My girlfriend has too many “boy” friends

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about eight years now and plans are well underway for marriage. However, I think there is one problem.

Recently I noticed that she has been accumulating lots of male friends. I don’t have any problem with that because we all need friends, but it is getting out of hand. Some, particularly one, call and text her all the time and she always take time to respond, even when we are together. It happens all the time, when we watching movies, or have dinner or when we are together (we don’t live together).

I always look forward to us being together and for us to develop our relationship, but these texts and phone calls are getting out of hand. And she always respond to them in private.

What really made me more suspicious is one day she was in the bathroom and her phone rang. I never answer her phone but this time I did and the person on the other side was very hostile and said he has never heard of me before. I am really freaking out now.

What should I do?

Very Confused

Dear Very Confused,

It is healthy for both parties to have friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship. Friends provide the balance, emotional and mental support that you may need during your relationship. There is however a need to create and maintain boundaries with your friends who are of the opposite sex.

Nothing destroys a relationship faster than suspicion. Suspicion destroys the trust which was built over years. Considering the reaction received when you answered the call, there may be reason to be worried. I should also caution you that it may have been innocent. The only way this can be clarified is if you talk to her. Have a heart to heart and sort out this issue and continue with your lives.

In as much as you need to have your own friends, it is important that you do not leave each other in the dark about your friends. This strengthens the relationship as it rids of any misconceptions and reasons for suspicion.

Bella

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45 Comments

  1. Charles
    August 31, 2012

    My Girl Friend is exactly the same! She has 100% all guy firends, the problem is not her, its all these guys trying to bang her. She’ll give in one of these days. RUN AWAY

  2. live ur life
    April 8, 2011

    so woman cant do and man cannnnnn…well it takes 2 i sure u have ur ppl…..so dont b scared dats life.
    if she really loves u she wont f…k on ur head.

  3. dj question
    March 31, 2011

    yes iiiiii………. my bother just chill… u have options u can stay wit ur problem or let go and move on. its simple.

  4. Nervous Rex
    March 31, 2011

    Check out womensinfidelity.com women are sneaky

  5. BMI
    March 30, 2011

    Eight years means nothing, we have no idea how old this couple is….It’s best to talk things out with your girlfriend, and let her know your annoyed with the constant texting in your presence. I am sure she is doing this to get your attention, maybe your lacking something in your relationship. Try surprising her by doing something different and turn off your cell phone and ask her to do the same.

  6. kia
    March 30, 2011

    a man biggest mistake is to give another man the opportunity to make his woman smile :-D :-D. that thing txtin n answerin private calls that not a good thing. when someone has a boyfren or girlfren n say they in love or lovin the world should know.

  7. Big shot...
    March 30, 2011

    First of all, as MAN, you shouldn’t make a woman suprise you…..If you know that means. That’s my advice for you. Piece out!!!!!

  8. me
    March 30, 2011

    boy u too maco… men do dis shit all d time.(woman time lol)

    • Big shot...
      March 30, 2011

      LOL….

    • All u will kill me!
      March 31, 2011

      Lol….I’m laffing so hard dere eh! :twisted:

  9. danno
    March 29, 2011

    get out now bro.. she eh want u

  10. for real
    March 29, 2011

    u with d woman for 8 long years and another man doesnt know dat? wat happen, u loving her in secret? woman doh like dat non bro!!!

    • SWEET S
      March 30, 2011

      yep yep yep, i back this 100%
      some of them want to have us (women) in secret
      and they want us to stay with them alone?????????
      sorry honey wrong number!!!!!!
      what goes around comes around
      if you don’t like it walk!!! getttttttt out!!!

  11. youth
    March 29, 2011

    forget about getting married my boi

  12. Toujou sav
    March 29, 2011

    This relationship is unhealthy on all counts so its BEST you just leave her.. you sleep on you, 8yrs and you not living together and you even want to marry.. she answering calls in private and you still there.. DON’T be a Fool mehn!!

  13. Is that so?
    March 29, 2011

    Marry the girl or get out now!!!

  14. Anonymous
    March 29, 2011

    jus get some girl friends

    women are so jealous – there is more than one way to skin a cat! (literally)

  15. Just Giving My Two Cents
    March 29, 2011

    Sometimes you need to trust your gut instincts and not your heart!!!!!!!!!!! Even your commonsense needs to come into play also. Your first step would be address the issue. Sometimes, it could just be your suspisious nature or paranoia acting up. Trust me, everyone of us has these moments where we can read too much into nothing.

    Having said that, to me, her actions are suspicious – but i’d advise you to talk to her and make her know your feelings on the issue. Look at her action, her movements and her explanations to you. After 8 yrs – i’d think that you would know her friends well enough that she should feel comfy talking to them in front of you. It doesn;t matter whether they are your friends also, but if you guys are in a relationship – then you should know, or know of those friends. 8 years is a long time…

    I do not see the need for secrecy. What is shocking is the reaction you got when you answered her phone. That is a red flag if i ever saw one – and that is all the more reason why you should address the issue – because if she told you that this person was her “friend” then you have cause for concern as to why her good friend does not know that she has a man, especially one for the past 8 yrs.

    And i say trust your instincts cause too many a times people say they do things because of LOVE… so if after speaking to her, her explanation leaves you wondering – then trust your instincts.

  16. Muslim_Always
    March 29, 2011

    Firstly, I disagree with a premartial relationship. Secondly, communicate with the woman, express your concerns.

    Resolve this quickly and be a man, step up, decide whether you want to marry this girl or not.

    Secondly, it seems to me my boy there is something you are not telling us. I wonder what is the woman’s point of view. Why is she so ‘sneaky?’

    Communicate, communicate, communicate!!!

  17. real recognize real
    March 29, 2011

    Dude when people are of significant to someone, practically everyone in the other person’s life will know about the signifcant one and their significance.
    check ur importance now before you commit to a lifetime of this ‘taken for granted’ or ‘i want u for good time’ attitude. thats no way to live. much less to be married to it.
    after 8 years, there really is NO EXCUSE for this kind of behaviour. things should be gettin better, not worse. trust should be, by this time, automatic. so if ifs being shaken, take a step back and do some serious evaluation of whether you can stand being in a marriage of doubt and possible eventual infidelity

  18. Always Concerned
    March 29, 2011

    Dear Very Confused,

    It appears that you have trust related issues that may be at the root of your problem. Please think about this:

    You have been together for eight years and you are not married. Why? Is it that you don’t trust her or she doesn’t trust you? What is it?
    If you are really in love and getting ready for marriage, you should not be worrying about her getting involved with others. You should be at a stage where you are freely talking about everything, like your future, kids, sex and even things like her interacting with other males. Obviously, you are not at that stage. You don’t trust her and she probably doesn’t trust you.

    My suggestion: If you are serious about the woman, then take her off the market. Not just rush and get married, but give her what she needs and wants. hopefully, she will return it.

    Love her in such a way that gets her mind off everyone else. Give her enough of yourself emotionally, spiritually, financially and sexually, in such a way that she will not even think of getting anything elsewhere. If you can’t do that, then you need to leave her alone and move on.

  19. sweet pum pum
    March 29, 2011

    And men do that very same thing all the time and think its just normal and right :twisted:

    • 11
      March 29, 2011

      and the hoe is u

      • Ditmoi
        April 8, 2011

        LOOOOOOL

    • DESIE
      March 29, 2011

      WOMEN CAN’T DO WHAT MEN DO
      IF U TINK $H!TT I TALKING
      U FEE TRY IT

  20. Sugar
    March 29, 2011

    I had someone once who could’nt stay away from his phone always texting and talking. I let him know exactly how I felt about it. He did it at all hours too. So guess what ! I got on my phone I was not texting anybody but it was not hard to pretend as if I was. I would always be in the “middle of a conversation that I would be very engrossed in. You know what ! he did not like it. Do so don’t like so

    • Diva
      March 29, 2011

      True say. I’ve also been there and done that! Mine LOVE to do these
      things, and hate it when women do back!!!

  21. 2011...wow
    March 29, 2011

    You know dam well you not going to marry this woman………..are you guys engaged? did you ever ask her to be your wife? do you gugs have any kids…or are you assuming that because you call her your girlfriend that she is yours….man get real….human being should not be looked at as a show piece that you can look at, or touch when ever you feel like it…maybe she wants her walking papers and you should give it to her…loving from a distance for eight years…..she wants something stable…and if you both have not gotten to settling down after all those years!!!!! search into your hearts. maybe it’s not meant to be….

    Who knows !!!!maybe she is out there looking for something worth fighting for….you too should prepare to do the same…

    life most go on….

  22. What dat!
    March 29, 2011

    Hey dude, let me give you a far better advise than Bella: DUMP the b*tch now and move on with your life pal. It aint worth it!! This gal is taking you for a ride. it’s a damn good thing that you didn’t marry her earlier because it would be a set of legal pains for you, man. I’m sure that it must be the financial support that you are providing that’s why she’s still hanging around with you after 8 years!! it’s time to give it up and find someone who really desrves the ring.

    • Micho
      March 30, 2011

      Hmmm. She’s a bi**h and he’s providing financial support. How did you come to these conclusions? It’s obvious that you have no respect for women and relationships. Try being positive for a change. smh!

  23. Please....
    March 29, 2011

    Man..sorry..boy..get over yrself!!! Eight years you with the woman and PLANS are underway to marriage. Eight years and you are not living together.??? The young lady is tired of empty promises and waiting in vain and is looking for something stable and real.Stop fantasizing and be a man and marry the girl and leave her find what she deserve.

  24. Real Life
    March 29, 2011

    The woman has a secret and you need to know what she is up to, I am a woman and know we are very secretive and deceivers of our own selves. Communication is very important in a relationship so talk about things. I am in a relationship couple years older than you and I have grown over the years to love my man and speak with him about anything and this is how it should be. Your woman must be your best friend and so is your man. Please do not involve anyone in your relationship with the help of God solve your own problems, I have learnt and know that people put more problems. Good luck and the sooner you talk to her about your fears the better.

  25. Jayne
    March 29, 2011

    This woman is not serious?…are you kidding me? she wasted eight years waiting for this man. He’s probably talking

  26. FIRE
    March 29, 2011

    DEAR CONFUSED SOMEBODY GIVING YOU HORN SO I SAY ITS TIME FOR YOU TO LOOK FORA FRIEND OF THE OPPOSITE SEX TOO AND TEXT IN SECRET GIVE HER A TASTE OF HER MEDICINE

    • LawieBawie
      March 29, 2011

      I don’t think that she would be bothered with that sort of response from him because she obviously does not care a whole lot about him. That would only give her more reason to intensify her secret relationships. This guy simply needs to run before he gets a serious burn from this fire.

  27. Woozier
    March 29, 2011

    1st of all she did not bother to inform the other guy she was seeing someone and never mentioned u to him ever! This woman is a snake. It is going to be hard to take it in and accepting it for what it is. Please trust your heart u feel it’s wrong take note of that don’t let the brain take over when it comes to relationships. In the end we always kick our selves in the romp for not following the gut feeling.

    This woman is not serious and does not respect you. Therefor nothing wrong in having friends of tge opposit sex but there is something wrong when your significant other starts acting like she did. Take this as a little step and use it to convince your self you should end it befor it gets worst.

  28. a grl
    March 29, 2011

    she’s either cheating or she’s searching for something else that she does not receive from u from experience i know when you’re not in love with someone thats what both men and women do.if u love someone u are not interested in other people unless that person is genuinely her friend.talk to her about it and how u feel .8 years is a lot of time.

  29. Anonymous
    March 29, 2011

    she cheating on you bro! she too excited for them kal and text. even taking it in private

  30. the one
    March 29, 2011

    my boy she didnt mention u to her friend and a male friend again hmmmm well well well there is a prob rite there she is hiding something and u need to do something about it b4 it gets out of hand

  31. b
    March 29, 2011

    u mean to tell me thats the advice u givin the dude…. oh come on man u could have done better than that…… “i have never heard of u” u mean to tell me her male friends does not know that she has a boyfriend….

    any way dear u need to come up wit some better advice than that or u mayb out of a job soon

  32. SINISTER
    March 29, 2011

    DAS SUM REAL SHADY BUSINESS BOI…. MAMSELLE GOT SUMTN GOIN ON! SINCE DEM MAN FRIENDS HAVE TO BE CALLING N TEXTN THEN SUMTN’S UP! WUT REASON SHOULD ANOTHER MAN HAVE FOR CALLING OR TEXTN UR WOMAN…. N SHE HAVE TO RESPOND IN PRIVATE???? HAVING FRIENDS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IS ONE TING BUT Y SHOULD THEY BE CALLING N TEXTN U…I EH SEE WUT COULD BE SO IMPORTANT BETWEEN THEM… INVESTIGATE THAT DEALING MY PADNA… CHANCES R UR GYAL GIVING U BURN….

  33. crooked ones
    March 29, 2011

    I say to leave that woman ,don’t get married with all this suspicion and secret frienship.

  34. Sweet Pea
    March 29, 2011

    Hello confused,

    listen, ANYTIME and i mean ANYTIME your significant other is doing things privately when there is no need, then something is up. Is it your birthday? if it is then no worries man. shes planning your surprise birthday party, that would explain the hush hush phone calls, and the hidden text messages. if your birthday isnt comin up, then you need to investigate the matter… if she cannot say what she has to say infront of u…then what she has to say is nothing you would like to hear…(or read).

    • Anonymous
      March 29, 2011

      i cudnt agree more

      • lolipop
        March 29, 2011

        ME TOO

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