Dear Bella,
I met this wonderful man several years ago but we only became ‘really close’ a few months now.
He has his wife and I have my husband. I am not sure what kind of situation he faces at home but my home is as cold as Alaska.
My husband is a workaholic and hardly makes time for me. Sometimes I jokingly say we are living like brothers and sisters. He simply has little romantic involvement with me unless he really wants it.
Over the years I have tried to get the relationship spiced up. But the man says he is too busy and always tired. When I request that we go out he tells me to go alone or find some friends to go with a friend because he’d rather stay home.
We have gotten to the point where we haven’t shared the same bed for years. I use to cry and stress myself out about it until I met this person who reminds me so much of how it feels to be loved. We have not been intimate.
We mostly speak a lot. He would call in the mornings, afternoons…he would check up on me. We kissed a few times but that’s as much as we can do.
For now. Now I’m in trouble because I’m in love with him. So deeply that all I think about is him. He says he fell in love with me too and I believe him. But Bella, I’ve been thinking and wondering to myself, whether it is right what we are doing. I want to end it.
I have tried but every time we see each other sparks fly and we just can’t let go of each other. He says he’s staying and I said I would too. But what about those at home? I’m scared but I really love him and don’t know what to do. Can you advise me?
Maze
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Hello Maze,
You and your lover are playing with fire and fire burns and eventually destroys.
I know sometimes women can feel pushed into a corner and neglected by the very man who promised to always be there.
But that’s not a reason to become attached to another man. I’ve heard it said that two wrongs don’t make a right and that has proven to be true over time.
No matter how much you two believe you love each other, the fact remains you are both married to other people.
You said you have only kissed each other but based on all you’ve said, I’m almost certain you will engage in deeper ‘activities’.
Honestly speaking, I believe you need to end it while it’s early. If you are unhappy in your marriage then try to work on it instead of committing adultery.
Bella
Like George Washington, I cannot tell a lie or be a hypocrite concerning your situation. I could easily be a poster fella for being a married man who once had roving eyes and who used to envy what was on a another person’s plate.
I can honestly tell you it is not worth the fall out in your marriage or relationship. Once you break the trust in your marriage it cannot never be fully repaired. Take it from me, it certainly ain’t worth it as what is done in the dark eventually comes to light.
Why is it so easy to come down hard on the women when some the relation sours, the men are sometimes more responsible for the decline of that relationship.
Clearly the woman wants the man to contribute more emotionally to the relationship but he seems not to be psying attention to his wife.
I sm not suggesting she goes to find live in the hands of another man, but the husband must do his part to maintain the relationship.
Who wants to be in that sort of relationship?
Remember..forget Bella BS. Spread your legs wide and take it like a real woman. Take it from me, your husband not cold at all. He there laying pipe somewhere else quietly. Don’t be surprised if is a so called “apostle’ or holier than thou in public or church hypocrite he there fookin. They may just be the one giving you advice while they there accommodating the Dawasco pipe layers. I see that every day here in Dca. So again, take your pipe and all the water you can get from the married bro. No harm I say.
If it was your husband doing what you are talking about and you got to know, what would your feeling be like? He still gives you the liberty to go out with friends to enjoy and free up yourself. Does that mean you have to go for another man to cheat on him? Both you and the other man are living a rat race life. Don’t you remember your husband when you kissing the other man?If you have/had a daughter, would that be the best example for her?
If your home is as cold as ice then your heart and brain must be frozen. You are nothing but a wannabe two-timing Charlatan who wants to have your cake and eat it too. May I remind you that marriage is a contract.
Please seek counseling in an attempt to save your marriage.
Marriage is a contract? Go and tell that to Melisa and and Johny Deps ex wife. Is that all it is then. No wonder lawyers having a field day all over the world, that is if you can afford one. Love is not always lust but they get easily confuse. My advise, follow your heart, be discrete but never harm your children. They always come first.
Just have him as a best friend no sex nothing wrong in having a man as your best friend people will talk but the will stop good luck
“But Bella, I’ve been thinking and wondering to myself, whether it is right what we are doing. I want to end it.”
hear nonsense. No man what you doing is perfectly fine. keep it up.
Dear Desperate House Wife,
Please be mindful about your actions!
Your desperation will create more stress in your life.
Why are you jumping from one unavailable man to another?
The married man is only distracting you and playing on your vulnerability.
Seek a counselor to help you build your self esteem and decide if you want to stay in your marriage or not.
A husband/man’s attention should never be the definition of your happiness. So, listen to your husband, occupy your time mindfully.
Reinvent you. Give yourself the time, attention and care you deserve.
Be wise not desperate!
“I met this wonderful man several years ago but we only became ‘really close’ a few months now.”
No, he is not a wonderful man he is a cheat just like you, both of you are adulterers.
Hey STOP it!
Who are you to judge? Let the woman take her wood and stay out of it. Allu Dcans too like to mind people business. I bet you have taken some side wood in your lifetime
Look lady go for it and make you happy. You need some rod of Moses so take it and smile all the way home. Too many times we worry about others and forget that if we are not happy we can’t make others happy. Your husband is laying pipe for Dowasco in places unknown so take yours and doh complain.
The man is a good man so don’t leave your husband. Others doing it but will vilify u if they find out. Adultry or funnication is the same sin so married has nada to do with it. Some people say I don’t do married people but yes I do those who are not married. Give me a break! Do ur thing baby😎. Wine until u can’t no more then wipe your mouth dry😎👍🏽
Don’t know which is worst..your “doh care” attitude towards the sanctity of matrimony or the fact that so many people today feel the same way.
Just remember that when you get married you using God as your witness..and God is not a joke