I have been in a steady relationship with a young man for three years and counting. We usually get along well however, I am uncertain and uncomfortable about one thing; other women.
He declares his love always but he likes to look at other women, even when with me. He flirts with them almost constantly and does not understand why this upsets me. On more than one occasion he has flirted with other women or commented in a lustful way about their bodes while out with me.
He swears that he has always been faithful but I worry that his love of the opposite sex will one day lead to his infidelity. This saddens me as I do love him but do not know what to do about the situation, I fear that I am losing my trust for him. What should I do?
Confused
Dear confused,
An occasional glance, or harmless flirtation with a waitress to get better service is nothing to worry about but doing constantly with anyone that wears a dress is definitely a problem. At this point in the relationship you should be the most important, most beautiful person to him and he should make you feel that way.
It is a bit disrespectful to be staring at other women, flirting with them constantly and commenting in a lustful way in your presence and by right you should be upset.
You on a potentially slippery slope and you need to proceed with extreme caution. You don’t want to get into a solid relationship with a “womanizer.”
On the other hand men will always “look” at other women and it is up to you to differentiate between the occasional “check-out” and going out of your way to stare at other women while he is with you.
So you need to challenge your boyfriend on this. If he gets upset or keeps shrugging it off as a non-issue then something is not right.
Bella
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Since he flirtin in ur presence dump and get someone else if the otha tends to hurt u the same den go have a try with th opposite sex!LMAO
i admit, i do flirt alot… so big deal…. them woman doing it freakin worse..
you could flirt without your woman. I feel hurts when my boyfriend do that. I want love and respect in front of many people.
Allu fools an allu retarded comments! i wudnt ask allu for advice nuh! allu can make a person take jail! LOL
Lol ikr
My girl, it is in a man’s nature to flirt, learn to trust your man but if he does it in ur presence, that nigga gotta go!
all men a dogs thay only have diffrent breeds
men are dogs and what are the women who accepts the dog?tell me………
All life on earth always go for the same kind so if men are dogs then its obvious what women are…..
MEN ARE DOGS AND THE OTHER GENDER FOR DOGS IS BI>>> WONT SAY MORE
hEY DONT TALK TO MY GIRL LIKE DAT.I AM WARNIN U
ANNONYMOUS,all ladies are pussy cats to be chased by dogs. I LOVE U ANNONYMOUS,ILOVE U.
she the girl rum up and post thing up so! not saying its a good nor bad thing but thats some jerry springer shit yow. i wonder if she was doing if she would say cause the game if trust no one. some people do and they know wat they do so they dont want there other party to do the same cause they know how it is.u not married so why take that serious bet the guy young and she self young also so its not gonna be a happy ending story so check your seen if you not please thats all. istead of u might make a fool out of urself coming up on dominicanewsonline.
You sound very uneducated and you are not making any sense at all. smh Did you even finish school? Stop showing your ignorance so blatantly.
PARTNA, LERAN TO WRITE SO PPL CAN UNDERSTAND
There is no such thing as occassional flirt, to many people like to hide behind the boys will be boys and men will be our men saying. To me that is copout. An excuse created by men for ther gastly behaviour. U have a woman who loves u and u claim to love, there is no reason to be flirting or checking other women unless u r looking for something that is lacking in your current relationship. A wonder eye is a wonder heart, thats my motto. U need to ditch this guy and find someone who sees only u and flirts with only u.
boys will be boys my a..
i dont agree with your comment. we are all humans. i am a woman and a man appreciating a good looking woman is not a problem. as long as there are no actions followed. all she has to do is set boundaries. like he can look, but maybe not share his comments as they make make u feel uncomfortable. women appreciate good looking men too. each partner jus hav to make sure there is no doubt in their relationship
I really agree with you.If the man loves a woman he should respect in front of anybody. I was with the man before and he is really a man.He seated by my side until the party was over and his attention was only me! I really miss him (passed awas)5 years ago.I am now with the new guy,and he is really a womanizer. He loves to flirt with all my girl friends and I can accept that attitude.I left him for good.
corrections: I Can not accept my new boyfriend attitude to flirt with all my girlfriends.I left him for good and I am without this womanizer attitude.
BORING! YAWN
well my dear flirt to…u not married to him. Those men think is they alone to do…do it and you will see how he will react..those lovers of giving horn and cannot take horn.
Do so don’t like so. No harm in looking but from what you describe this is downright disrespectful. Start talking about other men in a lustful way too and see how he likes it
There is a BIG difference between a man saying this woman is attractive, and a man going to this woman and say to her WOW…you’re hot….
in other words…flirting should be defined…not every glance is flirting…
for sure even if I am married, I can see, if I see a cute guy out there I will look, but that dose not mean am taking him home, you can’t fool the eyes..for beauty has to be given a second glance….even if some beautiful people can be very ugly inside…
COUNTRYGIRL U ARE SMART. YOU ARE A REAL DOMINICAN LIVING IN AMERICA. WE NEED TO TLK. I AM IN ST. CROIX. RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE FLIRTIN MAN,” LIFE IS GOOD”
Before
he can compliment a girl. When you see his eye on one tell him, she sexy eh…I’m loving her shoes/dress, whatever… Or if you see a nice guy. Say wow MR. SEXY… Let’s see how long it will take him to realize it not fun when both you guys doing it….
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
In my opinion this relationship holds no legitimacy because the couple is not married. However, let’s examine the confessions of this young lady.
Firstly, what do you mean he ‘declares’ his love? What are the foundations of this relationship? Has he discussed marriage or other futuristic events with you? From the off start, were there established boundaries set? From the way you have conveyed your message it seems that the relationship lacks a foundation.
Secondly, is it that he cannot understand why this upsets you because you have spoken to him before about it, or, you simply act upset in public yet cannot comprehend your behavior? Additionally, to comment lustfully to another woman in your presence is totally disrespectful. Moreover, even if the man is in a relationship or not, this is an inappropriate way to act publicly. Of course nothing is wrong in speaking to a young lady is a dignified manner of course a good word that brings a smile or laughter to her soul.
Thirdly, if a man shows this uncontrollable attributes in public the probability of infidelity against himself is very high.
Lastly, though this flirtatious behavior would upset any woman, it appears that you are very insecure. Also, it seems that you have not communicated effectively this issue with him but merely reacted upset in public. I recommend young lady that you order this book from Amazon to educate yourself about relationships: http://www.amazon.com/New-Guide-Loving-Accessible-Couples/dp/0706377710/ref=sr_1_16?ie=UTF8&qid=1320772417&sr=8-16
MUSLYM,I HV A FEELIN U KIND OF FOO
AND IF IS SO DE BOY GET HER
real talk
flirt tooooooooooooooooooooooo
i think a lot of black women like disrespectful men– those that come out of jail and do drugs especially; and, when they get hurt by these men they then say men are dogs. almost every beautiful, sexy woman that i known are either loving or having sex with a drug man.
for us good guys out there, we only get them after they are dumped and get hurt by the drug dealers.
I do not see the reason for the ‘thumbs down.’ This is a reality that exists in our society today.
that is true….. for some reason ‘they’ believe that only gangsters or drug dealers are ‘strong’ men… oh and the money aspect also.. woman want to floss with no budget worries…
I dont know why you all think that its “drug” or “ghetto” men alone who break women’s hearts… Be real, many well-educated, “never been convicted of a crime”, well spoken and church going men do a lot of the same things where women are concerned… Open your eyes, and stop generalising!
amen
ALL THE THUMBS DOWN IS THEM WOMEN HE TALKIN ABOUT .. THEY KNOW IS TRU
ANNONYMOUS WHAT U TALKIN ABOUT.”ALOT OF BLACK WOMAN LIKE DISRESPECTFUL MEN”. THESE ISA PROBLEM WITH INSECURE WOMEN WHOTHINKS A MAN IS THERE TO GIVE DEM EVERYTING AND WONT EDUCATE OR PROGRESSIVELY IMPROVE ON THEMSELVES. NOT JUST BLK WOMEN
After three years, the relationship should have grown to the point where he is now discussing marriage or family and searching for a house or piece of land etc. to be purchased jointly.
I recommend discussing future plans and not necessarily the issue of flirting as this will only create additional conflits. Based on his response/reaction you should decide whether to stay with him or move on. I strongly recommend the latter if he responds/reacts negatively.
This man is not showing any respect to his lady. You should read him the riot act. if he continues, dump him and find somebody who respect you. You do not have to put up with that. Do it while it is still early because you are setting yourself up for more heartache later.
Give him a taste of his own medicine without crossing the line. When he complains, tell him that’s exactly how you feel when he flirts and let an honest conversation proceed from there. His flirtation may be honest and spontaneous but the disrespect and embarrassment you feel is real. Let him feel it. Do a little set up flirting of your own.
why are men that way? if it were the other way around would they be singing the same song? i have that exact problem with my man and he claims he is doing the exact thing whether in my presence and at my back; and he is honest with me. i dont get it honestly and it pisses me off! what about if he says that some of them are his friends before me???????????
aint no thang baby…if a man does it infront of you, there’s nothing to worry about. he is just being himself
why are men that way? if it were the other way around would they be singing the same song? i have that exact problem with my man and he claims he is doing the exact thing whether in my presence and at my back; and he is honest with me. i dont get it honestly and it pisses me off! what about if he says that some of them are his friends before me???????????
hehehehehhe..after three years you still just the girlfriend and he flirts even in front of you!!!!!
Baby your days are numbered cause this guy has no intentions of going all the way with you…the first one of these other women who shows any interest in him..he’s kicking you to the curb.
Hope you find a better boyfriend soon…XoXoXo
Being polite to other women in your presence is one thing,but being blatantly flirtatious with other women “constantly” is outrageously disrespectful,next time he does that surprise him with a kalot!
i like your comment ..but what is a kalot?
Girl just ride him every moment you get for 7 straight days and I guarantee you he will stop that sheet. He will be too tired to even look the other way and he will realize you got what it takes. After three years you may be taking too much for granted and chillaxing too much. Quayvay him with the goodies and see what happens
plz u dont know men 10 min after she done if a cow pass by we hopping it.
wow…. that’s disrespectful… as a man how can u actually and openly flirt with other women in the presence of your woman… that’s what boys would do not a ‘man’… all men look here and there.. all women know that… but all men know the universal rule of not flirting when their woman is present… that’s just disrespectful… next time slap him…
Good comment…thanks for your input…I’m real close to kicking him to the curb!!!!!
Hey Dear Nothing to Worry about. At least the guy is being honest with you doing it in you presence. It would be worst if he were to hide these things from you. The man is attracted to the opposite sex, would you feel better if were looking at men? Free up let the man entertain you, this should give you a hint as to what he likes in a woman,so suprise him, show him you got what he gazing at too. one day he’ll just realise that you have all what he he want and there’s no need to look elsewhere
haha weh… if he so bold face in her presence then imagine what he doing out of her presence… that is the fear most women will have… that’s why women don’t buy that ‘honesty’ thing from men… if u honest then u will be respectful… then u will be trustworthy… one positive leads to another positive… they go hand in hand… if he’s caught cheating (even if it’s a first time) she won’t believe and will be reluctant to forgive or forget and continue a trustful relation… but if the guy is cool and respectful… then if he’s caught cheating (even after multiple unknown times) she’ll be willing to forgive and continue… because she’ll believe he was caught in the heat of the moment lol
You got a point