DEAR BELLA: My daughter may be gay; maybe I should disown her

Dear Bella,

My daughter is acting manly. Too manly for my liking. My family is a popular family in Dominica and my husband and I always pride ourselves in ensuring that society sees us as well respected.

I can confess that often times I have looked down on other people’s children saying that none of my children can turn out that way. But one of my daughters is probably a lesbian. She only has girls over and honestly, she acts like a man.

She never wanted to wear dresses growing up. We thought it was funny but as she grows older, she is more into girls.

When we are not around a particular girl sleeps over and I found sex toys in her room. Bella my girl is 18 and I cannot live with the fact that she is a lesbian. I would rather die than to live with that. Villagers are talking.

Because obviously they see her places with the girl and I know they realize what’s going on.

I feel so shamed to have a conversation with her about it. Its just wrong. How do I deal with that?

Maybe I should disown her because I refuse to let the reputation of our family be dragged in this lavie Sodom. That would curse my generation for a lifetime.

Scared Mom

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Dear Scared Mom,

Your situation is in no way peculiar. It is something many parents have to deal with.  And although nobody really wants to know their children are gay, accepting the truth is the first way to deal with it.

This is really not about you or your zeal to keep your family name untainted. The first thing I think you should do is brace yourself for the truth. Then you speak to your daughter and ask her the question straight up. Are you gay?

Based on all you have said, maybe she is. And that’s something you have to accept whether you like it or not.

Now it is your choice whether you want to keep her in your home. She is 18 and considered an adult. Accepting who she is doesn’t mean you have to accept a lifestyle in your home that you don’t support.

 

Bella

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22 Comments

  1. mine
    December 4, 2018

    Why would a mother come to Bella with you child private life, there are other ways to handle this situation. Lady pray to God am sure he will direct you how to handle this. Good luck.

  2. Amazed
    November 29, 2018

    What kind of mother considers disowning thier own child? She could be a drug addict or worse but she chooses to share her love with who makes her happy and you want to take that away from her?Are you even happy? People over your child.Lady you have a problem!Go ahead the minute you turn your back on her God turns his own on you and she will still be a happy lesbian woman.While you will be unhappy and people will still talk!So what.She is your child love her for who she is,she might be the only one you see when you in need. Think !

  3. Amazed
    November 29, 2018

    What kind of mother considers disowning thier own child? She could be a drug addict or worse but she chooses to share her love with who makes her happy and you want to take that away from her?Are you even happy? People over your child.Lady you have a problem!Go ahead the minute you turn your back on her God turns his own on you and she will still be a happy lesbian woman.

  4. November 29, 2018

    1) The hatred and homophobia in Dominica, as well as the prevalence of men beating up women and children (90% of Dominican children report being abused physically) has made Dominica a pariah in the International Human Rights Community.

    2) The most voracious homophobes are also the same men who watch sweaty half-naked musclemen in action films beating each other up as their preferred entertainment.

    3) We are not living in 3000BC with a tribe of Jewish nomads. Those moral values are insane in the modern world. If you are a great follower of the bullshit verses saying witches should be killed, homosexuals not allowed to live etc. I expect you also agree that one should sell their daughters into slavery, and stone children to death who talk back. HATRED IS ANATHEMA TO JESUS.

    4) Homosexuals were accepted in per-colonial African culture. Only with the invasion of the white evangelical gospel of hatred have homosexuals been discriminated against.

    5) Love your children.

  5. Kumbaya
    November 29, 2018

    Most people here are against the mother because the child involved is female. Had it been a male, they would have been like fyah bon him, stone him!!! Such hypocrites!!!! #doublestandarda

  6. Jazee
    November 29, 2018

    Well first of all you should live for you not society and you should not look down on others because you have more than them. As for the gay lesbian thing disown her … if is true but make sure you are correct before doing so

  7. Man bites dogs
    November 29, 2018

    Lady your daughter is a lesbian or bisexual so what it’s her life her choice, Also welcome to the new world you better get use to it and while you at it get yourself a Life!!

  8. Bibi
    November 28, 2018

    We are all gay… like it or not. Gay means Happy and sort for you momma, your daughter is Happy.
    You May not be fond of the Way she turnes out but that is the life that she was given. She did not choose it.
    You on the other hans are choosing to point a family potrait that seems perfekt for society, my question does that make you Happy?
    You say you rather die. Does the thought make you Happy?
    You daughter is an adult and is Living her life. Did you one Day stop to Think that maybe she is just seeking attention or approval? You spend your time trying to please society, and maybe in the process you neglected her.
    Think twice before you put yourself in the ground.

  9. Makes Sense
    November 28, 2018

    Madam: Her lesbianism is a phenomena that occurred in your womb and no one, not you or your daughter can change that, and that’s a fact of life. My advice to you then, is to love your daughter more than you love yourself, because in this homophobic society of ours, she will need all the love that she can get. Remember, we don’t choose to be who we are. We were born that way! You do concede that you witnessed her mannerisms growing up, so you above anyone else should have been prepared for her natural condition and well-positioned to educate others on her behalf.

  10. Shabin
    November 28, 2018

    I not saying what she is doing is good but if she was taking plenty man, people and you will still talk about her…. you just like de villagers….if she was taking man you will still ask bella how to talk to your daugther…you know why, because you will want her to get married before passing de P***Y. Everyone have to turn to dust one day i hope you know that while you still want to be up… Let de girl check her sin she will learn from her mistake…..not everyone in this world have to take tolly. some people like cream of wheat and some like seamos :-P

  11. November 28, 2018

    LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER MADAM.

    • World's Moistest Jheri Curl
      November 28, 2018

      I thought this was a child she was talking about based on the headline
      but she’s writing an article about an adult
      An 18 year old can make life decisions for themselves

    • Triple case of gay
      November 29, 2018

      what if an individual has 3 kids 2 males 1female & all are gay?
      You think it seems unlikely? Well I know this family with this very description/ demographics.
      It must be an awful feeling to know you have 2 sons who ought to continue ur macho legacy & they are gay. Adding insult to injury you have a daughter who too is suspect like the family in Bella’s story.
      The take home message is you will have 0 grand children. Your only hope is an outside child could bear fruit. Get a little outside chick pregnant and send her to Guada next door.

  12. jamie
    November 28, 2018

    Karma on you,pure bushwa,thinking your better than others,go ahead and yourself,your daughter will live her life just fine,thats your problem the shame.

  13. lol
    November 28, 2018

    lol u say you rather die?? well die na :mrgreen:

  14. lula
    November 27, 2018

    @Scare Mom…..Just deal with it, your daughter is a lesbian. Jump high ,jump low your daughter is a lesbian and there is nothing you can do about it. Instead of worrying about what others think or say, why don’t you pray for your daughter and accept her for who she is. You are going to give yourself a heart attack and she is going to be ok. Lesbians and gays have been around before you and I and
    will be around after we die. So, don’t stress yourself out. Some people are born gay and some learn to be gay growing up .
    On another note, maybe it’s a lesson for you to stop looking down on other people’s children and think your children are erfect .Be happy she is not a criminal.

    • Channel 1
      November 28, 2018

      @lula – Wuh? Some people are born gay? Where did you get that absolutely ridiculous statement from?

      How can anybody be born gay? None of us can remember anything about our babyhood days except if someone tells us, so where are you getting this idea that somebody is born gay? How did you verify that persons who claim they are born gay are actually born gay?

      Are you suggesting that even as a baby, such persons were engaging in same-sex acts, & fantasies with other babies?

      People must stop uttering these sort of dotish statements without even analyzing the statement being made. Homsexuality is a behaviour – a sick behaviour and not an actual human trait or state of being such as your skin colour or your hair colour which is coded by genes. No human behaviour is coded by or in the genes. All behaviours are learned consciously or subconsciously.

      Also, please note that sexual fantasy & perversion are not human rights. As the saying goes “How can something so wrong be right”

      • lula
        November 28, 2018

        @Channel 1….Since posting my comments on ‘DNO’, I was never informed that I would have to analyze my statements before posting. Stop being HOMOPHOBIC. Homosexuality is real. Examine your inner self to see whether you may/may not have some gay personality in you. Stop being so freaking defensive…unless you want to be labelled GAY

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1
      • lula
        November 28, 2018

        @Channel 1 …I forgot to inform you that some people are born gay…DO YOUR RESEATCH

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1
  15. Jersey girl
    November 27, 2018

    Never wise to look down on other people kids ,i guess you was to busy casting stone on others and could not see yours sa sho look yours now.

  16. Maybe
    November 27, 2018

    Do you think of God you thinking of what people will say lady go and pray and get a life that’s how you raise her

  17. Kermit
    November 27, 2018

    All you Dominicans always believe all you popular in Dominica. Stupes. I can count on one hand which families that ranking in dca and damn sure they won’t write to aunty Bella.

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