My boyfriend might be seeing another woman and now I am falling for an older guy

I am a young lady and I am very confused!!!

I have a boyfriend who I love very much. He have been together for eight years now but the problem is that he is out of state and I think when he is home he is seeing someone else. I confronted the girl I think he is seeing and she said nothing is going on but Bella his phone rings all the time, she calls him everyday and text him too. What would you think if you were in my position?

This have driven me away and I am now seeing a man that is twice my age. I am really beginning to fall deeply in love with this other guy but  I seem to be falling for the wrong guys. Bella this new guy was married twice and unfortunately it doesn’t seem like he can get over the pain of being rejected twice.

What should I do about my boyfriend and the suspicions he is raising in my mind and this other guy I am seeing?

Very Confused.

Dear Very Confused,

I see red flags in both cases. You said you and your boyfriend have been together for eight years and yet the relationship doesn’t appear to be as solid as expected after all those years. With this girl calling and texting constantly there is substantial grounds for being suspicious. Have you spoken to him concerning your suspicions? I suggest you do.

Now concerning the other guy who is twice your age, again I see some problems because apparently he hasn’t gotten over the pain of his two previous divorces. He is going to bring a lot of baggage into any new relationship and this could spell disaster. I would not suggest a relationship with someone like that unless he decides to break clean with his past and move on. Plus age could be a factor you have to take into consideration.

Now you are at a cross road and you cannot serve two masters. Probably you should start thinking of moving on from these two guys. I am sure you are a beautiful young lady with lots of potential and you can always find a guy who will love you for what you are.

Bella

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26 Comments

  1. queenie
    May 23, 2011

    woman

    number one, you had no business confronting the girl. woman doesn’t fight for man nowadays. dont be so low class.

    number two, if that drive you away, what you want bella advice for???? JUST STAY AWAY!!!!!!!

    number three, married man is a no-no; much less for married twice………….
    you need to make some time for yourself to think about where you life is heading. go to jungle bay resort (i like there, quiet and ting, nice atmostphere for relaxing :-D ) spend a weekend there.
    clear your mind and meditate on your life. you will see this situation is not right for you.

    you will come back refreshed, feeling like a new person and ready to do new positive things in your life.

  2. Truth, Justice, Love, Peace and Unity
    May 4, 2011

    It is said that the quickest way to get over a former lover is to love another one. I suppose if you can find one and a good one at that. :lol: This may assist her to get over her boyfriend of 8 years.
    Unless people are under-age and young, they should not be dating for such a long time. If they are adults, they should have been married by then and commence having a family.
    I visualize that adults should not date longer than one year. During this time, they should be seriously considering marriage and starting a family. Otherwise the relationship could grow stale, if you know what I mean and one or both take the other for granted. What do you think of this Bella? :)
    If an adult man dates an adult woman for that length of time it appears that he or the woman may not be serious about committing to get married.
    She stated that this man is sometimes away and that when he returns he has another girlfriend. I would think that while he is away he is dating another woman or women – as well. The man may be a flirt and not serious at all. It sounds like it.
    My suggestion is that she move on and try to forget this man who is not serious. I would dump him.
    Pertaining to loving this twice-married man who is twice her age, she should ask herself how serious is he.
    Something is wrong with a man/woman – whoever fault it is – if they were married twice and separated and divorce. It projects that they cannot retain a relationship/marriage.
    I would be wary of loving such a man. I would ask him a few questions. Prior to entering into this relationship, she should have a good discussion with him.
    Lady, while there is no guarantee that your new-found relationship will last or any relationship for that matter, consider that the last thing you need is another relationship which may bring you additional heartache. Take your time about this and think before you act. Your peace of mind and happiness are at stake. Age and experience should bring reason.
    I have a small plaque which reads, “Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment. Give this a good thought and govern yourself accordingly.

    • Interesting
      May 4, 2011

      “It is said that the quickest way to get over a former lover is to love another one. I suppose if you can find one and a good one at that”

      I don’t believe in that… You are simply covering up the feeling that is there with another… And would resurface the moment you two spend some moments together in the future…

      The best way is the longest way.. Take time off from dating… get your self involved into other things… give your self goals and challenges… better yourself.. spend some a loan time, time for yourself… That would make you emotionally stronger.

      My transition took a full year…. yes I know.. I am a human being just like everyone else…

  3. OH BOY....
    May 4, 2011

    Girl relax Osama is headline…..not bella, you should have waited for atleast two weeks before writing this foolishness..and you would have gotten some responces….but to cut this short.. he cheated, you cheated so what more do you want? would you feel better or less guilty if he admitted to you that he did cheat?

    girl relax….. and remember goat with two masters dies of starvation..

    • niNA
      May 4, 2011

      ‘OH BOY’, U really killing me..lol….Very funny i must say..
      i agree with u..she should have waited till next week..rite now everybody is concerned about bin laden..LMAO..

    • queenie
      May 23, 2011

      lol

  4. Dr Love.
    May 3, 2011

    Young and confused you have been with your boyfriend for eight years yes EIGHT YEARS? here goes yor answer its time to take a leave of absent hold on to your sugar daddy you `re little late cause this is the trend in Domonica you`re just brave to make yours public, girl we want it Now” and the sugar daddy have it all let me know how its working out in a few months. Good luck smarty.

  5. Muslim_Always
    May 3, 2011

    Headline: My boyfriend…>>>>> I’ll like to share a verse from your bible with you. Please tell me @ confused what you think about it. I have used the bible since I am assuming you are from christian background.

    1 Corinthians 6:9 states: “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither FORNICATORS, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind.”

    Second @ very confused, place yourself in the situation. If someone thinks negative about you or assumes something about you without any proof, what do you think he or she should do? Would it be better for them to confront you or to act on those suspicions? Thus my question to you is, what do you think you can do to correct that thought about your “boyfriend” (man I hate that term) having this other girl? Do you think it would have been better to confront your “boyfriend” or the other girl?

    Thirdly, @ confused, how long have you been seeing this other guy? Do you think it is love or infatuation? Also, you mentioned that he hasn’t gotten over his pain of rejection from his previous marriages. Is this what he said to you? Have you done your home to ensure this ex-married man was the victim of “brutality” from his former wives or the problem may be with him? If I were you I would not consider the man who is twice my age as he still has baggage issues. Do you follow me @ very confused?

    In conclusion, I believe you are young. The All Mighty Allah (name of the Creator in arabic) has given you life. You may ask yourself if you would like to solve the problem in your existing relationship or start a clean slate where Allah can be the center of your life. I look forward to hearing your feedback.

    • Dee
      May 9, 2011

      what happen u are a stuck record? Everyday is the same nonsense you have to write. Stupes… go and preach for Al Qaeda …stupes

  6. just a suggestion
    May 3, 2011

    Like ‘wawww waww’ I am finding it hard to give uplifting advice to this young lady. Bella, I know a problem that affects a person can seem like the end of the world for them, but……. you must have other letters in your post-bag seeking advice that we can get our teeth into. If someone KNOWS they are being cheated on what other advice can we give them, than to leave that situation. The young lady knows some woman is constantly texting and calling her boyfriend, he must know how much this is upsetting her but still refuses to put a stop to it. The problem will not be solved with doing the same thing and having a fling yourself. He is not for, the relationship is not good, so no matter how hard it is…. move on.

  7. Caribbean Lady
    May 3, 2011

    Despite the fact that the young lady said she and her boyfriend have been together for 8 years, they sound very young. I’m willing to bet that they are high school sweethearts and these eight years cover from the time they were about 12,13 until now. So about 20, 21 and they are now finding themselves and in the process, drifting away from their first love.

    It happens – most people don’t end up with their first love. I know plenty people who were with their high school sweetheart for 5,6 even 12 years in one couple’s case! But they didn’t end up with each other even though all were certain that was the person they were going to marry and in many instances, were even engaged to be married.

    Because they grew up and grew apart. This sounds like what is happening here. Miss Very Confused, take time from the boyfriend thing (especially the twice-married older man! that is trouble!) and enjoy being single and find out who you really are. Don’t end your first romance with bitterness, cheating or accusations.

    • note
      May 4, 2011

      WELL SAID !!!!

  8. BMI
    May 3, 2011

    I can’t stress enough on why people re-bound, it’s not necessary. OMG please people, take sometime and assess your relationships before moving on to a new one. New relationships are new problems mixed up with old issues(baggage)+stress= confusion

    No wonder why your so confused.

    Deal with your issue with your boyfriend firstly. If you want him,tell him this girl has got to go or you are gone. ( No need for him to have a friend who has no respect for you) if she is not his child she has no need to call him all different hours. Its inappropriate for either of you to take “friendly” calls after 10pm that usually means “booty call”.

    Learn to put yourself and your needs first. You don’t want to question everything that he does, trust is important. Why put yourself through this drama?

    The other guy needs to deal with his baggage first before he goes into a relationship with anyone. Your stressing over nonesense, why put yourself through that?….

    It’s okay to date (no sex, no attachments, just enjoy the company of the opposite sex) get to know who your dating before you settle. Infactuation comes first, love comes after you learn to trust and understand the person your with.

    Why spend the majority of your life dating the wrong guy, Mr. Right will pass you by whilst your settling for
    Mr. Right Now….

  9. jerry springer
    May 3, 2011

    come to my show free tickets

  10. belle beth
    May 3, 2011

    waittttttttttttttttt……….pull up………brakes man……………………….

    @ TTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIINYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

    What in these former comments say “Dominican?” Huh? I find you well nuff sah…jumping on Dominicans….you jalousie Dominicans posse man. aye aye.

    Is only in Tortola I see women fighting to cling to men who obviously has their heart elsewhere.

    I know this one woman the guy left her….she still dogging him crying over him..now she have baby………..saying he saying he not sure where he stand with her…………..what you expect……..all yuh kinda women too luv to hold on to men that obviously just using you all.

    Grow up ladies please. The man cheating…………cut the strings………feel ur pain grow up and move on………..one thing I always say no matter how long we women stay in relationship no matter how many babies we get ourselves……………please remember babies are the only insurance policy that we cant cash in…………lots of women think yes boy lemme get preggy he must stay ah yard………foolish! wrong………..! if the man really more in love or him heart in place elsewhere.no number of babies will keep him.

    Be true to urself both you and this so called boyfriend you love need to take a hike.

    wheel and come again….ah ah……………stupes eh……………..

    u confused.whats the confusion? u never know he used to cheat………..? belle beth………………

    • hehe
      May 3, 2011

      I suspect you single.

      • sweet pum pum
        May 3, 2011

        and who you repping? Jamaica or Dominica ?

  11. tiny
    May 3, 2011

    was’t going to post a comment but…stop it people.. you guy sare acting so righteous…this sought of thing happens all the time. she’s is not cheating …she’s vulnerable at the moment because of her boyfreinds actions and is seeking comfort in this person. son’t act like you guys havn’t been there.

    is this dominicans commenting on here…..in dominca women don’t leave their men even if they know these guys cheat on them with numerous women…stop acting like you guys are so strong emotionally and so independent. the domincca i know.. i see married women wdho stay in a relationship even if their husband had kids outside the marrige. the unmarrid men do the same to their girlfreind and the women just accept it. this thing is very very very common indominica.

    now …young lady i would advise you that this older man probably know that you ar vulnerable and he may be simply trying to take advantage of you. and as for your present boyfreind he don’t love you. stop telling yourself that he does…stop looking for reasons to stay in this relationship. leave him… and remain single for a while …..a better perosn will come around……we don’t need to be in relationship to be happpy…

    • tiny
      May 3, 2011

      you’ve been with your current boyfreind for eith years nd it’s gonna be tough to live ,just turn all that lv you had for him ito resentment…..you’ll get over him…..you’ll get the strengh…

      these domincans they acting like they don’t know anything about love and hurt….acting like they are machines/robot…..i wonder if that’s the reason they allow their boyfreinds and hussband to cheat on them

      • highgrade
        May 3, 2011

        are u from dominica?u dont sound like it and to me u sound like a woman scorned or u are n a relationship where your boyfriend or ur husband is cheating n u and u accept it.it never good to stay in a relationship where the other partner is unfaithful.my advise to u young lady is to get out and get out now.u don’t need a man to define who u r

      • sweet pum pum
        May 3, 2011

        @very confused you are very confused…although If the writing is on the wall in black and white
        for you to see what you waiting for nuh ? sign language or you want it on baloons in the sky ?
        woman wake up and smell the coffee it burning chill out…..take a breather stay boyfriendless for
        a while….its ok to be less….the confusion….the uncertainty…etc….
        and as for you TINY….back off from attacking Dominican women ! looks like you have a big issue
        with Dominican women…you sound very bitter and UNEDUCATED ! YES UNEDUCATED ! go and
        learn to spell properly and I know your grammatical errors are not from no damn typos if you want to talk about “boyfreind” girlfreind the proper spelling is boyfriend girlfriend remember in school yes let me school you “i” before “e” except after “c” here you go a free English lesson
        for you from a Dominican woman. I suspect you want a Dominican woman to leave her husband for you to take over.. “Hell No !” its call “STAND BY YOUR MAN” you are just a temporary fling
        and we recognise that ! so back off tiny and play your position the booty call

        • tiny
          May 3, 2011

          oh my God …..”pum pum” ……you mean you’re one of them…………see what i mean………….that’s the advice you are giving the younger generation…..stand by your man…..the other woman is just his fling……he will come bck to you when he’s done with her…..no wonder the highest infection rate of aids is amoung black women

        • sweet pum pum
          May 4, 2011

          Tiny :lol: you are killing me girl anyway I’m glad to see you have a sense of humor I just get
          very protective when anyone attacks anything Dominican its the patriotism in me :lol:

  12. sweet pea
    May 3, 2011

    lol…u confused? what about me now…

  13. wrong
    May 3, 2011

    y’ll need 2 call up jerry springer :p

  14. wawww WAWW
    May 3, 2011

    Normally I come with some uplifting advice but in this case I’mma call it like it is..

    you have a man..he cheating on u..YOU cheating on him TOOOOOOO but U wanna call him out on it like u’re innocent???talk about Pot calling kettle black…YOU are crazy..HE is crazy..the two of allu NOT in relationship so YOU summarized my whole comment with the latter of your first sentence..

    .—>…..”and I am very confused!!!”

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