DEAR BELLA: My husband in Dominica is not paying attention to me

Dear BellaDear Bella,

I currently live in the US and I have been married to my first love (who lives in Dominica ) for almost three years. My first love and I have been in love since we were kids. When I moved to the US we lost touch with each other and a few years back we reunited.

We got married and ever since we got married our marriage have been very rocky. We have been out of touch with each other and then get back in touch but this time it’s been the longest. I love my husband very much. He completes me. I have been trying to reach out to him through phone calls and text messages and he is refusing my calls.

I was told by several people that he is seeing someone. I don’t know how true it is, but I guess action speaks louder than words. My heart hurts deeply that he would do this to me. Our love is not an ordinary love. I want to come home because I believe that he will have to face me and talk to me but I am very afraid of what I might be coming home to.

I spoke to him about a week ago and he told me he loves me. But what I don’t understand is, why he is keeping away from me?

I am a woman with a broken heart.

What should I do?

Distance

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Dear Distance,

Perfect love casts out all fear and so you shouldn’t be afraid to come home to face your husband irrespective of the situation.

He is your HUSBAND. He made a vow to you and so you should have no fear to find out why he is faltering on these vows. Before you listen to Dominicans (some people know other’s business and not their’s) you need to get the facts for yourself.

In a world where communication is free, I find it worrying that you have been “trying to reach out to him through phone calls and text messages” and he is refusing your calls.

Honey, if you are able to come home then do that. Knowledge is power. And once you know, you will have the power to make the right decision going forward whether it is to continue the marriage or move on without him. Whichever way, it is always better to know.

Best,
Bella

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53 Comments

  1. smh
    June 16, 2017

    Seems marriage so soon after a rekindling was a bad decision. The waters needed to be tested for a little longer. No one is the same person they were at 21 at 42.

  2. Peace
    June 16, 2017

    Maybe if you were not on Facebook showing off pictures of you and your new man, your husband would still be interested. You don’t expect to public crap on a person … not contact them for a year, then suddenly show up on their doorstep. So Ms. Distant, you’ve been to gone for too long now it’s too late to come back home.

    • Me
      June 16, 2017

      HUH?????? 8-O 8-O :roll: :roll: :roll: AA what am I reading there nah? Allyou have me confused now

  3. DA/
    June 16, 2017

    @ Distance.. Many persons have experienced that first love or love from teen years ,and it becomes an adventure , after going separate ways and reuniting again. However , I believe , this was not well planned . Three years ago was the opportunity never to be away from each other again , and everything was supposed to be in place to make it happen . I do not know the details why it ended that way . Maybe , he preferred to live in Dominica , and you in the US , but whatever, not enough time and consideration was put into it . Unfortunately , this is the result today . What’s my advise?….Prepare yourself , take the trip , strengthen your heart ,and do not be surprised if that same love that once was is no longer. Whatever the outcome ,though ,I really wish that you will not experience any deception ,nor hold on to a wish and a dream that’s not coming through . Let your heart speak. I am not even sure that a surprise appearance will work lol. Best wishes ,anyway .

  4. Distance
    June 15, 2017

    Thanks to everyone for your insight on my situation. It is greatly appreciated. The fact is i never expected this from my husband. I love my husband very much and he knows that, but I don’t think he loves me as much as I do him. If he did , then we wouldn’t be in this situation right now. It’s one thing cheating on your spouse , but when you cut off communication also then that is another. He knows I am trying to reach him. I call and text him all through the day , but he won’t respond to either one. He is deliberately not communicating. I planned on going home to confronfront him but I don’t think I am ready to face him and what he has to say me. I gave it all to God. I have been reading my Bible and praying cause I know only God can get us through this. I’ve been asking God for wisdom and strength to be ready for whatever I have to face when I get home. I know the signs are all there. If only he would communicate…

    • UDOHREADYET
      June 16, 2017

      looks like you blaming the man for everything…
      you the angel and he’s the devil,
      you perfect and he flawed,
      you’re doing everything right and he’s all wrong.
      your statements are focused on one short time period of you reaching out and him not responding
      it means, you’re deliberately overlooking what happened before it got to that point
      likely something your did and choose to leave out
      its may be easier for you to accuse and blame which is what happening
      easy way to know a woman doing/did something wrong… after they do what they do, they always start talking about God and the bible and this and that… you suspect!

    • Joseph
      June 23, 2017

      Initiate divorce proceedings.

      Why confront him personally upon your visit to Dominica?

      Take his failure to communicate to mean “abandonment” which is grounds for divorce.

      Contact a lawyer in Dominica and see if divorce matters can be initiated while you stay in the USA.

  5. suger mama
    June 15, 2017

    girl awa wi ..you know he cheat on you ..you going america to better your life it ! forget about mr ! good to throw !

  6. KM
    June 15, 2017

    check by call center… them woman dere like to take ppl man

    • 2Crucial4U
      June 15, 2017

      somebody in the call center take your man wii #salty

    • I CARE
      November 11, 2017

      km u killing me hahahahahahhahah papa if it was carnival I would call a name hahahha

  7. a
    June 15, 2017

    sweetie sounds like your man is from grandbay all of dem married to somebody in the US and they either live here or visit here and vice versa and all of dem have another man or woman ….shucks i never see a place so everbody loving everybody at some point in time

  8. Mr.Prolific
    June 15, 2017

    I reside in Monserrat and my wife is the USA,IF I get a visit from a lady friend, the first thing I do is to find out from the Airport about,the last flight in to the AIRPORT in Monserrat. My WIFE knows my address so she will never let me know in advance when she is coming home.If by some unfortunate accident she met a lady friend in the home, She said,” I am here now, you go. I don’t interfere because the lady friend was wrong to be in the Lady’s home. The best part is ,she would shouted out, get your own man,

  9. whifer
    June 15, 2017

    long distance relationship is challenging

  10. Me
    June 14, 2017

    @Distance…..your husband has another woman, period. He said he loves you because he does not want to

    (1) loose the opportunity in getting a visa from you to go to the U.S.A…(the opportunist)
    (2) Have to answer to you about his infidelities

    If more than one person tells you that he is cheating, he is cheating. Dominica is a small country and everyone knows everyone either one way or the other. He Is CHEATINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

  11. Shameless
    June 14, 2017

    Well I man always straight to the point. The man is drinking from another well already so if you really love him and want this to work put your behind on a flight to Dca and go take care of your business. No man going to sit in Dca waiting on you with all these SISSEROU homies around 8) . I mean, the man will get “sweff” and a thirsty good looking guy will have very little problems getting water from a side well in Dca. Married have nothing to do with it especially if he is up in government or have a good job with a ride.

    Three years and you have not given him his green card? Come on you sleeping on you while others sleeping with him. Girl barchay AA and then LIAT to your husband’s arm ASAP if you know whats good for you.

    Assertive like Moses’ rod! :twisted: :twisted:

    • zandoli
      June 15, 2017

      I guess it did not occur to you that she may be looking for a green card for herself?
      Do you know the number of people I know who live in New York and cannot go home for important family business?
      Perhaps she cannot afford to buy a ticket to go home.

      When I read this I thought it was a friend of mine. She lives in New York and the husband lived in DA for a while. It was public knowledge that he was shacking up with another woman. And the silly wife kept sending him money to look after himself and the other woman. He once told me he did not know why he married his wife. They we childhood boyfriend and girlfriend, and they hooked up years later.

      Partner if you are reading this, I hope you recognize yourself.

      • Me
        June 16, 2017

        Ok, nobody asked you @zandoli for details…… The person who wrote the article did not mention what state in the U.S they lived but here you go spilling out some beans from another person’s pot.

  12. Marriage
    June 14, 2017

    First of all why would you marry a man soon after you got back in contact with him.isn’t it obvious long distance isn’t working.your man should be with you not in another country doing god knows what.Best you come down and see for yourself because staying away only destroys you further

  13. UDOHREADYET
    June 14, 2017

    with the understanding of the impending future, you’re married, you should both be working toward the same goals, whether near or far from each other, that way you will always have something to discuss. If he has nothing to contribute walk

    Second, if you love him and he loves you, then get a cell phone account for him instead of that top up business. you will be able to monitor his calls when you pay the bill every month.

    Third, love is two way street, if you’re giving too much on one end the other person will take you for granted, you both should be giving equally in the relationship to make it work for both of you.

    fourth, if you have the financial means, take surprise trip to Dominica, stay with one of your friends, monitor the man, call him when you have him in sight, see how he reacts.

    Fifth, make yourself happy first, this does not mean cheating or hating, do the things that make you happy so if you end up with or without this person you will continue to be happy…

  14. Carol Freel
    June 14, 2017

    You are not seeing the reality of your situation. You live in the states and he’s in Dominica, where women outnumber men. If you had a real marriage, you would live together. If your husband wanted only you, he would live with you. My Dominican husband had other women right under my nose and was proud of it – he even entertained them in my home while I was working and he was doing nothing to support himself OR me Took me 15 years to walk away from all that “LOVE” bs. He insisted he loved me – but in reality, I was nothing more than a meal ticket. Open your eyes dear!

  15. Dominican
    June 14, 2017

    He completes you? Yet you are in this situation? Do you know the meaning of what you said?

    • I CARE
      November 11, 2017

      haha whoy he complete her and he not talking to her..

  16. June 14, 2017

    Distance:

    The Bible says when two people get married they are no longer two people but one person. Please read
    Matthew 19:4-6.

    Why would you move to the U.S.A. and leave your husband behind? Half of you is in the U.S.A. and the other half is in Dominica. No wonder you are uncomfortable.

    Like Bella says you should visit your husband if you are able to make the trip. Face him! Talk! You have three options. (1) You can divorce. (2) You can join him in Dominica as a married couple or (3) He can join you in the U.S.A. as married couple.

    What you need is a relationship with God. Out of this will come all the light and guidance you need!
    You need to be saved. This is because we have all sinned. We cannot save ourselves. But *For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be save.* (John…

    • June 14, 2017

      Continuation:

      (John 3:16,17)

      *… Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, …* (Acts 16:31)

      I encourage you to read the Bible each day beginning at the Gospel of John and begin attending a Bible believing church where this message of salvation (the gospel) is preached. The confusion will lift from your life and you will find a new path!

      Visit our website http://www.livinghopeministries.ca

      Click onto my EAGLE COURSE. This is a 12 Lesson workbook course for new Christians. It can be studied from the computer screen OR copied absolutely free. There is nothing to buy or join. We only want to help you.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill. Evangelist.

  17. ?
    June 14, 2017

    Shm !!!lady move on wirh your life stupid love my french the signs are in front of you

  18. d-a born
    June 14, 2017

    Relationships over that kind of distance hardly ever work out or are fully functional. Unless the person has plans to move to the States, it’s pointless being in a relationship. Been there, done that.

  19. zandoli
    June 14, 2017

    I keep asking the same question: why do adult women write to Bella when the answer to their question is so clear to everyone else, including them. You know your husband has another woman in Dominica. You either live with it or get a divorce.

  20. Gods-girl
    June 14, 2017

    Dear distance;
    Honestly, in the first place, you should have already been reconciled with your husband. For what reason did you leave your husband and travel? You are practically a newlywed as you are only married for 3 years. Sweety, get back home, you cant be a wife away from home, someone else will be that wife.
    The bible itself speak of this when Jesus instructed us (paraphrase) to shorten our fast and hurry get back to the bed.
    I pray you are able to reconciled and take your place where you belong and in future, dont ever make that decision, it is not worth it.

    • Kenisha
      June 14, 2017

      That doesn’t excuse the husband’s behavior. He knew what he was getting I into.

    • FED UP
      June 14, 2017

      Please give me a break! What if she went away to make a better life for the two of them? What if she went to educate herself so they won’t have to live from one paycheck to the next?

      She took vows and so did he. Let’s admonish him for not honoring his vows and leave the woman alone.

      • Kharie
        June 15, 2017

        Ikr! First sensible comment I read on here….Why is it that women always come out looking like the bad one EVEN when the man is wrong, I’ll never know.

        stupes!

      • Shameless
        June 15, 2017

        @ FED UP: Sounds good to the ear but that is a nancy story in reality. Hellooooooo!! :twisted:

        Well let her sleep on herself believing the vow she took will quench the man “SWEFF-TAY”. Hey, I dont know about women but when a Dca man tell you he SWEFF no vow, promise, or whatever can stop him from drinking water from a promising well. We too like to “pretend”. Once again, lady some body drinking from your coconut water pipe and more pipe will be laid as time goes on so hurry to Dca and be a wife or else he will be someone else’s significant other. He will continue to BARCHAY and lay pipe in that well while you live in an illusion.

        Assertive like Moses’ rod! :twisted:

  21. June 14, 2017

    Ok, why are you separated by this great distance, why isn’t he with you in the States? That in itself is a big problem

  22. Living in the US but in da
    June 14, 2017

    Just tell me where he at and I will go see if I true the man have another woman for u since am passing in dominica and leaving soon but my dear if the not calling nor answer the already confirm at ppl tell u so come home get closure go back and move on it hurts but u will and can do it. Good luck

  23. June 14, 2017

    Some Woman took your man period, come and handle you business, get him his green card , and take him out of D.A. once he get there things might get better, unless she already have him sprung in the bed room.

    • FED UP
      June 14, 2017

      No woman can take a man – it’s not a piece of bread. If a man wants to go – he goes. If he wants to stay – he stays. Same thing applies to woman.

      A person cannot be stolen when they have free will.

  24. Been In that same boat
    June 14, 2017

    Distance,

    I’ve been in your shoes and chances are if he is refusing your calls then he is cheating on you. I would play “Why haven’t I heard from you” to my fiancé when I finally got him on the phone. Yes, Dominican always know people’s business but not theirs but don’t forget, where there is smoke, there maybe fire. If there is one thing I learned from Dominicans, if one or more is singing the same tune, you listen. Tickets are too damn expensive from the States to Dominica. I know you’re hurting but pay attention to the signs…they are there. Of course he will tell you he loves you because he thinks that will put your mind at ease but don’t be fooled. If he loves you so much you wouldn’t have to call him repeatedly before he answers. I’m curious, when you spoke with him a week ago, did you call or did he call? DO NOT IGNORE THE SIGNS! Actions speaks louder than words and right now his actions are screaming “You’re away so I have to play.” Move on…the heart will…

    • Gods-girl
      June 14, 2017

      Dear Been in that same boat;
      Marriage is honorable and God is involved. It hurts enough that her husband is having an affair, but she has to try to reconcile with him. Like she explained, she loves him and he has been her first love, therefore, moving on will be hard to do and I presume you are not a believer of Jesus Christ to give this harsh and unseemly advice?

      • R
        June 14, 2017

        Not every marriage is ordained by God. Some people rush into marriage without seeking Godly counsel. Being a christian does not mean being blind or stupid to clear signs and facts.

      • Kenisha
        June 14, 2017

        Ha ha ha…you hypocrites kill me. Running to God and the Bible to justify your hypocrisy. One day y’all are going to choke on those words en. My dear I am a firm believer of the Good Lord because many times he has delivered me from hypocrites like you. Read your bible honey, infidelity is grounds for divorce. He knew the relationship would be long distance. Unless he is dead or dying there is no reason why he should not take her calls.

      • June 14, 2017

        Gods Girl:

        Thank you for your comment.

        I appreciate your Biblical common sense and compassion. More people should speak *the truth as it is in Jesus* instead of so much of the trash that gets posted. It seems you are a believer. Please continue to speak for HIM in this evil day.

        Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

        Sincerely,

      • FED UP
        June 14, 2017

        Why does she have to reconcile with a cheater. Isn’t it better for her to find a man that values her worth? Please stop your nonsense – you are obviously not married.

  25. papa
    June 14, 2017

    Send for him

    • Dominican passports
      June 14, 2017

      She will send for him but it takes time, till then worry about sending yourself away :roll:

    • June 14, 2017

      if he is cheating, as the saying goes, once a cheater always a cheater, sending for him, does not mean he will stop cheating period

      • June 16, 2017

        My friend, you are not necessarily right about this.

        Once a cheater always a cheater is not etched in stone. There are exceptions. God still saves the
        whosoever will. He is still changing lives today.

        Please do not be so quick to encourage somebody to walk away from their marriage. It is serious business.

        The lady would be better advised to make an appointment with her husband to see the pastor of a Bible believing (evangelical) church who does counseling. Not just any pastor. But one who is trained in counseling, and makes counseling part of his (or her) ministry. One who is of good reputation and recommended. Usually the counselor will see you one at a time, one first, then the other, and finally both together. This takes time but it is worth the investment.

        Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

    • Kenisha
      June 15, 2017

      Hello nah so he could continue cheating at her expense? He knew what he was getting himself into when they got married. If she is making the effort to keep in touch he should too. He is a cheat and sending for him will not change that. There are husbands who live with their wives and they are still out there cheating.

    • a
      June 15, 2017

      awa leave him there take back your papers …he will only make himself in the US ,leave you and send for his woman! maybe he only wanted the papers from the start .the person you reconnected with is not the same person you knew a long time ago.get out now get out fast ..ps i am sorry for your heartbreak in time you will heal and meet someone much better i pray

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