When relationships end and children are involved, many women have to deal with the challenge created by an ex, who will be in their lives for good.
The problems mount if the relationship didn’t end amicably, or if one partner is still pining over the other. The woman may wish to begin another relationship but is somewhat apprehensive or even fearful if the ex is intimidating her. He may find every excuse to go to her house under the guise that he wants to visit his child, and there is also the challenge of resisting often unwanted sexual advances.
Women who find themselves in such a position should consider the following:
*State clearly your position that the intimate relationship that existed before no longer exists and that his visits to your house are solely in regards to the child.
*Don’t send him mixed messages. Be firm and consistent in your stance.
*Let him understand that you will be dating other guys.
* Avoid the temptation of calling him when you feel lonely and needy. This will certainly lead to problems you don’t want to court.
* Establish visiting times when the child is up and about. There’s no point in him visiting when the child is asleep. Having your ex sleep over is not a wise decision.
* In spite of the hurt you may have experienced, be civil to him and don’t allow your anger to prevent him from bonding with his child.
* If he is seeing someone else, be respectful to her and wish them all the best
* Some men don’t deal with rejection very well and may want to physically attack you. Don’t hesitate to involve the police if necessary.
* Insist that he carry out his fatherly responsibilities. If he refuses, then get the courts to help you.
*Surround yourself with a support group that will help you to remain on track and don’t be distracted by the ex who may want to manipulate you.
Wayne A Powell is a relationship counsellor. You may contact him at [email protected] or www.criscounselloronline.com
i have a kid with a man who recently dumped me..i am in the university and i am so confused on what to do..the man has a kid with another woman.kindly advice…..
My baby daddy does everything to make my life miserable! Including continuously using our son as a pawn! Not only am I concerned about my son but the constant stress is affecting my new relationship. .. lately all my man sees is drama and I don’t want to loose him or my sanity! Help
I’m a mother of 1year old,I’ll never keep my child away 4rm her father cos she needs both parents luv,but hav a prlm bcos I left him 4 his bad habits n stupid decisions.but nw his family intervine bcos they hav money nw I’m scared dat I might loose my daughter bcos she lives with her fathers family since I work far 4rm home n can’t affort to live with her 4 nw.another prlm is they giv her unhealthy foOd n hav a bad hygiene dats my prlm so I want to take my child to my mom since I knw she wil giv her da best.pls help
Same here with me. I have a baby father that won’t get the hint. I just want better myself for me and my son but he keeps insisting that us being together is whats best for our son, minding you us being together is always fighting, trust issues, him always asking me for money or my car. Plus on top of all of that, he BARELY sees his son nor spend quality time with him, so why in the world would I stay with a man that I dont trust and a man that barely sees his kid even when we live a couple streets away from him. Sometimes is just so frustrating and very confusing on what I should or should not do. I pray, I cry, I ask myself if this is what I really want in my life. How can I make my life better for me and my son with or with out my baby father. Its very confusing, but the best thing I could say is keep taking care of yout kids and try to better yourself mentally so you can go on another day not feeling the same as you did yesterday. If your baby father is that bad then call the police and take the steps that you need to take as a mother to keep you and your kids safe.
i know this story oh too well when i broke up with my ex he stalked me and my boyfriend for a long time and would sit outside my bedroom window to listen to my conversation, it went to the point where he threw chlorine (liquid) on my laundry hanging outside (he works at dowasco at the time he stilldoes). i called the police and nothing was done because we had no proof. He would send messages to my boyfriend implying we were sleeping together it was horrible.. Eventually i moved to the states and he got married and that was the end. today we have no contact and our sonis with me he still tries to manipulate my sons saying daddy loves but he doesnt support him at all. so if a young lady is in a situation like this move away for good if u can because these issues can lead to murder
This article was written for me it hit the nail on the head cause trust me I really don’t know how to move on wit my life when my x is indeed my baby daddy. I’m not involvin in his relationship but now it looks like I’m ready to move on he seems to be drawin closer. By the way I was the one that left his sorry cheatin..
we all have our own experiences cuz i was badly hurt from my children ‘s father and if i was not good for myself i would have been stock in a ditch while he can move on with his life. he tried all games in tthe book to give me a hard time so that i can’t move on with mY life.well i am not a born dominician for nothing cuz i live in the foreign i brace myself and give him a run for his money.Today i am happily married while he moves on with his life as usual and we get along perfectly fine for our kids.Anytime he try messing with my head he knows the result already.HAPPINESS BELONGS TO EVERY ONE NOT SOME.
I have to commont on this post becuz in facing the same problem. I have a child with my ex and another on the way and since we broke up its been hells. We broke up 2 months ago and even b4 the relationship ended he was already in another relationship. Im happy for him but he wants me to stay down in the water. I have to be after him all the time for child maintenance. I mean, fine u’ve moved on but maintain ur child please. Im already pregnant with ur secon=d one and whilst ur all over with ur new love infront of me, isnt that bad enough? Yet u still dont want to pay child support! im so stressed about this right now can t even continue to write any more…
@Young man in Dominica: I agree with your comment 100% it have some women that using the child to mess up everything child is theire passport to control men lives and after some of them leave the man you know they can’t stick to see him happy. i know from experience because some men move on they not even allowing the man to see his child it have some bad and dirty women in this world too. Always in your relationship causing problem
@Beau-pere: dat not a man is boy thats a boy
@Beau-pere: LMAO I agree with you on that, something fishy going on. You need to put down your foot because this is gonna confuse the child. Make your intentions clear, unless you are just a friend. Mamselle using both of you. lol
I AGREE WITH SOME OF THE COMMENTS, SOME WOMEN TEND TO USE THEIR CHILD AGAINST THE MAN , IT GOES BOTH WAYS , IF THE MAN LEAVES THE WOMAN SHE CANNOT DEALS WITH IT AND HANGS ON THE MAN FOREVER AND AVOID HERSELF FROM GETTING ANOYHER MAN, WOMAN ALSO HOLD THE CHILD AGAINST THE MAN JUST TO SPITE HIM ,IT IS A FACT. PPL IF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP , MAKE EACH OTHER HAPPY , SO IN ORDER NOT TO HAVE SITUATIONS LIKE THIS.
Weh Boy. I have a good ‘friend’ I visiting, and is something so de child father doing. They not on bad terms, in fact they on wonderful terms, but every Sunday mister want to invite himself for lunch. He even tagging me when he meet me there. The other day he call her and say his washing machine not working if she can ask me to pass and pick up a basket of dirty clothes to bring by her when I coming up. He coming and cut de lawn every two weeks, although i tell him I can manage it, he even making market for her when she busy on saturdays. De other day me and my ‘friend’ watching a little DVD, he show up and just plassay himself on de floor by us, we were on de couch, and start eating boldface from my microwave popcorn I BRING! De chile is a well respectful loving chile, and me and de father doh have no stress at least not yet. I just doh understand how he operating as if all of us is one big happy family. my ‘friend’ say they are just good friends now and the romantic feelings gone, but I cannot supportay dat….as if dat not natural.
@MOT: I totally disagree with you there because the article does not have to be interpreted as if the baby is the result of a ‘fling’. The baby may be one which came out of wedlock or some other form of stable relationship which lasted for years before turmoil set in. Stop being so narrow-minded, thinking that these situations only arise out of ‘flings’.
@MOT: stupes i wish it was a fling i am not the type to have a child with a woman i having a fling with that my child is a result of a relationship.i totally blame my self thou that was pour judgement in a woman on my part
@Young man in Dominica: Awesome response my brother.
once the relationship is done, then the child father should stay away from the woman altogether. just send the money by western union and when the child need stuff he get it….simple.. thm mothers believe that the grass always greener and end up having more baby fathers.
@Young man in Dominica: @ Young man in Dominica – the # of women who shy away from their responsibilites is much less than men. Men are more prone to such actions. Kudo to you for being a responsible father – u r one of the many few. I always say any person can be a father but it takes real men like u to be a Dad.
@Young man in Dominica: Which brings it back to the whole message that you people ignore: RAP IT UP!!! If you had used condoms when having your little fling, there’d be no need for all that baby mama drama! You young men and women have sex INDISCRIMINATELY and when all is said and done, it’s the child who is caught between the parents that are at war.
That article just get me vex vex vex dere what about them good for nothing women that try to use your kids against you every chance they get, eh what about them women that try their best to get the kids involve in grown people business, eh what about them women that try to use your kids against you eh, what about them women that expose your child to all kind of shit thats not good for them and you just have to sit aside and look, eh what about them women that shy away from their responsibilities eh, what about those that do ill to your kids through anger eh stupes though this article has some merrit in certain situation i dont think this is fair article, i believe this article should be mindfull of any parent does not matter the sex because there are some woman out there thats just much more low, spitfull, coldhearted,wicked and dont deserve to be mothers rubbish article
SOME OF US MEN KNOW OUR RESPONSIBILTIES AND WANT THEM AND HAVE NO INTENTION ON SHYING FROM THEM BUT HAVE SOME CREATURES TO DEAL WITH
Wow you are a man of wisdom and experience thank you for sharing the truth about some women. Nothing is good enough for some of theses women and I try fell sorry for the next victim
it goes both ways as the women tend to call the men and try to come between them and there new partner. and sometimes using the child as a chess peice