My boyfriend cheated and now I am insecure

Dear BellaI have been in a relationship with someone for 8 years plus. I love him with all my heart. He treats me like a queen.

But lately he cheated on him. He told me he’s going to stop this affair but the other girl keeps popping up again.

The girl herself told me she don’t want to come between us and our relationship but yet she’s there.

He took my phone and called her to break it off but I’m not sure if I should believe this.

I feel like he’s still cheating but I have no proof.

I refuse to be in a triangle relationship but yet it kills me to leave him. Sadly he’s the only good thing in my life for now but I feel its about to end and the thought of being without him kills me…..but…..sigh!!!

I don’t know what to do. I’m tired of crying just thinking about it. Sometime when I cry he cries with me and try comforting me telling me it will stop but she have popped up twice after that.

So right now I’m insecure and I have lost trust.

Help me

 

Dear Help me,

There is an old saying that goes, “once bitten, twice shy” and I think this is probably how you are feeling right now. You know that your boyfriend has cheated and you are afraid that he might do it again. I think you are being extremely cautious and that is fine.

Concerning the other young lady, I suggest you give your boyfriend an ultimatum. Tell him that the next time this girl pop up again, everything between you and him will come to an end. If he really loves you then he should make every effort to make sure that the relationship won’t end.

Additionally I want you to take a good hard look at your insecurity as it will pop up again in life. In order to overcome insecurity, people need to:

  • Be willing to be put in vulnerable positions in life where they might get hurt.
  • Take risks to change their current behavior.
  • Trust others enough to expose themselves to them, risking vulnerability and the possibility of being hurt.
  • Have a healthy and humorous belief in themselves in order to overlook their exaggerated need for acceptance and approval.
  • Take a rational approach to each problem they face so that they are no longer inhibited by debilitating fears or beliefs.
  • Practice assertive behavior in their lives, earning respect and the acknowledgment of their rights.
  • Arouse the courage to take small steps in learning to experience success and overcoming their lack of belief in self. Once the success is experienced, they can build on it to gain the courage to act out of a strong conviction in their self-goodness and worth.
  • Break the barrier or outer shell of the self-doubt they have hidden behind and reach out to others. Breaking out of their “shells” requires letting go of past hurts (real or imagined) and moving on with life.
  • Open themselves to the possibility of success and accomplishment. Visualize or make a prophecy of winning at life so their energies are focused in a growth direction.
  • Reward themselves for who they are and capitalize on their strengths, attributes, skills and competencies.

Bella

Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at [email protected]. Dear Bella is published Tuesdays. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.

Copyright 2012 Dominica News Online, DURAVISION INC. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or distributed.

Disclaimer: The comments posted do not necessarily reflect the views of DominicaNewsOnline.com and its parent company or any individual staff member. All comments are posted subject to approval by DominicaNewsOnline.com. We never censor based on political or ideological points of view, but we do try to maintain a sensible balance between free speech and responsible moderating.

We will delete comments that:

  • contain any material which violates or infringes the rights of any person, are defamatory or harassing or are purely ad hominem attacks
  • a reasonable person would consider abusive or profane
  • contain material which violates or encourages others to violate any applicable law
  • promote prejudice or prejudicial hatred of any kind
  • refer to people arrested or charged with a crime as though they had been found guilty
  • contain links to "chain letters", pornographic or obscene movies or graphic images
  • are off-topic and/or excessively long

See our full comment/user policy/agreement.

74 Comments

  1. December 21, 2012

    Whao isn’t t a fact tat evry guy cheats his g.f m disgusted tat my boyfriend did d same wd me t feels hell ;-(

  2. similar prob
    March 28, 2012

    :wink: my dear i have a similar problem and it’s killin me. i don’t know wat to do, but i’m tryin to get over it. b strong ok

  3. star year
    March 21, 2012

    smh really really really ?????? what happen to strong individual women u catch the guy cheating on you and u still with him cause he wouldnt do it again smh if allu loving for 8 years and he can cheat on you just once shows how much love that in the 8 years smh

  4. Envar
    March 10, 2012

    ‘when i cry he cries i wanna cry with you” isn’t that a familiar line in a once popular reggae song?. look back at the 8 years and if you think it is worth it stay and fight, it is rather odd leaving a man on an even number, get even with him when the number turns odd. then when you with your new man and he comes crying, tell him bye bye, bye bye baby bye bye….. or beres have a nice track.. “i won’t waste anymore time crying over you when with my life i’ve got better things to do”…..

  5. neddia
    March 9, 2012

    Reading this article makes me remember the relationship i have left months ago. The best advice i can give u is eto end the relationship. Because if he truly loved u and respected you he would not be sleeping around with other women.When i walked out of my 8 yrs relationship with my ex-i felt so relieved because i had no stress to take. Y sit at ur home wondering which woman he is dining and wining now..

    MOVE ON ITS NOT WORTH THE HEARTACHE>>>

    • ME R
      March 9, 2012

      LEAVE NOW WHILE YOU HAVE A REASON TO, THAT IS …..NO RESPECT FOR YOU. MATTER CLOSE. BEEN THERE DONE THAT.

  6. bestadviceever
    March 6, 2012

    well……… make a nice food for him and then when his stomach fool BEAT HIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. hmmmm
    March 1, 2012

    doe leave him just give him a taste of his own fletchin medicine,just get a next man and u will see da difference.life to short to b stressin urself ova a two face man. see hw fast stress killin ppl.u didnt hear what happen to d hairdresser in d mall.i glad for u…put urself first at all times.learn to love and appreciate urself my girl.

  8. Anonymous
    March 1, 2012

    Young lady if yr boyfriend love you he will do any thing in his power to make you happy dont believe any thing he has to say you need to see action . Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me.belive in yr self start doing things to make you happy go out and have fun enjoy yr life when he see yr main focuss is not on him if he love you he will make the changes. There a better fishes in the sea LOVE YOU FRIST

    • ME R
      March 1, 2012

      I AGREE, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!!!

      • yes Lord
        March 13, 2012

        he should have married you 6yrs ago

  9. Anoushah Alie
    March 1, 2012

    sweetie; he’s not the “only good thing in your life” YOU are the best thing for your life, and you need to get rid of him, because he’s bringing you drama, and making you cry! Please, stop thinking that you NEED him, as if he’s your oxygen…NOT! girlfriend, God created men, and I bet you’re this young, naive girl, but it gets better; you just have to keep an open heart and mind! :-D

  10. forreal
    February 29, 2012

    but lately he cheated on him,what’s going on here,if he cheat on his self what are you worrying about,this is how it is written,bella did not see the need to have this error corrected.

    • Anonymous
      March 1, 2012

      It’s obviously a typo. Happens to the best of us.

  11. LR
    February 29, 2012

    @biggest loser you dont have to like my status lol….aa reality is you need to wise up!!

  12. Macka
    February 29, 2012

    (8)Bun him (Wuy!) tek man pon him tek yuh house and land and run it (Well) Bun him (Wuy!) tek man pon him tek di car and van and run it (Well) Bun him (Wuy!) tek man pon him tek yuh house and land and run it (Well)(8)..Yes I Macka Diamond could not have said it better!

    • dude
      March 1, 2012

      WHERE DAT DONKEY IS FROM

  13. February 29, 2012

    but you cheated on him and you never tell him.so what you talking about.you have alot of tricks.

  14. Cant help it
    February 29, 2012

    He cries with you? :lol: :lol: :lol: Someone forcing him to cheat man? :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Girl after 8 years that man should be talking marriage and settling down with you. Not cheating and even crying too. :lol: :lol: :lol: Put a timer on that relationship and get ready to head out. Mr sounding like a kyonneh… he crying… :lol:

    • DANZIGER
      February 29, 2012

      Crocodice tears mr not easy he is really a kyonneh. You see, mr has a plan trust me becareful follow yr business and u will discover all his tricks.

  15. Rainbow
    February 29, 2012

    I know this couple. An i dont think it would be wise to just end a relationship after 8 years. For sure things like this happens all the time and i know she is tired of this because she confides in me all the time. Just to say she is taking risk and going through lengths to let him see that he is hurting her. He is cheating on her not because he finds some interest in the other but merely the girl found interest in him. Toosense you are so right that after 8 years she dont deserve this… they both just have to keep trying to make the relationship worthwhile because i know that she tries a lot. All i have to say is formulate a plan…put him through a test, monitor him, but in between all that talk to him. At the end of it all you can decide whether he deserves you being faithful. In these day and age to much things happening that why women fight emotionally for things that they know means something. If to you you think you drowning your emotions for the sake of trying to fix this then leave. Once the emotion is drowned, when he does decide to change if he does, you wont have any feelings for the relationship.

    • Cari
      February 29, 2012

      But ay ay Rainbow… is you that write the article man. you defending the relationship so much. You cannot be best friend because as a best friend i would not be on here saying she confides in me.Did she/you come to Bella for help or to defend a cause?

      Let us know so readers can stop wasting their fingers energy and cease commenting.

      Next,,

      • dude
        March 1, 2012

        caari i tink he want she. Boy dat man is a real scamp

      • Rainbow
        March 2, 2012

        I never said that she was my best friend, i said i know the couple, and i know what the whole thing is about, so is either you read and comment or u just dont say a thing. i am commenting based on what i know

    • Anonymous
      March 1, 2012

      Rinbow, did you read what you typed? I hope your friend decided to write to Bella and not come to you for advice. He is cheating on her not because he is interested but because someone found interest in him?? Is that how weak he is? I am in a long distance relationship and people approach me all the time but I know what I have and nobody’s gonna blow hot air in my ear. She still needs to test him and decide whether he’s worth being faithful to? oh please!

      • Rainbow
        March 2, 2012

        As i said…i know the couple…..and i am commenting on what i know. People only tend to give advice that immediately says to leave a man. why dont ppl explore what might be the problem before giving advice

    • by stander
      March 3, 2012

      Honey these people have been together for 8 years how much time do they need to figure things out…the man is cheating and that young lady deserves better…after 8 years if he’s not man enough to put a ring on it and make this woman his one and only then she needs to cut her losses because he’s not the one. That’s the advise you give to people???? Sweet Jesus don’t let me run into rainbow if I need advise….

  16. Hmm
    February 29, 2012

    It makes nosense to focus on trust in a relationship. According to the Bible “Trust no man, but the Father.”

    The only way a relationship will last longer is through honesty- be honest with eachother.

    One is unable to trust his/her self far less to trust another or to have another trust him.

    Pray and ask God to be your first love then things will go smoothly from there.

  17. Yes
    February 29, 2012

    Once a cheat always a cheat. Don’t ever turn back. keep walking on…..

    • Rainbow
      February 29, 2012

      That may be true in some cases, i was once a cheater, but i have opened my eyes now and i can never go back to that. Sometimes people do change for the better. But its only people that have good heart and decided to grow up and be better

  18. BIGGEST WINNER ...;)
    February 29, 2012

    THERE ARE SOME WOMEN WHO KNOW THAT THE MEN ARE TAKEN AND DON’T CARE. I WAS ONCE TOLD BY “WOMAN BETTER WOMAN” BY A WITCH WHO WOULDN’T GET IT THROUGH HER HEAD THAT MY THEN FIANCE WAS NOT AVAILABLE. THIS WOMAN USE TO SEND ME MESSAGES ON FACEBOOK SAYING THEY WERE CRAZY IN LOVE, SHE WOULD DO BETTER IN BED THAN I WOULD AND USED TO TAG MY FIANCE IN HER PHOTOS IN WHICH WERE QUITE CLOSE TO SOFT PORN. I HONESTLY THOUGHT MY MAN USED TO ENCOURAGE HER AND i USED TO BE REALLY UPSET REFUSING TO SET A DATE FOR OUR WEDDING ETC. BUT ONE DAY HE ACCIDENTALLY LEFT HIS FACEBOOK OPEN (I am not proud of this) AND I READ HIS MESSAGES. HE WASN’T PROVOKING HER BEHAVIOR.

    THERE ARE SOME SICK WOMEN OUT THERE WHO WON’T STOP FOR ANYTHING, NOT FOR THE FACT THAT HE HAS CHILDREN OR EVEN A WIFE, THEY ARE ONLY INTERESTED IN GETTING WHAT THEY WANT. TO BE HONEST I THINK YOU SHOULD RELAX AND LEARN TO TRUST YOUR MAN ONCE MORE

    • by stander
      March 3, 2012

      Your situation is different…the man is cheating and he’s admit to it…”the woman keep coming back line he’s using is a bunch of bull. I’m sure the woman is not holding a gun to his head. He has the option to say no and he doesn’t. The young lady deserves better. She needs to take time for herself cause I think it’s sad for a woman to say the best that ever happen to her is a man. She needs self confidence and she needs to know that she deserves better than a cheater.

  19. Cherio
    February 28, 2012

    Don’t be surprised if he has a married woman and is using this relationship as a smoke screen. The christian married women with dumb-dumb husbands are the biggest man snatchers in the society; extorting laptops, purses, other gifts, tickets, and monies. The mother of Jesus weeps. Not even in lent they are repenting. Ahm ma gues ca.

  20. baby
    February 28, 2012

    as a woman i know we cheat too so stick to him but if it isnt stoping i suggest u move on..i heard u say he is d only good thing u got for now trust me ur worth more so stop believeing in one thing only him ur could be treated with more respect if u leave him an d move on

    • Rainbow
      February 29, 2012

      She says that because from since high school they have been there for each other. He always finds a way to make her happy and comfortable. You can understand that

  21. true
    February 28, 2012

    Men are Dogs! It’s a fact of life!
    Don’t make him feel he’s irreplaceable.
    Time to Move on Young Lady.
    Don’t waste another Day with this guy!

    • Muslim_Always
      February 29, 2012

      Excuse me? Men are dogs? This is a displaced statement take that back.

      • dude
        March 1, 2012

        muslim dont worry man she cannot find one lol

    • dude
      March 1, 2012

      Hey true: women are pussy cats to be chased

  22. (.) (.)
    February 28, 2012

    Young lady, just leave the fool . He is not worth your tears. He used your phone to end a relationship with another woman? Don’t believe that. He is just putting on a show to keep your quiet. He is still seeing her. Don’t waste your time and energy on something that’s only going to get worst. People like that don’t love , they lust. There are good men out there, you just have to put your faith and trust in God

  23. nan
    February 28, 2012

    my experience is my boyfriend cheated on me once in our 3 yr relationship. He was the one who told me about the mishap which happened only one time with the girl and they were not in a relationship or his “side chick”. I was hurt and it took a little while to get over it but i did. Since then things are even better and so far no other girls have popped up in my life and that ws 1 yr ago. The fact is that all men cheat but the fact that this girl keeps popping up means that u should kick this guy to the curb becuz he does not respect u.

    • Mr Faithful
      March 1, 2012

      Thats not true……….. I DONT CHEAT

    • dude
      March 1, 2012

      well said darlin.I LOVE AN ASCERTIVE WOMAN.U dont hv to make him look bad bcuz u know who u are and what u are about. Givemea call nah.

  24. Francis chicago
    February 28, 2012

    BOYFRIEND is not the way.The more victimization is up on their back they satisfy the lord for less.I tried to make them understand more foolish they be come the great culture joseph hill plead to mankind.

  25. Francis Chicago
    February 28, 2012

    Miss insecure.well you say that he treats you like a queen thats not true you been living in confusion, you been with him for 8years never get married.The question is how you can find happiness in your life.Jesus identified the key to happiness when he said; Happy are those who conscious of their spiritual need; Matthew[ 5;3]true happiness can be found only if you take steps to fill your greatest need our hunger for spiritual truth about God and his purpose for you.The truth is found in the bible, knowing that truth can help you discern what is really life important and what is not.Allowing bible truth to guide your decisions and actions leads to a more meaningful life.; Luke [11;28].

  26. scrappy
    February 28, 2012

    the more women we have is the better, the better, the better,the more girls we have is the better & the happier we will be, because your girl is my girl & my girl is not your girl. :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

    • Muslim_Always
      February 29, 2012

      Would you like someone to use your mother or other family members who are women to be used? When men use women we are using someone’s daughter, mother etc, have a heart and fear God for it is beginning of wisdom.

      • Anonymous
        March 1, 2012

        So when a muslim has seven wives they are not being used? They are all loved equally and treated like queens?

      • dude
        March 1, 2012

        Muslim talkin like he would like to hv a harem.

  27. lepure
    February 28, 2012

    :lol: propably you not doing something right. besides he doh make the commitment as yet so you expect all that, still that does not give him the right to cheat on you. :-D :lol: :lol: :lol: :mrgreen:

  28. who cares smfh
    February 28, 2012

    get a life

  29. NKay
    February 28, 2012

    sweetie based on how u described ur man i really believe he loves you. just because a man cheats doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. and he seems like he is genuinely trying to change. however, u need to give him an ultimatum, and let him see ur serious about him. but whatever u do don’t just give up on ur relationship

  30. UDOHREADYET
    February 28, 2012

    If someone is cheating then he/she DOHREADY for marriage or a committed relationship. This cheating thing that most people are engaging in comes from society… lyrics in music, frenemies, miserable people that want your company , sex addiction etc. As a woman if your ting itching and you need a new man to scratch it every-time you leave your house then UDOHREADY . As a man if every time you see a woman all you think of is sex and cannot even talk to her as a human being then UDOHREADY. As a married person if your husband or wife is no longer viable as your sole intimate partner then UDOHREADY. I’m all for sex and pleasure but stop wasting other peoples time in relationships when UDOHREADYET!!

  31. Secretary
    February 28, 2012

    Life sucks!!!…… oh wait…… PEOPLE SUCK!

    • dude
      March 1, 2012

      sack sot

  32. HOPE!!!
    February 28, 2012

    I consider that situation so mild compared the things that are going on in relationships. Which man does not cheat my dear. You leave him get into another relationship and the same thing goes. You would be a lucky woman to find a man you can trust. You just have to make the best out of your relationship and don’t let those things bother you. Life is too short.

  33. Phenomenal Woman
    February 28, 2012

    He treats u like a queen n cheating on you? Hmm my girl you’re not his queen, you’re more like his door mat. Can’t u see that this man is using u? Eight years? No, come on man! And this chick got the nerve to tell u she aint want to come between u guys hmm, trust me she knows exactly what she’s doing. U better get out!

  34. no name no warrant
    February 28, 2012

    Relationships are sooooo complicated. The only person who can genuinely tell you what to do is YOU. No amount of advise will change your mind on what it is you want. You are the one who knows how you feel and how he makes you feel. you are the only one that knows if his feeling is genuine or not. And you alone knows what cooking in your pot. So the decision is yours and yours alone. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH?
    After 8 years, ask yourself – Is he worth it? Is this other woman worth walking away for? all those and more can only be answered by you. Good luck

    • Rastafari
      February 28, 2012

      8-O No complications here, move the heck on with your life 8-O !!!

  35. Biggest loser
    February 28, 2012

    Sweetheart my HUSBAND of three years won’t leave his ex-wife alone and I am not complaining. She had chicken pox a few days ago and now I have it..I believe I am in more than you sweetie. Does her family embarrassed you when you all are out? or send you insultive messages? Does his family say they prfer her to your face. SHUT YOUR DAMN TRAP!!!!!

    • no name no warrant
      February 28, 2012

      The status of your relationship is your choice. I think she has a right to complain if she feels the needs to. Not because it is ok for you to stand what you are facing that makes it right

    • DPM
      February 28, 2012

      Biggest loser, it sounds like you’re taking your anger out on the wrong individual here. You’re choosing to stay in your relationship, this indiviudal is asking for advice on how to proceed with her current relationship situation.

    • ME R
      February 28, 2012

      BIGGEST LOSER, YOUR NAME SAYS IT ALL! NO WONDER THEY ALL HATE YOU,YOUR STINKING ATTITUDE NEEDS TO CHANGE.YOU CAME BETWEEN YOUR HOUSEMAN AND HIS WIFE AND NOW YOU DONT HAVE PEACE BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO EAGER FOR THE SUFFER RING.NEVER MARRY SOMEONE`S HUSBAND, HE WILL NEVER STOP LOVING AND WANTING HIS FIRST WIFE.YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY!! DONT PASS YOUR FRUSTRATION ON THE SINGLE WOMAN BECAUSE SHE IS NOT IN YOUR SINKING BOAT!!YOU NEED GOD IN YOUR LIFE TO SOFTEN YOUR HEART.

    • baby
      February 28, 2012

      omg i feel so sad for u..this trap u r in is everywomans nightmare,,so why r u staying ?????????

    • LR
      February 29, 2012

      lol…woman u have joke..how much more proof you need than chicken pox?AIDS? wtf lol….u got to be joking…no man taking me for wisib however that spells…..i too married for three years and before the three years was up i left the bastard…emails so i didnt need pox to even prove nothing let alone to stay…marriage doesnt mean “hang yourself” like we sometimes call it….i think bella need to help you!lmfao..lol…..biggest loser change that name get some courage and gets to stepping lol…u funny bad…smh some of you chicas make it bad for others…

      • U crazy woman
        February 29, 2012

        Is not chicken pox at all, i suspect is something else the husband gave the first wife, she has. More sounds like herpes to me, :lol:

    • GoldenGal
      March 1, 2012

      wow 8-O … hun… I think you need to get off of DNO and handle your bizness at home… cuz just by your name and what you have said… you are obviously having a tough time in life right now… and your real life needs your own advice for yourself. If thats how you feel you need to change something in your life… life is too short to have so much bitterness adding up…

  36. LR
    February 28, 2012

    young old inbetween lady…..u must b kidding me in this time and day…’MY BOYFRIEND CHEATED AND INSECURE” huh?! for who…..dont ever let no man affect your self esteem or anything to make you feel worse of yourself…these so-called black men dont know to appreciate their women and they feel cheating is what they need but i will tell u..dont take ish from no man! know your value!!know your worth!!…..keep it moving my girl…

  37. February 28, 2012

    this guy realise he have a woman who’ll blindly stick with him… and is he the only good thing going on in ur life sweetie… smh… then it’s clearer that you need to leave him and concentrate on other aspects of your life which needs improvement… whether if it’s getting a job or healing wounds caused by family disputes… another person should never ever be the ‘only’ good thing going for you… it shows that you have tried to love him without loving yourself first… hence the insecurity… like bella said… if the other woman or any other woman pops up then u need to walk away from him… it isn’t worth it… again friend… concentrate on YOUR life and take measures to make YOU complete.. then it would be healthy to be in a relationship since you’ll be a confident individual… hence a man won’t likely take advantage of you… go out and date… avoid hanging out places that he likes to hang out since he’ll try the oldest trick.. “coming around esp. with another woman, trying to make you miss him”… are you employed, if so much better… leave him and pamper yourself… go to b/dos for a weekend n chill… do you… get a haircut.. get some friends go jogging.. just do things to keep you positively occupied… look yourself in the mirror everyday b4 you start your day… and tell yourself something good e.g “i’ll get over my insecurities and concentrate on making my life better… in God I trust… i know i will” these things work… condition yourself to be stronger, and you’ll make it… also try reading books on dealing with such issues… that’s a thing bella should start doing… start recommending books and sites that viewers can read… if bella is serious on these issues then bella should be hanging out on blogs and books on such things….

    • Anonymous
      February 28, 2012

      Eh Beh MOTS you really promote.. You even better than Bella. Open your only column nah. MOTS you really improve from the comments you make sometimes.

      • February 29, 2012

        thanks…. my comments have always been the same… it just have different times for different things… :-P

      • dude
        March 1, 2012

        boy MOTS HV CHAT EH.HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

  38. HOPE!!!
    February 28, 2012

    Whats new?

  39. Toosense
    February 28, 2012

    Young Lady I am telling you to leave this man. If he cared one bit about how you felt he would never have seen this other woman again or even continue talking to her. It looks like he has no respect for you and those things he keeps on saying like he wants it to end; is just a sharm to get you to stay. Trust me he will do it again. You deserve better after eight years. Not a ring but cheating? cha ma gwes sa.

Post a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

:) :-D :wink: :( 8-O :lol: :-| :cry: 8) :-? :-P :-x :?: :oops: :twisted: :mrgreen: more »

 characters available