I’m tired of lying

Dear BellaDear Bella,
I am 15 years and I have this boyfirend who is 18 years.. We have been sexually active ??? have been together for 8 months.. I feel tht im in løvë but the problem is that i am constantly lying to him, lying to my parents ??? to my self.I lied to him ??? said that my mother knew bout us ??? that we have her blessings. That was a lie.I lie to my mother every two fridays saying that im going to a friends place wehn im really going to be with him..Honestly, I feel like I’m ruinin my life by lying to both of dem.. I need a ways to come clean about this.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Dear Tired of Lying,
I need to remind you that you are not just lying to your boyfriend but you are setting him up for some jail time.  According to the law of Dominica, your boyfriend has been having sex with a minor and he can be charged for this.  I need you to think carefully about how much you love this individual and the lies will stop at once.
I am actually going to tell you what to do because of your age and situation:  you need to talk to him and let him understand that you haven’t told your parents about him like you told him.  I am sure that you withheld telling your parents because you know they would not approve of their 15-year old daughter being in a sexual relationship with an adult.  You need to let him understand that although you love him there are other things to focus on now. My child, your age difference is a big factor now, but it will not be in the next five years.  If you all really love each other, choose to wait when there will be no need to sneak around.  Feelings may change over the time, but the decision that you will be make then will be more mature.
If he does not agree to wait, leave him alone.  It will be hard, but it is for your best.  He would have probably left later on anyway if he is not willing to wait for you to grow up.
Secondly, if he agrees to wait, tell him that you all have to go to your parents together.  Let them know that you are friends and that you want to get to know each other, but with their consent and knowing.  They may or may not agree, but make sure that when you see him it is while you are with other friends, or at your parents’ home.  Do not try to have personal meetings with each other as that will only lead to you all becoming sexually active again.
Be careful Tired and remember to keep yourself protected if you choose to have sex.  You do not want to get AIDS or some STI or even pregnant.
Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at dominicanewsonline@gmail.com. Dear Bella is published on Tuesdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.

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70 Comments

  1. Jodi
    November 6, 2018

    Take a break from sex and focus on a career you will enjoy …i guarantee you won’t regret the move….i was young too😊

  2. February 4, 2015

    Miss:

    We attract to us the kind of person we are ourselves.

    This man could be in jail if he was having sex with somebody under the age of consent.

    If he would have sex with you how do you know he is not having sex with other women?

    If he would have sex with you BEFORE he is married to you how do you know he would not have sex with somebody else AFTER he is married to you?

    This man has been going with you eight months and has not met your mother. Obviously, he does not want to meet her because he is afraid she would not approve of the relationship.

    The best thing you can do is get rid of this man. Begin to rebuild your life. Concentrate on becoming the kind of woman an honorable man would want as a wife – a man you would be proud to introduce as your husband. The only way to do this is to become that kind of woman.

    Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. International Evangelist.

  3. young nt naive
    February 3, 2014

    we were all young before and this is how the human body is.sooner or later we going to be attracted to the opposite sex.some people are able to control themselves more than others and that is just how it is.Instead of condemning her , support her.she is a citizen of dominica and we all want to uplift our nation so we should put aside our negativity.if we dont have anything good to say keep it to ourselves.It could happen to anyone..Even ur daughter or the young man could be your son.Its obvious however that the young lady has to come clean and give all this a rest for now.focus on an education then a little later can start fresh with this young man if she so desires,with her parents consent.sex is not something that she should be studying now..no man wants a young lady with a terrible past…love urself,love life,live in the moment with ur friends..cuz when the time for responsibility comes ,there is no turning back…and i am just 17 years old

  4. The Educator
    August 22, 2013

    Child go read a book or something… smh I heard the twilight saga is good.

  5. wow
    August 8, 2013

    My only advice to you is focus more on your education.
    i wont say ” don’t have a boyfriend” because it would be a waste of my precious words. But be careful. you are lying because you know what you are doing is wrong? I wish i could say do not do this and that, but you have your reasons from lyign to all of them.

    i just feel like you are not mature enough for a boyfriend so you should focus more on school. Eudcation will give you any man you want – so get that first, establish yourself and once you are in a position to take care of yourself, then you’ll be able to get any man that you want

  6. I've been there.
    August 8, 2013

    My dear child, once upon a time ,i was 15 and found myself in that very situation . The help i got was from God.Everyone can tell you what to do but the will and power to do it comes from God.All of us know that at 15 sex becomes an addiction and even if you stop for a time ,when those hormones start acting up we are unable to suppress them,its not just like taking a glass of water.My advice to you is to get an adult person you can trust and ask them to go to your mother with you and secondly own up to the young man by letting him know why you lied to him. If he cares about you he will understand your fears and try to help you out.I would also encourage you to make your life purposeful by taking your education seriously because if you get pregnant right now ,this very same man might turn to another young girl and leave you to fend for your self and your baby. Please occupy yourself in other things that will make you a better young lady in the future. Having said all this i will again tell you the greatest help you can ever get is to call honestly upon God and He will surely help you.

  7. Professor Dumbledore
    August 8, 2013

    starin & sons. the healthy food masters

  8. Cumfreda
    August 8, 2013

    Child that undercover salop-ness you performing there needs to stop. Read a book go up in a show leave them grown men along. The Woody woody isn’t worth it. Get your education then u can focus on man.

  9. KI KI LICKIE
    August 7, 2013

    Baby you looking for eh !!! Go and study your book before de man give you a baby to study all on your own. :oops: :oops: :-x :-x

  10. St. John
    August 7, 2013

    A YOUNG CHILD OF 15 YEARS OF AGE COME ON DOMINICA NEWS ONLINE TO DISCUSS ABOUT SEX AND GROWN UPS TAKE HER ON.HOW IS INCHARGE THE PARENTS OR CHILDREN.THIS GIRL IS YET TO COMPLETE HER SCHOOLING.NO PRIVACY FOR HER BODY.GO TO SCHOOL EDUCATE YOURSELF TO GET A JOB IN FUTURE

  11. $$$$
    August 7, 2013

    Some of the persons who made comments pertaining to this story are either to young to understand or to old to remember.

    Some are right on track and are giving advice that even I would take if I was in that situ and making comments and giving similar life experiences that’s worth reading to which may give some form of comfort.

    To those of you that gave those words of comfort to that young lady I commend you, however, to the rest of you… Shame.

    Oh and to those of you that just gave some SERIOUSLY bad advice to ual I say… REALLY!?!

  12. #Success!
    August 7, 2013

    Oh my oh my! I am not yet a teenager, only 12..and this sickens me, yes its normal but your life is ahead of you…. dont let him destroy it! Now it seems like i can top my school seeing how my fellow classmates act and behave. I get advice from EVERYONE and am really taking it in…
    So come clean yo everyone and continue your road to success… life has alot of good rewards, am on my way to achieving them, u should too!!! :)

    • $$$$
      August 7, 2013

      You’re young so you should be excused. My dear girl just 12 and as unfortunate as it may be, some young ladies your age already have kids because of hard-headedness.

      You seem to have a good head on your shoulders which is a great thing, however, I don’t think you understand what it is to really like someone more than just a friend.

      You also don’t seem to understand what the 15 year old was saying. She never said that he’s ruining her life, she said that she ‘herself’ was because of all the lies she’s telling including the young man.

      Please my dear girl don’t be so quick to judge, you’re not in the young lady’s position and who is to say that you would do the same if you were.

      • #Success!
        August 7, 2013

        Ohh thank you for that! I thank you for helping me understand fully, its appreciated. am just trying to understand things a little better… God Bless All!!

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0
      • Justice and Truth
        August 8, 2013

        She is a smart child and gave good advice. She seems to have her head well on. She was not judging. Why is it whenever people comment people as you state they are judging? Encourage her and wish her well. This is one of your obligations; not to brng her down.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 0
    • Justice and Truth
      August 8, 2013

      Young one, keep on being good and concentrate on your schooling. Yes, you do have a long way to go but with self restraint and perseverance you will, in the long run win and surpass those who are not making the effort as you do. There is a time and place for everything. Keep on studying. Graduate and look forward to your future life and career. Life is worth living in purity.

      • #Success!
        August 8, 2013

        Thank you much! I will take your word, I see a bright future for myself and my fellow classmates already have boyfriends, so sad!
        Am one of the top students in my class and i am going to maintain it, so your advice is very useful and thank you for that! God Bless You!
        @Justice and Truth

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0
  13. Slim2on1
    August 7, 2013

    I’m probably the worst person to give advice on this but I think the best thing is to start by telling your mother. Its very unlikely you are going to stop having sex now if not with him it will be with somebody else. Use protection and turn the lies into the truth. Go from there when this door open it don’t close so easy..

    • August 10, 2013

      I think this child needs to relaxs and take some time out for her self life is not just haveing a boyfriend to sex you up .she needs to read and follow certen friends that are on the right trac dont give up your self your a dimond take time out to know what life is about if the guy loves you he will onderstand if your mum is an onderstanding lady please exsplain her she will help you even if you have lost your virginty your still presiouse ok pray to god he will heal your heart to be stroung dont let go youe self please in the end it will be you and only you will be sad i have been throught this belive me take your time no Virgin or virnity you are a good person to even bring this out

  14. strupes
    August 7, 2013

    lol Gir tell the guy that your parents don’t know and make sure you don’t get caught. Some people acting like they dont know what year it is. If my 14 year old had sex I would really hope that she trust me enough to tell me. Instead of looking to the internet.

    Enjoy your life, just protect yourself, all of us like to have sex! doh worry wid dem

    • $$$$
      August 7, 2013

      That’s not very good advise to give a 15 year old girl who seems to already be so confused and misguided.

      You should be ashamed of yourself… Seriously!

      • August 10, 2013

        I agrie with you its a dirty advise for a bby at 15 they dont all have the same onderstanding in life live the person child alone if you dont have nothing to say
        :-x

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0
    • Justice and Truth
      August 8, 2013

      Oh my! Is this the best advice you have to offer a teenager? Shame on you! I suppose that you do not know better and cannot do better.

  15. KING WILLY
    August 7, 2013

    I think you need a life and have too much time on your hands.

  16. UDOHREADYET
    August 7, 2013

    15 years old, sexually active 8 months already with an older boy… well sounds like you said yes when you should have said NO! Now you cannot stop because the excitement and the feelings you have. my simple advice to you is leave you mom out of it because you both will be in trouble. Talk to your boyfriend and discuss the risks, pregnancy, jail time etc. if he still willing to continue and you want to then live your life… but be prepared to pay your tax to God and man. I cannot tell you stop because once you start… its hard to stop!

  17. Onlylove
    August 7, 2013

    Where dey get Bella from is all I saying

  18. Toma
    August 7, 2013

    Why do people think they always have to take their personal issue to the public rather than go seek some private help.
    Young lady, this is a personal issue, and letting people into your business and life is foolish.
    People don’t have to know whats going on in your life. If you feel that you are lying to your boyfriend then STOP lying to him. You don’t need Bella to tell you to stop.
    Talk to your boyfriend and apologize to him and get your life straight.

    • $$$$
      August 7, 2013

      If she should be taking Belle’s advise nor should she be taking yours.

      You make no sense, this young lady has made a few mistakes and all she wants is some help. This is DNO person not facebook.

      The young lady’s name nor identity is revealed to embarrass her.

      Be it private or be it public, this girl is crying out for help and if you don’t like seeing people ear the issues out in public, do yourself a favour and ‘just don’t real them!’

      • Justice and Truth
        August 8, 2013

        The best help she could seek are her parents help. Most importantly, the help of God.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0
  19. jordan
    August 7, 2013

    ok den

  20. Rebecca
    August 7, 2013

    When I was 15 I had a boyfriend, I lied to my mother too, I lied to my boyfriend, eventually while we got older and more serious I introduced them when i was about 18, now I am 25 years old and we are still together…..just know what you are doing, we’ve all been there with strict parents…but just 8 months in and you’re already having sex? if he loves you make him wait till you’re the legal age of consent, if he agrees then you know his motives. Good luck

  21. Rebecca
    August 7, 2013

    When I was 15 I had a boyfriend, I lied to my mother too, I lied to my boyfriend, eventually while we got older and more serious I introduced them when i was about 18, now I am 25 years old and we are still together…..just know what you are doing, we’ve all been there with strict parents…but just 8 months in and you’re already having sex? if he loves you make him wait till you’re the legal age of consent, if he agrees then you know his motives. Good luck

  22. PAC
    August 7, 2013

    Sweetie that man doesn’t love you cause if he did,the minute you said yes he would have told your parents about his feelings and his intentions towards you. At 15 I could not dream of boys much less have boyfirend my mom would have killed us. You need to focus on your studies right now. Get a good education, make something of yourself. Be someone who wants a man not someone who needs a man. You should tell your parents the truth and break it off with this man. It might be hard at first because you have feelings for him but it will pass. You deserve so much better. I wish you the best of luck.

  23. Anonymous
    August 7, 2013

    they are both in their teen yes he is 18 and a young and she is 15 a young lady too she to tell him that her mom doesn’t know they are dating and sleeping together so if has to walk away he can that young man doesnt need to go to jail . one mistake when you are young carry to your adult life

  24. D/can abroad
    August 7, 2013

    The first thing Bella should have said is “you are too young to be sexually involve and that this should be stopped immediately” instead she is making the kid think it ok. Epic fail here.

    • I'm just saying
      August 7, 2013

      Hello Hypocrite…de fox in de fowl cage already.

  25. yessa
    August 7, 2013

    at the age of fifteen i had just finish playin behbell with dolls and you have man and done sexually active like really ?? chh you need to be studying what is right at the moment which is finishin high school and lookin for higher education after that ,what if with the sex you are having now you end up pregnant and have to do an abortion like the lady in gutter baby in concrete drain………….behave child

  26. the eye
    August 7, 2013

    Bellla, I would like to know you. who are you? Can you post a pic or something of your self? 8-O

  27. Lost
    August 7, 2013

    Tired of lying, is not a text you sending.

  28. sphinx
    August 7, 2013

    GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND TRY TO GET A QUALIFICATION

  29. Nudibranch
    August 7, 2013

    Just remember that you are underage, have your whole life ahead of you and… do not take home anything that needs to be cured or fed. No glove, no love.

  30. 18 years young
    August 7, 2013

    i understand what bella is trying to say… when i was 14 i was talkin to an 18 year old. and i gave him head once. my mom found out and call the cops. over 3 years later. andhe hasnt had a job. i wasnt even sexually active till two years later. and all im saying is be careful. there is no lying when your stomach long. baby girl. im telling you on an honest level.. dont rush anything. this might really feel like love… and dominica doesnt have much for young people who aint religious to do. but im tellin u. life is not short. stop the lies to him first. tell him she doesnt know.. and hide if u got to. but protect yourself. i know thats the advice ur lookin for to dismiss everything. so i will tel u as a fellow young person. lots of love

    • budman
      August 7, 2013

      but was it good head?

    • $$$$
      August 7, 2013

      Finally someone with something good to say. Well said my girl, well said.

  31. Black M-Press
    August 7, 2013

    If you really love de man you will let him go because you are just setting him up to take jail….but i guess he must be an idiot not to know he’s on the path way to stocky…. :lol:

  32. August 7, 2013

    Good advise. Young lady, take what you were told seriously.

    Our young folk need such guidance. I work with teenagers and they tell me things that they will not share with their loved ones.

  33. Justice and Truth
    August 6, 2013

    If you are tired of lying, cease lying! This is what people do when they get tired of anything. They ceased doing what they were doing which did not satisfy them or make them happy and peaceful.
    You and your boyfriend should have my parents for your parents. You would not find the time to get involved and sexually. That is, not going out at nights and not being able to sneak around to be intimate. Of course, this is 2013 and children/teenagers of yesteryear, at least some of them, are not the same as some of today. You appear to have too much free and idle time on your hands.
    Teenager, first things first. Attend to your school and books. Concentrate on them and study hard. Later in life you will have time for what is supposed to be for adults. You are not yet an adult and still in school. Therefore, make the most of this time educationally. Those years fly. Do not waste this God-given precious time. Make the most of the opportunity to study, graduate and obtain a well-paying, stable job. In other words, concentrate on a future career which will also financially benefit you. Have fun but clean fun. If you have a boyfriend, let it be a platonic one.
    Go to church and pray. Do not neglect God in your life. As you grow older to adulthood and thereafter, you will need him for the rest of your life. May God assist you accordingly. His blessing and peace to you!

    • Heavy
      August 7, 2013

      True saying life is hard sex is fun for when your stomach is flat take all the advise read them carefully it’s not a good feeling education is the key don’t turn to be a joke boys want you for only one thing then you loose every thing looking for them no where to be found till you come across them with some else and leave you stock with a baby on your shoulder

  34. Secretary
    August 6, 2013

    YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS HAVING A SERIOUS BOYFRIEND AT 15 far less HAVING SEX and with AN 18 YEAR OLD [email protected]@RD…………. STOP NOW!!!!!

    • As if....
      August 7, 2013

      Why is the 18 year old a “[email protected]@rd”?? He’s just three years older, or he may be just 2, he could have just turned 18 she could be turning 16 later in the year.You’re acting like he’s 30. Chill out, that’s the best advice u can give?? People like u, if and when u have children, that kind of attitude, they won’t want to talk to you.

    • Heavy
      August 7, 2013

      Things do happen just a word of advice could set her wise please stay away from that now or you will be messed up at an early age loose every thing

    • August 10, 2013

      The guys at those age are just haveing dirty fun stop being there bate :cry: when they finish opun you guys up they will get a vrgin after to love

  35. angel
    August 6, 2013

    i went through the same situation that you are in right now its hard and painfull to lie to the ones you love but believe me when i say 15 and pregnant or with aids is not a good look just think about it you have knowledge at your fingertips other peoples mistake to learn from not to mention your a child of god and nobody is perfect we all have to make mistakes but we also have to learn to stop at the point of trouble please be honest to him at least let him know whats going on he will more understand than your parents but that doesnt mean you dont have to tell them please make the right decision and you will have it in the end ,the man that you love ,an education a loving family not to mention your parents to back you up all the way

  36. Elle
    August 6, 2013

    It’s unfortunate that she can’t bring this dilemma to her mother. I do believe she is a bit too young to start dating as well as being intimate, especially with a boy who is 18 (considering the law).

  37. Jus sayin
    August 6, 2013

    Yes, she’s underage but if she really loves him, I’m not sure she’d make that an option. She just shouldn’t keep lying to them because later on she’ll realize that yur mum is actually yur only true friend & guys cme and go.tell him the truth & prepare to take it up with your mum. It’ll be a weight off yur chest. Make sure dt he really loves yu for yu though & nt anything else because at dt age we’re often blinded. & maybe you should hold back on the sexual activity for the min. Cux its one thing for yur mum to find out yu hv an 18yr old bf but another for her to find out yu had sex with him #think about it & becareful. Cux things aren’t always wat dey seem.

  38. Lori
    August 6, 2013

    Once a 15-year-old begins to experience a sexual relationship, seeing that even most adults do not have to maturity to handle it, do they really take advice? I don’t think so. The best advice is for her to use protection, because all the wisdom and best wishes in the world will not help.

    And don’t bother criticizing her either. A lot of those that make nasty remarks have their secrets too.

    • February 4, 2015

      Lori, please do not affirm this young lady in the thing (fornication) that is destroying her.

      She does not need protection.

      She needs an encounter with Christ.

      She needs deliverance.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. International Evangelist.

  39. Young And Twisted
    August 6, 2013

    smh my girl watch your self

  40. Little j
    August 6, 2013

    I think that u should stop what u r doing now befor it’s too lat. girl them boys don’t care all they want is wats in your panty . Pregnant now and u will see how much love he has for u

  41. true dominican.
    August 6, 2013

    poor jaabe, little girl taking big man ting, that’s why I struggling to get a man so.

  42. jim jones
    August 6, 2013

    god help us please

  43. Krazy
    August 6, 2013

    oh boy children melee again.. child go and study your book and leave man alone. do u want to have a baby at 15.. i don’t think so.. do u want to have a std or Aids at 15.. i don’t think so..

    therefore you need to behave your narrow little butt and focus on your future. :-x

    • presidential girl
      August 7, 2013

      what u mean focus. we dunno whats focus. man is man eh. we well want it. we presidential girls dont care as long as the man money is ripe then its alll good. hell with the rest, u doh want baby then use condom or close ur godddAM Leg, plus u will be rejected by society
      cuz once u not doing it, u not in it yet..

      shezzy

  44. August 6, 2013

    You’re only fooling yourself. Yes, you must be tired of lying because you have a feeling that the truth is going to come out soon and you are scared. Your mother knows that you are lying….she is just giving you a chance to see how long you will keep it up. I bet she already called your friend’s house just to inquire whether you where there. :-D Poor boyfriend has something in store for him. Just don’t get pregnant for him

  45. ?????????????
    August 6, 2013

    So you should be in 3rd or 4th form? Wonder if all this internal distraction is not causing you to fail everything that you are doing at school.
    I know of many many girls who are around your age group and are involved just as you are. Thing is 99.99999999999% of them do very very poorly at school.
    You need to concentrate on your schoolwork at this tender age of yours. You will have time to have fun later in live till you drop young lady.!!!!!

  46. trolol
    August 6, 2013

    Just continue with what you’re doing, this is a norm at the time. :roll:

    • diamond girl
      August 6, 2013

      i agree!!!

    • SweetD
      August 6, 2013

      I gather you are just being sarcastic!

    • Justice and Truth
      August 6, 2013

      Bad advice to a teenager. :twisted: :twisted:

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