DEAR BELLA: My mother-in-law is a monster-in-law

Dear BellaDear Bella,

I have a monster-in-law for a mother-in-law and if I don’t do something soon I might end up rolling her down my steps.

You see Bella, when I married her daughter, they were always close and I admired their relationship.

But now Bella, every time I come home, the lady is inside our house. Her daughter would cook and bring to her every day.

When I give my wife money for groceries, she has to buy half for her mother.

The mother has her own home but lives five minutes away.

She also has her husband and six other children but it’s like she depends on my wife.

I found out my wife took several items on hire purchase for her.

She would wipe out our refrigerator and cupboards once her mother asks.

Bella from match sticks, butter, even the gas she would unplug and give her mother. I can’t live like this.

What should I do? I Love my wife and if I ask her mom to reduce her presence at my home my wife will be hurt. I feel torn.

End of the rope

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dear End of the rope,

The first step to your problem is speaking to your wife and explaining to her just as you have spoken out here.

Having this invasion by your mother in law is not good for your marriage. Clearly, your mother-in-law is taking advantage of her daughter’s love for her.

But your wife is allowing this. There’s absolutely nothing wrong in hosting your in-laws but this what you’ve just explained is taking “hosting” to another level.

Your wife should have informed you that she was purchasing things for her mother. When people are married, they become one as so you should have known.

I take it that she was quite aware that you won’t approve, hence the reason for going behind your back with it.

Your mother in law must begin to understand your marriage need breathing space and her daughter is no longer a child.

There are many right ways to show love and appreciation to one’s parents. Clearly, this way is not one of them.

Best
Bella

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23 Comments

  1. Ideal
    June 3, 2017

    Talk to your wife tell her how you feel, if it does not work I would give her the choice ” Your mom or me”.

  2. Wife too
    June 1, 2017

    My mother in law tried something like that with us. She would come at home and just open my fridge and cupboards to see what I had bought. Both my husband and I work. She received a pension that was well able to take care of her. Her other kids who reside away sent her all she needed. She insinuated that I was wasteful and that I spent too much money on food. My husband and I spoke about it and he told me to do what I think is best. She had a nasty habit of eaves dropping on us to see if we bad talk her. She would stand behind the back step and listen to us. To end story: One day I accidentally wet her with some water in which I had cleaned some fish, and I just happened to have had some hot pepper that was rotting in the fridge and needed throwing. Y pas jamais veway. Lesson learned, is all I care.

  3. Conscious
    June 1, 2017

    Some parents have strong hold on their children. It starts from being a toddler and you do not know how to escape them. They use manipulation, illness and I cannot live without you. The daughter needs to cut the umbilical cord.

  4. June 1, 2017

    Divorce because that will never stop.On your old days, you will realize that you don’t have anything left; your wife will leave you for another man with more to offer her and her mother and you will be left alone.

  5. June 1, 2017

    Your Mother-In-law is not the problem, your wife is.

  6. Shameless
    May 31, 2017

    Partner pack your grip and went!!?

    What crap I hearing there nuf? So you not man in your domain then? The Bible says that you are the head of your household so assert some authority in the place and stop wining like my 3 years old niece.

    Assertive like Moses rod!?

  7. Prolific
    May 31, 2017

    Two wrongs cannot make a right. It is horrible to address your mother -in-law a monster. You have one hundred dollars, you give the wife eighty, and also give her another twenty and said this is for your mother.

    • As if
      June 2, 2017

      What :-? Get real. He is not obligated to give her squat for her mother. If he WANTS to give her fine. You must be one of those leech mothers. PATHETIC.

    • June 2, 2017

      what the heck I am hearing there nah?the man is an atm machine man…ssstttuuuppsss!!!!!

  8. Just me
    May 31, 2017

    Give me the time and address and I will come and put oil on the top step so u won’t have to push her, hahaha

    • As if
      June 2, 2017

      Thank you. I was having a bad day. This really mad me LOL.

  9. What you say...
    May 31, 2017

    So she unplug the gas to give her mother? A joke that man? I am a woman and would not condone that….matches too? Awah boy, you is ah mahgee.

  10. Tjebe fort
    May 31, 2017

    Listen pal. I don’t know if this is just another Bella cock & bull story but in any case you are married to your wife and no to your mother in law. Tell your wife that and if she cannot accept it just leave because your wife obviously love her mother before you. That is a fight you can never win.

  11. #Dominica
    May 31, 2017

    You need to speak to your wife. I am a wife and I do not want my mother at my home everyday.

    There needs to be a separation and it has to happen now.

    It’s a three-some not a marriage.

    Get your home in order.

  12. partel
    May 31, 2017

    Many husbands are going through same issues everyday wife chooses mother over husband. I understand the headache i had to counsel a friend who had same issues wife need to stand up to her mom. We need rights for men all we are hearing is women rights not men rights ????????? 8-O

  13. UDOHREADYET
    May 31, 2017

    Love is always the answer…
    Love: show your mother in law love, by visiting her every single day empty handed and eating at her house before she reaches yours.

    At your home show your wife love by instead of giving her money in her hand, open a joint bank account for home expenses, add a fixed amount monthly, when she sees on paper how much money she is throwing away, she will think twice about drawing the account down to zero for other people, plus you can keep track of it on paper (lightbulb).

    Hate:
    you can hate, make noise, complain, mess up your relationship to save a few dollars.

  14. Lang Mama
    May 31, 2017

    Bri give the mother some wood. I mean for her fire so she don’t take your gas. since you give her that wood she will either stay away or keep coming back. Bit if she keep coming back is not to raid your pantry bit just for the wood.

    Now send Lang Mama the consultation fee in the mail

  15. Joel Murray
    May 31, 2017

    you need to put a stop to this you only married one person,herr mother is not part of the marriage put them straight!aa what they think nuh.

  16. Dominican
    May 31, 2017

    Get a sidechick and give her the other half of the shopping, see how wifey will react :mrgreen:

    • Anomymous
      June 2, 2017

      The man have enough trouble already. You want to send him from the from the frying pan into the fire.

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