Dear Bella: I am 19 and my current boyfriend is 20. I really like him, he is good at making me laugh, and I know that he can’t live without me. He gives me all the attention that I want. The only problem is that he doesn’t have any money!
He lives with his mom in a small house. He shares his room with two other brothers so I don’t even bother to go there. Sometimes I want things, to do my hair, a nice phone, clothes and shoes, credit on my phone, and I know it’s a waste of time to ask him.
Recently, this older man in the community has started making moves on me. He drives a nice car and owns a huge house. People say that he’s involved in selling drugs. He tells me he can give me anything I need and even offered me a BlackBerry.
I’m not a gold-digger but I have needs. I’m thinking of leaving my boyfriend to be with the man. Or to be with the man and still have sex with my boyfriend secretly. Which one do you think is better?
Dear Miss,
Neither of your suggestions is better nor do they give credit to what women these days are trying to achieve which is independence. First of all you can try getting a job, and also recommending to your boyfriend that he should start filing his job applications. For behind every great man is a woman. I have heard of guys who have no ambition at all, and prefer getting that quick money and feeding off their parents all their adult lives, but it’s even worse to know of a woman who lacks ambition and still wants the finest things in life.
You didn’t mention whether you or your boyfriend is attending college, but the way it sounds I doubt it. I hope though that you at least have a high school diploma, and if you don’t maybe you and your boyfriend can partner to start a small business- do something to sustain yourselves. I’m also questioning whether you really love your boyfriend, because of the outrageous thoughts about getting with the older man. By all means if you want to get a sugar daddy you can, but don’t say Bella advised you to. Meanwhile, start typing up those job applications.
Bella.
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The only needs you have right now is to get a damn job. Women like u are one of the reason men to go commit illegal act to satisfy you’ll need. What about being independent. Mayb if u went out and get a job that would motivate him to do the same. If you are a good woman u would sit down have a deep heart felt conversation with your man about getting a job or learning a trade so you all can be financially stable if he choose not to then you can think about leaving. instead of looking at the older man wit nice ride. God alone knows what he did to get those things.
if u luvd ur man u wudnt even be tinkn abt dat stupesssss
Girl if you love you’r boyfriend then you’r not suppose to worry about that kinda stuff, but no girl wants a loser boyfriend so talk to him about his ‘wallet’, but if he has no future, then leave him because you don’t want you’r kids growing up in filthy conditions. if you know what i mean
Like kanye says….Now i ain’t saying u a gold-digger…but u ain’t messin with no broke n*gga
haha @sleepyeyes01 papi chulooooo lol
well miss you might as well be called a gold digger cause you’re in love with your boyfriend but want to leave him for materialistic things a word of advice get your butt up and go find a job and provide for yourself or ask your mother or father cause im pretty sure his sperm didnt make you and honestly you shouldnt even be asking these questions online because im pretty sure if you were inlove things like that wouldnt matter and having sex with him secretly haha what is this world coming to you shouldnt even be thinking about that!
Just be a stripper. You can be independent and find lots of tricks to buy you things.
lov dont pay rent doo yr thing girl lol
My girl you can do both, i would like to meet you so i can shake your hand and then give you a BIG SLAP in your face, your a damn idiot, you have no sense in your head, you sound like an uneducated FOOL, you need to find a book that says SELF ESTEEM FOR DUMMIES, i would they make that book especially for you.
I understand that everywoman needs a man that can help for, but shouldn’t she be able to herself as well.
” Cuz she walk like a boss
Talk like a boss
Manicured nails
Just sent
The pedicure off
She’s fly effortlessly
She got her own thing
That’s why I love her
Miss independent
Won’t you come
And spend a little time”
t
lol… girl u effing crazy!! Get a job and be independent so u can buy ur blackberry…. thats what i did.. now i buy what i want ..phone,things for my lil spot, clothes an all want i want.. And i just turned 20!! that older man will buy u things but ur youth will be destroyed.. he will just be using u!!
hmmmm dat girl have 2 be a big time salop a blackberry why u doe go and ask 4 a bible i bet wen u was small da was f#%$ in u 4 biscuit
As a woman in her 30’s I feel really sad and very ashamed to read such utter nonsense from a 19 year old. What are we teaching our young people? What happened to having a sense of pride, dignity and independence. Our young ladies should realize that they don’t need a man to define who they are and what they can accomplish. This young lady should find a job and work on developing herself and skills, find good role models and find some purpose for her life. She’s clearly headed down the wrong path. We really need to pray for our young people. How else can Dominica grow and forge forward? God help us.
People stop being foolish!!!!!!! Love can’t put food on the table period!! and check this out..is them same woman that with them broke …s man….I see it everydayhere in St. Maarten…relationships break up because of lack of finances…..how can you tell me to go out there looking for a broke … man….you dumb or what.? wen things tight they going to beg other man for money…so stay dere……You all need a reality check……Men normally look for sex and females should look for stability..damb a..s…..u cannot tell me you self broke acnnot even pay your bills and u still goin look for a broke man??? what sense does it make….allu people will always stay behind…that’s why Dominica still behind..it looking like they not going nowhere…why allu doh tell Skerrit no more RED CLINIC..allu in it like white on rice…why do people go red clinic..becuase some of them broke..u need a man who can love you yes but he needs ro be able to take care of you too…dats why them men will always take allu out in the gardens for a quick …. and not a nice dinner…a man cannot put shirt on his back so what i doing with a guy like that….to that dummy that say i probably have twenty man….retard…I only have one who is finacially stable so i don’t need no more….u stay there with your broke … man then when things tight with you will go ask other men for money or your friends..allu tooo sot!!!
ain’t nobody gonna read that long ass comment
boom..u keep going and going talking about stuffs that don’t make one bit of sense, yes a woman needs a man to provide for her, but it goes both ways…woman needs to get off her ass as well and take care of her man too..and i mean financially too..scratch my back and i scratch yours, that’s how it suppose to be, the young woman is as old as the man, she is not working herself but wants to blame the man for her predicaments..shit man!
I was kind of understanding your drift after the first sentence but then realized that you are just another idiot. “when you pass them in the rental?”…what rock have you been living under? You really think that renting a car puts you in a different class? IDIOT!!!!!!
@123: i agreed with u typical dominican lady!! dnt like to work but like to cut men pocket!! nasty!!
@BOOM: all now so, u maybe have 20 men , one to give u the bread in the morning, one to lay down on u a next one to buy u the lattest g string that come out!! come out!! u not shame to say dominicans living in primitive situation!!! u have no respect , !!!!!!! but remember … does get winckle looool!! when allu will want a man to saty there with allu in allu late these i will be right there to laugh at allu!! the same primitive dominicans!!!
ppl living in america in the same primitive way, & im sure u part of them!! no sicial security, waited for welfare program, just to go in party….. alas poor u! looooooooooooooooooolllllllll
This is how it was wen i was in d/ca and still appears to be… woman doh want man for love they want instant gratification… but sorry to say i was not in aposition to afford the luxury of a gf wen i was younger and living in d/ca. now that i live and work in the US I can afford the flashy jewelery clothes and shoes… now i get all this attention from those who never noticed me before… I pass them along the roadside in the rental when I come home for carnival and creole fest… doh have time for them… maybe wen i coming next time i go bring a cpl blackberries to fool them and f*** them… too stupid.
@Jr: I thought so myself cause I really trying not to belive that this chick so dumb
This chick need to read what she just wrote and ask her damn self a question. You 19, he 20 you want to do ur hair and get fancy phone get yourself a damn job then and then u can talk bout he broke. Notice also you said he cannot live without you but u can live without him huh once it’s for the right price. Since you the drug dealer seems so giving go head be with him .. hope the popo pick u up with him when they catch up to his dirty doings.
Some women just know how to give this gender a bad name. I really understand why guys treat you young girls they way they do, you all give them reason to make use u all like a vending machine once they have what they need to get what they want the machine is there to give it to them.
Dumb A**
THE OWNLY THING YOU CARE ABOUT IS VANITY… WHY YOU NOST SAY U NEED TO FIND URSELF A JOB AND BE INDEPENDENT.. WHY DO YOU WANT TO DEPEND ON A MAN.. IF YOU REALLY LOVES THIS GUY YOU SHOULD NOT BE LOOKING AT THOSE THINGS.. Y’ALL SHOULD ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER TO FIND A JOB LIVE WOULD BE MUCH EASIER ON UR PART.
DO U REALLY THINK THIS OTHER GUY GONNA LOVE YOU? I DON’T THINK SO.. HE IS JUST GONNA USED U AND DUMP YOU TO GET ANOTHER WOMAN.
MY ADVISE TO YOU IS GET A JOB SO THAT U CAN GET ANYTHING THAT U LIKE.
wow!!!!dat’s wat our country have come to?shame shame shame.yet still we have to ask ,where are the jobs ?what is in place for the young ones who have just left our educational institutions?although this young lady is stretching de joke eh…i say a joke because dat can’t be 4 real so…alas
girl u have no patience….how many 20 yr old u will find with plenty money?de man maybe just come out of school.den again ur kyatt is ur bank so go use it
lol Why does this story sound like it was cooked up by the reporter? it gave me a good laugh thou. but to add my two cents you can’t make love on a hungry belly, am not siding one way or the other just making a point
Booooiiiiii allu people too backward…things are easier said than done……LOVE DOES NOT PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE….yeah yeah yeah…with all the indepence allu talking about and the little miserable salary people getting…how can people do it alone??? One hand can’t clap but two hands can…Dominicans still living in a primitive world…..What allu trying to tell me is that love will take care of it all…daz just a heap of bullshit….alot of relationships break up because of financial reasons..it’s not so easy to say start a business…..I doh want no man who is not capable of taking care of me….what if something happens to me and I can’t work…is the broke as man going to take care of me? Will hs love take care of my bills?? You people calling the woman salop bcause she wants a financially stable man?? Allu people too dumb….ok papa go be witha broke man and den wen things get tight go ask other man for money if daz what allu want..tehbeh
at 19 that is how you want to strart your life, making bom well well well.
Are you guys serious? The girl just wanna have fun, read your comments and lol!
Wow, this is just to show where our young girls minds are these days. What happen to the values our parents instilled in us – Never let people things burn your eyes; When you don`t have you must do without….etc..
This young lady is 19, and maybe should be thinking about going to college, finding a job to maintain herself, to be independent. Yet she is talking about wanting people to give her money to do her hair etc… Don`t you have any ambition, don`t you want to see yourself doing better than that? I mean in the next 10 years where would you like to be my dear. You know that if you had a job you won`t be thinking that way. And what about this drug dealer guy, is that the future you want for yourself. Why can`t we women think about breaking this cycle of the past of depending on a man to provide for us? Do you know this guys character, he may be a woman beater or something, he may be very violent, why would you put yourself in that situation?
Yes your boyfriend is poor, but at 20 years old in our Dominican society what do you really expect? I mean at this age, the marjority of the young guys live at home with their parents and they amy be going to college still so I don`t understand why this is soo extraordinary for you. What you could do is if he`s not working, encourage him to get a job, or to go back to school. You both can have a good future is you really work hard for it.
And all this material things that you are lusting at my dear, all these things can fade away, but if you put your education first, that`s something that no one can take away from you. All the best.
USE A CONDOM EVERYTIME. GOT IT GET IT
Fam, don’t let Mr. Nice Guy hear those things about you!!
Either try to find a job or try to improve your Education
I’m not a gold-digger but I have needs. I’m thinking of leaving my boyfriend to be with the man. Or to be with the man and still have sex with my boyfriend secretly. Which one do you think is better?
Are you listening to yourself? What the hell at 19 you need blackberry, and this and that from a 20 year old, even if he had a job. I don’t know what kind of digger you are. And, you have no shame asking for outside advice. Where are your parents. Did you forget how to comb your hair? I don’t even want to go further.
blackberry do not last forever,but AIDS do.
@Blue: well said
Girl you too SALOP for want of a better word
the older man who may be a drug dealer knows exactly how to get the young girls.do u think he really has genuine feelings for you?those fellas are looking for mules and you are the perfect candidate.off course he will give u your hearts disires cause you HAVE to look good to do his job,send u on trips and make u think u are his girl.But when the game is up u will wish u had the broke boyfriend to come back to.if u really love this 20yr old.find a job and encorage him to do the same.i took care of my husbands 2 kids and mine plus him for a year while he looked for a job.even my friends said i should leave but i stuck it out ,it paid n the end i own my small company.DNO IF THIS LADY REALLY NEEDS A JOB GIVE HER MY EMAIL ADDRESS
this is so funny ….looks like young women these days forget what it is to work hard , being independent and the like …. mwen haunte !!
young lady doh worry wiff not one of dem suckerz. when yu hungry an brokes they will all come to your rescue?. is so all of dem love to give advice . girl go for your diamonds. in the end you will be busted on the trash heap. ok. so go for your gold.
U are a sliver digger because a gold digger has more class, a blackberry u want to sell ur soul for?? Get a D*M job lazy free loader
THAT GIRL IS A BIG RAT
how materialistic
are u serious. Why are u depending on a man to give you things. Work for your own money so you can get what you want. No man should not be giving u money to get your hair done or buy you a nice phone or whatever u need. You do not need a man to buy you nice things, have your own money to buy your stuff. Remember when this man give you stuff you have to give him something in return. Nothing is never free. You are a young lady don’t degrade yourself. Its not worth it, be independent.
Young Lady You even have the guts to seek advice from Bella with your selfishness and need for self gratification? You need a heart transplant, a brain transplant, you need sex therapy and you need financial counseling. You need to come clean with that young man so he can know your intentions and break away from you. You will lead that poor guy to financial and emotional ruin. Shame on you.
HUMMM,
ME intiende bien? did I heard you ladies good? well I looking for a nice lady with good valus in life,but she just a jong lady help her understand,dont judge her,the older man just tempting her,humm hope i get a messege back with a cell number
You must be a real fool!!! Are you really serious??? If this is the reason you want to be with someone then yes you are a gold digger. A man’s duty is is not to buy things for some girl he is jus dating!! You are not his responsibility…let to be an independent young lady!!! Women like you will always end up in trouble because you are looking to date someone for all the wrong reasons!!
lol lol tht is jus pure stupidity…u want to be wit a drug man???lol go ahead have fun hope u lik the blackberry
@D/ca: tru dat
my gurl u 19 …..go n get urself a job… u tooo damna$$… so u can do your hair, credit ur phone, n buy yourself some clothes n shoes.
and a man is not the answer to your quries.
young lady , u need to stop selling urself short, all dominica women are strong and wise.. u need to help urself, be independent and not make a man give u wat u want, maybe a gift for u birthday or some special occasion but dont depend on him….girl pick urself up and stand tall
Hmmmmm, pretty interesting story…..my suggestion to this young woman is go find yourself a job and some intelligence. Be independent and stop waiting for man to feed and provide your needs AND wants. You claim to love your current boyfriend , stick to him no matter what and forget that drug dealer. If you think that drug dealer is going to provide for your every needs and make you happy, you are wasting your precious time. He is going to use you in everyway: ( have you as one of his concubines, use you as his mule-to carry his drugs for him and later on if you are not dead or in prison , he is gonna kick you to the curb and move on to another woman). Si say sot ou sot
Girl are you crazy?….. You want to leave your boyfriend to be with a drug man? don’t you think he has a case of blackberries in his home handing out to other girls like you? BUT worst of all you want to be with the drug man and still have sex with your boyfriend? Who you think you fooling with that? So you think that drug man going to give you blackberry and top it up, do your hair, give you nice clothes and he’s not going to expect sex from you too? Your just being greedy! It’s women like you that does turnout good men to be bad for the next good woman that comes along. Leave that man alone if you don‘t love him. He is young still and he has enough time to come to his senses and to get up and do something for himself without a gold digger like you bringing him down.
Word of advice to you….. Life is not just about nice phone, nice clothes with hair and nails done. If you love that boy stand by him, if he can’t find a job right now and you can get up and go work, get your nice stuff for yourself and help him out also as much as you can, men usually take some extra time to get their act together. I meet my husband when I was 15 years old, when we left school we got serious, he had no job but I found one. I would come home at 4pm and he would be sitting on the couch watching TV, I wanted nice things, I wanted to get an outfit for every action that happened in D/ca. I’m not saying that you don’t feel distraught sometimes but parities have to be straight. Girle I stood by the man that I love. Today I’m 36 years old and my husband owns his own companys in the Caribbean and the US, the money is there with everything else that comes with it, (he doesn’t even watch television anymore lol)
Sometimes we always feel like the grass Is sweeter in the neighbors yard when ours just need a tender touch to get there. Nice things don’t come cheap, and fast money is problem money. Just my 2cents.
spanish is ur roll model. work ur p….. 4 want u want and stop maing it like like is d/can women. and ppl all d/a women do not want blackberry cuz i don’t.
Quite frankly hun, you sound much like a gold digger – if you want nice things then go find yourself a job – you are nineteen. The thing is we always cry of equality between the sexes but never want to live up to it. Be a woman and do the reverse of how you are thinking, get a job and try to help your boyfriend if he cannot help himself. I haven’t heard you say anything negative about your boyfriend – that means he is a good man – and surely good men are hard to find these days. It’s shameful that a 19 year old Dominican woman is even writing for advise on that topic – should i leave my boyfriend for the other man with money? Young lady those with the ‘money’ are those who give you heartache. take my foolish advise and i hope you will read all these comments to guide even if they’re very negative – accept them as constructive criticsms, if you want to leave your boyfriend for this man -DON’T!! If you want to break up with him do so and keep to yourself, find a job that can help you – dont depend on a man for anything, you need to be independent.
Even if i write this, Dear God, i’m hoping that this letter is actually a fake (can’t believe our young ladies these days)
Typical D/can woman! you have a man that is good to you but rather OPEN YOUR LEGS FOR a man to give you what you want. girls like you disgust me! Do what ever you want with your body, but have the decency to tell your boyfriend what is going on. Salope!
girl, get a job that will help boost your self esteem
lazy woman get a job stop selling allu boy for things child u should be shame allu doh hearin it have aids man is not bout money bout love
Well young lady! Nothing in life comes easy, if you really love your bf then
you would discuss your concerns with him. Encourage him to be proactive
and seek out gainful employment!
What makes you think your sugar papa would continually meet your needs?
He just wants to lure you in then you become dependent on him and you become
the side Kcuf( reverse it to figure it out).
You appear shallow, materialistic and someone seeking instant
gratification. At 20 you should be looking to cement your educational
foundation, that will enable you to become independent in the future. Stop looking at what
People have to judge your needs.
Pal, Sweetie You Got Issues? You Alright Nuh? Girl Don’t You Work?? What Do You Do? But Wait, You Know Your Boyfriend Don’t Have Money To Support You, What Di Hell You Want Blackberry For? Some Of Allu Women Dirty You Know. If You Have A Money Issue, Always Wanting This And That, Well You Should Get Someone With Money. Poor Guy Checking He Loves You And Giving You All The Attention So There’s No Problem. Alas Tell Di Man And Go Dig For Gold Some Place Else. Right Now Is Copper Coins He Might Have But Things Will Get Better For Him In The Long Run.
you and your man need to find a job a stop thinking of laying on your back for wat u want
If you want nice things get a job yourself, don’t depend on your boyfriend. You sound like a gold digger to me!
Stupeessss……Is this young woman for real……
yes they a good only if you want to be dead and what make u belive the older man want to be with you he is using blaceberry as a tool to fool you cause that is all them youngs girls in dominica want now and the he will get you to his bed for it insted of helping your man to find a job you want to leave him for another do our do in the end thats same brooke man is he you will be crying to
Find ur self a job not a sugar daddy i guest u want nice things n not work hard for it but lay on ur bck for them .
well it sounds to me like you are a gold digger