I am a 19-year-old girl who is in a relationship with a 25-year-old guy. We have been together for a year and 9 months.
Everybody seems to think we are great together and that our relationship will last because we always work out our problems together.
The first year of our relationship was great.
Recently we moved in together and ever since its been going down hill. We are always in an argument about some other girl and it frustrates me to the point where I become abusive to him.
When I do sit and reason with him, he always have an excuse.
The thing is he always makes up for hurting me afterward but I still can’t get over the fact that he uses this technique to try and get me to stop. Why not just talk to me.
I have cheated on him twice and I came clean about it. I would like him to be clean if he cheats on me too.
I try to believe him at times and say that I am just losing it because I cheated first.
He is always home and I cook, clean, wash, basically do everything a woman is suppose to do. We both work so we only see each other at night and on weekends.
He developed an idea that we do a outing every Sunday so we could spend time together but I am still worried that he is cheating.
I want to end the relationship but at the same time I don’t want to because I believe that we can make it work.
I need help to figure out is this relationship going somewhere or are we wasting our time. I know that we both love each other because we are engaged to get married next year for my 20th birthday.
Confused
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Dear Confused,
You continue to confuse yourself by making new decisions while still indecisive about other decisions. First of all, I want you to know when the problems started…after you all moved in together. Some common law relationships work well, so this should not be used to apply to all such relationships but in your case I think it is safe to say that your partner has taken you for granted because he now has full and quick access to you. It is always good to keep a part of you for the person who is fully committed.
Secondly, you have so many questions about this relationship, but you are wearing his engagement ring with a wedding date already set. You need to do some reflection as to what you really want for yourself. Do you think that doubts will end when you all get married? You also need to ask yourself if you are ready for a committed relationship because you have not been committed to this one. You have slept out not once but twice.
Don’t mistake the icing on the cake for the flavor of the cake. Meaning, you all cannot just hurt each other and then make up. A relationship of any kind should be a wholesome one…one to build…the Bible says that a foolish woman tears down her own house. The both of you cannot be tearing down something that you are trying to build. Make a decision soon because to me it is better to get out now than get more committed and have even children involved in this game.
Bella
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my girl u 19 and u getting married….well look it..u not seeing the man using u to do his work …u aself u cheat so stop acusing the man…he could be with his friends…..
I see no reason why a man/woman should cheat and tell…two things, if you cheat you do not belong together, if one cheat and tell that relationship will NEVER be the same…If my man cheat and tell me I will dump his sorry a.. and if I cheat…..no mater how much he grill me I will never confess…every body plays the fool sometimes….
Girl pack your bag and go home to your mamma…this guy should dump you….foolish…if you pierce holes in your roof why shouldn’t you expect to get wet when it rains..booboo..
Wow, that’s a sound piece of advice. U should have Bella,s job. Lol.
Wow, I can’t believe this.
You cheated on your boyfriend/fiancé twice, yet, you’re the one making the accusations….(absence of logic or common sense) and you admit to becoming abusive at times.
You didn’t think before putting this cluster of words together. The story line reflects your inability to make any sound judgment and also reflect your lack of maturity in this field. A true (relationship) marriage is built on trust and communication; you are lacking the essential ingredient which trusts. In your fiancés mind you’re not longer a wife material, trust me, because you can’t be trusted. Your guilt makes you nagging and no man wants a nagging woman. And if he moved beyond those incidents, well you are one of the lucky one. Your words reflect the weakness of your character and base on your poor track record (according to you) you are not qualified to be in any committed relationship like a marriage. Once you are married, things change; it’s no longer about you and him but about us, priority shift and a vision are set. You are too young for this; please go enjoy your youthful.
Confused:
You seem like a woman who could be a good wife because you know what the domestic duties of a wife are and you do all these things even though you are working.
But you are making a few mistakes. In these things you are not alone because many people – far too many – make the same mistakes.
First, you should know you are in a sinful relationship. Sex between a man and woman who are not married is a sin the Bible calls fornication. It says very clearly that “…fornicators … shall not inherit the kingdom of God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9,10)
Parents at HOME should teach this to their children. It should be reinforced in the CHURCHES by pastors and youth leaders. It should be confirmed in the SCHOOLS by teachers and guidance counselors in religious education classes, and health and physical education classes.
Obviously there is a breakdown in these THREE areas as far as passing moral instructions on to the upcoming generation. This is why many places are in such a mess and tangle today with girls dropping out of school to raise babies, single mothers, children growing up in homes without a father, young people doing drugs and getting in trouble with the law, the spread of AIDS, and the soaring divorce rate because of “forced” marriages, or marriages built upon a poor (or no) foundation). Second, Because you and your boyfriend are not married he does not belong to you any more than he belongs to any other woman. You are engaged to be married. But that is a date in the future.
Third, The engagement period is NOT a time to live together like you are married. It is a time to test your loyality and one to another to see if you can be faithful – not only physically faithful but also emotionally faithful. It is a time to talk and find out if you share the same values, goals, and plans in life. It is an opportunity to discover God together; to pray, read the Bible, and go to church together.
To be faithful physically means you would not be holding hands or exchanging hugs and kisses with anybody else. You would not be flirting with another person. (You should not be having sex with each other OR anybody else.)
To be faithful emotonally means you would not allow yourself to have feelings for anybody else. There should not even be romantic thoughts towards abother person that could possibly generate wrong feelings.
Fourth, You have admitted to being unfaithful twice. You feel guilty about this. It would relieve your sense of guilt if your boyfriend would admit to being unfaithful so you are trying to get him to admit this even though you have no proof.
By now you should have learned enough from your engagement period to know that this is not a working relationship and it is not a good foundation for a marriage.
Fifth, don’t you think you are expecting too much from your boyfriend? You are expecting him to be a moral clean living man. Yet you KNOW he is fornicating with YOU! He is already having sex with somebody he is not married to (YOURSELF) yet you expect him not to do it with anybody else!
Confused, to you this is a big deal. But He probably thinks WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?
You are a young woman with your life ahead of you. It would be wise to break off this relationship. Begin to build a solid moral foundation under you that will support the kind of marriage you really want for yourself.
I invite you to visit my website http://www.livinghopeministries.ca
Click onto THE EAGLE COURSE. This is a 12 Lesson Workbook Manual. It can be studied from the screen OR copied absolutely free.
You will NOT be asked for money. It is all about helping you find God’s answers for your life and find a better life for yourself!
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Join with others around the world who are doing THE EAGLE COURSE!
The first lesson will tell you how to receive Jesus Christ as your personal Savior and begin an exciting faith journey.
Sincerely Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.
Maybe the only cheater in the relationship is you. Seriously, the only abuse going around is on your side. You said you’re abusive and you’ve cheated but you’ve suspected he has cheated. No proof besides him talking to other women…SMT. You have no business being in this relationship much less a marriage, and the guy whose staying with you must love the drama
girl get a damn life.you just solved the problem you coming an ask dat bella woman for help. whf is wrong with allu young people in this place. girl come out there.you doe need no help!humble allu little selfs. allu youth of today.gizz man
Girl, you moving too fast, you still a child, grow up first. What you doing at 19 living with him and even cheating? Girl go home and study your book. There is nothing to come clean about.
What a waste of time. You both have lost trust, love, respect for each other in a relationship that have no meaning. If you do not love the boy get rid of him now. Relationships should be one that fulfills a dream based on whether to give and take, stay or go. What must be important here is staying respectable to one’s self, and believing in yourself, and mostly, moving on with your life, so that this young man can do the same living with himself, and growing up. You admitting that you don’t trust him, and are showing that you don’t trust yourself. The fact that you cheated on him twice as you said, the time to grow up, and move on are only important steps away. So my dear, get your life together, and maybe you can begin loving yourself more.
Cleary the man isnt cheating, its only because you cheated that you think he’s cheating on you.. Secondly you are way to young, im not saying you should or should not live him but dont get married cause your life is just getting started. you need to find yourself first and you’ll know what you want… All the best!
A person who does not know which way you should go is to telling you to go both ways. By going both ways you have a chance of being right at least once. If This is the best TheYouth can do he (or she) should not offer advice.
If you do not get married to the man neither do you move in with him.
Getting married may be a mistake. Moving in together without being married is definitely a mistake.
People who do not look to the Word of God (the Bible) for guidance usually end up asking somebody who knows less than themselves which way to go. The Bible tells us that sex outside marriage is a sin called ”fornication”. It says ”…they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Galatians 5:19-21)
Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. International Evangelist.
people getting married younger and their relationships workin out is up to if u love him or if not go your separate way and let hime go his cuz the both of you are just hurting yourselves and each other
this right here is just dumb…..look at how low the woman have her man…wanting to know if her man cheating on her so she can feel good about herself cause she cheated on him twice, trust me the guy is cheating on her after all she cheated TWICE!!!come on ppl…..no guy in there right mind would take that……..am the nicest guy around and i wouldnt take that,,woman behave yourself k!!!!
TWO CHEATERS, still cannot unite.
Go your way and let him go his way.You all wont be able to make it now,or in the future. TRUST MY GOOD ADVICE, despite what you may be told elsewhere.
Both of you are still young. go your separate ways.
Children melee. Child go back at your mother’s home eh, until you grow up and are ready for a relationship!! I even find the guy well good to be taking your foolishness, far less to even marry you!!!!
this is no time for u to get married, ure only 19. u have enough issues to deal with. getting married now won’t make anything better.
Bella this is one of the few times that I have heard you give such sound advice.
im lost sorry i dont get it 0_o
You cheated and got caught (twice). As a woman you want to put him in the blame as well, so you confront and accuse him constantly. Obviously being constantly accused of cheating by someone who got caught cheating twice isn’t going to provide anything positive. Usually the person doing the cheating or thinking about cheating is the one making the accusations. Sounds like you will not be satisfied unless you find him cheating to make yourself feel better about what you’ve done. If you had proof then maybe it’s worth a serious conversation… but this sounds like its guilt pointing the finger. If he’s home all the time and he’s still with you after you cheated twice. Then thank your lucky stars. He should be the one talking about ending the relationship not you. Once is bad enough but a woman cheating twice. Time to move! UDOHREADYET
do you love him or not?
Girl the man is not cheating put aside your childishness and move on he forgave u u should be thanking God.
Guilt have a funny way of showing itself!LOL
Forget about getting married. Your relationship is not strong enough for marriage.