POEM: My bitter past

I`m writing this poem for me and all of you too
Those who can relate to what ive been through
The others take it how you want but know what I mean

Cause I have no space …..no more space to keep whats hiding within
Just when you thought you could try putting the painful past behind you
There it goes creeping at you in all that you do

It haunts your memory…..your happiness…….your true sense of purpose
Slowly comes at you like a thief in the night
It`s whole reason is to never …..never do you right

Oh how I wish it could all go away
But the whole reality of it all is as bright as day
I sometimes cry alone and wonder why ………why did you have to hurt my pride

You know i couldnt fight back………hell I was only a child
You robbed me of my innocence…..my whole being
At such a tender age couldnt you tell didnt you see I had no idea what it mean

For years I blocked out the memories hoping they would forvever stay away
But they have been hunting my mind with each passing day
Why …..oh why did you have to hurt me this way

My life have been a roller coaster one minute I’m up and and about
Den the next so low i would go ….always feeling down and out
Living in the shadow of paranoia …living in the shadow  of fear

My kids I always kept under my wing
Afraid to fully allow anyone else in
Caged them in to scared to let them stray to far

Cause in my life you have left a never healing scar
I never fully knew what love and being in love meant
It was just the attraction of a flex
And the empty feeling of having sex

Sometimes I would give in when I didn’t want to ,cause its all they wanted to do
Have your way with me …what else is new .cause from a early age it was all I knew

I craved the attention of anyone
I seek the comfort of someone

I would love to have that true sense of feeling
I want nothing more than an everlasting healing

Healing of my mind …..my body . ……my soul
Wishing ……wishing and wanting just to be whole

You forever took my innocence and in life there is no second chance
I would put on a show smile and make you think everything was bliss
but how could you know ……I never told you this

You always wonder why I was so caged in
but I never wanted that side of me to be seen
I wanted the memories to forever go away
but its haunting my mind with each passing day

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4 Comments

  1. The Chaser
    June 3, 2011

    Actually, really nice, what made it so was the fact that i cold see true emotions in your expressions.

  2. hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    May 24, 2011

    thank you for writing this….there are a number of us out there and our rights were violated. we never got the courage to speak it out to express our selves or we were seen as liars… thank you so very much for this one.

    we can’t take control of our future because of what we have been through.

  3. m
    May 24, 2011

    this is so… trust me i know what you mean. its si real it hurts me too. and know one would understand even if we try to explain.

    “For years I blocked out the memories hoping they would forvever stay away
    But they have been hunting my mind with each passing day
    Why …..oh why did you have to hurt me this way”

    somehow i feel like this entire poem was written for me. but unlike you i dont have to corage to write iut, so instead i go into bouts of depression and block it out after… life… *sigh*.

    nobody knows

    • A
      May 24, 2011

      You are not alone, there are many more out there like us who have d to deal with this horrific experience and this have left a scar for life. But continue to trust in God and he will give you the comfort. He has been my strength and my guide.

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