I have a problem and I wish you and your readers can offer some advice. I am an Adventist and a fervent church goer. I met my husband at church. He was just like me; Adventist and a fervent church goer. He was the kind of person I wanted to be with because he was clean, well groomed and most importantly involved in everything that has to do with church.

We got married and one day I was going through a box he has been “hiding” from me and I was totally shocked to see that it was filled with porn DVDs. I then went on the computer and in a hidden folder I found porn of every imaginable type. I am totally devastated because I never thought he would ever even think of those kinds of things. I mean he was so into church and things like that.

I spoke to a church elder and I was told I should leave him because he is doing things of the devil. So I don’t know what to do.

Please help me.

Very confused

Dear Very Confused,

Right now you feel betrayed, deceived, confused, hurt and angry. Discovering that your husband has such a secret must have baffled you. Despite that, you should not haste to make any decision in your present state of mind. I do not believe that this discovery should sound the end of your marriage but rather an opportunity to strengthen it. Engage in a heart to heart with your husband to express how you feel and allow him to help you understand why he chooses this type of entertainment, the pleasures he receives from it and why he kept it a secret. Discuss with an open mind and refrain from blaming or accusing. Listen and compromise.

This is probably a time to look closer at your sex life. Is it exciting and satisfactory? Do you make him feel like he is inadequate? Marriage should not mean the end of your sex life. As a matter of fact you have the licence to explore and fulfil each other’s fantasies. Make it spicy, indulging, exciting and fun.

Bella

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