Dear Bella: I am a young woman who at this point is a bit confused! I’ve been with a particular guy for the past year and I love him greatly but for the past year I despise the way he treats me.

It’s not that he is violent towards me or anything but he is not appreciative and shows little love and interest on a time to time basis. He is considered to be very stingy when it comes to giving me money, and acts as if he is involved with someone else.

Recently, a guy who I’ve know for the past three or so years has been there for me, showing me the attention I want and need. I know that am not in love with the guy but I sense that if my boyfriend continues acting this way there is a sure chance I will fall in love with him.

My boyfriend tends to pick up the role of my father, who I may add, was never there and is self-centered; he is childish and immature and gets jealous quickly to the point he acts very ignorant.

I don’t believe in leaving a relationship and just jump into another immediately but I feel that’s exactly what will happen. I really need your opinion!

Please help.

Yours truly,
Desperate

Dear Desperate: I understand your frustration. It can be very annoying. However you have not said whether you have tried to discuss your concerns with him. Assuming you haven’t, you must seek to sit down with him and discuss your concerns if you do love him and want to continue having a relationship with him.

He probably thinks he is being a good boyfriend and not aware that he is not pleasing you. A lot of times females tend to stay in a bad relationship and whine and complain without talking to their man. Your man is not a psychic.  He is probably set in his ways. The only way to find out is to discuss it with him, ask him if he has a problem with you, if he is interested in the relationship or if he still has love for you.

Express your love for him in that meeting. Tell him your concerns. Tell him if he does not want to it to work be honest so you both can move on and avoid any further headache.

A relationship will not work if there is a continued breakdown of communication. Insecurity normally seeps in and the end result is infidelity issues. You believe he has a woman, but what if he does not? Please ask the guy. He is your man. You do not have to be confrontational and argumentative either. That’s not the right way to communicate with him.

Plan a dinner or lunch with him at a nice, quiet location where you can both discuss. You can even stay home.

You must try whatever you can to salvage your relationship. If it cannot be salvaged or fixed then you have the choice to end it.

Too many times people expect relationships to be perfect and believe that because a guy on the side is showing them a lot of attention means that their relationship is not working. It takes two to tango. If you and your boyfriend do not make an effort TOGETHER then it will not work. The onus is also on you, the complainer, to speak up and ask for a resolution. There must be a compromise from one of you.

And stop paying this other guy attention. He probably wants to sleep with you. If you cannot fix your problem with your boyfriend, what will happen when you go into another relationship and it has problems? Are you going to run to the next opportunity? No I do not think that’s a good idea. You must learn to tackle problems and face them. No relationship is perfect. Every relationship has problems.

And if this does not work, please heal before rushing into another relationship, regardless of how long you’ve known this “other” guy.

Bella

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