I have a situation that I need your advice on.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years.  We have however been through many trials and happiness.  I’ve cheated on him as well as he has.  He has even bore a child out of this.

I feel hurt, disappointed, and I can’t stand him.  I think that after this situation, my love for him is no longer the same. Being around him somewhat depresses me.

But lately, I’ve been hanging with a close boy friend of mine, who makes me feel so excited.  He makes me forget about all my problems and about everything. I am just plain blank happy around him, seeing him, talking to him, etc. I think, and maybe know to myself, that I’m falling for this guy.

He knows that I have my boyfriend and I know that he’s been “dating” and looking for a potential wife (he’s a Christian).

But Bella, I’m confused because part of my heart says “dump” my boyfriend for him. And the other says stay because you’ve no guarantee that’s its going to work out with this “guy”.

Please advise me.


Dear Confused,

Healthy relationships should bring happiness and satisfaction to both partners and the feelings you have described are not part of a healthy relationship. You should consider ending it. Staying with him will only bring more pain and hurt. The experiences and circumstances around the relationship have led to its deterioration and it is time to move on.

Keep in mind that your reason to leave cannot be based on the other man in your life. It must be because your relationship is not working and cannot be fixed.

It is natural to be drawn to someone else who makes us feel special and happy when we do not feel this way in our relationships. Sometimes we confuse friendship love for intimate love and this can destroy a wonderful friendship which we have built. Friendship is a wonderful gift so be certain about what you have with this other man.


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