Bella
My boyfriend just refused to get a job. Well, he said he keeps looking but I think he is just comfortable with me buying him clothes and taking care of him.
Bella, I know he loves me. I mean he’s always at home. He never leaves. So, I know he doesn’t want to be with anyone else.
He moved in with me a few months ago because he had issues with his mom. I am gainfully employed and I am an independent woman so I offered him to stay with me.
Besides, from the way he talked, it’s like he has nowhere else to go.
I work for a good company here in Dominica and I make a “good change”. I have my own vehicle and I finished my home about a year ago so I am very comfortable.
Anyway, long story short, I have been asking him to find a job. Konfeh-di-mantee, whenever I come home the house is clean. He cooks; sink is empty. My dinner awaits me.
There’s nothing to really do because he is so tidy and takes care of the house.
He would rub my feet after work. We would stay in bed and chill and talk and laugh.
But Bella, I think that because I take care of his needs, clothes, food and shelter, then he won’t feel like he is the man of the house.
I have been asking him to find a job and he is just laid back. If he gets a job, we can save and maybe even get married.
But sometimes I feel that he is comfortable with the living arrangement. Do you see my picture?
Good Girlfriend
Hello Good Girlfriend,
It seems to me you have found yourself a manservant, one that you pay by taking care of his needs.
There’s nothing wrong with the boyfriend keeping the house tidy but in order to maintain the house, dollars have to roll in.
If he wants to be in a serious relationship with you, in that I mean settling down and getting married, then the boyfriend needs to get a job.
The fact that he isn’t even job hunting speaks of complacency to me.
It appears that he is indeed comfortable with the living arrangements while you pay all the bills and still takes care of his clothes, food, shelter, internet, top up and I am sure there are things you didn’t mention.
Eventually, you may become frustrated and the relationship could end prematurely.
He may never get weary of having you taking care of him like that, so the first move may have to be yours.
Insist that he gets a job or give him an option to leave. Simple.
Bella
I think that homeboy should start a vegetable garden in the backyard. Help out with the budget and maybe grow some extra to sell. Then all will be well. As long as they respect each other all will be well.
And Hence desperation settles in. So these days its a woman’s job to financially support a man??? smdh what a world we are living in…He is a grown man not her child nor her servant this is like paying for affection. What happens if she loses her job and can’t support his lifestyle then what?? I know this is the new trend these days sorry if I’m being unrealistic in thinking I should expect a grown man to not depend on a woman to financially take care of him. Sure he is cooking, rubbing her feet cleaning the house. I say she should set her standards higher what’s the rush, get a man that is financially independent the financial strain should not only be on her shoulders. What kind of messages are we teaching our sons? That its o.k to just laze around and let a woman take care of them?? what a sad state of affairs. I know we are living in a very confused world or are we?
Lets face the facts here.. women are not wired to do the ‘spoiling’ plain an simple. You all want to get pampered, you all long for it. Enjoy what you have sis because a hardworking man doesn’t rub feet and have supper waiting. That’s just how the world turns.
“Bella, I know he loves me. I mean he’s always at home. He never leaves. So, I know he doesn’t want to be with anyone else.”
Put that to the test by withholding you do for him and see what happens.
Real men work, not stay home and cook etc, 21st century doesn’t change.
Girl!!!send that ni…. my way. You’re right he’s terrible. If I come home and he takes care of me like this , he doesn’t need to work in a hurry. I can wait until this pandemic is over. Get rid of his lazy !*$My address is pottersville, Roseau , the 3rd house on the right.
Mam, as long as he is taking good care of you otherwise and remains faithful to you. Keep him….
You get some fresh meal when you come home, your house clean, sex on time, you know how things be in the Country we already things hard girl he will.get one soon man do you have a sister.
When I read the title, I thought the story would be about your bum boyfriend. You should count your blessings. There are those who have working partners who don’t help out at all around the house, that’s if they know where the mop is stored; they treat their partners like crap so…..
Very interesting story indeed. Let’s turn the coin around for a second. What about if it was the other way around? Am pretty sure the man would not make a problem out of this. He has just move in about 6 month ago. He said that he has been looking for work . It seem to me lady that you have a good relationship and you should embrace it. Lots of woman are longing to be loved. I really think that you should be patient with the man. If you love him help him find a job.
“He moved in with me a few months ago because he had issues with his mom”.
Could the issues with his mom be the same one that you mentioned with him–except that you are tolerating it, but his mom wouldn’t?
Now think about that!
woman has been has been staying home and look after the kids while the husband works since the beginning of time so there is nothing wrong if the table is reversed after all this ibis the 21’st century
Girl, bella want your man.
Dear girlfriend
If I was as financially stable and comfortable as you and I found a LOYAL man who takes care of my home, cooks for me, treats me like a royal princess I would not even stress myself over the fact that he hasn’t found a job. I’d continue to encourage him but I surely would not complain. There are many many unhappy wives yearning for attention from their “well off” husbands
Anyway, all joke aside mister look like he really fay-yean (lazy)! Unless you looking for a man to take care of, I strongly advise you to tell mister go get a darn job or go work the farm. This is a growing trend in Dca where man looking for working women to take care of then because they providing PIPE support as needed. Especially if they have a ride. Usually these women are 40 plus and these guys know they vulnerable and desperate to settle down so they make them feel good and help get their groove on but that it.
So lady run away because you are being used and will soon be abused unless you are in it for a good time also.
The thing is these guys are all in it short term because they have a younger woman.
So mister can’t go and be a farmer, lazy …. bum
Let me continue DNO. I was saying in a divorce he may want to claim your assets after all your hard work. This is a sticky situation. You can run now or if you want to keep him brace yourself for anything. Hope something works out for the best.
Well if you have a good job that can take care of you and him and at least two children in the future, just give him the servant job. Give him a wage for taking care of the house. Or just agree that he is a stay-at-home man. Men take care of women who stay at home so it can be reversed but both of you have to agree on that arrangement and its not because he is just a lazy man. He may need therapy cuz there could be a reason why he prefers to keep things the way the are. He could be suffering from some psychological issue that needs fixing and I dont think you can fix it.
Speak to a counsellor, if he doesnt agree to get checked leave him. He should at least agree to get help. We just cant conclude that he is lazy without first trying to find out. Another thing is he could be keeping the house clean because he want you to feed him. He could do this until you get married then he starts going out with other women or abusing you then if you divorce him you may have to share your…
Bella hold your rubbish advice, you hopocrete it ok for woman to be house wife and when is manservant unav loads of trash talk. Come out there
Just do not give him for a month and see what happens. I suspect that is the same issue his Mom had…get him out fast.
He is using you
You’re the one taking care of the household, paying all bills, taking care of him financially and otherwise, without him even thinking of getting a job, and you’re actually letting the thought of marriage come to your mind? Are you serious? Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong in helping someone out but the way you’re doing it, you might as well just say you have a grown son still living at home (with a major exception of course). You’re really something else to even be thinking of marriage.
Nothing wrong in a man being a stay at home man. If it was a woman I bet the response would be different. Anyway I suggest that you have a one on one with your boyfriend and explain to him that two salaries are better than one. That you all should be building together. However, keep in mind that it hard finding jobs in Dominica, just keeping it real. Have you even asked him what his passionate about? What are his goals and ambitious? This is information you should have known before he became your boyfriend. Is he comfortable or demotivated? He treats you good, good men are hard to find in Dominica. Just communicate with him without making him feel less than a person. Also talk to him not at him.
Good men not hard to find in Dominica, Some of allyou have standards that just unrealistic yet giving i up to bike and gunman in the end so hush de.
Kim you are right on point,and is time to teach bella good reasoning..If it was the other way around you she would give z better answer.Its just hard finding a job in Dominica these days and not just Dominica but the world over..Give the man a break..Thanks god he is not just sitting at home watching TV and playing game.
Your advice much better than Bella own.