OK I am back. I had to come back because my absence would have led to some national crisis.
I was being missed so much that I understood Prime Minister Roosevelt Skerrit was planning to officially call for my return, the president was planning to designate every Friday a public holiday and Opposition Leader Hector John, UWP President Edison James and UWP Political Leader Ron Green were planning a walk-out from the next House of Assembly sitting in protest of my absence.
I am important aren’t I?
I was so missed I even understood Speaker of the House Alix Boyd-Knights was planning to call on all national women groups to rally for my return.
Don’t even talk about DNO Publisher Merrick Andrews; the normally cheap-stake was doing all he can to get me back. You all know, I am the only columnist who could stop writing and submitting articles whenever I want and return whenever I want.
Of course Mr. Andrews was pissed. But he had no choice. He offered me all kinds of incentives: lunch at KFC every Friday courtesy of DNO, organization of a threesome once a month, and several million Jamaican dollars every three years. But nah, I was not interested. I take three months vacation every year. Now it is up, I am revved up to start writing crap again. And stop whining because you know you enjoy reading my crap.
I would like to send a shout out to my 2010 Friends of the Year, Schuyler Esprit based in the USA and Charlene Cadette based in Antigua. These two ladies love my crap… And if they were only pretending, who cares?
I am not gonna start my first column writing about anything special until next week. This is like a re-introduction.
I understand that a dude (or is it a girl?) called Mouth of the South, a regular blogger on DNO, loves my column so much he is willing to share his girlfriend. No disrespect, that’s what I heard. Don’t kill the messenger because I am not the creator of the message. Not that it’s a bad idea but don’t want you to think I am rude.
I would like to hail up Lennox Linton, who I understand was planning to do an investigation about my whereabouts, but caught up covering Skerrit’s dual citizenship situation.
Anyway, I have to go now to tie out those goats. They haven’t been fed since Christmas Eve and I forgot to tell the lawn man not to cut the grass at the side of the house where the goats are tied. But the goats know I normally make it up to them.
See ya next week guys. Today’s column was just a warm-up to get the females wet and the male (hmm not sure).
Copyright 2012 Dominica News Online, DURAVISION INC. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or distributed.