My mother is trying to control me

Dear BellaI am 20 years old, will be 21 next month and I’ve been trying my best to get a job, try to earn money to help around the house so my mother can be satisfied.

I hate asking her for money so I find ways in getting it, like saving, recycling cans, cashing in my change, all that.

I’ll get to the point, I just feel like my mother is trying to control me and she knows she can’t anymore.

I understand that I live under her roof and and rules but I feel like I am not treated like an adult. It bothers her so much that I go out with my boyfriend, when I come home, in the morning she’s always yelling at me about my cats ruining things when all they do is play.

She yells at me like if I did it. Anything she doesn’t like or want, she wants me to get rid of it. She doesn’t like my cats, she want me to get rid of them, she doesn’t like my boyfriend, she wants me to get rid of him, she doesn’t like a friend, she want me to get rid of them.

I love my mom but when I started doing things for myself and defending myself, no one seemed to like it.

I’m tired of my mother always being angry with me, telling me I am irresponsible when I am the one who cooks and cleans everyday, picks up my little sister from school everyday, acts like more of a mother with my sisters then she does.

My mom is always working, always tired to do this or to talk to me. I don’t even go to her for advice because I feel like it doesn’t help.

Also my mom and family interfere in my relationship when it has nothing to do with them. I told them to mind their own business and they said they won’t.

I feel like I’m going insane, I just feel like I should miss a semester of school to work, save up and move out, but even if I do that, my mom will tell me, “you are only moving out because you don’t want to help around the house.”

I think my mom is ruining my relationship because she is miserable woman who makes everyone unhappy.

Please I need some type of opinion from an adult.

Vivian

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Dear Vivian,

The role of a Mother will always be that, “a role”. Your mother only wants the best for you because she loves you very much, as I’m sure you know. However, she doesn’t see you as grown up, she sees you as her daughter ( regardless of your age).

Every Mother, parent wants for their child what they themselves didn’t have (you didn’t mention if your mother went to college), nevertheless, she knows having an education is your ticket to having not only things you need but things you want which will enhance the quality of life for you and your family.

She is simply playing the only role she knows, whereas, she doesn’t see it as being, bossy or treating you like a child, she sees it as doing what all good Mothers do, nurture, love, encourage (give advice whether needed or not), this is all she knows.

Ask your mother if she would like to play games with you, she just needs something to do and someone to give all of that bottled up wisdom to. She just may be scared that she isn’t needed as much now that her children are older and feel unhappy herself. You have tried many ways to tell her to let go, trust you but she doesn’t want to let go because you and your dad and other sibling is her life, although, you have lives of your own.

Encourage her to take up a hobby. What does she like to do in her spare time? There are so many ways she can use her wisdom and experiences of life without running you crazy. She can do volunteer or do arts and crafts…anything that she would be happy with and feel needed.

Bella

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68 Comments

  1. comm3
    December 5, 2012

    Mothers like this are just miserable old women 1ho just like to be in charge, what they don’t realize is that you’re the one that will be taking care of them in the future. If they keep running yo away now then later down the road they will feel what hurt and pain really is when you give them your back. For now, young ladies be strong, complete your education and when you finally be able to be on your own, this phase will all be over.

  2. Darkie
    October 6, 2012

    i’m also 21 and going thru the same situation actually, except i am not allowed to have a bf, i had one but she slandered him and myself,when he and i broke up she just got it, she complains about everything i do regardless if i have a bf or not, i had a job, it her eyes it seems i was making my way,that was the time she treated me with more harshness, my mother has never really loved me and i always knew that.( regardless of what you other mothers will post in regardless to these statement, please remember that she is human just like you, we do not all think or behave the same way, i have reasons for saying and believing what i have stated, what u know not of, do not judge!)
    currently i have a bf, and things are getting really serious with us, but i cant tell my mother because she is hard headed and stubborn and she not knowing is jeopardizing the future of my relationship. she only see’s fit to let exist what benefits her,when i left my job because of health reasons i decided that i would rely less on my mother, she is not a working woman, she is depends on my father,he pays the bills, what i require personally i buy it myself, others like food and bills my father pays for.
    i advise vivian to find her own place, so she can set her own rules and will live how she want’s to.
    and i know some stated that “who do you run to first after the chaos”. life is SHORT, if we always worry about every pot hole in the road we get no where, you lived your lived, u made ur mistakes, shit was fun, consequences were paid and rewards were received, what is wrong with living our lives the way we want to ?, im not saying you are wrong, im just saying we are human just like you who want to enjoy the few minutes we have doing what we want to rater than what u want us to do.the important thing about learning from experience is to learn, wat may have been ur nightmare may be my dream, regardless, this is how i think, its ok to run to a mother,but there is also nothing wrong with releasing the leash ^_^
    speaking to your mom might have helped vivian , however right now what u need to do is take the next step that allows u to no longer make her feel like u depend on her.life is tough, but if we loose the few things that make us smile, the road gets alot harder,im working hard so i can also move out to get a break from the head ache, darling u want advice, then here is some “you don’t like where you are , then leave” think before you act, if it’s what u really want, and ur sure it will make u happy :).. then go for it !!!

  3. kixx iz nuffin
    July 25, 2012

    d woman say she doe have time bella saying about doing arts and craft wii, i hardly saw d advice given there

  4. UDOHREADYET
    July 23, 2012

    you live in de woman house, obey de woman rules! Boyfriend, money, job, apartment, sex and bills will come when you are on your own.

  5. cece
    July 22, 2012

    I love my mother but sometimes some mothers have a funny way of putting things across and sometimes the good advice they try to put across comes out very harsh and critical. My mother was very negative when i told her that I found love at a young age but today I’m a married, happy and hard working woman, so Vivian my point is you can take the initiative and talk to her in a respected way tell her how you feel and she in turn will do the same , when you speak to her honestly and humbly she will come to love and respect you a lot more because believe it or not she only wants the best for you.

  6. lalala perfect world
    July 21, 2012

    I find the advice from Bella is always so idealistic….its like in the ideal situation where everything is perfect and things are black and white…here you go..

    Suppose this young’s lady’s mother is a complete controlling witch for true? You don’t know? Suppose the mother is a bitter old hag who does not even like her daughter.

    Make her get a hobby? In Dominica?What other hobby you want other than making $$ to feed herself and her children?

    Stupes…

  7. المسلم_ دائما
    July 19, 2012

    DNO, I propose the following to allow “Bella” to be a much better medium.

    1. Please and PLEASE DNO pay a certified counsellor/psychologist etc. to provide healthy advice in order for this wide audience to learn from and to live productive lives.

    Thank you.

  8. peace
    July 16, 2012

    when i read this story i flelt kike is was me writting it cuz am of the same age and am in te same situation sigh

  9. Jazzo
    July 12, 2012

    Yes lord…the youngsters today

  10. Thia
    July 12, 2012

    Hmm. Honestly, I think there are alot of young ladies who went and are going through the same thing.I went through it. I was 23, working and had a child and I couldn’t go out with my child’s father without she finding some excuse for me not to go. I think they get lonely and its hard for them to let go. After she does let go however you will be amazed how you wish she didn’t. I have my own place now; I looked forward to moving out but there is that emptiness ‘cuz you get sooo used to it. We never know what we’re certain of at that stage. Now I’m watching my daughter and I know I might end up doing the same thing even if I might want to be different. Mothers will be mothers. Just bear with it and cherish the opportunities of schooling, clothing food and shelter. Some haven’t provided quarter of that and treat their children worst.Tell her how you feel, let her know you love her but you need your independence. Do note though, independence isn’t always a blessing and sometimes what you see is not what you get.

  11. vivian
    July 11, 2012

    papa met..but vivian why u doe go and talk to your mother about it.. you writing bella..what bella gan do for u..khoshoni

  12. pedroito
    July 11, 2012

    girl!!!! what yu waiting for so long. girl make de man plug yu fass. make twins an den yu will be a beautiful adult all intact an good to go. yu hear me. hurry up girl make de man give yu twins. den move in de man home or his moder home. den life wil be sweet girl.

    • citizen
      July 12, 2012

      lol lol lol

    • p
      July 20, 2012

      really..well if wishes were horses, beggars would ride

  13. Civilized
    July 11, 2012

    when your world comes crashing down who do you run to at such a young age. Remeber there is no certainity these days in young relationship as these. be on your guard because nowadays love has an expiry date. it is only Gods love that is infinite. My mother may have gone down some road that she does not want me to tread on, so i suppose she knows best all I have to do is humble.

    • 1979
      July 11, 2012

      how eloquently you put my sentiments to words…

  14. Justice and Truth
    July 10, 2012

    This story of ‘A mother controlling her daughter’ sounds familiar in that I believe I read a similar Dear Bella article sometime ago on this Website.
    As a mother she wants what is best for her daughter. However, why is she consistently quarrelling and finding faults with her daughter who is so helpful?
    Her daughter is still at school. The last thing people who are studying need are quarrelsome people who are consistently on their back. This may hinder them from studying. Her mother should comprehend this. Something is wrong with her and bothering her mind. She is probably unhappy at work and in her personal life. She may be working too hard and needs a holiday away from her environment. She needs to have some sort of diversion in her life as Bella stated, taking up a hobby and getting out and being with others socially. She probably needs a boyfriend.
    Do they reside in DA or not? If abroad, they could seek help from a family counselor.
    The mother’s quarrelling must stop:

    1. It is not healthy to be always angry and finding faults with others. It does not contribute to a happy and healthy relationship.

    2. It is damaging her daughter’s relationship with her and could cause her daughter to run away from her. Dislike/hatred/enmity could ensue.

    What the daughter can do is to have a heart to heart talk with her mother when she is not angry and not criticizing her.
    She is her mother. The daughter should not criticize her mother. She must be respectful to her mother and use discretion when talking to her.
    Peace perfect peace. Our Lord Jesus Christ said, “My peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you…”
    If none of the above work, my further advice is to leave the home be it temporarily until her mother changes her mannerisms. If you cannot support yourself, seek the help from the government welfare service. You should be able to get such help.
    Is there anyone, child or adult who could stamina this type of living and grin and bear it? I bet not! People cannot function and be happy under such an atmosphere. Seek peace and follow it. Young lady I wish you well. Be smart, study hard and get your certificate/diploma/degree. You are only young once and those years fly. Make the most of it especially with your studies. Some parents would love to have an obedient and helpful child as you. At this state, it appears that your mother does not appreciate what you are doing to help out in the home. May she recognize the type of loving and helpful child you are and mellow her ways towards you. Good luck and God bless!

    • Setup
      July 20, 2012

      From your advice I get the sense that you are young yourself. We all go through this as young people, but where are we busy going? When the man leaves us who do we go to cry for help? Can she pay rent? You are advising her to go to the government for help. Her mother carried her nine long months, and when she has her own baby, will ask her mother to baby sit for her, will the government provide a baby sitter. When the guy leaves her or treats her badly, will the government help her when she is crying.

      Whenever a young person wants to have their way, anybody that gives them advice is quarrelling it them. Young people leave home to go live elsewhere, and they come to harrass their mother for money everytime although they are working, when you say no they get angry and make big rage as though you have to give them all the money that they need. The want to perm or braid their hair, they want to shape up, or buy a new pair of shoes, their baby milk finish, they don’t have sugar, soap or toilet paper. The want to make you go crazy and they still want you to be silent, but available.

      Youth enjoy your youth, and spend time with your mothers because life is short. When she no longer around, things are much harder, no matter what job she has in life, Vivian will always need her mother. Men and friends may go away, but mom is always mom. She can get a thousand husbands, but she can never get another mother again. Yahweh bless all families, and keep them together.

      • Darkie
        October 6, 2012

        i take it that you are a mother ? or someone of slot of AGE! do you really think that wit the constant barking at every fault is healthy ? i rather agree that it may drive us young ppl away, if this is the attitude that parents have towards us, regardless of it being a friend or a man or a mother, its how u TREAT ppl, its not your role that matters or how many of u that come along the way of short life.. its honestly how well u treat me while im in ur life… u used stuff that ur against like braids and perm as objects to limit relationship growth with youths… like you said youth enjoy your youth, that’s their way of enjoying, u disagree..but still, where will we end up if we always yearn for respect from a/our child but refuse to give ours in return towards their outlook on life ?

  15. Chrissy
    July 10, 2012

    Been there…But as the bible says, ‘Honor you mother and father’. So as long as you live under her roof, you have to abide by her laws.
    And she is may has good concerns about your company. She is trying to protect you.
    So ask her what about the boy that she doesn’t like and also ask her what about your friends that she doesn’t like.
    She is wiser, been there and done that and knows can see clearer through a guy’s true intentions than you can.
    So be wise, and honor her. Also pray to God for guidance that he leads you in the right relationships.

  16. pinnez
    July 10, 2012

    i’m not saying that the treatment that you are getting from your mom is good but you need to find a job and get out of your mother’s house, you’re big enough now to stand on your own. go

  17. (.) (.)
    July 10, 2012

    It looks like you are not responsible enough. Next time you go with you boyfriend to spend the night , take your cats and your belongings with you. Go live with him permanently and stop coming to mommy’s house in the morning. Since you don’t have a job, there is nothing wrong in taking your little sister to school….stop complaining. You said your mother works alot…she has to work in order to bring bread to put on the table for you to eat since you can’t find one yourself. And, what you make from collecting cans etc might not be enough to help yourself much less to help her.
    Do you have any skills whatsoever? You seem to be lazy (even if you say you can’t find a job). I can picture you as someone who wants to be up all night with your boyfriend, leave all your responsibility for someone else to take care of and when people try correcting you, you get angry. You got a problem, not your mother

  18. July 10, 2012

    GET YOUR OWN HOUSE ….THEN YOUR MOTHER WILL NOT HAVE THE SAME ATTITUDE TOWARDS YOU….NONE THE LESS EVEN THOUGH YOU A AN ADULT YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO AS YOU FEEL LIKE IN YOUR MOTHERS HOUSE….END OF STORY..

  19. new york
    July 10, 2012

    yo get your house or your room and your mother will not control u or pay your bills love and she’s not control u

  20. Anonymous
    July 10, 2012

    Take up a hobby? No child telling me to take up a hobby and play games. The girl should just leave if things are not to her liking. When you are a woman or man and want to do things your way then you have to find YOUR place. I admit that sometimes a parent’s worry about his/her child is manifested in the wrong way. But telling the parent to find a hobby or take up arts and craft is certainly not advisable. I would tell her find a place so I can make space for the arts and crafts.

  21. Bethelinaforjesus
    July 10, 2012

    Love is not something we do. Love is the person in us, who does the good thing. And since love reveals its person through the doer, others will see and know when that person is loving them.

    I am a mother too, and I love my son–he is 31 years old now. But because I love him I have always considered his feelings first–regardless of his age. For Love is not selfish. Vivian is old enough to be a wife, much more to have a boyfriend.

    As parents we ought to teach our children to love by showing them love. But instead of loving them we treat with the iron rod–in all soughts of ways. That, to me is not Love.

    Perhaps Vivian is dealing with a mother who does not want to let go of her; but at the same she does not know how to love her daughter. That is what makes the relationship between parents and child so difficult. We are claiming to love our children, while all we are doing is putting our feelings before theirs; and that is not fair to them.

    • Serious Times
      July 11, 2012

      Well said.

  22. July 10, 2012

    I am sorry bella but did u read the problem properly. the way the mother is acting is not what love and support is. read again and come better than that

  23. 1979
    July 10, 2012

    all the people posting here sound like rebellious lil girls….

    viv, go ahead and do what you want…. but remember that the only love that is unconditional is you

    MOTHERS LOVE

    when you have no one else to turn to… no matter what you do SHE WILL BE THERE….

    YES some may say they will be there. but just let you become and inconvenience to them and you will see how quick they will DROP YOU..

    so make your own decisions but of this you can be sure that in life the only one who will ALWAYS be there for you is those who gave you life and denied themselves of their goals and aspirations to ensure that you got what you needed…..

    I am a YOUNG PARENT….I’ve been there DONE THAT… live your life but respect yourself and your mama… give it time and keep her involved, eventually she will realize that you can handle things on your own…. If your BOY FRIEND is REALLLLLLLLLLLLL he would be inside watching TV on the sofa and he and mama would be KOOL.

    as a man. be wary of guys who don’t want to meet the parents…

    • 1979
      July 10, 2012

      don’t go and become a bag of REGRETS like those talking trash on here, because as happy as they might sound they ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL HAVE REGRETS!!!

      • 1979
        July 10, 2012

        one other thing, the worse friends are those whose advise is merely WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR. a true friend give you the FACTS whether you like it or not.

      • Civilized
        July 11, 2012

        agreed.

      • Darkie
        October 6, 2012

        that is one of the best comments i have read all day :)

    • LoveDA
      July 11, 2012

      Not all mothers love their children unconditionally because sometimes they have so much baggage they are unable to love their children and care for them in a positive way. However, I encourage the young girl to respect her mom.

      • Civilized
        July 11, 2012

        this makes sense

      • Darkie
        October 6, 2012

        :-P

  24. dominican4life
    July 10, 2012

    honey i understand what u going thru and to be honest this is what i did whether anyone like it or not love my mom :) i went and got someone and did my own thing, live my life pleasing to me. i could careless what anyone said at the end of the day plz yourself before u plz anyone cause u will be unhappy just like her. that is the truth.

  25. Smh
    July 10, 2012

    Parents are there to advise, not to Make final decisions …

  26. DA/roots
    July 10, 2012

    Viviane , yes , some parents, just don’t want to admit , that their once, baby girl, has now grown , and that they are caught in between , keeping control and letting go .However, there is something , she is adamant about , it’s like a wish , wishing you were employed first, and then boyfriend would come after ,not only that , there may be some valid concerns by the rest of the family, about your “friend” , Nevertheless , you seemed to be very reasonable , doing house chores , and helping the younger ones, the best you know .Since, you are seeking employment , and relatives care about you this much, why not consider,getting a permit, with thier help , and venture into some type of self- employment?

  27. virgo
    July 10, 2012

    Well my dear, if you do not want to take your mothers advice, you should definitely move too your own place, as a matter of fact there is are saying two male/female crab don’t live, in the same hole.

  28. July 10, 2012

    mayb u shuld kill d cat or give them away and hold 1 4 urself.ur mom needs sme1 in her life

  29. Anonymous
    July 10, 2012

    On one hand, your mother wants what’s best for you and she knows what trouble a boyfriend can bring a 21 year old (if he is around your age, well they don’t seem able to decide or settle down if you are the right one till years later, so stay out of trouble). On the other hand, it seems she does not want to let go, and she is highly dependant on you to do her work. You shouldn not have to do all that work whilst studying anyhow. Your mother needs to take her responsibility. You are an adult. If you cannot afford to move out, bare it for now until you schooling is complete and then go if you have to. She may have not nice things to say, but one thing I learn in life is you can please yourself, or spend your energy pleasing others, at your own cost. As long as things are going well for them, they will not care how you feel. If you know something is not right, it is within your power to control how your life goes. When people can no longer take advantage of you, they will get upset, but you will be happy. Just do what is right (like not moving in with a man to be able to afford the house)

  30. tiny
    July 10, 2012

    hell and hi

    and in that mood again

    basically i’ll be repeating the same thing but you people need to hear it over and over again

    parents are the worst enemies….they feel like they can do and say whatever they want to their kids because of the fact that they are their parents

    wanting good for your child is not good enough most times…
    most parents who abuse their kids want good for their kids

  31. Godfearing
    July 10, 2012

    I have been there…and trust me Parents feel they know it all sometimes but one thing u can try doing is to change YOU and the way that you THINK if u cannot change the situation around you…sounds impossible?..think about it!!!!!..and if u got a boyfriend u shouldn’t have to be going through this struggle saving, recycling cans, cashing in change, and all that. Your mother truly loves you..pray and ask God to change her ways..read psalms 114 and genuinely pray and ask God to guide and protect u…he will show u a way..u will be surprised what God can do for u in an instant. And about leaving school..bad idea! A college edu is very essential in today’s society . I have lived and worked overseas and trust me it is verrrrry important. U will not regret it..focus on achieving your goals. DO U BEFORE YOUR MAN OR YOUR MOTHER! Put God 1st and everyhting else will fall in line.

  32. brains
    July 10, 2012

    Bella is right a mother who loves her kids always want what best for them, and a young lady who just left 18 to her early 20s sometimes still inexperience to the world out there. Most of the times they don’t speak nor write what really happening because they think they are always right and know it all, I bet u if her mother put every thing like nor thing happen and she get her self in problem the first person she run to is MOTHER OK. This is the reality of life, and it is true, as we speak it’s happening right now.

    • family
      July 10, 2012

      brains you have none in your first sentence. if a mother always thinks that her daughter is not experiences, then she will never experience things for herself. some parents need to let their children experience the world and give them advice when she sees the child does wrong.

      • brains
        July 11, 2012

        @ family u sound like u are not from earth, i would say another planet hmmm ones with aliens lol. I will repeat ”a mother who love her kids always worry and look out for that child regardless of age” that is a fact and sooooooo true. OK sometimes i believe don’t matter how old we get we still have to go back to school or has absolutely noooo understanding. lol

    • Darkie
      October 6, 2012

      if she does not learn now.. tell me something wen is she suppose to ? should she wait and watch while it all passes before her eyes ? or when she is about ur age so she is more experience?… but then again, she hasnt experienced anythhing before because in her early 20’s she was inexperienced… ur contradicting… mothers raise you, they prepare u , they support u , they should control u or ur decisions^_^

      • Darkie
        October 9, 2012

        *should NOT control u or your decisions *

  33. Tut Tut
    July 10, 2012

    I can relate it’s the fear of loosing control coupled with enviege parents. They treat their kids the way the were treated. You lucky you she has not yet asked you to leave her house and go live with your man, or start telling you make your man feed and clothe you or give you money for bills. Meantime you are under your mom roof, the age is not important. Eat humble pie, try staying out of her zone of contention and keep loving and caring for your sister. One thing, don’t ever get into a war of words with your mom over your boyfriend.

  34. 1979
    July 10, 2012

    I agree with bella,

    but in addition you should develop ways to communicate with ol mum. be open with her, don’t be afraid to speak to her like grown folk.. take the serious stuff and make a joke out of it…two of you laugh together, and then use this line “no but mom seriously”, then if it gets too serious….make another joke..(BUT DON’T LET IT TURN INTO AN ARGUMENT, COAX HER OUT OF HER SHELL)…sometimes WE have to thicken our skin to deal with the people we love the most… the problem only gets worse when we take things TOO SERIOUSLY….you have all the time in the WORLD right now….SERIOUSLY… don’t fracture your relationship with you mom for ANY boyfriend….sometimes later down the road, when the sparks dull you’ll feel guilty for having scolded your mom for this guy..(i’m not making any predictions, just a what if).

    In short, while your old mum may have her share of regrets. she doesn’t want you to have any (AS IMPOSSIBLE AS THAT MAY BE)…

    BECAUSE SHE’S MUM

  35. Ali
    July 10, 2012

    what kinda response is that?

    Dear Vivian,

    have a conversation with your mother. Ask your mom what are her expectations of you? Tell her how you feel about the situation and what are your options. I do not feel leaving school and getting a job is the best option, but if you feel thats what you need to do then go right ahead. Just know that it’s not going to be easy living on your own and paying bills.

    Good Luck…

    • Really??
      July 10, 2012

      I was wondering the same thing…What kind of response is that???

  36. his lover
    July 10, 2012

    Bella your answer is very confusing! I don’t think that this young lady will understand it @ all.
    This young lady just needs to be patient and take it easy. First of all she’s in college, I wouldn’t advise her to stop college to go work to move out. Rather go to college, finish and as soon as she’s done get a job and organize her self
    Some parents just can’t come to terms with themselves that this 21 year old is not the lil 5yr old of yesterday. Yes she needs guidance but the mother needs to draw a line and realize that she can’t make all her decisions for her. Let her make her own mistakes and learn from them.
    just my 2cents. Enjoy y’all day. I’m out!!!

  37. Muta
    July 10, 2012

    Ask your mother! she expire now is your time! if she doh like it then tell her bump on it.

    • Smh
      July 10, 2012

      NO THAT COMMENT HAVE ME LMFAO !

    • sigh
      July 10, 2012

      I can’t believe DNO actually posted this crap. You’re a jack.

      • Man
        July 10, 2012

        @sigh yea like the ting dat make you.

      • sigh
        July 11, 2012

        @Man, you’re right. I had a split moment of insanity thinking that I was dealing with rational, intelligent people…My bad. Please accept my apology.

      • Man
        July 11, 2012

        @sigh you know i think that you are an old mum grey hair, no teeth and walking with a stick that no man will look at.

      • sigh
        July 11, 2012

        lmao. You made my day. I wish I could send you a picture.

      • sigh
        July 11, 2012

        @Man, if you have a FB, please let me know because I want to see the “starring” that’s calling me old mum. hehehehe!

  38. just looking
    July 10, 2012

    BELLA i read ur reply over and over an i doe understand your advice yet you no

    • what?
      July 10, 2012

      I agree with you. This answer is “fluffy” ask your mother if you want to play games with you? Encourage her to take up a hobby? We have to the face the face the possibility that on top of her sincere loving motivations the mother may just be a miserable or bitter person. With that said “Vivian” left out a lot, people tend to put themselves in the best possible light. She needs to be honest with herself and the direction of her life. If her family is interfering in her relationship maybe she does need to see what she needs to change her boyfriend, her friend, her attitude. You can’t just change people even if they are in the wrong. You need to ask yourself what you might be doing to get that reaction from your mom and family and then work to find a solution. The truth is even at that age even though you can legally make decisions for yourself it doesnt mean you have the wisdom you need to make the best ones. Try speaking honestly with a GOOD pastor or priest and tell them wholely and honestly whats going on, maybe they can give you some good and objective advice… and be prepared to act positively on it!!

    • Interested one
      July 10, 2012

      wat bella is saying no matter how old she is her mom will always see her as her daughter/child and she wants only the best for her… and in regards to her mother making people life miserable her mom needs to find some extra curricular activities like arts and craft and some other things to occupy her time..

      • sigh
        July 10, 2012

        “The role of a Mother will always be that, “a role”. Your mother only wants the best for you because she loves you very much, as I’m sure you know. However, she doesn’t see you as grown up, she sees you as her daughter ( regardless of your age).”

        Good parents want what is best for their children. I raised two children. The 21-yr old I treat as an adult because that is what he is. I give advice, but he has to make his choices. However, he knows that only he has to deal with the consequences or reap the rewards. My 13-yr old is stuck with me for a few more years so she has to abide by my rules. While I was strict in certain areas, I raised my children with love and open communication. As parents, we are here to guide our children and equip them with the tools they need to survive and become good citizens of the world. We have to learn to enjoy every stage of our children’s life. If she is having so many issues with her mom, I do not see how Bella’s approach can be helpful because she has placed the burden on the child. Her mother needs to see her as an adult.

      • hmmmm
        July 10, 2012

        for a 20 year old.. arts and craft bella???? come one. children at 5 dont even want to do arts and craft with their own friends… stupes

    • seriously?
      July 10, 2012

      I have to agree with you this answer is “fluffy” “play a game with her” find a hobby for her? REALLY? In an ideal world or a sitcom that might work. We have to face th REAL possibility that besides her loving and positive motivations this mom may just be a bitter and miserable person who is unwilling to change. You can’t just change people but you can change yourself. You need to look at what you are doing to cause this reaction in your mom and family who are “interfering with your relationship” On the other hand, people tend to give their story and put themselves in the best light while leaving out important details. To find the answer you may need to speak to a good counselor or GOOD pastor or priest (be careful and ask around), you need to tell them wholely and honestly all the things you left out here and then you can get some wise and objective advice…just be open and prepared to act on the advice positively!!

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