I am a young married woman with a few concerns. I’ve been married to this guy whom I have no feelings for. I don’t even believe that I love him, or what I had felt for him was infatuation.
He has beaten me, cheated on me and brought his woman to stay at our home when I was away.
I want to ask a question, were all marriages instituted by God? Do religious ministers have rights to force people into marriage because they are courting? And what if you are not happy? Do you stay in that marriage and make your life miserable?
What if you don’t feel comfortable with your partner, that person you suppose to be more comfortable in the world with? What if when you all met your partner always complained about how you don’t come on to him, and you said it will change and it never did? Was this marriage meant to be?
Deeply concerned
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Dear Deeply Concerned,
Marriage is something that is very much misunderstood. Some people think that because you are attracted to someone, you can automatically marry that person.
But marriage is deeper than that. It is a permanent and exclusive commitment based on deep and everlasting love for one another. So if love is not involved, the marriage is not going to work.
And this is the case you are involved in and it appears you were forced to marry your husband rather that you choosing to do so based on love.
If you were forced to marry your husband, then certainly that marriage was not instituted by God but probably by your religious minister. This has been the case of many young people who got married, only to realize that marriage is not what they were told it was. This is the reason why there is such a high rate of divorce and many broken hearts.
My advise is to get out of this marriage. It is not going to work no matter what. You don’t love the guy, he has cheated on you and your life is miserable. Those are a recipe for disaster.
Bella
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God does not bless us with a mate that will bring us harm. Why would God give you someone that he already knew was going to harm you? God sees and knows our future better than anyone else. We must consult God first before making such choices in order to make sure the person comes from God. If the Lord has shown you the mate that he is preparing for you, then that’s a blessing within itself. He mainly does this through dreams and visions. She has all reasons to let go of this marriage. She is not happy and if she is afraid of her husband, then she is living in fear and that is definitely not God. God wants us to be at peace.
If you detach yourself from your feelings and examine your situation as a case study without any religious sentiments this is basically the situation: you entered into a contract (Marriage) with this other person based on the fact you were going to be honest with one another and faithful etc. Your partner has broken that contract based on his behavior towards you. I believe you should seriously consider walking away from this contract as it would appear that there is nothing to salvage by remaining this partnership especially if violence has been displayed which is actually a criminal offence of either ABH, GBH or under the heading of Domestic Violence. Take care and do what is right for you.
We all have an advice or a comment to make about the young woman. But, she is the one that is experiencing it. Yes we would like to hear both sides of the story. The question is”HAVE ANYBODY HEARD OF MEN WHO ABUSE THEIR WIVES JUST ADMIT THEY ARE AB ABUSER”?
Even if the man was questioned, he would still lie. I know of men who beat their women until she was admitted at the hospital, just because the man had an outside woman, and he think he was right to do what he did.
The woman is lloking for help, and we would like to give her support by giving her the best advice that we can. It is terrible when people are having these bad experiences, and other people are criticizing insted ot being understanding. Please give her the benefit of the doubt, because at this present time, she needs people who are impartial right now.
May Jehovah God bless this young lady and take hold of this marriage, and do what He thinks is best.
dear bella my problem is am a single woman i dont hve a boyfriend nor husband but am flirting with a few men married and single i want to settle down but dont know how can u please help me
Convicted PAEDOPHILE released from jail in the UK after serving 5 years for child sex offences.
Mr Emmanuel Bunch (HAXEY) AKA Emmanuel Salamat was deported back to Dominica on 8th February, 2013 after serving a prision sentenec for sexually abusing three sisters and their cousin. The youngest, age 7 years, is the daughter of Mr Salamat’s (Bunch)ex-partner. The other three are sisters, twins and an older sister. He started abusing them from the age of 12 years until the age of 16 when he was arrested and held in custody until his hearing. This Beast needs to be stopped…he is evil, he will work his way throughout your family until he gets to the babies…please do not allow him to pick up from where he left off in the UK, spread the word..HAXEY IS EVIL, HE IS A HIGH CLASS PAEDOPHILE AND NEEDS TO BE STOPPED…HE IS CURRENTLY IN GOODWILL….CONCERNED ABOUT OUR YOUNG PEOPLE…
Do you have any evidence? I need to know more about this.
Hi. Any chance you can provide an email address I would luke to contact you regarding this matter
ONE CORRECTION THE 7 year old is the daughter of Mr Salamat’s ex-partner…In relation to Mr HAXEY Bunch (AKA Emmanuel Salamat…Please share..do not allow Haxey to hurt our children he is a nasty beasts….
Dear Deeply Concerned: I feel your pain. BELLA and others who have posted comments seem to genuinely care even though they may disagree as to what you should do. Right now in your distress I want you to know this. You are not alone. Unfortunately, there are many others in similar circmstances. This is because it takes two people to make a marriage work and only one to make it fail. You are asking what you should do. People are sending you scripture verses. Of course I believe we must obey the scriptures – I am a minister. All my counselling is based on the Word of God. But the problem with some commentators sending you a verse or two from the Bible is simply this. Each verse in its context was written for people in paricular circumstances. Without knowing all the circumstances of your marriage how could they know if the verse they have picked out fits your case? And there are sometimes other scriptures that should be taken into consideraton which they may not be familar with. It is you alone who must make the decision what to do. In order to o this you should have as much informatio as possible to guide you. Please allow me to share a few thoughts for your benefit and also for the many who like yourself are trapped in this kind of a relationship. (1) It may be a good thing if you made an appointment with a pastor for counseling. Some pastors make counseling part of their ministry and others do not. I advise you to inquire. Find one who is well spoken of and recommended. This may take a little time but it could be well worth it. (2) Make one more attempt to talk to you husband. Ask him if he is willing to begin attending church with you at least once on Sunday. See if he is willing to let “the faith” heal the marriage. (3)A true marriage is based on honest promises (vows) made before witnesses. This is why just “living together” is NOT a marriage! It is true people sometimes break their marriage vows. But if they were not SINCERE – if they did not at least INTEND to keep those vows when they made them – the vows were made under false pretenses. Some churches say marriages like this are invalid if one of the parties is repeatedly abusive and unfaithful to the point where things cannot be turned around because it proves the guilty party did not truly commit to the marriage vows. This conclusion should only be arrived at after every effort has been made to save the marriage. In such a case it proves they had no marriage. Why? Because a marriage is based upon the marriage vows. Invalid vows – no marriage! If the guilty party shows signs of being sorry and if the marriage is saved, it is an indication that he (or she) was sincere about the vows they took. They have a marriage! It would be good once they know things are back on track to have to have their pastor or the leader of their faith community lead them in prayers re-dedicating themselves to the marriage. (4) Scripturally speaking, a woman is not to “leave” her husband. In the context Paul was referring to situations where a woman became a Christian and the man did not. He was saying the woman was not to leave her husband because he didn’t convert to Christ. Of course these scriptures also show that a woman must not simply decide to “leave” her husband. She is not to walk out on the marriage for any other reason either. The same applies to the man. But here is something that is often overlooked. If a man becomes physically abusive and violent so the woman’s life is in danger she is not “leaving”, he is DRIVING her out! The institution of marriage was certainly ordained by God. But not every single marriage is ordained by God. Some marriages have been forced when one or both of the parties had no desire to enter the relationship. In my opinion these also qualify as invalid marriages and are not true marriages. But just because a marriage runs into difficulty does not mean it wasn’t a true marriage. Most marriages – probably ALL marriages – have some difficulties. Marriage is meant to be “until do do part” and every effort should be made to stay together. Being part of a vibrant church or faith community is a big help. The couple who pray together stay together! Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.
that too long sumarize
i believe marriage is instituted by God , but not ALL are. when two people of the same sex get married that is of the DEVIL himself.
2. many people marry beauty, money,occupation,not what the heavenly father had intended, therefore failure to go his way WILL ALWAYS lead to break-ups, we cannot step out off Gods way and be happy.
same sex nonesencs is not marred this is a worldly version of what married is the screpture say to be in the world but be not part of the world — get out off amount them ( the world)
some marriages is not of god cuz there r pple who wud use evil forces to get into marriage n it don’t last
I honestly believe we should try to be problem solvers not home breakers.
I honestly don’t believe that this woman, who in the first place was influenced in marrying someone that she didn’t love, was cheated upon, was abused by this said person and she just took it all in without doing or saying nothing. We don’t know if she also cheated on him, because we must remember she doesn’t love him. For sure she didn’t hate the guy; there must have been some kind of attraction to make a sacrificial decision like this.
Furthermore if she was influenced in making so much of a big mistake in marrying him, who knows what else, she got herself into. We don’t know, and might never know the truth.
We shouldn’t allow ourselves to be so gullible, and run to a conclusion with one person views of a situation.
Let’s try to put peace and not division, look for solutions to the situation, because tomorrow she will have only herself to be blamed.
She has alot of grounds to divorce him. He is cheating which means he commetting adultry and that is the only excuse the bible gave for divorce so yes you need to divorce him.
Go easy, Shygirl. Careful on your advice to big people. Divorce does not end the hurt and pain. As a matter of fact, divorce can actually worsen the problem. Havent you heard of folks getting divorce and only ending up in another relationship? So they move from adultery to fornication.
While cheating is ground for divorce, it does not follow that the folks should only look at that option. Many happy marriages, like mine, once had difficulty and fear of cheating. Many times, cheating is a reflection of another problem and the partners would do well to get to the root of the problem and solve it. Some of us are quick to advise people to “leave the man” but we stay in our relationships and battle things out.
What am I reading here. She SHOULD divorce him. Any one who advises a broken woman to battle things out with a man that has beaten her and cheated on her should examine themselves carefully. Would you stay with some-one who lays their hand on you? And disrespects your marriage (sanctified by God) with another woman?
Dear Frank Talker, there is no way in hell I would stay with someone who cheated on me. I am not built that way and personally I would resent him in my heart and things would be miserable. So to avoid that I WOULD DIVORCE HIM IMMEDIATELY WITH NO OTHER THOUGHT.
The bible gave an excuse for divorce but it also states in Mark 10: verse 12 “and if a woman divoces her husband and marries another, she comits adultry.”
There is no such thing as “all marriages.” Rather, there is one marriage and it was brought to us by the creator God. Marriage, like the seventh-day Sabbath, was instituted in Eden before the fall of man (anthropod) and remains one of the two institutions still with us which came from a perfect world. Any union of man and woman other that what God instituted is not marriage. That does not mean that a God-instituted marriage cannot go bad. They often do, but this is no reason to debate whether God blessed or sanctioned the marriage. Marriage is under tremendous pressure for one reason: it, like the seventh-day sabbath, represents an institution from a perfect creator-God and this annoys the evil one, causing him to do everything to corrupt it. To mess up marriage is to misrepresent God and cause doubt as to whether God is truly the Creator. Hey folks, don’t assist the devil in his wicked schemes; hold on to your marriage and make it work.
wat about the people that come to the states and get married for a greencard.
Don’t look on others because in the end all man has to answer for himself so u worry bout u
Sweetheart, don’t listen to the pious regligious BS being pontificated here, it will just make you feel worse.
People change, feelings change the bible is merely a story.
If it doesn’t work, LEAVE, why subjugate yourself to a life of misery. Remember this, the only thing or person that can make you happy is YOU.
the bible is not merely a story it is the truth of God, our opinions cannot change that truth. may the God of love convict your heart of that truth
Real: You are right! The Bible is not MERELY a story. It is the greatest story ever told. But it is more. The Bible is the inspired Word of God. The New Testament contains the revealled will of God for all mankind in this present age. The commandments in the New Testament are binding upon us today. The Lord Jesus said, “Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my Word shall never pass away.” As I read the columns and the following comments I see so many people who mock the Holy Scriptures. They are not doing this on intellectual grounds because what they say and how they express themselves certainly does not shw a high I.Q. They bad mouth the Bible because they want to “enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season” and they are trying to appear cosistant. Usually their lives are a mess. Those who reject the laws of God do not do well. They are the one who are writing to BELLA (bless her!) for help. Humble believers in the Lord Jesus have problems from time to time. But they have an other worldly source of guidance. Jesus said, “If any man follow me he will not walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” Consequently, their lives have quite a different quality! I invite you to visit mt website http://www.livinghopeministries.ca In the right hand margin click onto ARTICLES and read my article THINGS THAT CANNOT BE SHAKEN. Then click onto SERMONS. Listen to my sermons MANY INFALLIBLE PROOFS and THE NEW BIRTH. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.
The question remains, can you advise a married couple from a single person perspective, the answer is no, why….? You have no experience in that field unless you were married before. As a single person, you have no commitment to respect and no covenant to uphold. You can tell the person see you later, with no risk of losing your house or your kids or your life savings. Being in love with someone and being married to that person is two different things. Why…? Because you can’t escape, or leave in the middle of an argument you all have to work things out, or find a way to coexist in the name of husband and wife. The issue here is that a woman’s’ view of things and a man’s’ views are different. We can’t decide the faith of a union from one person views of the situation, do you really think that she is perfect, the answer is no, that’s what makes her human. We need to analyze both sides and then come to a conclusion. If you observe in the first place, according to her words, she is easily influenced .To be influenced into getting marriage is a big deal,do you think is Bella alone she went to with her problems,I don’t think so.It sounds like she is easily influence, and she listens to too many peoples,that in itself is a problem, she came into this with a certain Cinderella mindset and now it’s not aligning with her expectations so she want out. From experience the first seven years can be hell depending on the person you married, because you all are getting to know and understand each other .Finding about each other qualities and faults that’s a reality check sooo, work it out. She’s not perfect you aren’t perfect, work it out.
I will need to see Bella credentials first.
4 You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.
15 Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his.* And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. 16 “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,*” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”
Mal 2:14 And why isn’t God pleased? It’s because he knows that each of you men has been unfaithful to the wife you married when you were young. You promised that she would be your partner, but now you have broken that promise.
Mal 2:15 Didn’t God create you to become like one person with your wife? And why did he do this? It was so you would have children, and then lead them to become God’s people. Don’t ever be unfaithful to your wife.
Mal 2:16 The LORD God All-Powerful of Israel hates anyone who is cruel enough to divorce his wife. So take care never to be unfaithful!
Rom 7:2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.
Rom 7:3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.
1Co 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
1Co 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
Mat 5:31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
Mat 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
It is unsual that you ask a Godly question when you are living in a place where wrong is right and right is wrong. You will never end up with the right answer when mockery is made of the son of God and all you hear around you are the thunderous echos of ‘Go to Hell, go to Hell’ from governing bodies that people support.
So consult your Bible…not your Bella.
he beat you and he will do it again. domestic violence is cause for divorce, run while you can.
You are assuming that it’s a life style,we don’t so we can’t draw that conclusion
She is right,our society is a lot more materialistic than before,It’s plague by laziness and showmanship.
Peoples are not looking to build homes anymore ,they are looking for already built homes,so they can just come in and settle down ,or they looking to take someone husband or wife because of their social position or family name or their inheritance.
Bella’s advice to ‘get out’ is not sound advice. To me, Bella is in no position to tell the woman to get out of the marriage. That decision is for the woman to make.
I am a strong believer in marriage but I do not honor tradition marriage or no one should be force to any kind of marriage or be second or third wives.To solve family problems and live together, it is very necessary for the couple to have a positive life before God.There must be fellowship to together.Spend time in praying and deliberating together.In order to have a good family,both must live before God as a true believer for God not church going people or a kiss a to pastor or priest or what ever doctrine or denomination .
Marriage should be an honourable thing in God’s sight. But that path there is not so easy. When you are in it, you have to tie your waist. Marriage is not a yo-yo. Divorce and leave, married and divorce.
If one is NOT serious do not pass close to it.
Deeply concerned, in the first place, I believe that you and your husband made the mistake of getting married—perhaps to please society, the people around you—for many reasons.
The other mistake that people make through the decision to get married, is that they have a misconception of Love and the passion of flesh which is known as human affection—proved by the human senses of “see” and “feel”
I am saying that you see a good looking man with a great body, and your become attracted to him. He notices that attraction you have for him, and he makes the move of sweet talks, caressing and so on—the next thing is that the two of you think that you are head over hills in love with other. Those who are more discretem peobably like you, decide it is important to get married. But who are pleasing? The man whom you are about to marry or society–the people of your environment?
Unfortunately Love has nothing to do with that kind of marriage. Human affection is here today and gone tomorrow; and so the marriage is in jeopardy—if the two of you cannot save it, no one can.
Love is the priceless gift of Life from God, through all our moves in this world–marriage is one of those moves. Where there is no Love there is no God, and where there is no God there is no Life–regardless of the functions of the physical.
You question: Did God ordain marriage? Yes He did! But only if His Love has bonded the two people who are to be married–my mom and dad is a perfect example.
I am saying that the marriage which God ordains has nothing to do with all of the public display—it ought to be the choice of the two people who are getting–Church leaders and society should have nothing to do with that choice. For God knows the heart of those two people and He knows that He has bonded them in Love–that is all that matters.
The apostle Paul compares a married couple bonded by Love with the relationship between Jesus Christ and the Church.
A husband is called to love his wife as he loves himself. John 3: 16 tell us that “God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son, so that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have Eternal Life”
Who are we people of the Church? We are the betrothed—the “Bride to be of Jesus Christ” a wife is called to do to her husband, just as the Church is supposed to do to Jesus Christ.
Read the exact words from Paul, pertaining to marriage and the relationship of the Church with Jesus Christ.
Marriage—Christ and the Church: Ephesians 5: 22-29 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
But this marriage which Paul refers to, has to be the marriage which God ordained, through the bonding of Love—not the one that happens because two people experienced all sorts of fleshly feelings towards each other, for the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of the human mind is not of the Father, it is of the world. 1st. John 2: 16
I will not tell you directly, what to do about your marriage, but read this message carefully, that you might decide for yourself, whether or not your marriage was a God ordained marriage, because He does that—if you are getting the negative response through your ponder, according to one of our commentators—take off your shoes and ran from that marriage.
God will hold nothing against you; because a man who loves you would not beat you—but you know the exact truth; that is the reason only you can decide.
nice,
perfect advice to the young lady,
You need your own website woman. Geez. You must talk to yourself even in your sleep and to still images. Awah man
Nice, perfect advice to the young lady’
@El heffe February 6, 2013
Thank you for saying that! I hope she got that advice. And you are blessed for understanding God’s message of Life.
You need your own website woman. Geez. You must talk to yourself even in your sleep and to still images. Awah man @……….February 6, 2013
Here is waht the Word of God said about people like you, those who gave you the thumbs up along with those who gave me the thumbs down:
(1) Romans 8:7 The carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be–that is the condition of your mind and that of your counterparts.
(2) 1 Corinthians 1:18 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. Check better you and your counterparts and me and see what this message says to your soul and what it says to mine.
(3) 1 Corinthians 2:1 But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned–that one is also about you and your friends.
And now, I rest my case!
I just today found and read these comments from February of this year.
The passage you have given us is God’s own blueprint for a happy and successful marriage. Many marriage manuals have been written dealing with every aspect of marriage. But the Apostle Paul in Ephesians gives us by the Holy Spirit the very heart and core of the matter.
If people have not been born again through faith in Christ they may not be able to relate to these inspired instructions. Even Christian marriages sometimes fail if both partners are not willing to bow to the Word of God. But when a woman submits to her husbands as the church is suppose to submit to Christ AND the man loves his wife as Christ loves the church the marriage will not fail.
What many don’t realize is that it takes BOTH the husband AND wife obeying God and each doing his and her part for the marriage to last. This is why I cannot judge a fellow Christian who has had a failed marriage. I have no way of knowing all the circumstances. One failed – maybe both – but that is not my business. God does forgive. Life goes on. So let us serve God in the NOW!
It does not seem that Deeply Concerned had a marriage that was based upon a genuine mutual commitment. Unless her “husband” is willing to commit to God’s blueprint I agree that she should run.
Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.
First of all I know this man did not drag you up the aisle with a gun to your head. I’m sure you guys had a nice glamorous wedding and you both said till death do us part. We need to stop blaming people and RELIGION for the mishaps in our lives. I don’t believe any pastor can force someone to marry if they are courting. If this idea is brought to you by the pastor you should admit you are not ready and stop dating the person. And I am quiet certain these qualities in the man did not show up over night. Deal with your issues the right way.
i support that 100%,we always blame pastors and say they force us to marry, but when they tell us to live righteously do we do it ? you wanted to be married and should have prayed and ask God to show you if that is what you should do,he answers when we genuinely ask, we are the ones that do not take heed to the warning signs
My dear had your husband love you he would respect you and treat you right. Deep down i believe you loved him in the begining but because of the bad treatment you no longer do.So take some time out and think of whats best for you and then you decide but only you can make that decision.You knows best,just wishing you all the strength and courage that will take you from this sadness to happiness for the rest of your life.
What God put together let no man put asunder. But what money, earthly treasure and greed bring together, time can easily put asunder.
Who is bella to tell the woman leave her husband, people always quick to say leave as if it’s so easy. In the past many marriages was not based on love, because it’s never all about love but they managed to stay together. Weather it was for the kids or stability but they stayed/accepted each other and certainly made it look like love or maybe it came. Our people these days are very weak mentally once things not going their way is run, what happen to fighting to make things work. In her case as she say the pastor or her church forced her and she was young. It is a habit of the church to force young people to marry because they looking for members. She say her husband cheated how she knows that. Bella done agreeing that the man cheated, bella must be a woman that she would just take what the woman say for it.
u must have missed the part where she said he beat her….
You are assuming that it’s a life style,we don’t so we can’t draw that conclusion
She is right,our society is a lot more materialistic than before,It’s plague by laziness and showmanship.
Peoples are not looking to build homes anymore ,they are looking for already built homes,so they can just come in and settle down ,or they looking to to take someone husband or wife because of their social position in society or their inheritance.
so you mean to tell me, the woman has been beaten, cheated on and you still think that she should stay in that crappy relationship?……. i wonder if you would have stayed!…
I am not saying that and never said she should stay was more less speaking generally. Then again have known of marriages where the woman hit the man first for so called cheating and then the man hit back harder and they made up. Where, all in the women minds is to leave since the man hit back and then they stayed and things worked out fine. my question to you is, what should a man do if a woman hit him?
And you must be a man
Many times women do things to men and the men never say much but they do react to it in many ways. so lady examine yourself and find out why he does those things.
Ok so much for all the mumbo jumbo> The woman said she was beaten,cheated on, home disrepected,and she does not love the man,any one thinks that’s a healthy realationship that they would wish for their family, just say girl stay and all those who thinks it’s a disater, girl take out your shoes and run,don’t even look back
1. Marriage is a union blessed by God. We are human, imperfect and capable of desecrating that union with the cheating and abuse, which we ought not to do, but we do.
2. God never forces any one to get married. So, pastors or priests ought not to force anyone into marriage. Marriage is and must be a personal decision.
3. God wants you to be happy.
4. Only He can judge you whatever your decision may be. Find rest in His word:
Ephesians 2:8-9
8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast.
WE CAN STILL GET THE HUSBAND’S SIDE OF STORY AND HE MIGHT NEVER TELL THE TRUTH ….NONE THE LESS WE HAVE TO BELIEVE WHAT THE WOMAN IS SAYING…WHETHER IT IS THE TRUTH OR NOT …
SHE NEEDS TO GET OUT OF THIS MARRIAGE BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE…WHEN A MAN STARTS BEATING A WOMAN IT IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH AND NO ONE KNOWS WHEN …BUT WE MUST NOT FORGET THAT THERE ARE WIVES ALSO THAT BEAT THEIR HUSBANDS AND THE HUSBANDS ALSO MUST GET OUT OF THIS MARRIAGE…
IF YOU CANNOT PROTECT YOURSELF WHO ELSE WILL PROTECT YOU?
So what you are saying she might not be exaggerating or spicing up her version.Should I remind you that we are dealing with a human,we are capable of anything.Just as she could be telling the truth, we need to hear both sides of the story in order to come to a conclusion.
because most of the time when we think is the other person who needs to change,we realize that we to need to make changes,because of our egos,we only see their faults not ours.That is why we need both sides.
Seek God in this one my dear “deeply concerned”. The best voice that you can listen too in this moment is the voice of the Spirit of God. God’s speed.
It’s amazing how so many single peoples believe that they are in a position to advise a married person.
1)you are hearing this from the woman’s perspective.
2)we need shouldn’t take sides just yet,we need both.
There’s definitely something wrong in this union. As an adult you have a mind of your own ,those kind of decision are suppose to be a lifetime covenant before God,and shouldn’t be taken lightly,therefore you should not allow anyone to influence you into making lifetime commitments if you were not sure about this in the first place.Once the bells stops and the show is over,everybody goes to their own place and you are left with the bills, and the reality of life settles in.
By the way, love isn’t the most important ingredient that will keep your marriage,it’s God,good communication and trust and then love.
Amen! Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it!
God is Love
@Grain Sel:…So if you never go to prison, you can’t advise someone else to walk the straight and narrow?
Some of you believe because you are married you own a monopoly on relationships, guess what this is the reason why so many of you live lies and end up in divorce because you are tied to some ideology and the unwed ones are seeing right through the charade. To each his own
I didn’t say that, that’s not the case
The question remains, can you advise a married couple from a single person perspective, the answer is no, why….? You have no experience in that field unless you were married before. As a single person, you have no commitment to respect and no covenant to uphold. You can tell the person see you later, with no risk of losing your house or your kids or your life savings. Being in love with someone and being married to that person is two different things. Why…? Because you can’t escape, or leave in the middle of an argument you all have to work things out, or find a way to coexist in the name of husband and wife. The issue here is that a woman’s’ view of things and a man’s’ views are different. We can’t decide the faith of a union from one person views of the situation, do you really think that she is perfect, the answer is no, that’s what makes her human. We need to analyze both sides and then come to a conclusion. I you observe in the first place, according to her words, she is easily influenced, so that in itself is a problem, she came into this with a certain Cinderella mindset and now it’s not aligning with her expectations so she want out. From experience the first seven years can be hell depending on the person you married, because you all are getting to know and understand each other .Finding about each other qualities and faults that’s a reality check sooo, work it out. She’s not perfect you aren’t perfect, work it out.
Puss if you know going into the marriage all these things happened to you why did you marry him. What is for the money, the life style or the sex..
Anyways puss it can be fixed you are not tied to this man for life so if you are going through all these problems and you don’t love him and you mal mayay leave the man..
Me a self I’m married and I all want to run away.
Why you want to run away puss..
Forced into marriage..? Aren’t you an adult? Next thing: so many people know how to sleep with a man, yet they are not in love, and don’t want to marry. Why go out with someone you don’t love. Third if it turned sour only after marriage, on the grounds of cheating, you can get out. In your case it sounds as though it was not a genuine marriage, and in the catholic church you can get an annulment for this. In another church, i don’t know.
I believe that if you are not happy in your marriage, you should not stay in it. Get out before it is to late. You need to be happy for yourself and not for anyone else. You have one life to live, enjoy it, do not be miserable just to say that you are married. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. Think about your health, unhappy marriage makes you ill. No if or buts, do it for you, not for religion or parents, you are the one that is living in the heat.
God’s Child…..Am deeply sorry…but marriage is not a lifetime commitment. Again as I said before, this mode of thinking legitimizes abuse. For example if a wife is being beaten by her husband daily and has outside women and children are you right now saying that this woman cannot divorce because it is a lifetime commitment? It appears that you want her to die at the hands of her abuser. Only religious zealots think that marriage is an institution with a lifetime commitment.
when i said marriage is a lifetime commitment i never meant that if you are being abused that you stay. you marry someone to spend the rest of your life with them but if circumstances change you get out. I was speaking in the context of allowing other people to influence your decision to get married to someone. If you dont love someone obviously it is not going to last so why enter into it just to get divorced? some pple marry in love and it still does not last. I myself have told my husband that he only has to cheat once for me to leave; (thats drastic)but its how i feel. I am just saying that the institution of marriage is supposed to be for life (you commit yourself before God to live out your life with a chosen someone) so we have to choose carefully and take time to ensure that this is really the best thing instead of jumping in because someone says so just to want to leave in the not to distance future.
Religion oh religion why has thou forsaken me? Religion is the cause of all the strife in the world today…from all the terrorist attacks to shooting of a girl who wants only to go to school. Here, this young lady was coerced into marriage by her minister…to all who will say she had free will….go to one of those churches and see the pressure faced by those young persons who look to their spiritual leaders to guide them. These young people take the advice of their pastors/priests and end up miserably entwined with partners they do not know. Most churches are like cults and behave in that vein. Most youngsters are ostracized by both their congregation and families if they do not adhere to these cult-like maxims. Then they are told they should not succumb to peer pressure from friends but they are unduly pressured at church and at home. This young lady should get a divorce because no man has the right to beat her or emotionally abuse her.Churches and families do not realize that by asking a spouse to stay with an abusive partner, they are condoning and legitimizing the abuse. God made us in his image and likeness…..sorry man or woman He did not design us for abuse.
Love it – well said!
Yes, well said! Only God is the matchmaker. Not man. We are only to marry whoever God has for us. Before getting involved with anyone, we must talk to God first about the person and sometimes He will show you in dreams and visions of that person . Even though, God does the choosing, He gives us a choice to accept that person He has chosen for us. This marriage was not meant to be. They are very unequally yoked. God is not going to bless us with a mate that is going to harm us in any kind of way. Jeremiah 29:11 The Lord says, ” For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, ” Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.” This marriage was not in God’s plan at all. That’s why it’s not working out. She needs to let her husband go. The Lord has already prepared or is preparing a mate for her.
gET OUT LADY AND TRY TO MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE…LET NOONE CONTROL YOU…YOU WERE CREATED TO BE HAPPY…
You sound coocoonic… sot
the advice given to this your concern individual by bella is not sound. the questions raised by this young married person are genuine, however marriage is instituted by God and this union is sacred.even though she was forced into marriage it does not change the vow that was taken in the sight of the creator.my advice to you is seek practical help before giving up.
How you know they concerns are not genuine???
You hearing the man beating her and bringing his outside woman to stay at the home when she is not around and you advising to stay in it, ah??
You want the woman to get crazy or cancer?
Bella you are correct, the woman should get out of that nonsense before she die in it… God knows everything and has already forgiven you for your mistake so get out, get out NOW!!!
The man is disrespecting you, he maybe not even using a condom when he sexing his outside woman, you not seeing is AIDS the man going to bring for you… again you doh even have sexual feelings for him so is a nightmare even the thought of you hving sex with him…..
God is good all the time and all the time god is good, so just move on with your life and he will guide you to my arms where you will feel true love… lol!!!
at joe. the person said the concerns were genuine. read before you write. foolish!
She needs to be set free. I guarantee ya she is living in fear and that is definitely not God.
Her husband has already given up. She should do the same.
Nonsense. Bella gave good advice. That woman needs to get out. There is nothing to salvage here. It was never there to begin with.
All marriages are NOT instituted by God simply because God gave us a little thing known as “free will.” People get married for all sorts of reasons, most of the time they never take the time to even question if that’s the will of God, and then when it doesn’t work, they can’t figure out why.
That is so true…as in other situations. If all is well and works fine, everyone is happy and wealthy…all good. But as soon as things start to roll down hill, all of a sudden they know God and start to blame him and ask,,,why me Lord, why me. When we do things that are NOT instituted by God…He lets us know.- time to get out my dear. You deserve better. Pray about it, but get out…hhmm beating you??? That alone is a reason to get out.
thats exactly my case
LEAVE – love yourself enough to leave. There is a man out there for you! Women do not stay with a man who cheats or hits you. Love does not hurt. LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some people also get married because it is what is ‘expected’of them. Some of us may be in a relationship for a number of years and because of that, family, friends, Ministers and Priests think we should get married. This is also wrong. Some day one of the parties will walk away. Being together for 5 or 10 years pre-marriage and even having a child or two, does not say we must be married. After all, some relationships work out better when marriage is not involve; that is, if the couple agree and are both happy with it. At the end of the day, enduring love is what matters.
Were you forced to marry this guy?…Did someone hold a gun to your head and threaten your family if u didnt marry him?….We all have a choice in life no matter what the situation…..its simple, just divorce the guy…You are not happy and weren’t happy from day one, and its not gonna change with time…No marriage can be blessed by God when the man beats you…Learn to love yourself and dont wallow in self pity. You are worth more than that and never let a man let you feel inferior to him…Let him go now!!
@single for now
A man beating you doesn’t mean that your marriage isn’t blessed.This commitment was made before God and was blessed by a representative of the authority of God which means putting on of Gods’ seal of approval on the union. If the peoples are not walking in the blessing this isn’t God fault, it’s the peoples fault.This comes with conditions and requirement in order to enjoy the blessing of the Lord which maketh rich and adds no sorrow.You can’t walk contrary to the covenant and still expect to be blessed.It doesn’t work that way.Once you break the covenant it comes with repercussions.You walk this way you are bless you walk that way you are cursed
would you listen to yourself. he have no right to hit her period. none at all. WWJD- he would run
spicegirl
She said the man beat her,we don’t know if it’s continuous, or a one time thing.You really think that you can just walk out of this union don’t you,I am sorry but you.Have you consider the banks payments, the wedding debt,and the other responsibilities.You don’t just jump up you need to consider your options.
Can the problem be fixed.As she sound she just wants out because she apparently don’t love the guy.What kind of responsible person are you.
@grain sel…..pure nonsense u talkin there….
God will not bless us with a mate that is going to be abusive towards us. God will never harm us, so why would He give us someone that He knows will harm us. Sorry, that’s not God.
Correction…I got to your third paragraph that’s when I gave up ahahaha. Garbage.
Well said Bella – finally!
On the issue of Minister’s forcing persons to get married i believe that only the weak allow that to happen to them. You should allow no one to dictate to you who you marry and how long you date. that is between you the person and God. It is your life. Marriage is not something you enter into lightly because its a lifetime commitment. At the end of the day it should not be “oops made a mistake let me correct it” that’s not God’s way