My fiance will not marry me if I cannot have children

I was referred to your page on Dominicanewsonline by a friend and I hope you will be able to help me with my little problem.

I am 35 and I have no kids. I am about to get married but my fiance will not marry me if I cannot have any kids.

I really do not know what to do. I have done all I can: go to different to different doctors; did lots of test both in Dominica and St. Maarten. I even went to Barbados to see what is the problem. I was once told I had too much male homornes and that is the reason I cannot have any kids. I have been trying for six years now, So I am under alot of stress.

I do love him and  he loves me. He saying I should not worry because if I can or cannot have children, we can adopt.

But I see he is stressed about it too. Whenever he sees a baby he always wish it is his. I told him to go to someone and see if it is me that have the problem or he but said he do not want to cheat but I think it is not cheating if I give him the OK to do it.

I have been with other men (before I met him) and I did not get pregnant. So I really do not know what to do now.

The wedding is set for February 2012 and I am at my wits end as to if I should marry him or not.

Can you help me Bella.

Hoping to read the comments on your site.

Needs a child

Dear Needs a Child,

I suspect Polycystic ovary syndrome may be the culprit behind your problem. One of the symptoms of this condition is the high level of male hormones in the bloodstream. This is a treatable condition however, it is very difficult to to get pregnant with such a condition and some women never do.

It appears that having a child is very important to your fiance and before you two get married it is important that you two discuss the fact and agree that possibilities exist you might never get pregnant, which of course is no fault of yours. Unless he accepts that fact, you should probably hold back on the wedding day. It makes no sense getting married with an unresolved issue hanging over your heads which more than likely will lead to great stress in the relationship and even seperation.

One of the ways of resolving this issue is to discuss the possibilities of adoption. Many couples have adopted and have realized that it brings great satisfaction to their relationship. I am sure if you two love each other, solutions can be found.

Good luck

Bella

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48 Comments

  1. ann
    January 26, 2012

    ALL YOPU PEOPLE MUST BE LOST SOULS!!!!!
    ALL OF YOU ALL MISSING THE PROBLEM!!!!

    WHY SHE TRYING TO HAVE CHILDREN FOR SIX YEARS NOW AND SHE IS NOT MARRIED?
    HUNNY GET MARRIED AND GOD WILL BLESS YOU WITH A CHILD!!!!

    YOU IN A FORNICATING LIFE TRYING TO HAVE KIDS,SOMETHING GOD PROHIBITED! LIVE A FAITHFULL LIFE AND GOD WILL HELP YOU!!!!!!

    STUPID PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Anonymous
      March 6, 2013

      I am marriued and still cant’ have kids

  2. Feel your pain
    January 25, 2012

    Conceiving a baby is an act of Divine Creation. When you offer this prayer be in an open receptive mood, feel a connection to your inner sense of creativity. When you pray feel as though your wish has already been granted, picture yourself caring and nurturing your baby. Here is a prayer that you should say daily.”Lord you know my deep desire for a child, A little one to love and to hold, to care for, to cherish. Grant that my body may conceive and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby in your own image. Guide me in all my choices so that this conception, my pregnancy and my baby’s birth are in line with your will. Heavenly Father and Holy Mother, hear this prayer from my heart, mind and spirit. Ame.

  3. Boss man
    January 25, 2012

    woye maybe you sooooooo fat he cannot make his way between the legs

  4. susan
    January 25, 2012

    Hi, Fear not my child says the Lord. My husband and i have been together for 8 years now. We tried and tried. But thank God that he has given us (humans) wisdom, knowledge and understanding.I live in the UK but got relatives in DA so i was refered to a herbal list. Girl the remedies did wonders in my life and body the fibroids i had also disappeared and now i am a proud mum of a 19mths son he has brought joy to us all. So you are in the land of purity there should be nothing too hard for God to do speak to this herbal list he will advise you.

  5. Francis Chicago
    January 25, 2012

    DO your quran.says ask he shall be given.page 404 .

  6. Francis Chicago
    January 25, 2012

    Whoman go with your plan a get married.Why because you doing God principles do the bible says. I will make all my mountains a way, and my highways shall be exalted.Also you should seek God 21days of fasting and praying you and him.Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the lord.

  7. Justice and Truth
    January 25, 2012

    Bella is correct. You should not get married until you can resolve this problem.
    He should be tested. Some men are satisfied with the situation. If he genuinely loves you he will and will agree to adoption.
    There are times when some couples adopt a child, the women conceive a baby. If a herbalist is able to assist, contact him/ her.
    Most of all, pray to God. Nothing is impossible for God, He who knows what is best for us. I wish both of you God’s blessing, happiness, peace and all the best.

  8. Anonymous
    January 25, 2012

    My sister you should go with your plan and get married.Why beause you doing God principle,But you and him have to seek God bible says with God all things are possible I will make all my mountains a way, and my highways shall be exalted.God says I Love those that love me;and those that seek me early shall find me.And i say unto you,Ask and it shall be given you seek and ye shall find;knock and it shall be opened unto you.For every one that asketh receiveth; seeketh findeth knocketh it shall be open .but if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.

  9. cold
    January 24, 2012

    Bring your comments to christ and he will help solve your problems and answer all your prayers

  10. January 24, 2012

    rent a belly may be that would help

    • Anonymous
      January 28, 2012

      you are so stupid why come in hear with dirty mind get the …..off here instead of encouraging the lady u here with your bullshit rent a belly .my dear pray God is the only answer get married and pray that God bless your marriage with kids not bless you and boyfriend with kids thats not it

  11. vanassa
    January 24, 2012

    I think you should go in a fertility place and they could help maybe,or you should think of letting some other woman help you out, like she carry the baby 9 month and after birth the baby is yours, that what happening nows adays I forget the name they use to call it in english

  12. Excuse me but
    January 24, 2012

    As doh when a couple cannot concieve both should be tested? How you know is not the man that cannot make chirren? but what happen to “too eager to please women” nah? girl if the man loves you both of you will get tested. If this is stressing you so much leave the man cuz even if you make a chile he will find some other excuse to stress you, choops

  13. concerned
    January 24, 2012

    She is the one wanting to have children ( a way of handcuffing the man). he said they could adopt so why is she so stress? I believe that the man fed up with her.Should you have a child with a handicap would you accept it or regret you being so desperate? Lady leave life take its course.

  14. January 24, 2012

    check out that herbalist… there products do help… http://www.belllifestyleproducts.com/store/ppc-p-3-8-fertalin.aspx

    • garday
      January 24, 2012

      My best friend is currently pregnant thanks to the help of a herbalist, after 3 years of trying and taking all kinds of drugs. Good luck my girl.

  15. Nurse Practitioner
    January 24, 2012

    PCO is very common and women with this condition have certainly had children via IVF. The ovaries are stimulated to produce eggs or with the use of a donor
    egg(s)fertilisation can occur. Please not the success rate depends on the response of the ovaries and the hospitality of the womb. One of the risks is multiple birth(twins or more), which some might see as a bonus.

    If you cannot afford to travel beyond the caribbean you can certainly receive diagnosis and treatment here: http://www.barbadosivf.com.

    Before you contact them, kindly consider if you are indeed in a relationship with a man who loves you with conditions attached. As far as I know love should be unconditional.

    I hope this helps. Best Wishes to you.

  16. beenie
    January 24, 2012

    wow trouble dat wi i wish my girl was like that to let me try vibes with other woman

  17. KAYA
    January 24, 2012

    Girl leave miste. If he truly and honesty loved you and wanted to marry you he would whether or not you could have kids.Plus you are putting to much pressure on yourself, just relax whatever will be will be. GOOD LUCK

  18. Anonymous
    January 24, 2012

    listen to me young woman, sometimes the answer to our problems is as very easy.. i too had that problem. i prayed and i got a dream to take a bath in baby powder. empty a can of baby powder in a warm tub of water. sit in it and wash your entire body. it worked for me.. i am a happy mom

    • garday
      January 24, 2012

      Pure. LOL Can we give the woman some real advice?

  19. Hear me Out (Xtra)M
    January 24, 2012

    God said be fruitfull and multiply , But i dont want to be rude but these hard times we leaving there its better u dont even make a child…If ure barren , God made u that way …dont force it, if he loves you he’ll marry u and accept the fact that you cant bring forth , if he cant accept it , then thats not true love … adopt, so many children out there who needs a dad, a mom … sigh …

  20. just a suggestion
    January 24, 2012

    At the start of her letter the young lady says the man won’t marry her if she can’t have children. Later on she says he has told her its not a problem as they can adopt. Its a different problem if she wants to have a child of her own or wants to give him a child of his own but that may not be possible, from what she says this has been ongoing for some time and she has been seeking treatment. Despite this the problem could still be with the man, perhaps they both have low fertility – has he got any children? The stress of this situation will not help her conceive so they should have sat down a while ago, before this coming wedding to discuss honestly exactly how or if they can go forward. If not, this marriage will begin on very shaky ground with possibly lots of anger, regret and resentment to follow. I wish them the best.

  21. DA4LYFE
    January 24, 2012

    Have you and your fiance discuss In vitro fertilisation (IVF)? There are different options available for one to get pregnant just do your research. If you have the opportunity to come to the USA/CANADA/UK there are several organizations that can assist you with dilemma.
    1)http://www.americanpregnancy.org/infertility/ivf.html 2)http://www.ivfcanada.com/ 3)http://www.hfea.gov.uk/

  22. garday
    January 24, 2012

    Check a herbalist! He needs to get a sperm test done too. If he doesnt want to put the effort he ehn ready for babby yet.

  23. tiny
    January 24, 2012

    Who needs man anyways……sex …can definitely do without….consider yourself blesses..you can always addopt…become a foster parent…have enough time to spend with at risk kids…this is more worth while than most marriages believe me….most married women are kindly

    • tiny
      January 24, 2012

      Oops lonely..kindly…..how did that happen…most married women are lonely

  24. Radical Gal
    January 24, 2012

    I understand how this young lady feels, however its always in God’s perfect timing. He is never too late with His answers. We must always strive to respect the Father’s timing. I am in this situation, and have struggled with it for years. We both love children and children cling to us, but when you understand how awesome our God is – its okay to just let go and let God.

  25. feel your pain
    January 24, 2012

    Tough….I nearly thought I was in that position but thanks to the Divine work of prayer.. I am now a couple of months pregnant. Cant wait to see our creation through God’s grace. Pray and keep God close…and if a man loves you…although he longs for a child, he will not leave you for that… my husband wanted one but said if we can’t…then it is up to God’s will. But keep praying….and discuss the matter. Don’t know about your faith.. but trust God… He especially works when we surrender ourselves to him..body and soul. So is better you guys do a trial separation (Remove sexual intercourse..since you guys are not married and this is what God requires) or get married and see how God works wonder.
    If it is medical, get treatment.. the PCOS thing is a true thing….don’t know if they test for it here but metformin (the diabetes medication) helps your ovulation to get regularized… so it may help. The best of everything.

  26. January 24, 2012

    LOVE PREVAILS OVER EVERY AND ANY THING WHICH TROUBLES US.IF IT IS GOD’S WILL THAT YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE A CHILD MAN CANNOT HELP YOU,NOT EVERY TREE BEAR FRUITS AND THE SAME FOR ANIMALS.LET GOD’S WILL BE DONE AND TAKE IT WITH GLADNESS EVEN THOUGH IT HURTS,,,BE HAPPY..
    MY CHILD’S FATHER WAS HAPPY WHEN I WAS EXPECTING MY SON HE TURNED AWAY AND LEFT ME WITH A CHILD ,I DID NOT EVEN HAVE A JOB.DO YOU IMAGINE WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH TO RAISE UP A CHILD ALONE?TAKE LIFE AS YOU GET IT BECAUSE IF I HAD TO THINK AND CHANGE MY LIFE I WOULD NEVER THINK OF HAVING A CHILD.

  27. Baby Drama
    January 24, 2012

    I see every post is reffering to the woman as she may be the one that’s unable to concieve but may it be possible that it’s the man who is having the problem. Not sure what the medical term is but men do shoot “blanks” and in which case technology can also help. they both should consult a doctor and see what can be done, I see some people recommended an Antiguan Dr or even the U.S. Take their advice.

    On the other hand I have known my boyfriend for about 9 yrs now been together for 2. I have 2 young boys and he has a grown daughter, he had a vasectomy yrs ago and I decided that I didn’t want any more kids(we made our decisions b4 we got together) and now he keeps talking about more kids and I am still staying NO.

    Two people so desperatly want kids while others don’t.

  28. Honey
    January 24, 2012

    If the guy doesn’t have any kids of his own why does the problem have to be treated as if it is purely the woman’s own?

    Plus, even if she had other boyfriends and never got pregnant, are we to conclude that the guy was a virgin when he met his fiance? Or that he never had an unprotected encounter before? I think not.

    Men without kids need to stop pointing fingers at women where it involves infertility, and if they truly love the woman, the situation will be treated as ‘us’. Not just you go check yourself. They both need a check up.

    Why is it that he or the both individuals may have problems or incompatibility issues has not emerged in the discussion after 6 years?

    At the looks of it, child bearing is not your only concern before entering marriage. At this point, Bella should not be your last desperate resort to finding answers.
    He has to decide if he loves you enough marry you child or no child.

  29. Pa La
    January 24, 2012

    I feel your pain since I was almost in the same situation and I prayed and prayed and today I thank God everyday. Lady do not put the blame on yourself. It could be the man who has the problem as it was in my case. Seek overseas help for both you and your partner because you are still very young to have children. The marriage part, i would leave it alone for now if that is presently a negative issue in your relationship. All the best in your endeavours.

  30. Dominican
    January 24, 2012

    Girl, postpone the wedding. Do not get married yet.

    If you really want him to have a child with another woman, step aside my friend and set him free. As the saying goes, if he is meant for you he will return.

    • Francis Chicago
      January 25, 2012

      why not she says he loves her why not go ahead and doit its god principle, with GOD ALL things are possible.

  31. pusina
    January 24, 2012

    Puss you have too much male homornes.. Whoooossssss Tony marko why you doing us that for puss.. You want to make baby now lord help me.. whooooooooooossssss

    • garday
      January 24, 2012

      Pusina this is a real condition. It doesn’t mean she is gay or anything. Read up!

      • pusina
        January 24, 2012

        Puss i never said she is gay i said she was a man/woman..mine my sus…ok

  32. ineedfree
    January 24, 2012

    First blessed sister; dont hold your breath.

    Exhale and relax.

    Your divine mission is always present and trust the Almighty that your prayers are heard.

    First, we must deserve His gifts…..

    Take a clean out with local herbs…pomcolie, or any other available to you. After eight or nine days of taking the herb water in early morning or at night take a dose of casscara or castor oil with honey and lime.

    Your lifestyle must become herbal and prayerful with lots of nuts, ockros spinach.

    Do your own research and talk to the elder women in your community that you can trust.

    What can happen in the meantime is that you will discover a strong relationship with your ancestors and your Christ who will bring you to a spiritual awareness of preparation of motherhood in all its divinity.

    I suggest a yoga program for beginners.

    Certain things will evolve. If it is the will of the Almighty that you bare His gift, you will.

    If there is another mission that you and your husband must fulfill on earth, not having children should not depress you and him.

    You two will shine a light that will be a great gift ..a divine one that the world needs now.

    I hope your partner stays with you while your faith grows. Destiny is beautiful once you are prepared

  33. blessed
    January 24, 2012

    MY DEAR YOU BEING STRESSED ABOUT IT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE.. there is a reason for everything. i have a friend who was in a similar situation who have been in prayer for the same thing and God did answer her prayer. But .. sometimes God’s will is not ours. if this man says he loves you he should accept you the way things are.. its not like you did anything to prevent yourself from having kids..You never know he might not turn out to be a great father after the child is born or maybe you could have the child and that child comes out with some disability that turns out to be even worse for the both of you. Love is a very powerful thing and if he truly loves you he will be patient or accept it if not then he has some serious issues. I will be praying for you Just be strong and stay focussed and have some faith

  34. yes Lord
    January 24, 2012

    in today’s world there are a lot of technologies go to a doctor if you have to travel to states then do it, they could put you on fertility drugs or take an egg from you and Ur fiance sperms and fertilize it then implant it in your womb. above all this pray and fast for there is nothing God cant do his yes is bigger than men no. if you go into marriage with a problem it will only get bigger even to the point of hatred, be of good faith love conquers all.

  35. Feel for you
    January 24, 2012

    My girl pray about your situation God never gives up on what is His own. Please don’t allow your intended to try having a kid with someone else because if a child does come along from another woman believe you me you will be forgotten, so trust in the Lord and just be patient because a day for us is a 1000 years for the Lord and 1000 years is like a day also. God bless you and fiance, I’ll remember you in prayers

  36. TRUTH
    January 24, 2012

    Trust God for the best he never gives up on his own. If the man is destine to me yours God will make a way and in adoption you and your hubby will get the love. I know of a couple with problems and they just adopted a baby and they are very happy. Discuss this with your husband and always keep the line of communication open. If he goes with someone and have a baby as you gave him the ok be sure he might stay with that person and you will be left alone, be wise DO NOT give him that option. Remember to pray always what is impossible with man is possible with God. Good luck and I will say a pray for you and your intended husband.

  37. Miss
    January 24, 2012

    And some of them even have the guts to let the woman name the child after them without consideration for the wife that was struggling to have her own. You know how painful that is!

  38. the right doctor
    January 24, 2012

    this is a problem that is popping up with many young women in the Caribbean, but i think that you should try and check doctor Raymond Mansoor obstetrician & gynecologist here in Antigua he is one of the best when with this problem he can get you on your way to having a child

  39. way papa
    January 24, 2012

    girl think well before you take that step. If your are in doubt pray about it. Because it is not an easy thing if your husband goes out there and have his kid! Trust me I am dealing with this and it is not easy!

  40. Lady G
    January 24, 2012

    I agree with Bella, you should talk about the situation before the wedding date.

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