DEAR BELLA: Prominent married woman in love with my husband

Dear BellaDear Bella,

I have a problem with a prominent married Dominican woman, who is involved with my husband. I want her to leave my husband and stop sending him love notes and intimate photos on WhatsApp.

I know her husband thinks she is innocent and an angel, but that woman has caused my marriage to deteriorate and my husband and me are close to getting a divorce.

The worst part is that her husband is related to my husband.

Miss
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Dear Miss,

You seem to have left the bigger part of the problem out of your situation. YOUR HUSBAND. You want this woman to leave your husband but does your husband want to be left alone?

While I don’t and will never condone adultery, your husband is just as responsible for your problems as this married woman. Cheating is a two-way street. If your husband was not entertaining her “love notes” and “intimate photos” on WhatsApp, I am pretty sure she would have already gotten the picture.

Have you spoken to your husband? What is he saying? Have you approached this woman to seek an explanation?

After all you are not just his girlfriend. You are HIS WIFE and you will be well within your rights to seek redress in the problem.

Have you thought about taking up the matter with your spiritual leader? Or even seek counselling?

Because the information is limited, I was left hanging as to exactly how to move forward. However, from all aspects, there is a problem and the woman should not be your focus. Your husband should be.

Best of luck

Bella

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51 Comments

  1. Alley franc
    June 27, 2018

    most married women are closet whores. ladies, don’t get married to someone when u have someone else or want someone else. its not fair to waste or play with someone’s emotions, the consequences may be deadly.

  2. Rastasayrastaseemissionforselahsee
    December 12, 2016

    my girl leave her,what goes around comes back believe me.

  3. buss teh man tail first
    December 8, 2016

    why do women think that it’s always the woman holding or pursuing their man/husband…always want to fight the other woman, while their husbands/boyfriends continue to pursue the person.. deal with your issue at home first then you can go fight your battles outside.
    ..interfering with another persons partner is wrong, but we need to speak to our significant others first before we just start to cuss out and lash out on the outside person…and most times after we cuss/ embarrass ourselves in public, the relationship with the outside person still continues.
    anytime u have to continuously defend your relationship from a third party..then this might not be a relationship u want to be in.

  4. When opportunity knocks
    December 8, 2016

    My dear people – a man can cheat when he is gettimg alot of good stuff at home….sometimes all that good stuff even hypes him up to get more…men are weak and will cheat just for the thrill and attention ….but men should be careful even more with women cause when they do cheat …they just might end up falling in love with the next guy….its more intimate and trust me yall dont want to imagine having sex with your wife while she is thinking of another man…it will crush you! I say my lady Make your self happy..he will get confused …that lady will soon be a dead letter. You cant control how a human will hurt you but you can def control your reaction. Play some music ….read your bible….be happy!

  5. Sakway Gwo Boudeh
    December 8, 2016

    Aye, dem pics… whats app your boy… my number is 767 — —- :twisted:

  6. The Truth Be Told
    December 7, 2016

    Do not throw yourself at him. This is what he may want for his male ego. It may never help your marital relationship.
    Keep your hands clean, if you know what I mean. Do not remain in the home and threaten to leave him. This could be dangerous.
    A recent case in Toronto, she was a married woman, a professional, a doctor, an intelligent woman, Her husband is also a professional, a doctor. They had three young children. As also heard on the Toronto News, they were married for nine years and were experiencing problems. She filed for divorce. Her mother did not hear from her and reported her missing. I suppose she did not report for work. Her body was found stuffed in a suitcase kilometers away from where they reside. This week her husband was arrested and charged with murder.
    Let this be a lesson. Do not stay in the house and threaten the man or threaten him with divorce. You should know what could ensue. Do not trust him with you life.
    Lady, I wish you well. Act…

    • December 8, 2016

      The Truth Be Told:

      My wife and I have been following this dreadful story on television.

      Yes, they were both doctors. They had the best education the world could offer. It seems he came from a culture known for its low regard for – and abuse of – women.

      Many come from nations devastated by false religions. Canada is a great nation. People from any part of the world are welcome here. But we don’t need their heathen world views and practices. Let them know they are coming to a land Christ made great even if much of that greatness has been lost. We hope those who join us here will celebrate the Christian principles that were the foundation stones laid by our fathers
      including the respect for womanhood and family.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill

  7. The Truth Be Told
    December 7, 2016

    To be realistic, everyone would handle this situation differently. There are women who put up with this for years until they or the man die.
    Men would not put up with this from their wife. I hate to say what they could do; no exception the wives. People can take only so much.
    Bella made some good points except to approach the woman. She should not approach the woman. If you know the woman and you ever see her, as much as it would hurt, be a lady. Pretend you did not see her. Try your best to say nothing to her. Keep your eyes away from her. This will avoid trouble and an embarrassing moment
    Now, to deal with the husband. He is the one you should talk to. Do not threaten him nor threaten to leave him. By his reply, if you get no satisfaction from him and he continues with that type of relationship, the best thing to do is to seek counseling. He may not want to attend one. If this fails, seek legal advice and take it from there legally.

  8. Anonymous
    December 7, 2016

    Bella you too mati.. just making up stories for us every week and you know we like di bef….. I don’t believe people posting those stories.. that’s 4 kix

  9. future :(
    December 7, 2016

    Wife always like to blame the other woman. The man who is unfaithful to you so deal with his behavior. He is not a child so he is not innocent. If he was strong he would push that other woman away from the beginning but he is weak and fell for the flirts that turn into something more.
    Deal with your husband’s behavior

  10. Noreen
    December 7, 2016

    Send the pictures to all your friends,ever heard
    of the chain letter? It’s sure to end up on her
    husband’s phone.

    • TeteMorne I From
      December 8, 2016

      Why the thumbs down? This is GREAT advice, y’all!

      • Dominican
        December 8, 2016

        Great lawsuit too! LEgal action can be taken against all whose phone the pics pass through, becareful with sending stuff around.

  11. Peace
    December 7, 2016

    Bella, given the amount of details that Miss left out, I think she just trying to throw a technical maypuis for her coboss on DNO.

    Miss – this is one of the few times I disagree with Bella. You should not confront the woman. Your issue is with your husband. Like Rev. Hill, demand he stop! BUT – you have to be prepared to act if he does not. Telling him stop it hussy and you not serious about what you will do if he does not makes no sense … because if you are willing to stay with him no matter how miserable his actions make you, then he has no incentive to change. Keep your head up! Stay woke!

  12. December 7, 2016

    we like Beff. What if the Husband has drank the coolaide”. and cant think Right? Just saying some in Dominica, Is a way of life on both sides, More wood for the fire, and the more the merrier, there`s lots of Big and little Holes in Dominica, some have no Business being there, Ambush in the Night. We like it so, and we will never want to believe those that a involve in the Horning Business. Im in the wrong line of work. I need a new title. ” MarcoVayie” Ready for Hire.
    ,

  13. Marcus Hill
    December 7, 2016

    Ebeh look it!!!

  14. December 7, 2016

    Miss:

    Bella has given you good advice. I hope you will follow it.

    If I may add just a little here it is.

    Insist that your husband INFORM this woman that she must stop pursuing him immediately. There must be not another note or photo. No phone call, texted message, email, or personal visit. Not one. It is over!

    You should also tell him he must TELL the woman if she contacts him once more he will take the notes and photos to her husband.

    This will show who the guilty party is. If your husband is the pursuer he will obviously not tell the woman these things. If he is innocent he will gladly do so to get rid of her and save his marriage.

    Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

    • anonymous
      December 7, 2016

      If the WIFE was performing her marital duties the husband definitely would not have a reason to stray. Women exercise your MARITAL roles and your husbands will not stray.

      • The S7 - i will blow up in your face
        December 7, 2016

        Some men just too nasty and greedy. more you give is more they are not satisfied. I am a living testament to that. I have a good woman but i still outside checking my vibes. so your point is useless,.

      • Dominican
        December 7, 2016

        RUBBISH!

      • Just Passing Through
        December 7, 2016

        Do you really believe that anonymous? Most men say that is not why they stray. Men do not need a reason to stray, if they find a willing woman, no matter who she is he will have the affair.

        In a group session once, the moderator told the men and women in the audience, women should never blame themselves for a straying man. It is all the man’s fault and the wife or girlfriend should never ever blame herself.

        If you can live with the cheater more power to you, if you cannot leave him, he is not worth it. Do not concern yourself with the women, she cheated on her husband. Your husband cheated on you. The most important issue is whether the women has given your husband a sexually transmitted disease that he passes on to you, that is when a women must take care of herself.

        A cheater is always a cheater and the cheating partners soon will cheat on each other, because that is what they do. They cheat. Your health both emotionally & physically is top priority..

      • The Truth Be Told
        December 7, 2016

        Oh yea? Your comment is not an intelligent one. It is one-sided. Are you stating this from experience?
        Down through the ages wives have been loyal to their husbands but some of them will still not be satisfied. They will seek outside relationships. There are times, some women approached them. Human nature could be weak and so the men fall for them, a little (or some) on the side without their wives finding out or leaving their wives. They want the better of two sides.

      • December 8, 2016

        This is the case in some marriages but not in all.

        Some men don’t need a reason to cheat. They have good wives but they have allowed themselves to be overtaken by lust. All it takes is for them to lend their minds to immoral thoughts. In some cases they let themselves be inflamed by pornography. Sometimes alcohol has lowered their inhibitions.

        A husband and wife who want a happy and lasting marriage should make Christ the center of their marriage. This will only happen if HE is the center of each of their lives. Let them both RECEIVE the Lord Jesus Christ as the Savior, and commit themselves to live by His rule.

        Read your Bible. It is the World’s # 1 Marriage manual! Pray together. Worship with a congregation of joyful believers.

        It is the best life in the world. My wife and I haven proven it for over 53 years :!:

        Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill

  15. Thomian
    December 7, 2016

    women are women worse enemy……….

    • lianne
      December 7, 2016

      So very very true!! Do unto others as you would like done unto you!! They would not want it for themselves, but they doing it to others!! Wicked set of souls out there.

    • Shameless
      December 7, 2016

      No Thomian, some women are just more interested in their happiness than the other woman\’s (wife) and rightfully so. Like my friend once said to me, she loves herself more than the wife so she have no issues dating a married man that she feels for. She would care less if his wife knows or if she is upset.

      She realizes her happiness comes first and secondary to none. So married or not she will get hers and to hell with the rest. That is life! The institution of marriage has less meaning today because man can marry man and woman can marry woman. Also, MOST women get married for security/ money purposes rather than true love so they neglect their husband after getting the ring and when he turns to someone else for fullfilment they \”pretend\” that they are ALL wifey to him and complain making him look like a devil.

      Sadly, the truth is they do it because they realize that when he is gone the good life is also.

      Assertive, Never Aggressive! :twisted:

      • The Truth Be Told
        December 7, 2016

        What about the men? Why do they marry and what do they marry for? I have an idea. Why do they get tired of women and seek outside relationships?

      • YES I
        December 8, 2016

        Typical know it all.

  16. UDOHREADYET
    December 7, 2016

    Sounds like an issue within your marriage.
    You should confront your husband and the woman together or confront your husband and his relative the adulterous woman husband together. If you end up being the odd person out in either of those conversations then make your plans and move on.

  17. freegid tree
    December 7, 2016

    All you too like BEFF, tan. Dominica is really moving forward – Now the whole world must know about your insecurity and your horse-barn . My advice? CALL JERRY SPRINGER.

    • The Truth Be Told
      December 7, 2016

      The entire world has this problem. It is nothing new and exceptional.

  18. Woman Problem
    December 7, 2016

    It is very clear that many women mind in DA are clouded. The problem is definitely the woman or both. As a woman I can tell you I fall in this trap before. Never again.

    The question you have to ask yourself is how did this wife get to know that this woman is texting her husband. Since she did not tell us. We have to assume that the husband is showing her the text. You have to also assume that she is having that kind of relationship with her husband base on her expression in her writing.

    You guys have automatically assume that she found out by sneaking into his phone but remember, (despite how untrue that may sound) some men will tell their wives and even show them the text or email the woman sent.

    I guess is an ego thing.

    So women don’t go fooling yourself while having relationship with other women’s husband or boyfriends. You think that he will never talk and blaming the wife or girlfriend; calling her crazy.

    She might know more than you think.

    • hmmmmmm
      December 7, 2016

      If that was the case, they would not be close to getting a divorce…!!!!

    • December 7, 2016

      Would a husband in a situation like this show the notes and photos to his wife :?:

      For a husband to do this is crazy.

      For a husband to do his and not expect his wife to be upset by it is crazy AND stupid!

      We have given the wife solid advice. For her not to act upon it suggests she doesn’t think her marriage is worth fighting for. I hope this is not the case.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

      Sincerely, Rev. Donald Hill.

  19. Shameless
    December 7, 2016

    I myself is a straight up guy when it comes to issues like this. So\” Madam broken heart\”, the BIG question is; What is this woman offering your hussy that you are not? 8)

    You see, if he is not getting something from you that he is now getting then your fight is already over because apparently the honey is sweeter on the other side. The text may just be flirting but maybe the things that she is saying to him makes him feel special and wanted. Some women like attention from their significant other but NEVER return the favor. In other words they become complacent by believing that they are the important one in a relationship. Don\’t go to no partat spiritual leader because there is none in Dca that deserve to hear your plight. Talk to hussy and go to a counselor soon. Better yet to to St. Lucia the both of you and talk to a marriage counselor and all should be fine. If not, then arrange a threesome with the \”other\” women and see what he likes. 8) ,

    Always…

    • Woman Problem
      December 7, 2016

      What do you mean by ‘you’re straight up guy’? If he has his wife why flirt with another woman. Seems to be talking from experience.

      • Shameless
        December 7, 2016

        I think I spoke English.

        Always Assertive!?

    • The Truth Be Told
      December 7, 2016

      Listen Shameless which is what you may be. Some men have a big ego. They love to be pursued by the opposite sex. They love excitement. They also go looking, at entertainment places. It may have nothing to do with the wife. There are times, all it takes is for a woman to smile at them. If they are somewhere without their wife (even with the wife present), their eyes roam around. The rest is what ensues when the wife is not around and more.

      • Woman Problem
        December 8, 2016

        You are so correct.

        This guy Shameless is the kind of guy who think they know everything and can just bully a woman.

        You could see knows nothing and just boaster kaka chien.

  20. Concerned
    December 7, 2016

    Let me guess. You confronted your husband and you did not get any answers from him that you needed or he told you is the woman that is pursuing him. Now you want the woman to leave him alone. Don’t listen to him, this man has no respect for you. The woman sent him these pictures and he doesn’t even care enough about your feelings to delete them, sorry but that man doesn’t deserve you. Furthermore, the two husbands are related, give me a break. Seek help my lady.

    • The Truth Be Told
      December 7, 2016

      Who knows what the man told her about his wife? Some people blame others but themselves. Think about it.

  21. December 7, 2016

    Lol the problem is you husband.

  22. Magic Fingers
    December 7, 2016

    Hey woman, you trying to paint the married woman as some kind of Jezebel…trust and believe that this married woman is not the first time your husband stepped out of his marriage bed….some of all you wives in Dominica too soutiweh, as if all you husband so innocent. When they liming with their ‘boys’ all you don’t even know….

    • December 7, 2016

      Magic Fingers ;you have used you best magic words. The married woman who married that saint type of a cheating man ;well I am ordering to get a life.If your husband was sure of his choice he would not throw himself in the arms of another woman.Bella you asked that woman whether she confronted the woman who is going out with her husband ;she has no right to to confront the lady;she must confront her husband. A married woman confronted my neighbour she ended with a knife in her stomach and straight to the cemetery.Is this what you want another woman to do?The crying woman needs to move on with her cheater or leave him.

  23. Cyrique
    December 7, 2016

    A A what is this? How did you see the photos on his WhatsApp? To be honest Bella is right. Have you approached your husband for an explanation? & frankly if he’s kept the photos that would concern me. Alas !! Try to get an explanation asap so that you can prepare yourself for Christmas. I hope it’s sorted out so that you have a lovely Christmas. Poor pity. ??

  24. concerned
    December 7, 2016

    Hey.

    can you please share some of the photos? it would help us to be better able to tell you if she innocent for real.

    sincerely

    bella cousin

  25. cameron
    December 7, 2016

    Say the woman name na ,Carnival coming,good calypso.

  26. Dominican
    December 7, 2016

    Good answer, check your husband you are in the same house with him.

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