Relationship loses steam

Dear Bella: I am a young woman who at this point is a bit confused! I’ve been with a particular guy for the past year and I love him greatly but for the past year I despise the way he treats me.

It’s not that he is violent towards me or anything but he is not appreciative and shows little love and interest on a time to time basis. He is considered to be very stingy when it comes to giving me money, and acts as if he is involved with someone else.

Recently, a guy who I’ve know for the past three or so years has been there for me, showing me the attention I want and need. I know that am not in love with the guy but I sense that if my boyfriend continues acting this way there is a sure chance I will fall in love with him.

My boyfriend tends to pick up the role of my father, who I may add, was never there and is self-centered; he is childish and immature and gets jealous quickly to the point he acts very ignorant.

I don’t believe in leaving a relationship and just jump into another immediately but I feel that’s exactly what will happen. I really need your opinion!

Please help.

Yours truly,
Desperate

Dear Desperate: I understand your frustration. It can be very annoying. However you have not said whether you have tried to discuss your concerns with him. Assuming you haven’t, you must seek to sit down with him and discuss your concerns if you do love him and want to continue having a relationship with him.

He probably thinks he is being a good boyfriend and not aware that he is not pleasing you. A lot of times females tend to stay in a bad relationship and whine and complain without talking to their man. Your man is not a psychic.  He is probably set in his ways. The only way to find out is to discuss it with him, ask him if he has a problem with you, if he is interested in the relationship or if he still has love for you.

Express your love for him in that meeting. Tell him your concerns. Tell him if he does not want to it to work be honest so you both can move on and avoid any further headache.

A relationship will not work if there is a continued breakdown of communication. Insecurity normally seeps in and the end result is infidelity issues. You believe he has a woman, but what if he does not? Please ask the guy. He is your man. You do not have to be confrontational and argumentative either. That’s not the right way to communicate with him.

Plan a dinner or lunch with him at a nice, quiet location where you can both discuss. You can even stay home.

You must try whatever you can to salvage your relationship. If it cannot be salvaged or fixed then you have the choice to end it.

Too many times people expect relationships to be perfect and believe that because a guy on the side is showing them a lot of attention means that their relationship is not working. It takes two to tango. If you and your boyfriend do not make an effort TOGETHER then it will not work. The onus is also on you, the complainer, to speak up and ask for a resolution. There must be a compromise from one of you.

And stop paying this other guy attention. He probably wants to sleep with you. If you cannot fix your problem with your boyfriend, what will happen when you go into another relationship and it has problems? Are you going to run to the next opportunity? No I do not think that’s a good idea. You must learn to tackle problems and face them. No relationship is perfect. Every relationship has problems.

And if this does not work, please heal before rushing into another relationship, regardless of how long you’ve known this “other” guy.

Bella

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23 Comments

  1. mopo
    January 14, 2011

    i use to help my boyfriend when i see my mistake i seize that practice promptly u spend for them and another woman is enjoying it hell no

  2. mopo
    January 14, 2011

    some men just want thing from women and thats all. i don’t beg men for there pennies but i expect the entertainment part from it how much does it take to go out with a woman once a mouth and spend some money the men are tooo stingy shame on the men

  3. mopo
    January 14, 2011

    i can understand the woman problem. some men don’t appreciate dere girlfriend and never invite them out that why women has to take the first opportunity and go out with other guy who care for them.

  4. lovely
    January 12, 2011

    well said bella, talk it out!!! now married or not i think that a man should be able to help his girl when she’s in need..goes to the woman aswell! am talkin about a real relationship..

  5. Precious
    January 12, 2011

    good advice belle!! :)

  6. tea
    January 12, 2011

    wow.. best article I’ve ever read of Bella ……. This is so true …. am taking your advice to better my relationship…. wow

  7. Real
    January 12, 2011

    Good advice Bella. You could have not said it better!

  8. chemist
    January 12, 2011

    Great advice bella!!

    btw Miss Desperate’
    why would you call him stingy…it’s not your money it’s his…learn to be independent sweetie!!!

  9. Gaza
    January 11, 2011

    de woman nasty is nasty she nasty. she doe good take my advice

    • mmmm
      January 12, 2011

      Gaza, will u plz take a look in d mirror?!!

      • Gaza
        January 15, 2011

        i doe have reflection jack**s you so retarded you watch in de mirror and you see yourself so you want to put me in your place. :-P oh ya and bathe!!!!!!!!!

        • gaza
          January 16, 2011

          I’m a man b****

  10. WEL WELL
    January 11, 2011

    GOOD ADVICE .. WOMEN IN DOMINICA LIKE TO RUN AT FIRST CHANCE THEY SEE .. IN THIS WORLD I ALWAYS BELIEVE BEING STRAIGHT WITH SOMEBODY AND TELLING THEM HOW YOU FEEL IS THE BEST WAY OUT .. HIDING YOUR FEELINGS INSIDE AND JUS SAYIN THAT HE WILL SEE HOW I FEEL IS WRONG .. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS .. ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTAANT THINGS IN A RELATIONSHIP IS TALKIN OUT YOUR PROBLEMS .. TALKIN IS THE BEST REMEDY

  11. True Love
    January 11, 2011

    Bella u just hit d nail on the head…you are so right, no relationship is perfect, indeed it takes two to TANGO…

  12. Craig
    January 11, 2011

    You Lie. Money U love too much.

    • sad
      January 12, 2011

      i dnt believe its all about the money ……..come on a woman have needs and a man suppose to give his woman money to do her hair nails etc………….men in this country is to blasted cheap

      • Top
        January 12, 2011

        your jack*** work for your money some of you like leaches

      • independant
        January 12, 2011

        i am a woman and very indepant….i think women in dominica are too depant on dr pathner and should be indepant…if u want to do your nails and hair and etc i think should go and work and use your money to beautify yourself….men are not obliged to give a woman money if he is nt married and/or have kids with the woman…so lets be nt depandant on our men and get work to do to look good….so wat happpen we want to look good on somebody pocket…nonesence…i’m also nt sayin if u nt married your man cannot give u money to take care of yourself

        • mmmm
          January 12, 2011

          maybe wat u r sayin is true..but u dont kno how it is in her case, cuz some men dont like their women to work..gues it creates some form of insecurity..

        • under the radar
          January 12, 2011

          i like you

      • AbovetheFold
        January 12, 2011

        Woman Have needs True? Then get a job! … Work … and stop depending on MAN…

  13. wow
    January 11, 2011

    Brilliant Advice could not have been said better. you take my advice man Bella. PAY ME

  14. Dominican princess
    January 11, 2011

    great advice bella!!

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