My girlfriend and I have been dating for about eight years now and plans are well underway for marriage. However, I think there is one problem.

Recently I noticed that she has been accumulating lots of male friends. I don’t have any problem with that because we all need friends, but it is getting out of hand. Some, particularly one, call and text her all the time and she always take time to respond, even when we are together. It happens all the time, when we watching movies, or have dinner or when we are together (we don’t live together).

I always look forward to us being together and for us to develop our relationship, but these texts and phone calls are getting out of hand. And she always respond to them in private.

What really made me more suspicious is one day she was in the bathroom and her phone rang. I never answer her phone but this time I did and the person on the other side was very hostile and said he has never heard of me before. I am really freaking out now.

What should I do?

Very Confused

Dear Very Confused,

It is healthy for both parties to have friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship. Friends provide the balance, emotional and mental support that you may need during your relationship. There is however a need to create and maintain boundaries with your friends who are of the opposite sex.

Nothing destroys a relationship faster than suspicion. Suspicion destroys the trust which was built over years. Considering the reaction received when you answered the call, there may be reason to be worried. I should also caution you that it may have been innocent. The only way this can be clarified is if you talk to her. Have a heart to heart and sort out this issue and continue with your lives.

In as much as you need to have your own friends, it is important that you do not leave each other in the dark about your friends. This strengthens the relationship as it rids of any misconceptions and reasons for suspicion.


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