Am I an “old fashioned” mum?

Dear BellaI read your article of the 13-year-old with a boyfriend and I also gave my views, but now I do have a mother at work telling me her 13-year-old has a boyfriend.

How can a mother/parent tell her 12/13-year-old to have boyfriend?

I too have 12-year-old and there is no way I am going to allow her to have a boyfriend or a serious relationship when she has to study her school book for exams.

What is going on in this world? Am I an “old fashioned” parent who took after her mum? My mum raised me in a good way. I had my first boyfriend when I was 21 and got married when I was 30. I had my first child when I was 31.

Why can’t some parents let their kids be kids? It is too young to have a boyfriend at 13 and then what happens if that child is mensurating? What if she gets pregant at 13 or 14 ?

I really want somebody to asnwer me this. Parents where are your parenting? You are the parent not the child. Your kids have to listen to you and do and say what you tell them at that age.

But I guess it is the parents the kids are looking at and that is the reason they have to make their kids have boyfriends/girlfriends at an innocent age of 12 and 13.

what do you think Bella.

Am I wrong or too “old fashioned?”

“Old fashioned” mum

Dear “Old Fashioned mum,”

You are definitely not old fashion. It is very sad that these days when you hear very young children and teenagers talk about or get involved in ‘serious relationships.’

I think we should allow our children to be children. At that early age parents should focus on molding thier children to be healthy, well-rounded and productive people in the future. Teenage years are very tumultous years and the lack of proper parental guidance can be disastrous.

More parents should be stepping to the plate and performing their duties instead of being mere spectators in the development of their children.

Bella

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55 Comments

  1. May 26, 2014

    Parents must be careful not to send out a mixed message. :oops:

    Right is right :lol: and wrong is wrong. :cry:

    You cannot tell your daughter it is wrong to have sex before she is married and then teach her how to do it without getting pregnant. If somebody is going to defy God’s moral code they must be taught that there IS a penalty NOT how to sin and AVOID the penalty because that gives them a very low estimation of God. I’m sure this is not what you want.

    My wife and I were both virgins on our wedding night. Our parents taught us abstinence and we bought into it. Don’t tell us it isn’t possible or it doesn’t work in this day and age! We have just celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary!

    Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. International Evangelist.

  2. March 25, 2013

    Hi Mum! Read your letter to BELLA and can’t resist the urge to say something. Thank God for a mother who knows love doesn’t mean letting the kids do everything they want to do. You have lived longer than your daughter. If for no other rerason you would have gained some weisdom from life experience. You also have a vested interest in her young life so you are the one person most apt to give her the right advice. Yes, 12 or 13 is too young to date. The fact that girls married younger in New Testament times means nothing nlow. It was a different cuilture and a different time in history. At that time the parents of a child wre married and together. Divorce was rare. The kids had the example and teaching of both parents to guide them. The parents had a say in who their children married. There was no “dating” when a daughter “tried out” partner after partner until she got pregnant and had to get married to a young man who had already demonstrated his lack of respect and self control. Maybe the way they did things back then was not perfect. But it does explain why most marriages last a lifetime. Society has changed. But the natural instint in most mothers leads them to want what is best for a daughter. So we have some Mums like you who try to holf their daughters back from a serious relationship until they have gained the knowledge to make right choices. Do NOT be troubled by any mothers at work or anywhere else who tell you they let their 12 or 13 year olds date. These are weak women who would rather let the kids have their own way than fight with them. I thank God for Mums who care enough to do what is right. Someday if your daughter follows your guidance she will thank you. And other women will admire you as a woman who was ahead of her times! Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.

  3. Truth
    February 10, 2012

    Yes you are old fasion and good for you, stay that way. Its also important have an open mind when it comes to your children. Talk to them so they iun turn can trust and talk to you about their issues.

  4. 69
    February 9, 2012

    u not old fashion because if you take serve, most old fahsion had kids very young….even go back in history when dads use to make thier daughters married at a young age.

  5. Ice
    February 6, 2012

    Whether the child is from the US, Dominica or just another part of the world she is still a 13year old who is too young to know about love. Which one of you at 13 never had a crush on a boy/man or experienced little ‘puppy love’? at that age her hormones are raging and all over the place, she is becoming aware of herself as a young woman and she ‘thinks that she is in love’ Probably at this point her Mom needs to be the one having that ‘talk’ with her. We are so damn backward, ignorant and hypocrite we make it very hard for our kids to approach us on certain subjects and so they seek advise elsewhere. I see nothing wrong in having a friendly but respectful relationship with your kids. Some of you bury your heads in the sand and pretend to be old fashioned and strict. We are competing with peer pressure and modern technology. As far as I know there have always been 13 year old girls with their little chaleh because of again the old fashion and ignorant parenting they learnt to keep t on the down low so kindly don’t blame TV and computer. been around long time.

  6. Ice
    February 6, 2012

    To read some of you all’s comments someone would think y’all were nothing but a bunch of saints growing please give me a break !

  7. am father &mother
    February 5, 2012

    parents we have to do what we have to do , cause i send my 13 year old child to spend a weekend with some family and when i came to get her my family then took after me tel in me i have to free up the child , in my face they tel her it is ok to have a man once u doing u school work , i was not happy about it and when i talk they wanted to fight me with words

    • Sassy
      February 8, 2012

      i am father and mother and NO ONE can tell me how to raise my children !!! you gotta do what you have to do to raise your children properly. the time will come…oh yes it will come for them to experience love. For now teach them to pray first then the values of life.
      its working out GREAT with me. i have two teenagers and one small boy.

  8. Devils Advocate
    February 3, 2012

    are you an old fashioned mum? not at all however your APPROACH is old fashioned. First of all I am not advocating your daughter or anyone’s child at age 12/13 to be in a relationship, however the age we are living in makes it difficult for children and young people these days. It will be very difficult for you to stop a child these days from having a relationship (i am considering your choice of words “I will NOT allow…” In this day and age society puts great pressure on our children and it then becomes our words and influence against what appears to be the norm outside of the home. As parents we need to take a sensible approach in dealing with such situations and the execution of our strategy very much depends on the relationship we have with our children. I have a 17yr old daughter who is yet to have a boyfriend, I speak openly with her about relationships including sex, I have informed her about the pleasures and woes, consequences too. I see my role as being a guide to help her make informed choices rather than trying to CONTROL as our children need to be recognised as individuals and often the thing we are dead set against are usually the very thing we were guilty of at their age. If we took time in cultivating a good open honest relationship with our kids at an early age, it then makes it much easier to guide their actions rather than be seen as using forcefull and bullying tactics to control our children,including a 12 year old.

  9. Anonymous
    February 2, 2012

    Having a boy/girl friend dose not mean one or the other is having SEX…..my kids dated at the age of 13!!!!!….did they have SEX at thirteen?…..a boy/girl friend at thirteen could simple means a friend to go to the Mall with, to the Movies, the Library…do home work…hang out WITH….at times we adults takes pleasure in labeling peoples children, and not pay attention to OURS…PARENT SHOULD HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR CHILDREN…CHILDREN MAY ASK IMPOSIBLE QUESTIONS, EMBARASSING ONES MORE SO.. WHEN WE SHUT THEM UP.. THEY SEEK ANSWERS FROM OUTSIDE..AND THEY ARE NOT ALWAYS THE RIGHT ANSWERS….STRENGTHEN OUR KIDS TEACH THEM TO LOVE THEMSELVES..WHEN THEY DO GOOD ENCOURAGE, CONGRATULATE THEM..T A LITTLE TAP ON THE SHOULDER A LITTLE HUG, AND I LOVE YOU CAN GO A LONG WAY..WHEN THEY DO WRONG SUPPORT THEM AS WELL…

    PARENTS SHOULD NOT CALL THEIR YOUNG GIRLS SALOP…..AND EXPECT DIFFERENT FROM THEM..

  10. Observer
    February 1, 2012

    The best thing for old fashion mum to do, is to befriend her daughter, and make your daughters friend boys and girls welcomed in your home, when you are there,in that way you can influence the behaviour of both your daughter and her friend.The boys will know that you are a woman to be respected, and you have hgh standards for yourself and your daughter, your daughter will know that you love and care for her welfare, and she will not want to disappoint you. Don’t preach,live the example for your daughter, by being a very present and available mother to her, someone she feels comfortable in confiding in.

  11. jerseydominican
    February 1, 2012

    i see no problem with young people having a relationship with each other and you kniwing about it becuase they can go behind your back and do it anyway we live in a diferent times and we need to talk to our teenage boy/girl not just your girl boy too as island people we think we should lone talk to girl about teen pregnecy wrong they all need to hea rthe story about the birds and bee talk to your kids about sex not all young that have boy or girl friend is going to have sex if lay the law down and tell them whats going to happen u they have sex they will to them lets wait for the right time marriage so i think 12 and 13 old can have boys and girls can have relationship at that age education first and talk to you all kids about sex

  12. tiny
    February 1, 2012

    Lazevier or what ever is yout name ..i doh blame you it is no your fault cause they teach you guys absoltely nothing in that catholic church…..Mary was a virgin so she had to be about 13 or 14..because history shows that back then girls wete married by that age.you would have been considered an on hag if you were unmarried at18..so to be a virgin back then you had to be below the marriage age. And I referrnce this story to show that time and culture changes things…. I have said time and timeagain the biggest weapon that a pareny can use to ensure that their remain on the right path is their t I m e….they need to spend quality time talking and listening to their kids..make them feel and know that they are loved…you do that and they will listen and obey instructions..thet have a brain..

    • February 1, 2012

      [Lizavier 4 Jesus]Tiny This whoman have great understanding wisdom knowledge about God but you.Your understanding can only be darkened when you are carried away by carnal thoughts and hollow imaginations.

    • February 1, 2012

      I agree with[ Lizavier 4 JESUS.]TINY Your understanding can only be darkened when you are carried away by carnal thoughts and hallow imaginations. You must avoid them at all cost because they separate you from the good life of Christ and blind spiritual understanding.where in the holy bible mary get pregnant at the age of 14 tell me .

  13. KAYA
    February 1, 2012

    I agree with most of your comments but i would rather my teen daughter tell me whats going on and supervise there relationship than she hides it from me and comes home pregnant and gives me the shock of my life.
    Am just saying.

    • Sicoline
      February 1, 2012

      i agree because you can then give her the guidance that she needs.

  14. green day lover
    February 1, 2012

    struuuppppzzzz

  15. Hmm
    February 1, 2012

    Our responsibility is towards our children.

    Information of all sorts is more readily available today than it was when I was growing up. I knew that having a boyfriend at age 13, 14 was a no no. But guess what, I had but we did nothing more than maybe a quick kiss on the lips, danced, exchanged mint wrappers etc; sex was never an option.
    My mom instilled the fear of God in me that once I have sex I will get pregnant, and none of them ever pressured me to have sex. I did not have sex until I graduated from 6th form college. By that time I already had 3 “boyfriends” but never had sex with any of them.

    We need to remember that our we are the parents not our children’s friend. Sometimes my daughter would say, I am not your friend. I simply tell her I don’t need to be your friend. I am your mom and you are stuck with me as long as I am on earth.

    Children live what they learn. We have to respect our children; never think they are too young to understand what is going on. For example, I don’t let my boyfriend sleep at my home when my child is home.

    We have to respect our children but most of all we need to communicate with them openly. It’s not enough to just say no – sometimes you have to break it down and explain why you are saying no. Believe me, they understand.

    • Anonymous
      March 10, 2012

      you speak the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth

  16. NG
    February 1, 2012

    My mom got pregnant with me when she was 15 years old. I saw her make a valiant effort to keep my sisters away from situations where boys would not influence them into doing the wrong things. I on the other hand got a girl pregnant when she was 14. I know you all like to read between the lines so I just want you all to know I was also a teenager when this happened. Till this day I regret robbing that young woman of her future.

    I am saying this because it takes two to tango. We are here talking about the young women ignoring the fact that the young men need the same talk from their parents. I am talking form experience when I say that at 12 or 13, theses boys are not interested in having girlfriends. All they are after is sex. With so many single parents today, our kids lack the true sense of family. Technology has taken over, and very soon, no matter what parents do, kids are going to do what they want.

    • March 28, 2013

      NG: You have brought to light a side of this problem that not discussed often. We hear about mothers and daughters. This is because it is the daughters who get pregnant. As the old saying goes, “The boy lives to play again another day.” Yes, I read between the lines and I hear you loud and clear. NG, you have something to offer. Our society needs to hear your story. Boys can benefit tremendously by being told (a) how easy it is to be overcome by temptation (lust), (b) the damage it did to the young lady, and (b) the bitter remorse you now feel. I doubt if you have ever thought of actually going public with this. But I have worked as a paid counselor in a big health centre and as a pastor. I am now an evangelist with an international ministry. I know the field of public communications. Trust me. Your little story would be effective. Please find opportuities to share it. Whenever possible speak privately – one to one – with teen boys. Speak to group gatherings of boys (or boys and girls) in churches or wherever you get an opportunty. Ask for opportunities! I expect there are pastors or youth workers who would be more than happy to use your services. You could also look for opportunities to write a column (even if it was only a one time thing), or get your story into the papers. It is not necessary to use your name. Writers often use a “pen name”. Your story also shows how important it is for children to have the influence of both a father and a mother in the home. Dads should be teaching their sons – by both example and by words – the importance of respecting young ladies. They need to hear from their fathers that sex before marriage is wrong and the pain it can cause. All this underlines the importance of following God’s model for marriage as He has given it to us in the Bible: one man and one woman to the exclusion of all others joined for life as long as they both shall live. Such marriages produce the best families with the least problems. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hll. Pentecostal Evangelist. http://www.livinghopeministries.ca

  17. Justice and Truth
    February 1, 2012

    Dear lady you are by no means being old-fashioned. You are to be commended. There are dangers in allowing 13 year-old girls and also boys to date and have a serious relationship. This is their time to be nurtured and disciplined appropriately and to hit the books and study for a future career.
    You are a mother and it is your obligation to ensure that your 13 year-old conducts herself appropriately as a child, as you experienced as a child. You are doing well.
    Keep her busy in other respects and she will not have time to think of having a boyfriend at her age.
    I recall a Calypso: “…You’ve got to talk and talk to them…”
    The day will come when she will experience this other part of life but for now she is too young.
    As for that mother who appears to be proud that her 13 year-old daughter has a boyfriend, wait and see what may happen to her. May she not come complaining and crying to you that her daughter is pregnant, if not now but soon enough.
    I reside in Toronto. While travelling to work, I recall meeting a young girl, probably approximately 13 years. In speaking to her she told me that she wants to have a baby. I could not believe what I heard. I gave her a lecture against harboring such a thought and told her she must concentrate on her schooling. We parted ways. Occasionally, I think of her and wondered what happened to her and how she is doing.
    It is pathetic to see some young girls with babies and baby strollers. They are far from adult age. They should be in school studying for a future career.
    There are some of their friends who have babies and so they think they should have babies because they are so cute. They do not realize that it is expensive to have babies. It also takes time and at that age once they have children they have lost their freedom. Parents need to advise their teenagers accordingly.
    I hope that your daughter continues to listen to you. I do know, as a loving, caring mother you will do your utmost to ensure that she grows up to be a lady.
    God bless both of you. May He protect your daughter from the dangers that some youths are experiencing and others have experienced.

  18. SaylC
    January 31, 2012

    you are not old fashioned,ur a mother who cares and looks out for her child..bt listen here.children know things older people have no idea about..once a child is surrounded by influences it is real easy for them to get caught up by wat is happening around them..u might never know,that child probably not getting love at home so they go look for it in all the wrong places and then there’s the parent that just dosent give a shit…in conclusion, children do wat their mind tells them to do,they know the difference between right and wrong bt yet still they do it anyway.. no matter how many times the parent may correct that child, that child worry wit u again?…my lady hold on to ur child and leave the rest be..u cant stop wat happening in this world now…

  19. DA IN NEW YORK
    January 31, 2012

    I WOULD NOT CONDONE MY 12 OR 13 YEARS TO HAVE
    BOYFRIEND. IF THIS CHILD GETS PREGNANT THE
    PARENT IS TO BE BLAMED. PLEASE LET YOUR
    CHILDREN BE CHILDREN DON’T TAKE THEIR CHILD
    HOOD AWAY FROM THEM THEIR EDUCATION SHOULD
    BE NUMBER ONE PRIORITY. BOYFRIEND COMES AND
    GOES.

  20. (.) (.)
    January 31, 2012

    At the age of 11, 12, 13 , hormones start going crazy. These kids are confused about life, they want to try things and the best they need is guidance and trust and understanding. And , don’t forget communication.

    • Justice and Truth
      February 1, 2012

      (.)

      There is no excuse why a 13 year-old should have a serious boyfriend and with benefits. Recall that article to Dear Bella.
      In this era their hormones are going crazy? In this respect what makes them different from 13 year-olds of yesteryear?
      These view too much TV and have access to the Internet. They also have too much free time and freedom on their hands to do as they please without parental or other adult supervision.

  21. Sayodityodit
    January 31, 2012

    My dear you are definitely not old fashioned because I for sure would not allow my 13 year old daughter to have a boyfriend but with kids nowadays it is not easy at all. They want to grow up too fast and society is not making it any easier for them either. So try your best with your daughter instill in her Godly and wholesome principles and pray that she stays on the correct path and if she does stray somehow let us hope she will remember all the good values that you taught her. All the best!

  22. Francis chicago
    January 31, 2012

    Old fashioned mum.I like that.Through the ignorance that is in them’ because of the blindness of their heart’.Ephesians[4-18].

  23. Truth
    January 31, 2012

    ‘Old Fashion’ As a youngster I had many girlfriends from the time I was 12 but didn’t lose my virginity till 17. The girls my age at the time were more aggressive than me sexually; my sexual inexperience and God alone that kept me from getting them pregz. From the time I started having sex at 17 my GF got pregnant (big problem). Flirting and dating at a young age is natural but SEX should wait till at least after high School. My advice bring your kid to church wit you once in a while, spend time with them so they can trust and talk to you, help them build their social confidence so they are strong enough to tell someone NO. After that it’s in God hands.

    • May 14, 2013

      Dear Truth: You are giving what I call “fip-flop advice”. So you waited until you were 17 to have sex. But you still got a GF pregnant. Obviously, your age didn’t help her. You are saying sex should wait until after high school. But an unmarried high school graduate having sex is still guilty of the sin the Bible calls “fornicaton” and according to Galatians 5:19-21 they “…shall not inherit the kingdom of God.” They can still produce an illegitimate pregnancy. They can still contact or pass on a STD. If seems you think you can make up your own rules as you go along. You are like a sailor without a compass lost on the sea of life. The most crazy part is that you say the parents should take their kids to church once in a while and “…it’s all in God’s hands.” you talk about church and God but yet you show absolutely no respect for His Word. Any intelligent teenager would rather you would go one way or another and quite your double talk. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist. http://www.livinghopeministries.ca

  24. Anonymous
    January 31, 2012

    I like the influence of the old fashioned mum.As the last one of ten five brother five sisters noway in the world any of my sisters will ever have boyfriend before the age of 21.It all start from good principles from your mother and father and the world of God.Through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their hert’.Ephesians;[4-18]

  25. Cari
    January 31, 2012

    My lady you are old fashioned and nothing’s wrong with that. But you must also understand that the 13 year old of 35 years ago is not the same as today. There are obedient, quiet children and good for those parents.

    But what do you do when your 13 year old decides that by all means she is going to try out sex? Kill her? Don’t send her to school? Lock her up? Murder the boyfriend?

    So don’t point fingers at your next door neighbour who put her 13 year old on birth control. The mom may be very old fashioned and is surely unhappy but by all means has to deal with it the mature way. We must differentiate between old fashioned and hypocrite.

    • Dominican
      January 31, 2012

      Not wanting your daughter to be in a sexual relationship at 13 is not hypocrite. But, if is so you calling it, I am hypocrite to the bone. I will not allow it. If she wants to go out? My dear – some children will experiment come hell or highwater. I do not have to condone it or accept it or allow it. I hypocrite and proud.

    • May 26, 2014

      Parents must be careful not to send out a mixed message. :oops:

      Right is right :lol: and wrong is wrong. :cry:

      You cannot tell your daughter it is wrong to have sex before she is married and then teach her how to do it without getting pregnant. If somebody is going to defy God’s moral code they must be taught that there IS a penalty NOT how to sin and AVOID the penalty because that gives them a very low estimation of God. I’m sure this is not what you want.

      My wife and I were both virgins on our wedding night. Our parents taught us abstinence and we bought into it. Don’t tell us it isn’t possible or it doesn’t work in this day and age! We have just celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary!

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. International Evangelist.

  26. tiny
    January 31, 2012

    @honey…tell it too them …hypocrytes…10 …11…12..year old girls masterbate….parents….you all better wake up…stop sticking you head in the sand like an ostrich…I mean you cannot talk to a child to early about detailed aspects of sex..kids must be kids…but they are growing up faster than we think…we ccant shelter them forever…

  27. Holy Ghost
    January 31, 2012

    Let Kids be Kids..I say, As “YES I” says too much TV they looking at, the US is not like other countries, the US thinks they should not beat their kids that is why them kids, doing what they want and when parents correct their kids they call the cops, what can the cop do to your child, they are not the ones feeding and clothing them,, i am not saying to abuse your child(ren). Too much time on their hand and not enough work to give them to do, As a young girl that age growing up I had so much to do sometimes I use to grumbling to say what i have to say because if my parents hear me is beat they would beat me, so i had to what they say..I sure turned out good… so if Parents today would go back to the old days many of our young girls and boys would be better off… My HATS off to you OLD FASHION MOTHER

  28. tiny
    January 31, 2012

    so at what age should a young lady start dating? 16..17..18.. this is not being adressed….the avearage age of marriage went up simply because women are now working as well as men…so by the time they finiss college and settle in their fist job they are about 24..and marriage follows…but in countries such as strict muslims ones where the women do not work….most women get married at an earlier age…as in the time of Mary and joseph

  29. joe
    January 31, 2012

    thats the only thing on bella that make sence ,every other article is for entertainment..i was getting on a train here in newyork and three little girls were in one kind of conversation that i even felt ashamed .one of them about 10 or eleven years old was even explaining her role and saying how many guys she had already kissed .i had to move fast and make sure they didnt get in the same car with me cause their mouths were really loud about their affair.

  30. Toosense
    January 31, 2012

    Although we cannot control life nowadays, I feel we parents have somewhat let our children down. When I was growing up i was taught that Boys are not going anywhere and if I take my time, get a solid education I and don’t give myself to the first person I meet, God will send me a good husband. Today I am greatful for the lesson learnt. We need as parents to take control. Stop our children from watching what they want to see on tv and the internet and go back to the days when kids would be kids. Involve in educational groups,read books, play sports and be invoved in community activities instead of sitting infront of a tv or computer or on a cell phone all day. Our children would have no time to even think about boyfriends or sex at those young ages.

  31. tiny
    January 31, 2012

    Mary was pregnant with Jesus Christ at the age of 14 it means that she was engaged to be married at the age of 14.. Whether you agree to it or not ..your kids have their crushes innocent relationships at that age……and I agree that your kid must listen to you but you must also listen to your kids especially when they reach that age…….you tell a 10 year old you do what I say simply because I say so….however you need to change your approach with a 12amd 13 year old…you need to start dialoging…..after all they will be an adult in a blink of sn eye and you have very limited time to help them make the right choices on their own…that should be a patent number 1goal……guiding them to make the right decision on their own…..that is when you are not around and when they become adults

    • February 1, 2012

      “Mary was pregnat with Jesus Christ at the age of 14” @Tiny

      Tiny, in the first place, you have no proof of that statement above, from the Word of God–the Holy Bible.

      Secondly this news article has nothing to do with Mary’s conception–it was God’s Work, as He chose her faith, trust, humility, obedience, and her body to do this work, for His glory.

      This news article is about the lust of the flesh and its temptations, which remains uncontrolled in the minds of human beings–this time it is about children who should be involved in their studies at school.

      Know that “the lust of the flesh is not of Father but is of the world”. There comes a time when we have to know to draw the line.

      I am sure that your statement above–Mary being pregant at 14– is unfounded, making it blasphemy against the Holiness of God as well, since you have used that statement to defend the things that God detests.

  32. Honey
    January 31, 2012

    Whether we like it or not, a lot of things have changed. Whereas we got to know about pornography at 18 or 20, children know about it as early as 7. Whereas we studied all sorts of science at 15, they now begin at 9. We must be aware that knowledge these days are not age censored. It is widely available and the children are conscious and ready much earlier for lots of things.

    As parents, we must become aware of these facts and speak to our children. Understand what they go through. If your child is well brought up, intelligent, but asks about having a boyfriend. I don’t think it’s her fault or the parent’s. That’s what she sees on the teenage shows on Disney etc, her peers etc.

    If she demands, she will find the time to have sex. She may even own a dildo whereas you may never have seen one. So it is your duty to speak to your daughter or son and take it to the next step, which is sex education, and contraception if necessary.

  33. Anonymous
    January 31, 2012

    Need more mothers like you ‘old fashion’ & it’s not that you’re ‘old fashion’ you have moral & you care….but it’s not always the parents, sometime you raise your child as an angel & they still en up being horrible.

  34. news
    January 31, 2012
    • Lady G
      January 31, 2012

      This is madness

    • kerry
      January 31, 2012

      childs want to paly big to fast then when something goes wrong the parents play like they was so focus on there childs and on d other hand when of them parent don’t take care of them they go after older man or wemen for money an get pregant there get ready to send a man to jail

    • kerry
      January 31, 2012

      i think we should have more old fashion parents because these days parents are much younger and they allow their kids to take a mile and in the end they expect them to take an inch. there’s nothing wrong in having a boyfriend at thirteen but everything wrong with an intimate one.

  35. Ni
    January 31, 2012

    The problem with parents nowadays is that they switch the roles of parents and child.. The parent acts as the child and the child acts like the parent..this happens because the parents allow it!!
    We parents should stand our ground and remind the kids as long as they are under our roof they must comply with our rules!!! We are in control not the child!!!

    • MORE TO COME
      January 31, 2012

      I agree with your comment…but let me hasten to add also that with the second part of your comment … some parents do expect the children to go out and bring in the money..their house…comply their rules? We didn’t ask them to make us and while we are grateful to be here we don’t want to be used as prostitutes to dirty old uncles and false cousins just so we can pay for our school books and topup moms phone to invent more uncles and far fetched cousins. And we certainly don’t need to be told that was how they were raised…every parent should want twice better for their children if they had a good upbringing wish for it for their children and a bad one wish for nothing like that to happen to their own kids.

  36. Agree
    January 31, 2012

    No you are not old-fashioned. You are a mum. Many women who gave birth out there- but they are not all mums.

  37. A
    January 31, 2012

    i totally agree. a boyfriend at 12 and 13 years? and some parents even accepting that. no way dat could happen in my time. but i guess it mainly depends on how the parents raise their children, and what they teach their children too eh. but once again, i agree with this column. nothing to object about…

  38. Yes I
    January 31, 2012

    We watch too much tv. My daughter who is 7 always asks me if what she sees on tv is real. We bombard our kids with television having them believe that this is the way life is supposed to be.

    We need to take back control and stop letting our television and internet parent our kids for us.

    At 13 years I was so busy teaching cathechism, being a girl guide, being in all kind of groups, boys was not important. According to my mom, they are not running; when you finish school they will still be there. So true.

  39. Anonymous
    January 31, 2012

    I support your view old fashioned MUm…you need to give your child every chance to survive and have a happy life and having a boy friend at 12 or 13 is not the way to do that.

    As you say one of the few things that can come that is pregnancy where you might have to consider an abortion as an option. those things a life changing and definitely impeded the child’s chances of a happy adult life.

    There is a reason why the age of consent is 16 my dear people.

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