MAKING the transition from being single to being married can be quite a challenging experience, especially if the couple has been living the single life for many years. The man who is accustomed to throwing down his clothes on the bed when he returns from work or remove his socks and leave them on the sofa in the living room, will have to remove them forthwith or face his wife.
The same applies to the woman who is used to going about her business without consulting with anyone. In her new status, she must share her whereabouts with her husband to avoid any suspicious thoughts.
The following are some of the changes that both persons would have to consider if they wish to make a smooth transition:
1. Meals
If as a single woman you don’t cook unless you are in the mood, this practice may have to be curtailed in order to accommodate your husband’s desire for a cooked meal, maybe everyday. If, however, as the single man you are accustomed to cooking up a storm, it does not mean you cease this practice the moment you get married. Carry on with the cooking if you are both comfortable with the arrangement.
2. Housekeeping
Washing clothes and cleaning the house are two household chores that as single people you either do yourselves or you engage the services of a day’s worker. In your new status, either one or both may have to take up the responsibilities as there might be a need to save some funds. The key is that both husband and wife must share the work equally.
3. Friends with benefits
As a single male you may have had many female friends, some of whom you may have flirted with. In your new status, “things you used to do, you do them no more”. So you may have to stay clear of some of these women to avoid the temptation of engaging in an extramarital affair. The same advice is applicable to the newlywed woman.
4. Nights out
Friday nights is when you’d go to the nightclubs to cool out with friends. But now that you are married and your spouse is not a “club” person, how do you please your wife and your friends at the same time? You are going to have to make some decisions as it relates to new entertainment activities. You may consider going to the theatre with your wife instead and negotiate with her for a once a month lyme with the guys.
5. Night owl and early bird
One of you may prefer to be up all night either surfing the ‘Net or watching TV, again, this you may have been doing ever since you moved into your own place. Your partner, on the other hand, may have been an early riser and believes it is waste of precious time to be in bed beyond 6:00 am. Again, some amount of compromise must be made so that the night owl may take an early night occasionally to appease his/her partner and engage in some quality time as well. The early bird may need to stay in the roost a little longer to also engage in some quality time.
6. Neat freak and the untidy one
Over the years, as a single person you may have kept a neat pad, where everything was in order. Then here comes your beloved who is quite the opposite — who places the dirty socks in the same drawer as the clean ones. His argument is that a pair of socks can be worn for two or more days. As a married couple it is hoped that each one will influence the other and that they both will coexist allowing for compromise on both sides.
Wayne A Powell is a relationship counsellor. You may contact him at [email protected] or www.crisscounselloronline.com.
I (we?) find it very easy reading the article, discussing what is the “right” thing in our relationship, and other (theoretical) aspects of being married. LOL
But marriage doesn’t stay theoretical – and in practice things more often then not step outside all pre-arranged, discussed, and even plausible actions. The leap between the intent to the action always seems further then anticipated.
So no matter how many little steps (meals, bedtimes, etc) we dissect marriage into, I truly believe there are only three: (1) both partners ‘got there feet wet’ and are ken on making the relationship work; (2) both partners communicate – everything and all the time; and (3) both partners are filled with love.
Then again, what do I know… I’m still “I-ing” instead of “we-ing”, reading ‘how to’ and “help” articles, and am as newlywed as can be.
Very realistic article. I can identify as a newly wed. The circumstances are very true and to me are the basic issues that make the difference between a happy or unhappy relationship because of compatibility factors.
sorry that should read ” without an argument.
That is why I believe that you should know your partner not 100% ,but very well before getting married. There will always be changes and adjustments to be made in marriage, the question how do you approach it. If a couple have a keen spirit, knows how to talk to each other, Love each other then these changes can be made with an argument. we as women sometimes, feel that the only way that we can ask our husbands to change or adjust certain things in their lives is by shouting at them. Before getting married make sure that your power of discussion,your ability to think before talking is in check. Be a lady at all times even when you are angry. yes, you might say easier said than done. marriage is for mature people, not for men or women who thinks that they need someone to ” Do as I say” or someone to shout at..