My husband is addicted to porn, should I leave him?

I have a problem and I wish you and your readers can offer some advice. I am an Adventist and a fervent church goer. I met my husband at church. He was just like me; Adventist and a fervent church goer. He was the kind of person I wanted to be with because he was clean, well groomed and most importantly involved in everything that has to do with church.

We got married and one day I was going through a box he has been “hiding” from me and I was totally shocked to see that it was filled with porn DVDs. I then went on the computer and in a hidden folder I found porn of every imaginable type. I am totally devastated because I never thought he would ever even think of those kinds of things. I mean he was so into church and things like that.

I spoke to a church elder and I was told I should leave him because he is doing things of the devil. So I don’t know what to do.

Please help me.

Very confused

Dear Very Confused,

Right now you feel betrayed, deceived, confused, hurt and angry. Discovering that your husband has such a secret must have baffled you. Despite that, you should not haste to make any decision in your present state of mind. I do not believe that this discovery should sound the end of your marriage but rather an opportunity to strengthen it. Engage in a heart to heart with your husband to express how you feel and allow him to help you understand why he chooses this type of entertainment, the pleasures he receives from it and why he kept it a secret. Discuss with an open mind and refrain from blaming or accusing. Listen and compromise.

This is probably a time to look closer at your sex life. Is it exciting and satisfactory? Do you make him feel like he is inadequate? Marriage should not mean the end of your sex life. As a matter of fact you have the licence to explore and fulfil each other’s fantasies. Make it spicy, indulging, exciting and fun.

Bella

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145 Comments

  1. Rev. Donald Hilla
    February 18, 2013

    Dear Very Confused: I can appreciate you being upset by your husband’s consumption of porn. You want to live a clean Christian life and have a right to expect him to do the same since you began your married life with that understanding. By the evidence it seems your husband has what would meet the critera of a sex addiction. How it began is another matter. He should never have touched the stuff. But the fact now is he has a bondage that is difficult to break. The elder at your church meant well but I totally disagree with him. You should not leave your husband over the matter of porn. I suggest that you confront your husband. Don’t lay blame on him. Don’t raise your voice. Let him know what you found and above all – let him know how much it hurts you – and that you are concerned about how it hurts him. The Bible says “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) God not only forgives us. He delivers us from the bondage of sin. He will deliver us from the bondage of sin if we surrender our will and allow Him to take over. The Bible says “For sin shall not have dominion over you:…” (Romans 6:14) I have known of other men who were trapped by porn. When they confessed it and did the necessary housecleaning God set them free. Next to God Himself the greatest power on earth is a loving Christian wife who “stands by her man” and is resolved to work with him for his complete deliverance! You may want to ask your husband if he would be willing to talk with the pastor. If so, both of you should go together. Church elders have their place. But the pastor is the shepherd of the flock. I can assure you of this. You and your husband can have solid and joyful Christian marriage! Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.

  2. God is Good
    October 11, 2011

    I am a married woman and let me tell you this, I enjoying watching porns with my hussy. Sometimes we do not even see the end of what we were looking at because we are caught up in our own act. Sometimes we have to season up the sex because if we don’t there will be someone out here just waiting to do with your man just what you are refusing to do and you know what, the devil makes the sex outside of marriage so sweet that the man will not want to return home, but my girl the sweetest sex there can ever be is marital sex and believe you me I will do anything my husband wants me to do that will make sex pleasurable for both of us

  3. Anonymous
    May 29, 2011

    I was married to love of my life and have a perfect 8 month old son. About 6 months ago my husban started to abuse me and my son. Physically and mentally. I treated him so well an I didn’t understand why he was doing this. I found bruises/scratches/bumps/handprints on my little baby. Also I suspected he was being sexually abused. I thought my husband was seeing another girl. So I searched for answers and begged him to go to marriage counseling with me. He refused. He thought there was nothing wrong with him. But I just knew there was but I hadn’t found it yet. Finally he walked out on me an my son when my son got so so so sick. I was so upset and heart broken he had no respect for me or our son. He left and took everything. Our computer included. About a week after he left I asked to borrow the computer to get our sons pictures. He was very sketchy about it. He claimed he needed it to look at our sons pictures. Finally he let me borrow it. While I was on it my son was sitting on my lap patting it. Then started picking at his hands. I looked and his hands were covered and sticky. This “stuff” was all over the computer. I’m sure you know what I mean by stuff. I had to clean my Babur hands and I felt so sick. I looked through the computer and foun so much porn that had dated back 7 months ago. They were in a hidden file he forgot to re hide.

    I was so disgusted. Porn ruined my marriage.
    It is a horrible disgusting thing. I think you should leave him now. It only gets worse. When porn doesn’t satisfy him he will start looking t child porn. And if you have kids, you never know what he could do to them.
    Porn is one of the biggest causes for divorce. Porn is never okay. These people who tell you that are idiotic and immature.

    • sainse
      March 21, 2012

      your such a child for a woman with a child are you serious? right now all your doing is trying AND FIND AN ECXuse why ur relationship failed smh men watch porn as young as 9 smh find something else to blaim for your man being a dick but i bet he use to jack off before that smh

      • Daisy
        February 3, 2023

        This is a terrible response to a woman who is crushed! All men do NOT look at porn, only who lack integrity!

  4. Anonymous
    May 3, 2011

    My husband was watching porn behind my back for a very very long time while I was going to the gym keeping fit and hot…. Anyho, he ingored me to having sex and we were pretty much like flar mates. I would always initiate and he would always give me excuses likes he’s tired and he’s doesn’t even help me cook or clean.. It sucks and i felt like crap…
    I found out because I felt something wasn’t right (woman’s intuition I guess) because I loved him. Anyho, I found out he was emotionally cheating online with me and was was watching porn on my hens night after he had a lap dance on his bucks which I can’t belive I even let that happen….
    He was watching all sorts of porn you name it, made me sick to my stomach. I’m no prude, im always the initiator and was always getting rejected…. Anyway I’m gonna leave him now becauecant trust him nor look at him the same way I did before we got married. I only found out about his behaviour during our 1st year of marriage. It’s been 3 years now but together for 11 years but I’m tired of snooping the computer and his phone. I’m just so damn tired. He keeps saying he will stop but it doesn’t matter anymore, I’m so mentally exhaused from all this.
    I think I want to be a nun now because I’m so tuned off…
    Ladies, just when enough is enough? I’ve had enough but he never wanted to change for me even if you pray for them or threaten to leave. They don’t care. It is truly is a destructive addiction that can break couples and families.
    But you don’t have to accept that. There are men out there some where that doesn’t support that kind of horrid things. Live your life and trust me god will take care of you, only if you want to help youself. Good luck

    • sweet pum pum
      May 5, 2011

      Girl don’t let anybody stress you out I always ignored the computer and phone because to me the online crap don’t count. With the lack of sex what I found got an interesting reaction is when you
      pretend to be online also laughing and chatting and texting on your phone trust me it works like a
      charm…some guys have issues he has to cheat online because it does not challenge him. You on another hand is a real live woman that he did not feel adequate enough to deal with…He is not man enough for you and you recognised that good for you !

    • Me
      May 18, 2012

      I couldn’t have said it better myself hon.

  5. live ur life
    March 19, 2011

    u most sit and watch it with him,den start allu own porn.

  6. brie
    March 17, 2011

    sweetie porn is a natural part of life especially in a man’s world. u should have spoken to ur husband first before gettin shity advice like that from an elder who have done his fair share of porn in his time. do not end ur marriage over nonsense. u should be thankful is porn he watchin n not doin with other woman. try watchin with him u may enjoy it n learn a thing or two. a good man n a good marriage is hard to come these days.

    • Truth, Justice, Love, Peace and Unity
      March 18, 2011

      How do you know? Were you involved with him and porn? Always judging people. All men are not alike. Similar to women. Judge not that you may not be judged accordingly and two-fold.

      • kixxer
        March 29, 2011

        truth, justice, love, peace & unity…. wat d grl sayin makin sense!!! ntn rong in watchin porn. stop being so hypocritical. STUPES

  7. Retarded Wife
    March 17, 2011

    Retarded , leave him cause he is watching porn ? pffft

  8. Anonymous
    March 17, 2011

    See that’s the problem I have. These ridiculous elders keep looking at living right soo much, they behave like they don’t sin. The man sinned fine whatever you talk to him about it. Instead for the man to help solve the situation, he want to make it worse. Thats crazy!!

    Afterwards we wonder about the high divorce rate. People like this are the whole reason, the church is falling apart. And this woman, not communicating with her husband is just the icing to the cake. I would love to hear the words of a church official on a matter like this, to find out if this is just a single person’s opinion vs. a grouped opinion.

  9. William
    March 17, 2011

    If you believe that your husband is addicted to porn then talk to him and get professional help for the both of you. If you leave him, you are not going to solve the problem or make his addiction any better. Remember when you married to your husband you took a vow “for better or for worse, till death do us part”. This is a solemn and virtuous vow… trust God and seek his intervention. Have faith, tell your husband how you feel and get some private counselling. Viewing porn is much better than having an outside woman, that is if the porn is not going to cost him any money. Hmmm… there’s lot’s of free porn out there…but becareful of all the computer viruses that are out there that could affect your computer.

    • William
      March 17, 2011

      Oh…I like porn too and this sure do not make me addicted to porn. :lol: So because I like food and I like sex and I like to read and walk, that make me an addict to all these. I do not think so. Trust me some times when I am down and lonely and cannot call a lady…I simply log on to red tube or tube 8, Valda…i checkiing you to help me find a wife… :wink:

      • William
        March 17, 2011

        I will email you…[email protected], and when I find one, I posting my success on DNO for the world to see. :mrgreen:

        • Valda Bruno Durand
          March 17, 2011

          i cannot help you find a wife, but i can sure help you to keep her when you do find one. the wife you will have to find on your own, am sure you already have how many girls lined up LOL the email is welcomed

      • Truth, Justice, Love, Peace and Unity
        March 18, 2011

        @ William

        Food, read and walk are absolutely no comparison to reading and possessing porn. You are not an Intelligent person. What is wrong with you and your brains? :twisted:

  10. Nervous Rex
    March 16, 2011

    I wonder if they does co kay? she probably doesn’t breathe hard and heavy if they doing de fing.

    • Anonymous
      March 24, 2011

      lmfao!!

    • kixxer
      March 29, 2011

      looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

  11. Hi
    March 16, 2011

    The man was maybe trying to learn moves to pls u

  12. SADAM
    March 16, 2011

    girl do not leave the man .i bet u the sex is hotter after he watch that porn

  13. Kush
    March 16, 2011

    Respect sine…….. a lil free up on a porn not wrong.

  14. VALDA BRUNO DURAND
    March 16, 2011

    Bondie what i hearing there nah, “sex is of the devil” tell that pastor he need a kick, those kind of ignorance is the very reason your husband watching porn in the first place, because the church make some people beleive sex is bad and when they discover it for them selves WOOOSSH they cannot get enough. Girl right now not no time for no heart to heart doh worry with Bella now is time for pu&^y and toely to start talking, you and your husband sit down and watch the porns together and practice all what all you see, make your own damn porn and eventually your husband will have no need to watch the dvds anymore, what you want to leave the man for, you stupid or what? we are SEXUAL HUMAN BEINGS stop making people full all you head, thats why i will die a catholic, you are given the option the world is open you make your choice. The pastor want your husband to go so he can come and comfort you….. anyway give me a call or send me a message on facebook i will help you through this……my email is [email protected]

    • Anonymous
      March 16, 2011

      that`s it valda, help de girl out

    • HMMMMMM(the psychic)
      March 16, 2011

      Hahahahaha….tell her again. On that note, let me go jump on my husband back while he sleeping tan. That is why we have NO KNOCKING, NO TRESPASSING AND NO ENTRY signs on our bedroom door. Anyone who wants to visit have to make an appointment by phone ( leave a message please on our answering machine)

    • William
      March 17, 2011

      Valda, if this is the person I know who you are then kudos to you for offering to help this couple out. I believe that we are all individuals and then couples (Man/Woman) so she found out he likes porn. She should be happy is porn he like and not an outside woman..and use this opportunity to engage her husband more…Apparently, before they were married, he liked his porn. She should have asked him, so what’s your fetish? You like porn nuh. Well if you like porn on DVD well when we married you no longer have to like porn because now I can give you all the pron you can ever dream of. On that Valda, I will contact you because I want help to find a wife!!!

  15. charmed
    March 16, 2011

    so that is the best thing a pastor telling you….A PASTOR

    even if youu are an adventist that does not have to make ur sex life with ur husband less exciting, i guess ur husband has this to improve on his ways of having sex or something . just talk to the man and forgive him and spice up ur marrigae u all can even look at it togther nothing wrong in that… tell ur pastor he is a hypocrite………..

    don;t destroy ur marrigae over that!!!!!!!!

    • :)
      March 16, 2011

      Charmed!…

      read what was said ” an elder” not a pastor!
      .

      As for the rest of the statement- its clear that you are uneducated – and your ” empty vessel” response…. tells that story!

      • charmed
        March 21, 2011

        the elder is still the pastor

        who you calling uneducated.

        u seem to be the uneducated one ur dumb fool.

        go and get a life an dtry to give this person an advice instead of trying to call people uneducated ur dumb fool

  16. eazy-e
    March 16, 2011

    woman you making too much of a big deal out of this. just sit and talk to your husband about it without being condescending or judgement and i’m sure things will be fine. LOL if that doesnt work, i’d advise that you go to pastor Rod for some counselling on the matter lol :mrgreen:

    • eazy-e
      March 16, 2011

      i meant to say “judgemental” and not “judgement”

  17. Mr Sout City
    March 16, 2011

    If this was my wife and I found out she went to the elders before coming to me I would leave her ass. Plain and Simple.

    • HMMMMMM(the psychic)
      March 16, 2011

      :-x I hate when people do those things. Don’t they realize that going to the elders or pastors will only make things worst for them?

  18. Karkabeff
    March 16, 2011

    Sounds t me like you are one of those hypocrites. What the hell is wrong with watching porn where all participants are adults? We do pornish things in our bedroom anyway. Maybe you are a piece of ice and the amn want to get his “personal” groove on. Palm and Palmella like to be accompanied by stimulating thigs :oops: Anyway, tell the elder go get a life and join your husband in the porn watching activity because just maybe you will learn a few tricks of the bedroom that is lacking from you. Enjoy to the fullest and give us an update in a month or two.

    • HMMM
      March 16, 2011

      This is the most ignorant Response yet to hit DNO!.

      U sound so foolish!…..”tell the elder go get a life and join your husband in the porn watching ”
      ,,,,,,,,,,,, and she should learn a few tricks.. in the bedroom!

      Why should the sexual incapabilities come from her!..
      The man is the one with the sexual addiction-!

  19. proud christian .. proud catholic
    March 16, 2011

    that’s why sometimes religion can damage are marriage more than mend it … if you was dressing more attractive not like how the seven-days Adventist dress i.e put some earrings and jewellery and make up and sexy little outfits i sure your hussy wouldn’t had turn to porn … it seems like you really need to spice things up ok his maybe a bit bored in the bedroom find that inner wild girl in you and satisfy your husband.. and then again just because he always goes to church that dosent means his a christian you should make your judgement based on his lifestlye and ways and values not just because he goes to church ok look at his qualities being are christian is much more than bidding to religious beliefs and going church all the time its about their lifestyle ok … you should also talk to him and you should seek advice from someone else that elder seems like a big hypocrite to tell you to divorce your hussy because he watches porn i mean come on it’s just porn.. it is totally wrong and unacceptable true but that dose not mean you should resort to a divorce talk to your parish priest about it he’ll help , my priest usually helps me to solve my problems and then we pray about it and i feel much more relieved or if you don’t feel comfortable talking to a priest then talk to the pastor in your church ..

    my advice

    1. talk to your parish priest about it ok ..then take his advice

    2. pray for god to guide you about you decision about how to solve it and ask him to guide you to scriptures that could help you solve this issue

    3. talk to your husband gently , understanding , accepting his opinions and views , and explaining your opinions and views and pray together about the issue for god to help you guys

    4. dress up ,spice things up look at magazines and look for the lastest in style fashion i know seven days Adventist mostly dress dull and boring like old ladies before there time. ask him about his preference in looks and then try to meet his preference .perm your hair ,put make-up , wear jewellery ,get some lingerie to wear .. explore allu sex life try new positions and new ideas buy some sex toys , massage oils satisfy your man

    5. PRAY and don’t listen to that elders advice are divorce is just not called for in this situation ok

    confused ill pray for you ok don’t worry god will help you out of this situation just allow him to guide you and seek godly advice your elder sounds more like a hypocrite

    • HMMM
      March 16, 2011

      ahahahahhahahahhahah!

      this comments are getting worse!…

      I am A Proud Seventh-day Adventist.
      And i do not dress DULL… nor like an old lady!

      If a woman has to paint her face and dress like a WHORE to keep her husband then -He was never hers in the first place. External attraction should be one of the things that draws u to the person but not the main thing- cause BEAUTY FADES.
      The man is watching all of this porn and ” hiding it from her- simple because it is now an addiction. Just like a drug addict he is ‘hiding’ it from her.. he doesn’t want her to know how intense his desire for it… really is.

      I hold a Bachelor’s degree in Behavioral Science and a Masters in Clinical Psychotherapy.
      And i can assure you- that this man…. is suffering from an addiction and.. It is NO FAULT OF HIS WIFE.!!!! Or her lack thereof of sexual clothing.

      • kiki
        March 16, 2011

        woman go bac 2 skool for yur degrees. dats hw some women please their husbands. hot clothing and freaky sex styles, learn it try it n yur marriage or sex life might be less boring 8-O

      • HMMMMMM(the psychic)
        March 16, 2011

        Did they fail to tell you that there are different ways of dressing up? But then again you are an adventist.

      • Muslim_Always
        March 16, 2011

        I have friends who hold masters and doctorates in clinical psychology. Your comment do not reflect that of a person who holds a clinical psychology degree.

        Clinical psychologists are generally very insightful people. Their comments reflect substance and credibility that any sound reader sees this as serious professional advice.

        Maybe you were reacting to the ‘futility’ of the comments however, if you were putting on your ‘off work’ personality, I do not think it was wise to mention your academic qualifications.

        My humble observation: Thanks.

    • HMMMMMM(the psychic)
      March 16, 2011

      Couldn’t have said it better. Love and support your comment 100%

      • proud christian ..proud catholic
        March 16, 2011

        lol thanks pyshic i know my advice was a good and HMMMM lol you make no sense even if you have a degree in behavioral science lol its the wife duty to please her husband and dressing up is just one way of doing ok intelligence and wisdom is different ..and its seems your lacking some wisdom

        THE LADY SHOULD PLEASE HER MAN BY BEING BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUTSIDE AND NOT DULL AND BORING ON THE OUTSIDES AND FUN INSIDE ATTRACTION IS WHAT MADE THE MAN INTERESTED IN THE FIRST PLACE CAUSE BEFORE HE KNEW HER INSIDE (HER WAYS)HE USE TO SEE HER OUTSIDES (LOOKS) SO HE MUST HAVE LIKE WHAT HE SAW

        and wifey it dose not necessarily means your hussy has an addiction you don’t know how often he watches these tapes or for what duration of time he might has a lot of porn tapes but that dosen’t mean’S he watches it a lot of the time don’t listen to silly people like eg the elder and HMMMMM THAT SAY YOUR MAN NOT GOOD AND ITS ADDICTION U DONT HAVE ENOUGH INFO AS WHEATHER HIS ADDICTED SINCE YOU NEVER TALK TO HIM AS YET

        and most likely wifey his hiding it cause he knows what his doing is wrong and he just dont want to hurt you ok seek wise counseling wifey ok not people who just jump to conclusions because they have a degree and say your man is demonic lol because he watches porn trust me talk to a priest it will help or you can even talk to me and just pray for god’s guidance ok don’t depend on people’s advice ask god to lead you to some how can give you truly positive advice

        i dont think your hussy is addicted his maybe just a bit bored in the bedroom

        • proud christian proud catholic
          March 16, 2011

          to the wiffy just comment on my post if you want my advice and ill give you my fb name ok … dont worry with the negative comments ok so them so called “Christians” be now a days they like to judge and jump to conclusion like they have Jesus Christ mark on their forehead and their degrees make them know everything

  20. up front
    March 15, 2011

    my lady there is more 2 it . there are 2 sides 2 a story. i would like to hear the man in question side. although the action is wrong. do you have a pastor? what is his take on dat . leaving the man isn’t helping the situation .love covers a multitude of sin

    • real recognize real
      March 16, 2011

      love covers a multitude of sin yes, but open rebuke is also better than secret love. so mayb jsu the ‘scare’ of her wanting to leave him might shake him up….

  21. eh sa!!
    March 15, 2011

    I believe that you should have spoken to your husband first, then you need to sit and pray to God for help and strength to overcome this.. Marriage is for better or worse till death…This elder does not sound like an elder at all, this is some bad advise.. May the Good Lord be with you.

  22. porn therapy
    March 15, 2011

    i guess the elder from the church wants to be with you but you a married now if you leave him and free you will be available ok now dont you and you husband have sex? well is just porn but not publish on dvd the man is a man and i suggest you take a moment with your husband and look at some of the dvd you both might learn something from it and try it and might enjoy it too so dont let an elder fr church break you marriage porn has help save marriages

  23. marco pollo
    March 15, 2011

    i really dont understand this lady, u have a problem n first place u run is to ur elder. u never even discuss it with ur husband. now first n best advice they give is divorce. i thought marriage suppose to be sacred n be kept together at all cost. then again sorry to say but thats why churches sometimes divide becuz their elders give by advice n do immoral fings. that why we have alot of ppl who proclaim they are religious but wat they should be is godly.

  24. Jade
    March 15, 2011

    Lady, everybody have some sort of vice…some gambling, doing drugs, drinking, some whoring…girl say thank God that your husband only watches porn because it could have been worse…I wish i had a husband who only watches porn instead of being the porn star….Was married and i wish that my husband was addicted to porn instead of sleeping around the way that he did…(not that i want him to be into porn)…Lady i divorce my husband because he was a whore he had four mistresses and actually the last i heard he still had four. So i would have much rather he was watching porn than the kind of shameful life that he is leaving…So lady get on your knees and pray that your husband is only addicted to porn and not out there cheating on you with tom , dick and harry….

  25. HMMMMMM(the psychic)
    March 15, 2011

    Maybe if you stop thinking that you are adventist . Religion does not take you to heaven but your heart . Stop wearing those long jeans skirts with longsleeves and a towel around your head and start dressing like a beautiful young woman, maybe your husband will think less of watching porn and focus more on his beautiful wife.. Dress nicely . Get yourself some lingerie and surprise him now and then Nothing wrong in that, it’s your husband you posing for. No one has to know what is going on in your bedroom. That’s what you got married for , to please your husband. Tell your elder to go pray. What he/she told you is out of order. shame shame shame. It’s something which is lacking in the marriage that’s why he is turning to porn.

    • Muslim_Always
      March 15, 2011

      I support your statement except with one issue. What do you mean stop wearing those long jeans skirts with longsleeves and a towel around your head? Is it outside or inside the house?

      Dress nicely, please explain what do you mean? Thanks

      • HMMMMMM(the psychic)
        March 16, 2011

        If you ever notice, most of the women to claim to be of a religious group other than catholic dress to please their elders…(long skirts, long sleeves etc). Got to go to work….will respond later

    • Anonymous
      March 16, 2011

      WOYYYYYYYY. LOL.LOL. is true. Bathtowel. LOL.LOL

    • Ditmoi
      March 17, 2011

      I agree but I will like to add WEAR DEODORANT and PERFUME

  26. storm
    March 15, 2011

    First of all, that is nonesense advise from the person who told you to leave your husband. Shame on that person! And you as a Christian should know that God doesn’t believe in divorce especially not for a simple thing like that. You should sit and talk to him. Remember, we are all human and everyone has their faults and weaknesses. There is so much worst that watching porn.

  27. Dominican Man
    March 15, 2011

    I am not even touching that one too much to say.???????????????????????????????

    • hmm......
      March 15, 2011

      Say what u have to say gasah! i DEFINITELY want to know!!

      • smile
        March 16, 2011

        say wat u saying my boy

  28. sweet pum pum
    March 15, 2011

    @truth justice love peace and unity none of us claim to be experts we are however voicing our sentiments and giving our opinions. It seems like you want to be the expert but expert in what ?
    I feel very sorry for your partner because it sounds like you probably need to spice up whatever gig you have going on. Once again nothing wrong with porn let’s just call it “fine art” in its finest form :lol: sex is beautiful and made to be enjoyed. Nothing wrong in watching it. So now watching is a sin ? The man needs some spice just give it to him he is your husband

    • real recognize real
      March 16, 2011

      porn is sex in its finest form??!?!!? is this the same thing we talkin about?
      the porn industy make light of depicting women (and/or men) as ‘objects’ to be USED for a man’s or woman’s satisfaction. they have no value whatsoever. alot of time the sex taking place is between people who dont even kno each other. or with children, or even animals!

      these people are disconnected from the people the are having sex with. you can in NO WAY compare that to the relations between two people who love each other.

      the “fine art” she should use to spice up her sex life would be erotic (not PORNOGRAPHIC) literature and DVDs that show and give an explanation of different positions, and methods to increase intimacy, pleasure and adventure in a way that will bring the two of them to a better knowledge and understanding of their own bodies and that of their partner.
      so explain to us how that can be considered a “fine art”??!!?

    • Truth, Justice, Love, Peace and Unity
      March 16, 2011

      You say nothing is wrong with porn? How highly mistaken you are. :twisted:
      Porn is a grievous/mortal offense. It is also an addiction. It leads to nowhere except Satan’s cauldron of everlasting fire for those who continue to practice it without asking God for forgiveness and making penance
      Did Our Lord Jesus Christ teach that we should indulge in porn – and read pornographic literature? You have a moral and spiritual problem. The devil loves you and your words and is also laughing at you and your ignorance. :twisted: You are by no means an expert. I am certain that I am more of an expert than you are. Note the type of immoral advice you are giving. Whose side are you on, God or the devil? I know it is the latter by your comments.
      When people comment they are offering their advice. Some are godly and others ungodly. Some are not to be adopted for they offer nothing which could assist the one who has the problem.
      It is a big mistake which some of those who comment on this Website make. You should not delve and/or comment about their personal life for you have no idea who they are and what type of life they are living. Cease being judgmental, specifically, if you do not know the person. Stick to the topic without being personal. Some of you have a lot to learn about that and more…
      Furthermore if you are a Christian you would not be offering such immoral advice.
      Do you know what is contained in Holy Scriptures? Also the Ten Commandments of God and The Beatitudes? Pray to God for enlightenment and graces of love and kindness, toward others and morality.

  29. TOMIAN
    March 15, 2011

    Sunny says stupes u definitely need to stay off this site. Real people coming with real problems and u want to critise people. What happen your sharm worked out for you. Give the woman a chance is she is asking bella for advise and that is what this site is for ADVICE!

    • Sunny says STUPES!!!
      March 16, 2011

      i know de reason why i say dat doe!! All of them “Married” woman coming on here with there problems, some of then leaving out the most important details, lying like dogs, not realizing that some of us know who they are!! They marry for better or for worse and instead of asking “what should i do?” the first question ALL of them asking is if they should leave their husband!!! If they wanna leave their husband so damn quick, what R THEY hiding?? You find u making damn sense, look at how many people liked my comment compared to how many didn’t, they know is the truth!!! STUPES to u too!!! bat chou eh mon!! Bella meme not even giving dem good advice!!!

    • Truth, Justice, Love, Peace and Unity
      March 16, 2011

      Excellent response. Amen to that!
      This Website is to be utilized for sensible comments based on the issue. Some use it for attaching others. They are too judgmental when they are no better than others.
      The lady asked for advice and advice should be given according to her concern. They never stick to the issue and are always deviating from it. Their comments make no sense whatsoever which do not address the issue. They lack basic common sense. There really is no need for them to make such derogatory and accusatory comments which are uncalled for. These are people who do not know how to speak/comment and respectfully so and are unable to carry-on an interesting, decent conversation which could benefit others. They are always crying-down others and are too insulting. I am happy that I do not know them. They are incapable of teaching what which is educating that others could learn from.

    • Truth, Justice, Love, Peace and Unity
      March 16, 2011

      @ Tomian:

      Excellent response. Amen to that!
      They are too judgmental when they are no better than others. The lady asked for advice and advice should be given according to her concern. They never stick to the issue and are always deviating from it. Their comments make no sense whatsoever and do not address the issue. They lack basic common sense. There really is no need for them to make such derogatory and accusatory comments which are uncalled for. These are people who do not know how to speak/comment and respectfully so and are unable to carry-on an interesting, decent conversation which could benefit others. They are always crying-down others and insulting them. I am happy that I do not know them. They are incapable of teaching what which is educating that others could learn from.

      • sweet pum pum
        March 17, 2011

        @Truth, Justice, Love, Peace and Unity why are you accusing everyone of being judgemental when YOU are the one being judgemental in the first place ? Please reread your comments or your responses again. If we are being judgemental I can assure you that you are no better.. You have a holier than thou attitude about you and I’m sure you would like to tell yourself that you are
        superior to the rest of us ! Woe be unto anyone who dares oppose your comments :twisted:

        “Their comments make no sense whatsoever and do not address the issue. They lack basic common sense. These are people who do not know how to speak/comment and respectfully so and are unable to carry-on an interesting, decent conversation which could benefit others. They are incapable of teaching what which is educating that others could learn from ”

        This is you talking about your fellow readers…

        “They are always crying-down others and insulting them” and that my dear is what you are doing

        • Truth, Justice, Love, Peace and Unity
          March 18, 2011

          @ sweet pum pum. That pet – On Line name tells much about you. With such a name, I know where you are coming from.
          It is the concern of other readers that some fellow readers also gave this bad advice in this column and other columns. You are no better. I only give educating advice, according to my Christian teaching and mentality. You are judging me.
          I am unable to comprehend that people give such filthy advice and on a Website that thousands of people from all walks of life and educational backgrounds read including children. Do you and those others not have a decent, good conscience? I recognize that these things have their people. Consider others will be reading your comments.
          Most of all, the lady did not ask for such ungodly advice. She was seeking godly and concrete advice; not what some of you are writing. Your advice is of no help whatsoever primarily to her.
          Are you are a practicing Christian? If you are, how could you or anyone who is a Christian give such ungodly advice? This is the influence and work of Satan. Should you not know this?
          We are not one and the say and by our words and advice. It is better to be holy than not to be holy. Furthermore we are to strive for holiness. Holy people are the ones who will go to Heaven; those who give godly advice and who stand up for the truth. They are also striving for earthly and heavenly perfection. As we age, we should all set our minds on good virtues and do our utmost to practice them. This is another Christian obligation, as God looks on, sees and hears us, if we hope to live a relatively happy and peaceful life and to obtain eternal salvation.
          God rewards the good and punishes the wicked. God knows my heart. He knows what I am doing and what I am up to. He knows the type of life I live and what I do and say. He knows what is imbedded in my heart. He cannot be deceived. This pertains to each and every one of us without exception.
          Some of those comments are ungodly shocking and unwarranted. If you are a Christian you should know that you do not condone sin – pornography and you do not give such advice. It is a grave offense against God Himself who is All-pure and Holy. Surely, every Christian should know this. I would never give anyone such an advice. This is not part of my nurturing. Also, as the saying, “We judge people by our standards.” If they are good standards, they should be accepted, adopted and practiced.
          Yes! Some of them are crying-down and insulting others including their own country. Have you not read those comments?
          It is not judgmental to speak the truth, teach the truth and stand up for the truth.
          Just as people are judged by the company they keep and birds of a feather flock together, likewise people are judged by what comes out of their mouths, the advice they give and their overall attitude.
          What do you know about Holy Scripture, specifically the New Testament? Our Lord said: “I judge by what I see.” I also say: “I judge by what I hear and read.” This is not judging a person.
          Many of you do not know the difference in speaking the truth and standing up for the truth and judging others. Judging others is condemning them.
          We Christians have an obligation, first to God to teach the ignorant/naive, the ill-informed, misinformed and uninformed. The Internet is a good source since many people utilize it, some good people and some bad people including those who should learn and know the truth.
          Think God and what will Jesus say (WWJS). Consider yourself standing before God for your eternal judgment and saying to Him, “Lord, I indulged in pornography, read pornographic literature and gave advice that pornograpy is to be practiced, that there is nothing wrong with it and all sorts of other unclean words stated. Imagine what He will tell you: “Amen, Amen, I do not know you! Depart from Me ye cursed into everlasting fire!” I ask the Lord to assist me in life and in death that I may never hear those cursed eternal words from My (Our) God who suffered and died for me/us.
          Whatever people do in their homes, behind closed doors, where other mortal eyes do not see and those ears do not hear, it is their personal affair and is solely between God and themselves. Since nothing is hidden from Him, He has taken note and will judge them. No exception all of us, according to our deeds. Their actions and what they state in public and on Websites are the personal business of everyone, the readers.
          Condone what is good to do and say. Pornograpy, practice of same and advice to practice it do not fall into that category. Project a good example that others can learn something good from including the youth who will obviously be reading these articles and comments. Be a good leader and example. God will bless you for that. He will not bless you for giving advice about practicing pornograpy and leading others astray and from Him. We are to lead others to God and not away from Him.
          Life is a time of trial, a time of merit for us (for our souls), a time of mercy on the part of God. If we fail to practice it woe to us for all eternity. Even while we are alive, whatever we do and say will show on our faces and as we age. So much more could be stated about that.
          People must think of what they state on this Website and for the sake of the youth who are among the readers.
          We must make good use, morally and spiritually, of the allotted time that Our Lord has given us in words and deeds, considering that life is short/ temporary. In the twinkling of an eye all could be taken away from us, our lives could end and then we are faced with our eternal judgment. Whatever we say and do will be a determining factor whether our souls will go to Heaven or Hell. Think about that. There is nothing wrong in offering this advice.
          Our Lord said: “Stay awake! For you do not know when the Master of the house will come…”
          St. Paul said: “Bless people. Do not curse them.” This also includes giving them good advice and not bad ones. Consider the children too, if you have any and what they can learn from you and your comments.
          May God grant you and others who offer such evil advice which are against God’s teaching and expectation of us. May he grace you and them with enlightenment. May He also bless everyone of you!
          God inspires and grants enlightenment.

        • sweet pum pum
          March 22, 2011

          @Truth, Justice, Love, Peace and Unity I do believe that you are someone to be admired and respected but why are you so judgemental? I merely pointed that out by the way you write and
          quoted you on that. Then what you do ? Turn around and used my pet name to tell me you know
          where I’m coming from ? Once again you judge me and others. These columns are read by everyone from every walk of life with all levels of intelligence some people take a humorous
          approach to the letters, and I believe some of these letters could be fake as well. Take a chill pill
          relax and have a sense of humor :lol:

  30. Muslim_Always
    March 15, 2011

    @ Very confused: Firstly, being a church goer is no evidence to prove that one has virtues. People confuse rituals and spirituality.

    Secondly, Now that you have found out, it is time to communicate your ‘findings’ in an ethical and mature way. Put your husband in a relax mind set, talk about it, laugh about it, find out what about those videos that makes him excited or aroused, ask yourself what can you do to improve your sex life? If you are a ‘traditional’ person, do something different; use the bathroom, buy karma sutra or something, there are so many things one can do to spice up one’s sex life.

    Is that what your church elder said? If so, then this man lacks any kind of spiritual insight. This is not the way you counsel a member of your ‘flock.’

    According to religious law this man has committed a sin. However, this is not sufficient grounds to divorce him.

    • herod
      March 15, 2011

      Muslim I am a firm Adventist believer and church member who will not support the instructions of the church Elder be it true or false. As an Elder this should not have been the advise given to your member of your flock but instead say something which can preserve the family of God. This should not be the cause of Divorce.

  31. worried dominican
    March 15, 2011

    talk to your husband,maybe you do not dress sexy for your man,that he looks forward to sleeping with you.you christian so called women act old before your time.

  32. sweet pum pum
    March 15, 2011

    I have no problem with a man watching porn especially if that is what its going take to bring out the
    freak in him. :) I had an adventist man he is a very fervent church goer he probably used to reach in the church first. He told me he did not like christian sex. I asked him what he meant he told me he did not like boring sex. We would watch the porn together I loved bringing out the freak in him by the way he had a girlfriend who is a fervent adventist church goer :)

    • Klocks
      March 16, 2011

      So he was a cheater with you and a fornicator with her? So why are they in church and not even trying to abstain?!? Jeez.

      • sweet pum pum
        March 17, 2011

        However you want to put it ! How many cheaters and fornicators are out there ? Are you counting?
        I don’t think you’ll be able to jeez.. are we talking about abstinance of sex or the love of porn?

  33. sister souljah
    March 15, 2011

    at least ur man is not out there with other women…………..u need to sit and watch the porn with him and try some of the things u see on there, or lay it on ur husband any time of day let him guess when he gonna get it then he wont be so interested in porn………..spice up ur sex life hon……..it mayb a little boring, when the man come home for lunch u need to pop some altoids in ur mouth and u have some lunch too what hell divorce……smh. ladies ur men want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed start being ur mans freak

  34. Truth, Justice, Love, Peace and Unity
    March 15, 2011

    I do agree with Bella.
    Many of you who comment, pro and con, are not experts and so some of you may offer advice which is not acceptable. Neither am I an expert. I merely use my judgment for the sake of love, happiness and peace.
    This is a serious matter. Although the husband’s porn activity could be grounds for divorce, nevertheless, it is absolutely necessary that the wife discusses it with him. I do not endorse separation and divorce in this case and not yet.
    Pertaining to relationships of any sort, I have read, do not talk when you are angry and not even to a child for this could make matters worst and you will not achieve anything or the answer that you expect.
    As much as you are shocked and disappointed, exercise patience. This may be easier said than done. However, wait awhile when you are calmed down and then discuss the matter with him and not in bed, if you please. The discussion should be held in a comfortable setting, a place of peace and quietude as a living-room without the Radio and TV on and devoid of other disturbances. If the telephone rings, do not answer it. Hopefully, you have an answering machine or call answer.
    Every one has a right to be heard and to be listened to. Broach the subject with him as amicably as you possibly could and allow him to explain to you why he finds it necessary to view porn on the Internet and to possess porn DVD’s. It may also be that his associates also indulge in this evil. Find out who started this, was it solely himself or that of his associates. Hope that he will speak the truth. As his wife, you need to know the truth.
    After you have heard his side of this story, hopefully that he is honest with you, both of you will need to seek counseling. If he refuses to change, continues with this pornography and do not wish to seek counseling, then the next recourse is to seek a lawyer’s advice.
    A relationship cannot be nurtured with this type of activity and a one-sided one.
    I am a Catholic Christian. Couples who wish to get married must undergo a marital course. Every possible aspect of married life is discussed, economical and other. Therefore, they are not entering into a marriage ignorant of what it entails and blind-folded.
    If per chance during the course of their marriage it fails, the Catholic Church cannot be blamed. Even then, they have recourse to counseling, first from their parish Priest and then from a Marriage Counselor. Granted, the Catholic Church has no idea why couples decide to get married. It is assumed that they love each other, ’til death do we part.”
    There are some couples, be it one partner who may not get married for the sole purpose that they love each other. People get married for various reasons. If they are asked they will divulge the reasons why they got married in the first place. God knows this too well since he cannot be deceived.
    If the marriage is not genuinely Christo-centered, be it the fault of one partner, the marriage could be doomed and will surely fail without the cooperation of one partner, even though the other partner is not presently aware of it.
    My dear lady, my heart goes out to you and I empathize with you. I always say, shock of learning such news or similar ones, disappointment and heartache are no one’s friend just as suffering. I do not blame you. Speak to your husband and as the saying: “May he come out clean with you.”
    It is a crime to access pornography On Line and to possess it. He should know that if he resides in a big country as the US, Canada and Europe and he is caught and/or reported, he will be arrested.
    I wish you all the best, no exception God’s blessing and peace.
    Try to keep your heart and mind at peace. Pray to God for help and guidance. May you later experience a peaceful solution to this which is obviously causing you much pain, hardship and disunity in your marriage and that you and your husband could live in love, peace and unity. I really wish this for you.

    • Muslim_Always
      March 15, 2011

      Could you kindly make your contributions a little shorter please. It may be a little too much to read. Thanks.

      • Truth, Justice, Love, Peace and Unity
        March 15, 2011

        @ Muslim_Always

        should mind your own business and not offer advice which serves nobody any good. You are extremely bold and lack consideration for others. You are not the owner of this Website. Know your place! :twisted: I have seen your writings and some of them have been extremely long. Have you forgotten that?Therefore you are in no position to offer such advice. As the saying: “Do so never like so.” I do not expect any better from you. When next you criticize, think of your long writings. If you do not wish to read it, just pass with no criticism. No one is forcing you to read it. So much for you as a Muslim – no patience. I do not expect you to know better, about patience and acquiring same for you were not taught accordingly and sadly so. So much for you.

        • real recognize real
          March 16, 2011

          thats makes no sense. there are ways to make “long reads” pleasant. yours is too long since its nowhere near the first set of comments. so these comments are becoming repetitive, and redundant, because people dont like reading long posts that have no spacing to indicate paragraphs (which make this more desirable to read).

          and what could possibly make the husband’s porn activity grounds for divorce????? he’s looking, not mimicing! are you crazy?! 8-O

      • Opinion counts
        March 17, 2011

        Totally agree with the Muslim….

  35. mackmack
    March 15, 2011

    my girl u sound like someone who still have sex with all your clothes on, go spread your legs all over his head while he watch his porn then everything will b nice up. you want to leave your husband< u sick

  36. shush
    March 15, 2011

    am a man, all man like porn.when the going church they pretending and boring their man to death now when he entertain his self they vex….that lady need to make porn with her man.the hypocrites in ur church will never give u any better advise,some of them worst than ur husband.

  37. Zarinha
    March 15, 2011

    the man could simply be watching porn because he feeling inadequate about how to really satisfy you in bed and only trying to learn a few tricks to spice things up for you. dont just jump to conclusions about this discovery but rather seek to understand the reason behind the stash. Once you are armed with that information you can make a logical decision about how to proceed.

    • dana
      March 15, 2011

      well said

  38. real recognize real
    March 15, 2011

    No. 1. Talk to your husband about it. this is a MARRIAGE that needs communication to survive.

    No. 2. Don’t encourage his porn addiction, especially as an Adventist. this is a moral issue. dont encourage the head of your home to endulge in somethin that degrades woman/men. it may result in some more behaviours that you may find even more shocking. like him choosing the porn and his hand, over you.
    No. 3. if he is doing this is secret its because he is dis-satisfied with the sex. which is normal after some years. so spice things up. marriage takes work, much less for the sexual part of it. there may be things he wants to try. LISTEN to him with an OPEN mind and allow the bond between you two, to be strengthened as you embark on a wonderful experience of what sex was intened to be: fun and mind-blowing. you may not be as liberal as some, but this is YOUR husband. give it a try, you may very well enjoy what you seem to be scared of.
    No. 4. look up material which gives insight and steps to spice up the sexual union between two people, and choose something you both are comfortable with initially, then gradually add things as your comfort level increases.

    No. 5. be patient with him AND with yourself. Rome wasnt built in a day., if you find him still goin back to the porn, dont give up, just be patient, until he has no more reason or excuse to resort to a fantasy world.

    No. 6. if at first you dont like it, try, try again….think of his satisfaction above your own and your satisfaction will come when you least realize it.

  39. Viciez
    March 15, 2011

    Well you want to divorce over that? Weh papa…..I not telling you a porn addiction is a good thing but Madam THERE ARE WORSE things a man can do and keep secret from his wife. You need to talk to your husband (not babiyay, but discuss), I suspect you are not satisfying him sexually, no matter how devout de man is you see dat organ they call a penis? When it take over, no man can think straight. You have to spice up your sex life, and the frequency too, because i find it strange he have all this free private time on his hands. And if you do not own some racy lingerie my dear go shopping, take a loan if you have to AND GET SOME!

    You need to go through his porn collection, if his choice of pornography is heterosexual sex, then feel more relieved. If you see child porn, gay porn or any sick s&m s^%t then that is where you can get worried.

    Get some sex books to shed some light on things you can do to spice up your sex life with your husband, and please souplait souplait make a mental note that it’s normal for men to have an urge to do the following: 1. watch porn, 2. masturbate.

    You must never be afraid to explore your husband’s body….is not yours nuh according to the good book? You want those veh terre to explore it for you when he dead. Girl wise up and give dat man of yours some wildness in de house. All you spiritually and legally married God will approve.

  40. Sunny says STUPES!!!
    March 15, 2011

    All of u married women in DA need to divorce allu husbands, allu always have problems. Then allu coming & ask Bella for advice as if she is a marriage counselor. If allu cannot satisfy dem, leave dem for someone who can, toneh!!! Every week i come on here is about some insecure married woman that cannot satisfy her husband and when he go out there to find a woman that can, is a bigger problem. Allu too like to rush into marriage, i wonder if is de man dat proposing at his own will or if allu forcing him into it!!! Stop chameying doze men, so allu will see what u gonna have to deal with before u put urself in dat position!!! STUPES!!!!

    • Sunny says STUPES!!!
      March 15, 2011

      dislike all u want, people don’t like to hear the truth!!! I tell it like it is!!!

      • Anonymous
        March 16, 2011

        ce vwe. who vex buss. they tired come with their sad stories. all they have to do is satisfy their man or at least learn to do it. we too hypocrite in DA.

  41. tok tok tok
    March 15, 2011

    is the same reason why i doesn’t worry with church ppl. the more poto they are the more they have something hiding then they want to be there judging others that not going to church. they must believe that they can do everything they want and make up for it by going to church. being underneath never pays.

    • Justice is better than peace.
      March 15, 2011

      TOK TOK TOK, I’m with you on thess, Church going people are the worse out there, the ay I see churches , this is the WORSE GANG’ out there, The Devil is in the church thats where he lives. we might be surprize, that we may pick a man in the church and onbenownst we might pick the ‘Devil, thats whee he lives. i have nothing against curches just writting the truth. Jesus vever was the member of a church, Wonder why??? he called the 12 deciples out of there church(gang’) they were in and they went everywhere, teaching not forming a Gang’ and call it churches. I see churches now , they are the equiverlent of the ‘Blooks and Creeps gangs in LA, California.. Never pick a man in Church, they are there for a reason and you might just be unlucly to happened upon “Satan’ remember thats where he lives, men in churches are the most cold blooded and hupocrite in any ganglike activities(CHURCHES) there arew much better men on the Outside than in the Church Gang thing. they are not churches, they are “GANGS”

      • mouth of the south
        March 15, 2011

        u mean bloods n crips,,,, put in the MS 13 also

        • JUSTICE IS BETTER THAN PEACE
          March 15, 2011

          @ mouth to Mouth, That;s what i meanr to write i was writting so fast.’Bloods and CREEPS, THANK’S FOR ADDING THE MS13′ The Churches Gangs are worse than all these 3 gangs. The Churches makes these three gangs looks like saints

  42. Simple
    March 15, 2011

    Oh Please give me a break girl and wake up from your fantasy world….go act for your husband and let him video it….like I’m doing for mine and you both watch it together…

    • big man
      March 15, 2011

      rubbish u talk that does not make any sense how is that going to help him overcome his addiction? that will jujst be spicing things up for him.

      • Simple
        March 15, 2011

        you thinking is me that speaking rubbish…The man has no addiction every body watches porn whether u have an addiction or not..whether you are in church holy holy or not….the wife is the one with the problem,the man watching his porn maybe for masturbating and to learn new techniques to satisy her…
        She went out with it in public like is on a woman she caught him cheating …without even discussing it with him and goin straight to the church…that woman cannot be right in her head..
        Woman I think you should go back to the drawing board it’s either you want to spice up your sex life by watching porn or as I prevouisly said act and he videos or else you are in the wrong field…go back to your nun life!!!!

  43. Its an addiction
    March 15, 2011

    treat it for what it is: Sexual addiction.

    seeek professional help for there is hope :)

  44. shatta
    March 15, 2011

    i suspect d woman want to leave d man she jus want an excuse to do so

  45. natural dominican
    March 15, 2011

    so what if he likes porn…deal with it

  46. AHHA???
    March 15, 2011

    de friend say devorce maybe because she want him herself.

  47. Interesting...
    March 15, 2011

    Girl please get a life and stop being soo prissy!!!! Dats why all you men will always stray. You have to do things to spice up your life, because, after all, “till death do you part” is a verrryyyy long time! Watch the porn with him!! Then he’ll have no need to hide it from you…and who knows, you might even learn some techniques, given that he is supposedly your first man, and you probably cannot satisfy him.

    Advice from a woman…

    • Simple
      March 15, 2011

      THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT MY GIRL!!!!!

      • shush
        March 15, 2011

        my girl i support u on that. am a man, all man like porn.when the going church they pretending and boring their man to death now when he entertain his self they vex….that lady need to make porn with her man.the hypocrites in ur church will never give u any better advise,some of them worst than ur husband.

    • HMMMMMM(the psychic)
      March 15, 2011

      Tell her again

    • smile
      March 16, 2011

      my boy u hit the nail right on the head.

  48. Just Real
    March 15, 2011

    All men watch porn. ALL!! If they tell you they don’t, they lying. We were built that way. Embrace your man for all that he is. All men have this as a “flaw” for lack of a better term. I say use it to your advantage. Doh make him feel bad about it, let him know you know and don’t sweat it.
    Then when you not in the mood let him go free up himself. When he not in the mood and you are let him watch some and get in the mood.
    Look at it this way, better he at home enjoying himself and sharing his curiosity with you, that out there chasing loose shirt.

  49. shatta
    March 15, 2011

    let dem man watch his porn to satisfy you better from learning different position

    • smh
      March 16, 2011

      LMFAO

  50. WELL WELL WELL
    March 15, 2011

    you must be a prude he is probably bored with sex at home, so maybe you should watch some of those dvd and get with the programme u may just like it

  51. Powil par
    March 15, 2011

    Truss mi… Adventists have good joke u kno… Never see more commess

  52. da real...... HMMMM
    March 15, 2011

    lol .. hear d ” church elder ” dr is nonting wrong in watchin porn .. infact da can all be good for a relationship … da elder dr hav kixxx.. jus talk to ur husband man .. to me da not a big prob .. try wathcin dem u might actually like it …. with religion comes alot of hypocracy doe make it pull u in after all .. its 2011 n its just porn

  53. Midget
    March 15, 2011

    Remember the Bible says “the married bed is undefiled”. You have gotten a lot of good advice from other readers so I will only give you one. The journey begins after you got married so you need to get exciting. Even though what he is doing is not Christ like you should not give him up for that there is a reason whether good or bad why he is doing that. Talk to him not ARGUE cuz this will drive him further from you.

  54. Caribbean Lady
    March 15, 2011

    I agree with man of the people. Nowhere did I see that she spoke to her husband – that is who she should have spoken with first before taking their marital issues out of the home.

    Too often church women want to be “sainty” in bed (as Really put it so well:) as if sex is somehow sinful.

    Once it is between you and your husband, it is right and good and you should not be afraid to try anything… and I mean anything! The fact that you’re saying you never thought he would “even think of those kinds of things” shows there is a disconnect between you and your husband’s desires and expectations.

    Clearly he is thinking of “those kinds of things”. And as his wife, you should do something about it. Don’t mind the elder telling you he is doing things of the devil – how do they know? Unless he is watching some kind of illegal and exploitative stuff involving minors or animals. And if it was that, I figure you would have mentioned that.

    Leaving your husband without even opening your mind to figure out why he is interested in “those kinds of things” and sharing and talking with him – now that is wrong.

  55. JC
    March 15, 2011

    Some girls wish is that problem they had.. Embrace it… You are truly blessed..Get ur freak on

  56. Sweet Pea
    March 15, 2011

    Hmmm…hard to advice you on this one…all i kno its not a valid reason to leave your husband. If he was a sex addict then you would have a problem on your hands…but porn…naaaaaaa. Talk talk talk, work it out.

  57. Test of Faith
    March 15, 2011

    Talk to the man.

    He is obviously being a hypocrite and to a certain extent fooled you to believe that he is this ‘holy’ guy.

    Tell him you feel betrayed because of principles that you both hold as Christians. So, discuss it with him.

    According to how he reacts, counseling may help if he is unhappy about the porn.

    However, at this stage I don’t think he is ready to give it up. Hence, maybe you should just get a bit naughtier in bed? After all, this is your man.

    And, as a christian you should also believe in prayer and fasting because we all are human and even as a believer trials come in all sorts of ways (lust, lying, drugs, gossip, etc).

    That’s where faith comes in. Don’t give up on the man because of porn.

  58. Justice
    March 15, 2011

    Why leave your hubby over some porn d.v.ds you found. He may just be trying to tell you something but does not know how to go about doing it, he may be bored. Watch porn with the man, experiment, try new things, throw on some sexy lingerie, some wine, use some chocolate syrup or whip cream. try some toys…i can get you some if you would like…lol….but to leave your husband over d.v.ds that’s RIDICULOUS. Spice it up a bit man.

    • Sweet Pea
      March 15, 2011

      haha..u sending the lady and watch porn too…what the elders will tell her? she will have to go and wash her eyes with holy water when she finish! she will never be the same again…seeing that she has never seen porn (we are assumin that she has virgin eyes)

      other than that i am 97percent in agreement with yur comment…hehehe…sugar and spice and everything nice!!!

      • storm
        March 15, 2011

        u are so funny……….. lol, i totally agree

      • fuke-chilott!
        March 15, 2011

        ZOR PA FEB LMAOOOO…… LOLO…. I GET AN INSTANT WED!! LMFAOOOOOOO

        SOUKOU!

        GIRL give de man a lick up and down, back to front…lmao… bob on it and stop talking!!.. JUST DO IT!! Like Nike!! lolz :mrgreen: :lol:

      • proud christian .. proud catholic
        March 16, 2011

        lol lmao lol you funny er lol

  59. Anonymous
    March 15, 2011

    the man is a freak. embrace it before it too late

    a lil an^l wudn hurt you

  60. Klocks
    March 15, 2011

    D pastor want you for himself. I would just confront the husband about it and maybe look at one together and learn a few tricks. Good Luck.

  61. REALLY
    March 15, 2011

    im sure the elder did not say that to you. i know their principles. instead they would ask the two of you to seek counselling until . Adventist dont preach divorce one bit. Now just some advice even if you are adventist doesnt mean a man doesnt want a good sex in his bed but a lady on the street. so darling beter make up your mind to do it real right becuase you cant be sainty on the bed.Im being very open about this. Men love good sex. secondly im not blaming you just telling you if the problem may be because you want to be sainty in bed fix that up. thirdly if the problem is with him pray more for your husband and seek wise counselling. find the pastor, encouraging and trustworthy friends, thats what adventists do. Work it out with your husband. Too many times when our spouse has a problem we take it our in the public. He could blame you for his action. Be careful . the blame game is on. my man is aroused when i send him pics of my tits and im aroused when i see his D***…. on my bb. i get it rolling with him. Do spicy thing with your men. you dont have to be in bed to speak sex. arouse him by calling him up and tell him how wet you are and you cant wait to come home. tell him you want to suck the end of his d****. they luv that. tell him all your fantasies. get icecream on the way home and as you eneter the house just put it on his d*** and get going. do krazy things to him. see if he will look at porn. women like to be siants too often in bed. foolow him to the washromm some days so once his done peeing stoop and get it going. drees with differnt undies and drop somthing down while he is standing so all he does is get his eyes busy on you. wake him up at 4 in the morning by licking up his body. just some ideas. smile.

    • Piper
      March 15, 2011

      REALLY, when you and your man break up, give me a call eh.

      Some woman too like to play like they are Mother Theresa in bed. Then they complaining about their man looking at other women. Some woman having sex and if their phone rings, they reaching for it. They will even talk about what they have to cook later in the day or the next day. And they surprised when their man looking for something freaky elsewhere.

    • yes jah!
      March 15, 2011

      #THAT’S REALTALK

    • Seriously Speaking
      March 15, 2011

      Doodoo Preach It!

    • mouth of the south
      March 15, 2011

      i just break a water dere on dat post,,,, i want to repay u for ur kind services sweetie,,, leave ur contact info,,, make a new email ad n post it let’s get the balls swinging lol

      • Epic Fail
        March 15, 2011

        u sound like a pervert dude. lizavier4jesus would not approve

    • fuke-chilott!
      March 15, 2011

      LMFAO!!!!…. DNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ….AWA LOL…

  62. mouth of the south
    March 15, 2011

    that church elder want u to himself to do some porn too,,, maybe the elder passa wedd,,,, talk to your husband n at least do some tricks them porn girls doin,,, maybe that’s why he watching porn,,, wishing u would do dem tings dere,,,, a lil secret hun,,,, every man have a stash of porn,,, if not in his room then in your drawer lol,,,,, it dere somewhere,,, he may have it by his boys,,, every man have a stash of porn sweetie,,,,

    • sackwaygas
      March 15, 2011

      Aye Aye …Hold That Mouth Of The South not All Man Hav A stash Of Porn…..Cause i Doh but i like to watch it…

      • mouth of the south
        March 15, 2011

        u have just contradicted urself,,,, u like to watch it means u would have a stash if circumstances permitted u to do so hhhmmmm

        • sweet pum pum
          March 17, 2011

          I had a dream about you mots :-D I was little red riding hood and you were the big bad wolf
          chasing me through the woods and somehow I wanted you to catch me :lol: :lol:

  63. man of the ppl
    March 15, 2011

    how u gonna talk to the church elder befor talking to your husband…..( d relationship is between you and him)

    then like bella say maby u need to spice things up… dress up like a nurse a school teacher something diferent

    • Wesley massive
      March 15, 2011

      i did the maid outfit for my husband one night i never see my husband come so quick in our seven years we together. Afterthat he would call me an ask how his maid doing? it’s our little joke. Spice it up girl keep your man happy. U need to be a saint in church and a freak in bed.

      • sweet pum pum
        March 17, 2011

        I did the doctor and patient thing with my fervent adventist man and he administered what he called
        “the flu shot” :lol: :lol: I loved it… :lol:

  64. Anonymous
    March 15, 2011

    did this lady read what she wrote? if you are a christian woman you will honor your vows.
    be sure to stop having glory be to the name sex and go skyy black on him.

  65. blackberry356
    March 15, 2011

    Hell to the NO! Do not leave him.
    Give him some the way some of the girls in the porn do it. He is look for that fire.

    • Seriously Speaking
      March 15, 2011

      While I agree with you I will also say that porn is addictive and that you need to talk to your husband. Pray and fast with him and for him on the issue. Help maybe needed. This is your opportunity as a wife to strengthen your man. Stand woman of God! Fight the devil for your man, especially if he wants out of the habit.

  66. ss
    March 15, 2011

    make y’all own porn so he wudnt need to go out and buy dvds….then again men will be men…women like porn too…so dont be a hypocrite…….

  67. dj question
    March 15, 2011

    wow. talk to ur husband first then do something about it. ok. dont just into conclusions. 8)

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