Dear BellaI got pregnant by my friend who is 16 years older than me and happens to be married.

It’s not all that bad because he and his wife haven’t been together for like 10 years now. We only slept together once and it was because I was out partying and got drunk.

When I told him that I was pregnant he said that it wasn’t his but he eventually said he’ll take care of his child.

At first he would come over and visit but as I got further along in the pregnancy, all that changed. He no longer comes over and I’m only getting like one phone call a week.

He is now saying that he doesn’t want the baby because he already has a child and this is adding more stress on his life.

This is my first child and I am very young and because of my belief abortion is not an option for me.

He doesn’t give me any money to go to the doctor and he doesn’t buy anything for the child. He doesn’t want me to tell anyone not even my mother that he is the father of my child and to everyone it appears that my ex is the father.

I really don’t know what I should do and I’m near my sixth month. He has now become very aggressive towards me even when I don’t talk to him that often.

I know this was a mistake on my side because I knew better. I don’t want a relationship with him…I never did.

I just need him to take care of his child.

Please help!

Confused
……………………………………………………………………………………………..
Dear Confused,

First of all, if you live on the island of Dominica, let me remind you that abortion is illegal and both you and the person performing the surgery will be arrested if found out.  Also, because of the clandestine manner in which these abortions have to be done, they are not always accurately done.  You are prone to infection and sometimes the abortions are only partly done, which can cause you to end up in the hospital and even lose your life by hemorrhaging.  This is something to take very seriously.

Secondly, regardless how this child came, I know that there is only one giver of life, the Creator of the Universe.  You have an heritage within you which you now have to make up your mind and love, care about and sacrifice for.

This married man is ashame in many ways: he is still married after being separated for ten years; he is concerned about what people will think about him.

Divorces are permitted here, so that man could have released himself by now, also he does not want people to know that he is slept out simply because he knows that he is still married.  Honestly, you do not need to worry about him if he does not want to be a part of you and your child’s life.  It is better that he is far away than he is there tormenting you and the baby.

The act has already been done.  Let your parents know who your child’s father is.  I am not too sure of the law here, but for sure when baby is born, you can take him to family court to support his child.  The Court will ensure that you have the assistance needed for the baby.  I think he will be more embarrassed by that than by just coming to claim his seed.

In the mean, keep your head clear.  You need as much peace as is necessary to have a healthy, happy baby.  And please, be responsible enough that you will not get another child after a careless night.  Don’t you think about STIs?  You have some life re-adjustments to make as you move into mommyhood.

Congratulations on your little person!  I pray you have a safe delivery and a healthy baby!

Bella

Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at dominicanewsonline@gmail.com or news@dominicanewsonline.com. Dear Bella is published on Tuesdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.