DEAR BELLA: My girlfriend is beautiful but uneducated

Dear BellaDear Bella,

My girlfriend is very beautiful but she is uneducated.

Before you criticize me understand that I have tried to get her to do things like adult education, online learning, all of that.

I told her that I was the one who will pay because she’s a cashier at a small shop in town and that really cannot make the grade.

I say this because I am about to pop the question.

Now once we are married a lot will change. Meaning shared financial responsibilities and I don’t want to be the one carrying that load alone.

Besides, I don’t like seeing my wife sweat at that job for small change.

I have tried to get her to further her education even doing her CXC over. But she seems comfortable where she is.

I don’t want this to cost me my relationship because I love her but I won’t marry a woman with that attitude.

What should I do?

Uneducated

——————————————————————————————–

Dear Uneducated,

There’s a saying, “you can bring the cow to the well but can’t make it drink the water”.

And in this case, this is what applies. You can make suggestions and beg your girlfriend to further her studies or take courses to right the wrongs in her education.

But if she’s not willing then she won’t. This is something you have to begin to accept.

Maybe she is comfortable with where she is in life. You can’t make a person change unless they want to.

I see the concerns you have with taking the relationship to the next level. Any rational thinking person would have these concerns unless you are very wealthy and don’t need that kind of support in marriage.

Sometimes, things happen in our relationships as a reminder than perhaps our partner isn’t for keeps.

Weigh your options. Balance the scale. Look at the pros and cons, then you decide on the way forward because facts will remain facts no matter how you shift it.

And the fact is, your girlfriend isn’t serious or ready to elevate herself.

Best

Bella

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28 Comments

  1. Khaki
    July 13, 2018

    Someone has to be on the same page as you

  2. Nana-Lain
    June 27, 2018

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: ….. Hmmmmmm pretty interesting. Correct me if I’m wrong. In Dominica people looking for pretty face and education etc before marrying someone but when they go overseas they marry ‘RATS’. I mean you meet Dominicans in other countries with people they would not even consider casting an eye upon back home… they leave you in an :-o 8-O :-o 8-O :-o situation. Why when at home one needs to meet a certain criteria to be married to another?

  3. Paul
    June 26, 2018

    My boy if you love her help her send her school educate her… if she dont want to get herself educated leave mamzel… but also when u send her school don’t look for nothing in return because it’s quite prevalent for some of those good for nothing DA girls to turn their back on you after you spend a boolow Largent on them.. expect nothing in return. .. some of them will still coockay on your head after u help them… I talking with experience my boi!
    Most of them cheat lie have tricks all kind of ting… they workng in bank.. ministry…layer office… insurance place and they loving some coshony man that bussing thier arse and they walking in roseau cutting style.. they don’t even want to answer you… but brother take your chances in DA because it’s a country where almost half of the young people unemployed doe have money and wasting their life. Just a small potion of women in DA you can call good. They talk is ” it doe have good man” and they self doe good.

    • Kermit
      June 26, 2018

      I am literally on the floor rolling in laughter trust me. One thing about my people they have a jokes I’ll give all you that lol.

  4. Harvey
    June 25, 2018

    It’s interesting that it is a pretty young woman with no brain that’s the topic, because Dominica’s young women are far more intelligent than most of the young men who are sitting on the road side and cannot hold a conversation. It is rather strange that among all the intelligent and beautiful young women in Dominica this is the one your heart fell for.
    Maybe she has something more than beauty and stupidity; search for it and see if you should be more tolerant with your sweetheart.

  5. Me
    June 25, 2018

    Horses for courses. I don’t know what part of the anatomy you want to make love to but if it is the brain you obviously have a problem.

  6. Dominican/West Indian
    June 25, 2018

    My panda
    If you really love your girl then keep trying. Keep talking to her. Let her know you’ll help her with her studies. Keep trying to motivate her.
    And the fact that she’s working is a good sign. It shows she’s not lazy and just depending on you to take care of her.
    Don’t give up on love.

  7. SHUT UP!
    June 25, 2018

    :lol: :-D :) BELLA TALKING A LOT OF SENSE TODAY.

  8. smh
    June 25, 2018

    lol :-P lol lol

  9. I am mine own
    June 25, 2018

    If things don’t change and you get married, you may come to resent her decision to remain where she is. Resentment kills marriages. Better to suffer heartbreak now than involve children in the future.

    • d-a born
      June 26, 2018

      “Resentment kills marriages”

      100% facts!

  10. max
    June 25, 2018

    boy some people are very financially abusive,don’t stay in that relationship some relationships some people want you to do everything and they not doing anythink to help out financialy.Think of your future.

  11. June 25, 2018

    Yes I can understand his concern,but you know she might be working for chum change and more know how to manage it than you that making thousands? My boyfriend is a teacher I’m a nanny I make more money than him and I have more money than him in the bank? I invest in land In Dominica and he has nothing. So yes it is good to have an education but it is not for everyone ,she might not be book smart but she might as well be street smart.

    • waypapa
      June 25, 2018

      Real Rubbish talk that. Where did you see the man cannot handle his money? You are a nanny in a country where nannying pays but she is in a shop where the wage is minimal. Even if you are a nanny you too should educate yourself. What the use of having more money, land in Dominica and you embarrass yourself? Plus you maybe well lying anyway just to make a point, child move there. :mrgreen: Is that what you will tell your children? Go and nanny and don’t go to school? Accept your “big money” while overseas children spit in your face still or husband try to sexually harass you.

      • Kermit
        June 26, 2018

        Waypapa you know as I there reading that dumb comment about that nanny bull**** and land all I there doing was laughing. One thing Dominicans know how to do good is lie, I agree with you, I really doubt the person has land. In a world of today how you saying education is not all. Yes Lord. What have we come to.

  12. Carol Hector-Harris
    June 25, 2018

    Sooooo refreshing to have Bella back…DNO you better keep her for good this time. This is a real situation. I have a friend who is so pretty and she just dumb. And she gets by because of her beauty. She gets everything paid because men fall for that beauty but beauty fades….Anyway Bella good advice. Welcome back!!

    Khadisha

    • Daily Bugle
      June 26, 2018

      It is a fact that more attractive females are taken better care of while young and you shouldn’t be jealous that’s just how the world works. However, It is every human’s responsibility to develop himself or herself to the best of their ability to become the best version of themselves. Looks are temporary but strong personality and character are for a lifetime.

  13. Tiger
    June 25, 2018

    A pretty face can hide a dumb brain. Vanity fades as people age. After time those good looks wont look so good anymore. Educate yourself women. Dont expect a man to give you everything just bcuz he tells you that you look pretty.

  14. Jahchild
    June 25, 2018

    Dear Uneducated,

    It is commendable that you want better for your girlfriend and potential wife, it shows that you are not only interested in her physical being but also her mind.

    There will be a time when beauty fails and what would be left is the mind and internal drive. I think you should speak to her seriously and try to get a feel of her plans, it maybe that she feels that she can defer her advancement to later in life or she may just be trying to figure our exactly what career path she wants to pursue.

    Now with all that said, please do not marry someone off of physical beauty because if you, you will be setting yourself up for miserable marriage life.

    Good Luck

    Regards
    Tarisha

  15. DA fails
    June 25, 2018

    Garson you asking for too much be thankful for what you have and accept the cards how they fall, It have some people begging for a second chance at life and something petty so you worrying about? No man!

    • TOB
      June 25, 2018

      Please explain how wanting your life partner to be more ambitious is “worrying about something petty.” You sound like someone comfortable cashing in a small shop for the rest of your days, JUST like the uneducated girl about to lose her man in that story there.

      • DA fails
        June 26, 2018

        Another privledge dominican, you know how many people are not working…? Never been employed? Like I said it could be worse. :arrow:

  16. mine
    June 25, 2018

    If you are trying to help her and she does not want to help herself with her education leave it alone. You can take a horse to the river but can’t force it to drink

  17. The Other Bella
    June 25, 2018

    Dear Uneducated,

    There are zero things wrong with wanting a Kim for your Kanye, or a Queen Bey to match your Mr. Carter. In fact, you are a gentleman seeking to balance his role spearheading his household while adjusting to the new demands of this century and all the aspects of social change that come with it. Your almost-fiancee should be proud – no, honoured – to have you by her side. Instead, she is lazy, unambitious, and quite settled cashing in that small shop.

    My advice – drop her and get somebody else who can match your vision and help you build a family with ambition and character. This young lady will eventually drain you and become much more of a weight than a complement.

    Best, The Other Bella

  18. Sams
    June 25, 2018

    Money not all in life it’s understanding and just try to leave a good life pray there’s a god above

  19. Kermit
    June 25, 2018

    My boy I understand you one hundred percent as a woman myself. But honestly, women in Dominica believe that looks are everything. Once they have their nails, hair done etc etc they good to go. Bella your advise hit the nail on the head.

    • Waypapa
      June 25, 2018

      Kermit this seems to be the trend in Dominica. They wonder why men stay with them for years then move on and marry in seconds. In this modern times its not just money but you want a wife that can actually keep a conversation. You want a wife who does not believe everything she sees on the internet who knows fake from real and can entertain your colleagues. You want a wife who can assist your children with school work since everything now is so high tech. You want a wife who can monitor your children’s activites without being fooled. Its not like you asking for a wife to have a PHD, you just want a person with ambition. My brother please DONT marry a woman with such an attitude because it will only lead to trouble. LAck of education can lead to unnecessary arguments and financial stress, ultimately affecting yoru marriage. The fact that it bothers you now speaks volumes. Move on, there are other fishes in the sea. Bless!

      • DA fails
        June 25, 2018

        Boy I not gan lie them woman gullible, every likkle ting dey see on de internet dey believing smh.

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