DEAR BELLA: Things are not the same since I cheated on my boyfriend

Bella

 

It has been about four years since my boyfriend and I have been together.

Well, we broke up for about three months ago because I had an affair. However, I ended it and we decided to get back together.

Now ever since we have gotten back together, nothing has been the same. His behaviour has changed.

He no longer takes pictures [of us] together and posts them on social media, invites me out with his friends or family, or even just ask me to be his plus-one.

I feel like that’s something I can’t force him to do with me, and I understand that his friends’ time is time for himself.

But if he says he sees me in his life in the future, don’t you think he’d bring me – his girlfriend, to family dinners or even friends’ outings?

I really am trying to understand why he is so distant and he no longer displays any public affection.

Things are just so cold.

 

Not invited

 


 

Hello Not Invited,

 

I think his behaviour might be about your history as a couple.

It’s possible that social media became more complicated for him when he found out you were cheating? Men are very sensitive even if they pretend not to be.

He is probably still dealing with uncertainty about you and isn’t about to take any chances, just in case someone is still in your life.

It could be a case of trying to protect himself from shame and embarrassment. I don’t know.

It sounds like that’s the more productive thing to think about – whether you’ve both recovered from whatever it was that broke you up.

It’s time to talk about how you’re feeling and why it is he is just not the same anymore. It’s the best way to answer those other questions.

 

Bella 

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26 Comments

  1. Gingerbread
    November 29, 2019

    Stop bashing the woman, yes she cheated but some of you all are just so damn perfect, that you never did anything wrong in your miserable little “so called perfect lives” wow Peyton Place smdh…. or should

  2. I said what I said
    November 28, 2019

    Girl you must be daft with cobwebs in place of a brain.
    YOU cheated on the man. Relationships take years to recover from incidents like these, if they even do.
    YOU have embarrassed the man, now you’re lost as to why he doesn’t take pics or bring you out.
    Why does he have to show you off? What is there to show off?

    Stupesss :roll: Ask Santa for some common sense.

  3. Breathe
    November 28, 2019

    Your boyfriend will NEVER trust you again. Do yourself and your boyfriend a favor and move on. Leave him alone.

  4. Waiting for Airport
    November 28, 2019

    once you give it away, your worth gone with it. The most important thing to a man is loyalty and you already prove you not loyal.

    2nd most important thing is respect and you already broke that. You really expect the man to be showing off a woman that probably kaling on his head? Giving people the opportunity to watch him like a fool?

    And the tone of your post shows you have an attitude of entitlement. Eventually he will wise up and move on from you permanently.

  5. The Nightingale
    November 28, 2019

    Thanks DNO my comment was probably a little too decent for you to post.

    ADMIN: Which comment? Try resubmitting your comment if you do not see it being published. You can also email us at [email protected] should you need further assistance.

  6. Mystikal Vybes
    November 27, 2019

    Yes. That’s just the way it is young lady. I have been in your boyfriend’s shoe and clearly there will be alot of resentment. So dont expect things to be the way they were before. It’s gona be hard to trust you. Everything has to be learned again. Like baby steps… and it might not even worth it; why be in a relationship where there is little or no trust.?

  7. candid
    November 27, 2019

    What has Bello got to do with you opening your leg to men. You never consulted Bello before you started your affair. When you didn’t get what you want, you crawl back. People don’t go back in life.Any man who sees you should run a mile. What shame and low life .

  8. zandoli
    November 27, 2019

    Let me start by saying cheating is wrong irrespective of who is doing the cheating. However, the majority of Dominican (and other Caribbean) men have cheated on their girlfriends or wives. Sometimes they have outside women in plain sight of their partners.
    When you guys start to view men who cheat in the same light as that woman, I will take those comments seriously.
    Dominica is a small place where everyone is into your business. I know people who have outside women living in the same village as their wives and everyone knows she is the outside woman. The worse part is, the guys expect the women to pretend the extra-marital affairs are not happening. Sometimes they even want to make the women think they are crazy for bringing up the subject.
    Spare me the outrage.

  9. NOBLE
    November 27, 2019

    I believe that you should expect the young man to act differently towards you but at the same time, if he decided to forgive you and go back into a steady relationship he has to try to be as normal as he can possibly be……………..If I were you I wont be make a fuss about he not posting pics on social media etc…not everything needs to be on social media, he wants his guy time, give it to him because you DID step out, have patience with him…………..It would be nice if he invited you to go out now and again….if he keeps acting like its a constant reminder or you feel like its not making sense being together anymore, just end the relationship all together. Move on…everyone makes mistakes so I wont judge you…stay bless

  10. Bwa-Banday
    November 27, 2019

    According to the St.Lucians; EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE -SAHLOPP!!

  11. The Nightingale
    November 27, 2019

    Its obvious he still has some feelings for you, but due to the way you cheated
    on him, mind you we are not perfect ! none of us are! but he is probably trying
    to protect his heart and is very cautious. He does not want you to take him
    back for a repeat. You are lucky he is actually giving you a second chance.
    Plus One??? He does not want to be made into a laughing stock.

  12. Frank N Stein
    November 27, 2019

    The man shame, you know they can do but they cant take. Women give them too much power. If it was him who cheated you would be still boasting him all over. Learn from this.

  13. look it
    November 27, 2019

    You women have no pride and no shame for yourselves. He caught you this time but, it is not the only time. Low life, just pack your bag quietly and leave. Your body no longer belongs to you, it belongs to them. Wherever you may be just leave the country and find another. Bad influence for the younger ones.

  14. November 27, 2019

    He’s distant cause he don’t want u n he doesn’t want to be alone. Best thing live and go cause he’ll never get past it. To him others that may hv known n suspected u cheated may be laughing after him. He’s probably telling ppl y’all don’t n u just can’t leave him alone

  15. My money
    November 27, 2019

    Its obvious..u cheat on him what u expect…3mths allu sepearated u doh expect him to have someone else then. Men in general have women on their girlfriends head far more for if u cheat on him and break up..go love yourself eh and leave mr alone u cannot forcw someone to love u and besides trust lost is hard to regain..so ease up on de padna.. if he wants u he will find u. I just dunno y u had to cheat on him when he there for u…thats de consequences.. sadly men do it all the time but it doesnt mean u must do it too. Pray and find God

  16. November 27, 2019

    Well what you think maybe the brake up was a test for him to see what you would do now you fail the test you had a itch and could not wait but you went out there and have an affair now why you think the guy will trust you and not thinking you will do it again once you do it who to know that you will not go back to your old ways as soon as you have a little argument with him you have a lot of proving your self to do girl play your cards right and things will work out good luck

  17. Say it as i see it
    November 27, 2019

    Some woman have guts eh how much confidence and trust you expect the man to have in you after you cheated on him and it’s known ahh??

  18. 🤦🏾‍♀️
    November 27, 2019

    I don’t understand how she “doesn’t know why he is so distant”. You broke the man trust so is your job to regain it. He wants to know for sure that you with him and him alone this time.

  19. JDorn
    November 26, 2019

    He probably feels like people will be laughing at him if the two of you are in public. He may also be wondering how many guys may be laughing at him, and saying they horned him. You broke his heart, and it is taking some time for him to stitch it back together

  20. Concerned Citizen
    November 26, 2019

    Lol obviouslyyyyy things won’t be the same between you two. You cheated on him 🤦🏽‍♀️ Relationships take time to bounce back from things like that. As Bella said, he may be trying to avoid embarrassment because he’s unsure if you’re being faithful. And yes men are very sensitive. Just give him time and SHOW him you can be trusted.

  21. Braindamage
    November 26, 2019

    So Doo Doo Darling, you doh expect that?
    Am hoping the boyfriend is sleeping with one eye open and the other one close.

  22. Itassi
    November 26, 2019

    So wait….you cheated on de man, and now you saying you don’t understand why he acting so?!! Smh! :roll: :roll: :roll:

  23. Josh shaw
    November 26, 2019

    my girl u dash way d pumpum now crying bout pic and scene. u all woman doh good! d man should use u like a spare tyre as I have shown that u can’t be trusted. If it were d man whom did what u did all woman would bashing man. All man is dog and what does that make all woman! u just doh good!!!

  24. Annoyed
    November 26, 2019

    As a woman myself , I can’t believe how selfish some of us can be.
    You cheat on a man
    You leave the man
    And you “really trying to understand why he so distant”?

    And not to say is a fling, 4yrs the man commit to you and after you go and open your legs for someone else, you have the audacity to expect him to carry you around like the shiney trophy just because he take you back? It’s obvious you don’t even take your betrayal seriously. His guard up and he’d be a fool to put it down.

    • Frank N Stein
      November 27, 2019

      I wonder if you would have given the same advice if the situation was reversed

      • Annoyed
        November 28, 2019

        Of course yes! Once a man cheat is in the rubbish he going, what else?

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