I am a 21-year-old young woman and I have a loving relationship with a respectable young man who is good to me.
My parents love him and so does my friends but I can’t seem to fall in love with him nor have sexual relations with him.
I guess you could say I am not attracted to him sexually nor physically. The more time I spend with him the more I think about my ex.
My ex boyfriend and I were together since we were 15 years old, he is my first everything. First kiss, first love, first and only sexual encounter.
My ex cheated on me several times but I stayed with him because I love him so much that whatever he does seem to be fine with me.
He cheated on me a year ago and I finally decided to break it off, But I can’t get him off my mind. My new boyfriend and I have been together for about a year but I can’t seem to have sex with him because every time we get close I feel like I am cheating on my ex even though we have been over for about a year.
My new boyfriend frequently ask if I still love my ex and I say no.
Bella please tell me how to get over my ex. I don’t think I can.
Need Answers
Dear Need Answers,
Break ups are usually messy affairs which takes a heavy emotional toll on someone. Break ups which involve cheating are particularly rough. You are obviously suffering from the emotional wounds from your break up and this is particularly difficult since you and you ex have been together since you two were 15 and he is your first everything.
Take time to let your wounds heal. Probably it wasn’t the best thing to get into another relationship with your wounds still raw but since you have done that, talk to you new boyfriend and tell him what you are going through. I am pretty much sure you two can work something out.
Additionally, it is not a good idea to rush into sex within one year of a relationship and with emotions still raw. Let the relationship grow first and get to know each other before jumping into the sack.
Good luck
Bella
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Over 20 years i broke with my first m’y every thing and can tell it herts still . ?know what u feeling be strong
Dear Need Answers: By now you may have found your answers but so many others out there are still asking. I reply so often to letters like this I am sorry if I sound like an old cracked record. The reason for the repetition is this: The same problem requires the same answer. When you had sex with your first boy friend a bond was forged between you that is meant to last a lifetime. This is why God says in the Bible that sex belongs in marriage. Outside of marriage God says sex is a sin. This is so serious the Bible says “…they that do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Galatians 5:19-21) God intended sex between a husband and wife to not only produce children but to create that bond that makes two people one for as long as they both live. When it happens outside of marriage it creates a bond that may actually be a bondage. In your case it is a tie you’re having trouble breaking free from. I encourage you to admit to yourself and God – yes God! – that you sinned by giving yourself to that young man sexually. The Bible calls this sin fornication. When we believe the Lord Jesus died for us – for our sins – on the cross, and rose again, and we receive Him as our personal Saviour, He forgives us for ALL our sins and gives us eternal life. This is what it means to be saved. Check out the following verses in your our Bible. Romans 5:6,8 with 1 Corinthians 15:3,4. St. John 3:16, and Revelation 3:20. When you have taken this step of faith don’t make the same mistake again. Wait until a Christian man comes into your life who is willing to marry you before beginning a sexual relationship. I invite you to visit my website http://www.livinghopeministries.ca and click onto the EAGLE COURSE. It can be studied from the screen or copied absolutely free. The first lesson will tell you how to receive Christ as your personal Saviour if you have not already done so. This is NOT religion! It is an exciting RELATIONSHIP with the risen Lord and the beginning of a walk with HIM! Need more help with this? Visit a Pentecostal church. Introduce yourself to the pastor. Tell him I sent you. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist.
Well if you cya get over the ex, go and get back with di ex, since is blose you like…and pass di good man deh beacuse it doh have plenty around dem days.
The issue is not about LOVE but SELF-CONFIDENCE. You need to do a self-check. Your X knows/knew how to play you at a young age and he got the puss on lock (I’ve done the same). To unlock it, your new boyfriend has to stop being nice and treat you worse than your X did. Then you’ll start liking him, I promise lol. To break the cycle you should try to love and appreciate yourself more, alot more. Later on you may finally realize you are better and deserve better and shouldn’t have men dogging you out.
my dear i couldn’t get over my first either it took me years too eve wen i moved on i never stop loving him wenever i would talk about him or c him it would bring back memories i still remember the things we shared but i am no longer inlove with him take time my dear talk to ur new b/f open up to him tell him how u are feeling u will soon get over the ex
you need to take some time for your self,My guess is you are still pretty young!girlfriiend take back the power!be .confident, That is very sexy in a woman.Like you were advise, take some time to heal,the new boyfriend keep him at that status.remember sex complicates everything.He maybe a nice person who your parents and friends love that doesn”t make him the right person for you.It also appears that you are not attracted to him,no chemistry there. forget about the practial,do the theory.Stay strong you are WOMAN
Hmmm I have a problem similar 2 dat de boy say he want me afta we have sex he tell me he wit somebody else bu I not lettin him go….who doe agree wit me da is ur probs
your dam nasty is woman like you i cannot stand in dominica….i dragging my blade across your face
loool
Well young lady, i can relate to you. I was so hang up over my first love when we broke up it’s not funny. I got involve with another young man just like you but i felt things with him that I had never felt before with my ex.By the way my ex cheated on me too. That other man showed me what real love was and opened my heart to a whole lot of possibilities and I thank him for that even if the relationship did not last, he helped me heal. So I see what you are going through although our situations are different. YOU WILL get over your ex but it will take time just give the new guy a chance you may find he has better qualites than your ex, overtime or else let him go because it’s not fear to him.
girl u are just being childlish you dont have feelings for the present boy friend you get out of the relationship is not for your parents nor your friends you loving anybody.suit your self you are only letting your self suffer trust me.
That is not being childish, every one of us are different in how we perceive things. You might be a much stronger person mentally that she is. Whilst you can walk away from a relationship and don’t care two-twos, she appears to need some time to heal. My advise to her is don’t jump into a sexual relationship, you might be doing yourself more harm than good.
Apprcetiaoin for this information is over 9000-thank you!
how on earth you calling that a LOVING relationship??? stupes!!!!
hi ladies think about me if all you want… but i aint gonna leave my new girl for any of you nor risk my relationship.
girl get over the man , and a year no sex a joke tha man 3 days into the relationship id have alreay dumped u lol haha mister is a tehbeh man
TEK IT EASY ON D GAL….. 3 DAYS??? YUH CAN GIVE HER A WEEK TO SHAVE N GET READY…LOL
This is advise that my mom gave to me, when I was getting over my first hurt. She told me,”time heals all woumbs”. In other words, just give it time, and you will get over your broken heart and the ex who took you for granted. You deserve so much better, and to tell you the truth, I think that you may have found it with your currant boyfriend. You guys have been together for a year, and he is still hanging in there, even without sex. Be patient with yourself. It will take time, turn to God, and you will see, your ex will be just that a thing of the past.
just by the way you talking i know EXACTLY who you and and who you are talking about. listen sweetie your ex is a dog and heart breaker…He broke my heart too. I know its hard to get over him trust me but you gotta move on hes NOT worth it. you are a BEAUTIFUL girl and his new girl got NOTHING on you. Give the new guy a chance but if you really not attracted to him then just enjoy the single life. dont force yourself to like someone. you ex gave me the best sex of my life but he cheated on me too much and i realized i was better than that so let it go
it is not fair to your new boyfriend. you should him how you feel.if he can handle a year without sex with his girlfriend then i am sure he is understanding.
I won’t judge you because to each his own. You will eventually get over your ex and learn to love again. There is nothing wrong with you, you are just not ready to love again.
GIRL! LEAVE BOTH O THEM ALONE… ESPECIALLY UR EX.
AND STAY OUT OF THE SEX THING. THATS HOW U GOT IN TROUBLE IN THE FIRST PLACE: WHEN HE TIRED OF USING U HE JUMP TO USING OTHERS
YOU LOVED HIM AND HE KNEW THAT, BUT HE DIDN’T LOVE LOVE YOU. HE LOVED THE SEX U PROVIDED HIM.
TOO OFTEN WE THINK THE CONDITION FOR LOVE IS SEX. PICK UP URSELF AND BECOME A WOMAN ON INTEGRITY.
IT WILL TAKE TIME BUT U SHOULD ERASE THAT EX JERK OUT OF UR HEAD… AND DON’T BE SO BUSY TO JUMP INTO BED WITH EVERY BODY UR IN LOVE WITH. GOD BLESS.
THATS MY MANLY ADVICE
GOOD VYBZ
If the young lady broke up with her ex a year ago and she has been with the new one for a year then she did not give herself enough time on her own to properly reflect what went wrong with her ex. As a result she will always be comparing him with others and they cannot measure up to the ‘first’ love syndrome. After a little breathing space she would eventually start dwelling on reason why she left the ex, which was a good one – he was always cheating on her. This whole situation could be clouding her judgement as the reason she is finding it difficult to commit to her new relationship could have nothing at all to do with the ex but just simply that the new boyfriend is not the ‘one’.
girl first u doh good …
second ya present not a man… over a yeah and no sex hahahaha a joke man…
and third ya ex need sto take advantage of u because u too damn stupid….
I SECOND THAT! HE SHOULD CONTINUE TO USE HER BECAUSE HER FEELINGS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH LOVE, ITS THE SEX SHE LIKE. THE NEW BF TOO NICE AND THE OLD BF TOO NASTY. EVERYBODY GETS STUCK ON THEIR FIRST LOVE, BUT ITS THE FIRST SEX THAT HAUNTING HER.
sweety did it ever occur to you that your ex might be in love with someone else? in terms of your present boyfriend i think you should let him go and give yrself some time to heal.
i don’t know why some women like to jump into another relationship so soon after they ended one. pls don’t let sex dominate yr lives
The majority of people, if not all of them will identify with this person. It takes time to get over a relationship especially a long-time one and one which was the first. In time, she can get over him.
As the saying: “It is only mind over matter.”
Learn to love and appreciate the one whom you are with and you will see how quickly you will forget the first one who cheated on you several times. Just do not keep in touch with him and let him know of your feelings.
It may be that you were both young and he wanted to experiment with other women.
It is time to forget him and caste him out of your mind. It does you no good to keep him in mind. Do not deprive yourself of present and future happiness.
Personally, I would not inform the new boyfriend of feelings for the Ex-boyfriend. He may be suspicious about you, not trust you and feel that you will return to him. You can sort this out for yourself in your own heart and mind. Do not bring him into this especially if he is not aware of it.
If the new boyfriend is kind to you appreciate what you’ve got. Be happy and move on – with him. I wish you well.
Firstly, young lady Fear Allah for this is the beginning of wisdom. Please know that to have relations out of marriage is an oppression against your soul.
Secondly, your ‘ex’ did not love you however you love him…very sad, how could you love someone who doesn’t love you?
Thirdly, this is the problem with many men and women, they have their emotional baggage yet they drag others into it thus hurting others in the process. You are oppressing yourself and the young man. Let him go so that someone will appreciate him better than you.
Fourthly, you lied to him when he asked you the question whether you are still in love with your ex. This is a disgusting and dishonest behavior. If you do not leave off dishonesty you will incur the anger of Allah.
buh wittttttt.. buh who is this Allahhhhh? You sounding like a mister dont know shit all…Man gtt off here… U know shit about behvior N and these people feelings u just assuming shit. Boy move u dere.. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
When you see a word, the best way to find out is by using a dictionary, using http://www.wikipedia.org or other means of finding information.
Secondly, you must learn to spell, a simple spell check will do. When you post like this, this goes out to the world. It reflects negatively on the Dominican audience as an illiterate nation.
I hope you will type ‘Allah’ in the search box in order to know more about Allah. I pray that you possess basic comprehension skills.
@ Muslim
Pertaining to this article, your advice is irrelevant. Give the woman a break. She does not have to be honest with the man. You should know that if she were honest he would hold it against her. Use your common sense and cease giving such advice. You act as if you were always perfect and is.
I WOULD JUST BURST THAT GIRL HEAD IT SEEMS AS THOUGH IT IS OLD PUSS THAT IS IN HER HEAD THAT NEED TO BE GOTTEN RID OF.GIRL STOP MAKING WOMAN LOOK STUPID.
Don’t be so hard on the young lady. I totally see her point. It is not always easy, but she just has to be strong and keep on trusting God to direct her paths and be of courage.
DON’T BE TOO QUICK TO JUDGE WHAT SEEMS EASY FOR ONE IS DIFFICULT FOR ANOTHER
AS I WAS SAYING: Do not punish the young,respectable good guy,whom your family love… Let him go… It’s not fair to him what you are doing,it may return to do more harm to you than good in the future…YOUR EX IS GONE, BUT NOW YOU ARE RUINING THE YOUNG MANS LIFE..MAG WAY SAR!!!
OLD BF SHOULD CONTINUE TO USE HER BECAUSE HER FEELINGS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH LOVE, ITS THE SEX SHE LIKE. THE NEW BF TOO NICE AND THE OLD BF TOO NASTY. EVERYBODY GETS STUCK ON THEIR FIRST LOVE, BUT ITS THE FIRST SEX THAT HAUNTING HER.
sot…
you is a girl..
AJAG, HOW CAN A SOUL TIE BE BROKEN?
Girl to get Over one guy you got to get UNDER another.
Oh No bad bad bad
YOU CANNOT GET OVER UR “X”?
I HAD THE SAME PROBLEM
IT TOOK ME THREE YEARS BEFORE I GOT OVER MY “Y”
Puss what was it that you kept you with your ex. The big tolie, the way he ate you? what is it that have that still have you thinking you cheating on him when you all arent even together. Your response i await.
I doh no y DNO doesn’t cut u off with them stupid comments u does make der..u not making any sense sometimes…it doesn’t mean it have anything to do with tolie i got a man and still cannot get over my ex its been 2 yrs since we done…u always der to tell somebody something u maybe running man like wat so u won’t no wat love is……
u got a man but it’s obvious u would still sleep with your ex. girl it’s obvious why yr ex left u. if a man have sex with a woman while she’s still in a relationship, do you really think he’s going to stick around. oh yes, he will enjoy the kitty cat that you offer, but that’s all. LADIES WAKE UP
whosassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Ti Sal Anonymous one thing you must and should put in your head if is anything you learn here. I’m hot and i keep the fire on this medium. I ask the who what is keeping her so connected to her ex… it may all well be the tolie etc so the only way i going to understand or get an answer is to ask a question so if your vex puss go and suck on something big. ok puss. And on a side note i glad de man pitch you Ti sal behind to the side two years ago you washout.whossssssssss
Sexybitch you dam right on that one that why the Ti Sal Anonymous so mad..she giving up the tizing sal sus of hers to her ex and her man there can’t do anything with her wesay sus cause its been running the streets. Mine me you know…whosssss
DNO I really believe you should print my article
ADMIN: Which article? Please send to [email protected]
If you are not attracted to him physically or sexually, then you are not in love with guy. Let the guy go so that he can find someone who is able to truly love him and take some time by yourself to get over your ex. It might take some time, but its not fair to you nor this guy to string him along and you know you are still in love with your ex.
YOU SHOULD HAVE TRIED THE SINGLE LIFE FOR A WHILE BEFORE JUMPING INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP.
stupes. grow up child
Thats not the way….
Just because she is in love with her ex does not mean she is not grown up. Fall in love and get into that same situation and you will know who is grown up
Bella thats a soul tie that needs to be broken