I have been friends with this young girl for as long as I can remember. However we had to keep our friendship a secret by sneaking out or lying because our families were enemies.
In our early teens she developed a tomboyish style which annoyed me, then things became normal again.
At age 16 our friendship was unexpectedly blossoming into something more and I admitted my feelings for her. Her reaction was odd and then she told me she was a lesbian.
I took that pretty hard and felt betrayed because I’ve been through past horrible relationships with the wrong girls.
I tried months later but she still refused to accept my love. However I knew she loved me because she was always around me, hates the attention I give to other girls and I am the only boy she trusts around her body.
I then learned this year from a friend that when she was young a relative from overseas sexually assaulted her. I broke down. I understand now why she acts and dresses like a boy but I really want to be with her.
Please help.
Lovestruck
Dear Lovestruck,
You are dealing with a very deep issue here and I encourage you to approach it with great caution. If it is true the young lady was sexually assaulted when she was young, she probably is still suffering the the after-effects of such an encounter.
From your email, it is obvious you two are close friends and I encourage you to have a face to face talk with her, ask her to seek the help of a counselor. Sexual assault can scar a person tremendously but healing is possible. And this is what I would like for your friend.
I think you need to push the lesbian issue to the back burner for the time being. Be there for this young lady, show her that you love her, support her and hopefully she will be able to deal with the scars of her past.
Bella
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Nice i hope her girlfriend is hot and nice, this could end in a nice threesome
There have been men who married, had children, and later discovered their wives were lesbians. The fact that these woman even thought they loved the men enough to enter a marriage shows they were not born homosexuals though they may have been born with a tendancy towards homosexuality the same as most of us were born with tendancies towards some other bad things. It is not our tendancies but what we DO that defines us and makes us what we ARE. You are fortunate in this respect. Be thankful the lesbian tendancies came to your attention and she admitted to you she has this problem, although of course she may not think of it as a problem. You should not even think of marrying this young lady unless she experiences a total change and transformation by the grace and power of God. I agree with BELLA. You should put the lesbian issue on the back burner. I say this maybe for a different reason that BELLA said it. I am saying you should leave the “gay” issue alone because you are not equipped to deal with it. If – as you have head – this lady was sexually violated in the past she has been damaged. She can heal but it takes time and a desire to overcome. Until then she may not be able to relate normally to any man who takes a romantic interest in her. You should not ever try to draw her – or any other woman – into a sexual relationship before you are married to her. This is a sin that damages many couples in a way that harms the marriage later on. This young woman should be encouraged to open up to somebody she can trust. But she needs to avoid talking to anybody who would see her flawed condition as an opportunity and take advantage of her. I hope she will see the path she is on is not right and begin to rebuild her life. The best way to do this is to begin attending a Bible believing (evangelical) church on a regular basis. She will be helped if she takes seriously the preaching and teaching of God’s Word. If you really want to help her you can do this by going with her to a house of God. Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Pentecostal Evangelist. http://www.livinghopeministries.ca
What can I say? but if your shoe pinch your feet… take them off….you can only talk for yourself…it is better to jump ship and swin ashore if you can….than stay on and drown…
bonne chance..mon amie..
thats why ppl dont belive that these stories are real because those persons that write to you with real problems hoping to get some feed back there prblems are not even posted
you better run for your life before she turn u gay too.
atleast she hones to tell you from the begging to run your out cause if u enter its competetion with u and her chickso ugive her the money to maintain her chick dam fool run leave your shoes there and run .dont look back b4 u turn to piller of dust or sand cause if u turn salt u would still be useful to her cause she would sell u to make money and still keep some to season her food .fool
My boy you cannot hang your heart on one woman. So many other women out there, why you want to love a woman who looks like a “boy?” What does that say about you?
If you would like to help her as a big buddy, refer the chick to a counselor or something but don’t waste your time with damaged goods. It’s not her fault but that’s the reality that she is damaged goods.
In order for relationships to work in the west which makes it very hard both partners need to have a sound compatible mind, this girl is fragile why are you wasting your time? Go out and meet other women, or the best advice, do some research into Islam, Allah will grant you a wonderful, beautiful and pious wife, not a tomboy.
wow
lol is that sorry lover
Dude you’re in the infamous ‘Friend zone’ start screaming!!!!! Bcuz you will never hit that! Your first mistake was telling her you love her. She’s a tomboy/lesbian because she ‘like it rough’ you too soft! If somebody molested her that’s not your business, she’s obviously stronger now and is handling it her way. I can bet all the other women you dated are just like her feature and personality wise and the relationships all ended the same way… because they like it rough and UDOHREADYET!
My advice is to find someone attractive that’s completely opposite to her, you’ll see the difference! Also just a thought but if it was me I’d ask her if I could watch her and her GF together… maybe you might learn something while you crying SOT!
You are ignorant.
yes I am and what I said is true! the guy is the one who wrote the letter and he is the one hurting not the chick!
i think she may like you just as a friend and may not want to hurt your feelings, it might Be hard to understand if thats the message she’s sending or she may jus be afraid to love a guy due to her past but may in fact be in love with you. Its all about confrontation and possibly counselling.
I THINK THIS GIRL SEE’S HIM AS A FRIEND NOTTHING MORE. SHE IS NOT INTO MEN SHE USED HIM AS A COVER UP THE MEAR FACT THAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP WAS SIMPLE. BUT NOW ITS MORE SERIOUS SHE HAD TO TELL HIM WHO SHE REALLY IS. POOR BOY. BOY PLEASE LESBO AT THE AGE OF 16 LORD WATCH OVER US
heheheh
i dont think she is entirely a lesbo ….maybe she doesnt know how to really express herself because of what she has been through she is unable to trust another man fully with her body and afraid of what might happen to her seeing that she had such bad experience…keep being there for her and try to gain that trust completely….
i think u have to move on she will not change her mind if she does,u will be with her and she will continue doing it behind your back so move on my boy
Hmmm interesting….well my advise is that you encourage your friend to seek professionally help. Abuse of any kind can be quite difficult on anyone most of all sexual abuse. which in your friends case was done by a relative which makes it extremely hard for her to heal. At present it is difficult for her to trust so its a good thing she still trusts you. simply just be a shoulder she can lean on, cry on, heal on and can always depend on.
Every lesbian in Dominica have a reason for being one. I’ve come across alot of them and most of them were either abused or fed up of being hurt by man. Talk to her bro, try letting her open up to you and hopefully for you my boy she’ll come around. A man in deep love so wit a woman is kind of rare in Dominica. No offense intended.
just love she and her friend more for you
yea but when they decide to put a beating on, i hope you can take it,is mal nom they is remember
Young man continue to talk to her. As someone who has gone through this I can tell u that it is not an easy situation to just get over. It takes time and she needs someone who she can really trust for her to open up to. She also needs someone who she wants to see love her unconditionally before she gives herself to you. It might just be a phase that she is going through using the Lesbian issue for protection because she was hurt by a man already. Give her time and just be there for her; if you can get her some conselling it works.
aa that a new bella man. N E way bella. you gave a fair response.
loving a lesbian isn’t a bad thing>>>.. i wud look to get a piece from all her lesbian friends easily!!
boy you not easy to neh ranny lol
I don’t think you understand the term “lesbian”
if u keep talking to her she may open up to u nd wen she does give her smeting for her to love man alne nd nt women
I suspect d woman doing “that” better. Punk ! lol
………. but most woman in d/a turn lesbe because they was hurt by boys to much already so they maybe checking they trying the other sex to see wt will happen…
Well I not in your ‘most women’ with you nah….you just saying what you want????
Be a real man, make her open up to you, look for the connection between you and her, let her know whats on your mind, be there for her in every way, come on bro. every man has a feminine side, relate to her man.
Grow a vagina my boy! Problem solved!
awa wi dat not right the man in love
lolol
That’s gross.
well just up and leave or stay and enjoy d ride…
exactly what bella said….. but most women in d.a turn lesbo because they fraid d.a man jooking
Actually its because plenty d.a. man just want to beg, borrow, steal and lie. Better to just check a woman.
I knew it , I just knew it…so you on the other side since women in da fraid you..alas.
Pray ceaselessy. We want you to be strong
Great job Bella! It’s obvious that her past has left a scar, like Bella said be there for her, don’t judge her, advice her to seek the help of a counselor and show her exactly how u feel about her. You never know maybe she’ll come around but if she does not, then life goes on, I’m sure there’s someone out there that will love u unconditionally
since when does being sexually assaulted indefinitely mean that a person starts acting like a lesbian…. she may have been sexually assaulted but if she likes girls she liks girls
since they want to hide their female shape and parts its strange but true big shirts, pants will make you less appealing to rapists showing less etc. i guess
Plain and simple…..she is not sexually attracted to you. She wants you as a very good friend but being in love with you is out of the question.
If she is what she claims to be , why didn’t you notice something before?