DEAR BELLA: Friend’s husband bring women home, should I tell?

Dear BellaDear Bella,

I am from a small village and for the past few months, I have realized my neighbor’s husband brings women to her home every day during midday.

I have been on vacation in Dominica for some time and I have noticed what is going on.

His wife is a very dear good friend to me and she often boasts about him and how he treats her.

You see Bella everything they own is because of her and he stays at home and work while his wife works very hard, most times when he brings those women home I would go outside for him to see me so he could stop but it doesn’t.

I am anxious to let her know what’s going on but I am afraid to destroy their marriage and then for me to be blamed.

Anxious One.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Dear Anxious One,

You’ve been put in a tough place knowing this information. But take comfort in knowing that whatever happens in the dark must come out into the light.

These situations are very tricky and while I understand you love your friend, you could be the one she dumps at the end.

The messenger can become the threat. I’ve seen this happen one too many times.

I think it’s worth reminding you that most women stay in marriages even after an affair.

Loyalty may mean protecting her from this news for now if you feel that’s the best option.

Loyalty can also mean preparing to be there for when she finally gets the news because your friend is going to know about her husband’s dirty daytime rendezvous whether you tell her or not.

Best
Bella

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38 Comments

  1. I'M NOT A PRIME MISTAKE!!!
    July 1, 2017

    :?: It’s better for you to in a jokingly sarcastic way through it out to the man instead between the two of you , and see how he reacts. You may be suspicious that he’s having sexual affairs with these women,but you’re not sure or have any proof. This is stepping on slippery grounds,by you wanting to tell his wife… :?:

  2. Tola
    June 30, 2017

    I have been reading all of these comments and is wondering. Does that nosy neighbour knows any of the ladies? How on earth that you know what is taking place inside the man’s apartment? How did you come to that conclusion that the guy is cheating?
    I am not saying he is or isn’t cheating. However i think that you should have facts to prove it even before you decided to to write publicly about it.
    You may just be creating a huge problem that you will regret later.

  3. June 30, 2017

    The man needs Christ.

    Adultery is only one of the many different symptoms of the sinful nature in human beings. We do not all manifest the same symptoms but sadly the we all have the same potential because we are all sinners. We all need to be saved.

    *All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.* (Isaiah 53:6) Christ took upon Himself the guilt for our sins. On the cross He bore the punishment we deserved. If we will believe this and receive Him as our Savior we will be saved. This means God will forgive us and wash our sins away. Not only that :!: God will deliver us from the bondage of sin by renewing our minds.

    People ask *How can it be so easy :?: * Because on the cross Jesus did it all! *… Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, …* (Acts 16:31) Also read John 3:16, John 3:36.

    Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

  4. Dan is de man in de Van
    June 30, 2017

    First of all mind your business. And get your head off the gutter. Did it ever occur to you that these women may need advice or help from this man. Maybe they confide in him trust him. Maybe he is good at something intellectual other than sex… maybe he is a handy man and shows people what to do or not do.. you all are so deep in shit that you forget that there are really decent people still present.. Whilst you minding his business some one is minding yours. U on holidays go take a sea bath go pick jelly coconuts . U will not have time to peep. Sacway toneh…

  5. UDOHREADYET
    June 29, 2017

    That’s a tough spot, i can see why you needed advice… especially when you on holiday have free time, watching ‘young and the restless’ everyday plus like to mind people business and you have a big mouth!

    you cannot stop the man from bringing people in his house, you also don’t know what going on inside… its could be friends, family, business, babysitter, people he helping or people he cokaying… ou pas save! You are making assumptions!
    doh start trouble in those people marriage… its not your business!

    The fact is your friend is married, no one know what is really going on in any marriage except the married people.
    Like Bella say be there for your friend if she need you, period.

  6. mad
    June 29, 2017

    Life is a gamble. Flip a coin.

  7. danja plea
    June 29, 2017

    Anxious One.

    Listen to me well, stay out of your friend business. She may know and pretend like she does not know. It might be well accepted. May she have cheated also and the deal is that the husband can do what he pleases. It s become a normal practice for men to bring women at their home while the wife is out. Some of these men also have no shame. They bring multiple women in a day.

    Some of these men bring in teenagers to their homes, some bring men. This has become a norm and way of life for many. So, as her friend, you need to avoid getting her in a problem or getting yourself into a problem because when you tell her, you actually become the problem. Mind your beez wax

  8. bad vibes
    June 29, 2017

    NO marriage is perfect. As a matter of fact, marriage is like a rose. One of the most beautiful flowers in the world but if you look at it carefully you will notice jagged leaves and thorns along the stem and branches. Ouch that hurts! Those are there for a reason for better or for worse. This is just an example of a challenge that married people face on a daily basis, (Infedility) A challenge that can only be resolved by the couple. The question is can they? I would tell her….(But Anonymously) especially if she was my MUM or Favorite sister) Hell yeah!! “I WOULD”!!!……..and Let the chips fall where they may!….It is certainly not the end of the world!!!…..It might be the end of their marriage…BUT on the contrary, ….It could be a seed that leads to a wonderful Rennaisance ………. …lol……….. You never know,,,,,,,,,,I like Roses…….

  9. doh mele
    June 29, 2017

    give me her phone number let me tell her if you scared of doing it.

  10. Peace
    June 29, 2017

    Ever asked your self what they are doing in the house. You say women and everyday. Ever occured to you that it could be something very different than what you are thinking. If you say you really care as the Husband about it.

  11. Shameless
    June 28, 2017

    Dear BAM-SEE, please mind your own darn business! :twisted: :twisted:

    Number one you are just visiting and have no idea if these people are not just friends or relatives. You apparently leave out of the island but it appears you have not forgotten the “MET VEYE” habit Dcan women are known for having. Who appointed you security guard anyway? Sounds like you are very much interested in taking the women place and going into the house with him. Typical Dcans breaking up people’ relationships

    Assertive like Moses’s rod.

    • Dominican
      June 29, 2017

      Thou protest too loudly! Guilty much?

    • Me
      June 29, 2017

      @shameless…..It looks like you might be one of the women. Leave the married man alone to his wife…you home wrecker

  12. son of the soil
    June 28, 2017

    real possie I was thinkin the same thing

  13. Tweey
    June 28, 2017

    Wheres the evidence? On the other hand the ladies maybe clients.

  14. June 28, 2017

    Who is the woman?

    Where did he meet her.?

    Why is he taking her to his house?

    There are too many things you do not know. The fact is things are not always what they appear to be.

    It may be best at this time to speak privately to the man and caution him. Tell him his wife is your friend. Tell if he will promise to stop seeing this woman you may not tell his wife and he has a chance to clean things up. Otherwise he could lose his marriage.

    Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill

  15. Broken Heart
    June 28, 2017

    Don’t tell her. What she don’t know won’t hurt her.

  16. June 28, 2017

    Just tell her to come home around that time call out sick at work catch that bastard but is it the same woman or different women thats what u need to no

  17. Dixie Normas
    June 28, 2017

    call her one day and tell her i didn’t know her niece was in the country and she looking all grown up and beautiful. when wife must ask questions and you off the hook.

    • Me
      June 29, 2017

      Nah…..too late for that.
      Two options……have someone else call her (anonymously) to inform her of what her husband is doing.
      Confront the husband in a nice and friendly way about the situation….(unless if he is a pig) and see what he says

  18. NKRUMAH KWAME
    June 28, 2017

    My dear, your friend has two problems less: you are minding her business and (2), you are doing it for FREE. Now she doesn’t have to mind her OWN business anymore :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: HOTEP!

  19. As if
    June 28, 2017

    So far everyone is basically saying mind your business, don’t say anything. You could act anonymously and give her the info or at least clues.

    If it were me I would like to know. Whilst reading the story, I kept thinking she’s boasting about him and he messing around. What if he gets an STD and gives it to her?

  20. Kermit
    June 28, 2017

    Girl mind your flipping business. That’s why it good when Jose man and woman does turn on all you when all you bring their partner name.

  21. Dominican
    June 28, 2017

    I would tell her anonymously

  22. Life
    June 28, 2017

    Tell her
    Cuz some people doesn’t realize what they got until they lose it. If he wants to be with other women marrige isnt for him.

  23. The Lighter Side
    June 28, 2017

    What you should do is mind your business!!!! big person like u, u have your life to live you on vacation u already watching outside windows and minding ppl business….. i bet if you was overseas u wouldn’t be checking ppl business so…

  24. DA girl
    June 28, 2017

    Stay out of that.

  25. lasspalay
    June 28, 2017

    Now this sound like a real DA problem lol

  26. Blackman
    June 28, 2017

    Listen don’t tell her. I was told about my wife then I investigated and I found out this, that led to divorce. I am very bitter against the the person that told me. Why didn’t he talk to her instead of telling me?
    Talk to him. I also know about other people’s infidelity, but I stay mute. Their marriages in tact. So stay away

    • As if
      June 28, 2017

      Why are you bitter towards the person that told you. You should be bitter towards your ex-wife.

  27. Patty Cakes
    June 28, 2017

    Bella said it right: the best thing to do is to mind your business. What makes you think the woman don’t know about her husband’s shenanigans already?? Trust me, she KNOWS! Women have an instinct for those kinds of things. She’s just pulling the wool over her eyes.

    Stay out of it. If later she asked you why didn’t you come and tell her, just say you didn’t want to be the one to hurt her.

    This is the answer one of my closest friends gave me when I was in a similar situation.

  28. Dominican Passports
    June 28, 2017

    Honestly you should mind your own business, it probably have things going on at yours and you so busy minding your neighbor business you not noticing :-x

  29. Real possie
    June 28, 2017

    If your friend is on FB create a fake account and inbox her telling her the time her husband comes home and she needs to come home and see for herself. Other than that keep your mouth shut.

  30. Fran
    June 28, 2017

    Don’t see how you can destroy that marriage anymore than it already has been. You should tell your friend. Only 2 things can happened 1.) You can save her marriage or 2.) You can hasten the inevitable. No one can or should blame you for speaking the truth. You friend can however blame you for withholding the truth from her and letting her believe a lie.

    • Patty Cakes
      June 28, 2017

      Or 3) The friend can now turn around and blame her for messing up her marriage (the same one she was boasting about) and then STILL stay with her husband and then stop talking to her talkative friend.

      • Anonymous
        June 29, 2017

        How does that make sense? If the friend gets mad at her for telling she’s just immature and silly! It’s in her own best interest. That like saying you see someone who is unaware of it walking towards a fire and decide oh I’m not going to say anything because when he/she gets burnt they will blame me. It makes no sense! People…get wisdom…get wisdom!

    • Me
      June 29, 2017

      or (4) The friend can end up getting AIDS from her cheating husband

  31. June 28, 2017

    it’s not your business to tell.

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