart; your criteria to distinguish between good and evil is messed up.
May Allah deal with you how He wants and wills. Ameen.
lol
neither..its not good to choose between two ,its wiser to have one by himself .with two you always make the wrong choice(keep them as friends till somebody else comes and take your heart away)
who cares
Bella gave you good advice.Take your time even if one is working you said he is stingy and so he may not be willing to help with your bills. The other is unemployed, you cannot afford that cause you are raising a child and cannot put more burden on yourself unless he is looking for a job and can’t find one yet. No man is perfect but the list will definitely help you narrow down what you want. Good luck!
If you want a perfect man go in the corner by the Chinese bridge and select one of those paros. All you have to do is by him Kanfa balls and cut them up into little pieces so they look like crack and believe you will have a man as loyal and loving as you want.
bondieu nooooooo
Not even the king could have said it better.
take d one that working u have a child u cannot afford no brokes man
so that’s good advice bevz??? i get what u mean, but choosing the working man, just cause he have money or making it, is setting the woman on the wrong path already… just remember, the one working was unemployed at one point…
well that is u, broke men does ruin your life,the girl have a child,she needs some one to help financially, what is d point? he gan ride her for free and give her a next one? who gan support them? she? grow up we live in a modern world
broke men does ruin life but so does men who has money, they give u hell instead with running other women and trying to be the boss because they are the breadwinner
yet you didn’t read the working man stingy and she’s “independent”
She doesn’t need a man for money and the working man not gonna pass his cash for her anyway from her accounts so your logic is flawed
My girl if I was you I would check the stingy man eh. Unemployed cannot cut it nowadays. At least mr stingy would be taking care of himself. Unemployed would be like another child for you to take care of.
not neccessary.. sometimes as soon as she puts herself with unemployed he suddenly becomes employed as it goes both ways, so u do not know what tomorrow holds.. i think she should go with the unemployed, he sounds more loving and supportive of her… by the way.. girl go with what your heart tells u
some says this one some say that one..my girl trust God and his holy spirit will lead u. worst thing to do is listen to many voices. they put u in more trouble then they will laugh at u. well, u expect this eh,,is on dno u come 4 advise so here it goes..b wise and listen to the holy spirit. ur true guide.