There’s nothing I value more than my alone time… however, sometimes an hour to myself turns into two, and even three very quickly. I’m often asked if I get lonely during my alone time and my answer has always been a succinct NO.
I’ve always believed that there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone means there’s no significant other to wake up next to, to call when we get good news, or to kiss goodnight after a long day. Being lonely means living perpetually in a world where we’re not able to escape ourselves and crave anything but our own company.
But just because we’re alone doesn’t mean we should be lonely.
It can be hard to be alone – and we’ve all been there. I’ve sat looking at social media thinking about what the rest of the world was up to…but to me being alone means having the space to explore the world on my own terms.
By being alone I’ve learnt to discover parts of myself I didn’t know existed…of course going inward can feel like a daunting task as our instinct is to go outward, but being alone can be powerful and healing. By allowing ourselves the time to know us to even linger there, we begin a process of self-love that will last for the rest of our lives.
In today’s society, it can seem completely normal to fill up every single space with something. It is practically taboo to not be busy. Busyness has come to mean worthiness, popularity, and success. I would counter that it is simply unavailability. The world will try to convince you that you shouldn’t ever, ever be alone. Like alone is bad. Like alone is failure.
However, clinical and research evidence supports the fact that all too often one of the main reasons that both men and women get into a relationship, and then often stay in a relationship, is related to a fear of being alone. However, a relationship that is based on fear is destined to be a very unhappy and unfulfilling relationship.
Until a person can learn to enjoy their own company, they may constantly find themselves lonely or getting into relationships that are, or end up, based on fear.
All too often, people who are not comfortable with themselves unknowingly stop themselves from not only being the best person they can be but from experiencing deep levels of intimacy with others as well.
I’ve learnt that alone is where your heart is. It is where YOU are. Being with ourselves, (and I mean REALLY with ourselves), we can gain our greatest insights and understanding. We can begin to truly learn and know ourselves. And, in time, we learn how to love ourselves — our true self — not only the persona that we go out into the world with, but that most real and fundamental part of us.
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The KSChronicles are the observations and insights of blogger and journalist Kerdisha St.Louis. Each article seeks to invoke a reaction and/or introspection from readers in Dominica and the Diaspora on various thought provoking issues and topics. The column is published every Friday.
One can be alone by choice or because of undesirable circumstances.
It can be beneficial if it is used as a time to rest and think. Sometimes we need the space to reorganize.
But being alone and being lonely are two different things. Being alone sometimes results in loneliness but not always. Loneliness is a powerful dynamic. It causes people to do things out of character
they would not otherwise do. Wrong decisions are often made when people are lonely. Loneliness results in some abusing alcohol or drugs. It drives others to form inappropriate and harmful relationships. Sadly these decisions can set you on a wrong path for the remainder of our life.
Christians have resources. When we are alone we read the Word of God and He speaks to us. We draw near to Him in prayer. He is a friend who *sticks closer than a brother*. Christians find comfort in the fellowship of their church family – their brothers and sisters in Christ.
Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.
Continuation:
If we want to have friends we should be friendly.
Having true friends – the kind who will be there for us – is not something that just happens. It is something we make happen. It is something we must work at.
The Bible say we reap what we sow!
It is about speaking kind, complementary, and encouraging words.
It is about giving our time to extend a helping hand.
It is about assisting somebody in need.
It is about putting others first.
Often more than anything else it is about listening.
These are all things we do because we care. The way to gain true friends is to genuinely care about others. If you do you may be alone but you will not be lonely. Practice being there for others. They will be there for you.
Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.
It is not necessarily the accepted concept of loneliness that triggers a relationship but a basic human need to intimately share experiences. I stress intimacy. This is where “Friends on Facebook” fall down flat.
Furthermore, intimacy depends on trust. When trust goes, so does the relationship.
I have been living alone for three years now and there is never a dull moment in my life i am enjoying my alone time wirh no one to mess up my space. I am a very independent person with a job, a vehicle, a home and an adult child with a beautiful family. Jesus is my best friend and i don’t have to ask the neighbour for nothing thank God. So until he cross path with the right partner, i will keep enjoying my alone time in my castle!
nothing is wrong with that!!
A load of rubbish 94.7% rubbish! First and LAST time I’m reading your article!
Josh, you will be the loser.
You will miss much good food for thought.
Many times people allow the hurts of yesterday to rob them of the blessings of tomorrow by not accepting the opportunities of today.
Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.
Can I get your lonely or alone number
Kerdisha: change the subject Just for fun, and said I am looking for a man what have you got to offer me? this will give you an idea what the real man are made of and how stupid men can be. I prefer to be alone
There are things we learn to accept that cannot be proven. Whatever men do, men can undo. The answer to your article is to give Bothe a try and decide which is best suited you but, you ask yourself why?.
My sentiments exactly. Well said.
I enjoyed reading this article. Nice piece Dijah.. A few days ago some ask me hay I was not at a particular even.. I replied “I don’t have to be at every function”. He said but you missed a wonderful time .. I said “I need some time with me”.. He smiled.. I have been doing this for a while now nd I am enjoying me. I have learnt to love myself and enjoy me.. Tyler Perry said in one his Movie ” People get so scared of being alone that they had rather live in dysfunction with some one.. This is very unhealthy.. Again this was a wonderful article… A time for introspection
Being lonely and being cloned. I like the idea
I enjoyed this article
Read Genesis 2:18, where God said “it is not good for the man to be alone”, and ponder on it.
Man this articulates what I have been saying for the longest, ‘Until a person can learn to enjoy their own company, they may constantly find themselves lonely or getting into relationships that are, or end up, based on fear.
A lot of this relates to society’s perceived notion that alone translates to lonely. There’s a Danish custom that I have inadvertently been following for years called, hyyge, (pronounced hue-guh not hoo-gah) is a Danish word used when acknowledging a feeling or moment, whether alone or with friends, at home or out, ordinary or extraordinary as cozy, charming or special.’ http://hyggehouse.com/hygge.
The gist is, take pleasure in the simple things and don’t succumb to society’s pressures that being alone means you’re lonely. My ‘me time’ entails reading a book, with my candles lit, soft music playing in the background, wine optional. ‘Me time’ is amazing, relax and let the stresses of the day melt away.
I’m thoroughly enjoying your posts, keep…
I always enjoy your articles. Like they’re speaking to me. I’m sure many out there feel the same way.
In the hustle and bustle we call life it is really relieving to spend time with yourself. You learn to appreciate that more the older you get.