Fearful to tell my partners I have AIDS

Dear Bella: I found out I have HIV/AIDS and I have not been able to let my partners know. I am afraid to let them know;  I have had affairs with married men.

[Presently] I am with a married man, and he said he will leave his wife for me. For years he has been saying that. Do I stay with him and wait? I think he is lying.

Is it okay to tell the married man I am having an affair with that I have AIDS after he promise to leave his wife for me? I do not know how to tell him. I need them to go for an AIDS test. How do I tell someone? I need advice on how to deal with.

Dear Jane Doe,

Your situation is very serious. You have put your life and that of others at risk because of your promiscuous behaviour. Now you have also endangered the lives of these men wives.

Instead of being so concerned about the married man leaving his wife for you, you should cut off this adulterous relationship and immediately request your lover to do an AIDS test. It is also right to inform the men you have slept with of your illness, and advise them to get a test.

You should also pray about your habits and make this be a lesson to you. Meanwhile, try to get the appropriate medical advice to deal with your illness. Change your life around and make it right with God before it’s too late.


Do you have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at [email protected]. Dear Bella is published every Monday and Friday. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion, and by reading this column you agree to indemnify us from any such liability. We encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.

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  1. Diva
    January 24, 2013

    weh weh weh.. for you to tell dem ppl so deh can seek medical attention as soon as possible, you deh about you fraid. DA need to implement a law that will arrest ppl that know deh have aids and spreading it. I hope allu taking note eh.. STRAP UP..DEM TING HAVE DISEASE!!!!!!!!! ALLU TOO TWETE!!!

    January 28, 2011

    first of all you,re not a child so you know right from wrong, of course you have to tell those men you have aids, and seek medical help so you will live longer. stupes

    April 21, 2010

    i did not write that type of comment. i am at an internet cafe. i just went to the wash room. then some one choose to make that idiotic statement.

  4. Anonymous
    March 22, 2010

    she should have kept her legs close……very nasty….ask for the husband!!! old dog….

  5. mouth of the south
    March 20, 2010

    hhhhhhhmmmm MOUTH OF THE SOUTH “WEST” dat jus don’t sound right to my ear

    March 20, 2010

    Are you people with these negative comments childish or what. He who has no sin let him cast the first stone. I am i no way saying it was ok to sleep around especially with married men. It is a sin but I know that just as it happened to this person and probably the many wives that may hear that news it can happen to anyone of us. As long as you are not a virgin or celibate you are at risk . STOP with the judgement and give sound advise.

    To the person in question. May God strengthen you and as you tell these partners of your disease I pray that you will also ask for forgiveness. God Forgives and he is always with us even when we are not deserving of it.

    • Batakwaibe
      April 13, 2010

      awwwe…bless that very sweet certain people are jus ignorant and stupid with no love in their heart and insensitive

  7. :D
    March 20, 2010

    waw…..girlllllll u shuda been more careful than that. n im sorry but u shud b put in jail on life sentence if that man’s wife has AIDs too ….dammmnnnnnn!

  8. caks
    March 20, 2010

    Bella your advice sucks. What qualification do you have to advice people on these subjects anyway? all you do is condemn people, “Change your life around and make it right with God before it’s too late“. How is that going to help the many people that might be or potentially infected from this. Obviously having unprotected sex with any one is dangerous. However, isn’t there some public health professionals available for contacting these individuals. I think it would be too dangerous for her to be the one to tell these individuals. After all , who knows where she got it from? it could be the married man. However if she is in a relationship with any one she could tell him,, but the most important thing is to be tested ASAP. Don’t just blame the woman. (That man had an obligation to be faithful to his wife too). This person needs to provide a list of her sexual partners to a member of public health who would then notify these individuals to test themselves. And this should be confidential too, She also needs to IMMIDIATLY cease from participating in unproductive sex and get treatment.

    • sweetness
      March 20, 2010

      I agree with your comments “CAKS” that’s all I have to say at this moment.

    • IamHis
      June 28, 2013

      Very well said. Educated and responsible.

  9. info
    March 20, 2010

    Is “dear bella” a dominican based article or is it a caribbean thing???

    ADMIN: The Dear Bella column is published on the company’s other news sites i.e bvinews.com, anguillaexpress.com and stlucianewsonline.com. It is also published on beffnews.com. These situations are not particularly restricted to Dominica since we invite persons living or from these various countries to share their issues and seek advice from Bella.

  10. S*** HAPPEN
    March 20, 2010

    I hardly think all the negative advise is going to do any good. And I dont totally agree with the advise given. Yes you should be concerned now about your health and life. He has promised to leave his wife…. hasn’t and won’t leave her, that’s what all of them say… and your experience with other married men should tell you so..THEY NEVER LEAVE THEIR WIVES..

    Sad to say the damage has already been done but i suggest you leave the the men alone and you should inform all your partners to go and get tested try to figure out when and from who you got this and move on with your life. Like someone said now is the time to think about God and your faith. Don’t bother with those telling you to kill yourself cause those telling you this may just be sleeping around also…

    Let it be a lesson for many.. the Married Men included you have you wife stick to her, Married Women you have you husband stick to him, Single people don’t go sleeping around stick to one partner and CONDOMIZE…………

    Save yourself the GRIEF and ANGUISH of having to live with this virus and especially the negative stigma associated with it..

  11. Loving Husband
    March 20, 2010

    All you realise the main cause of that particular problem is married man that cannot keep their a** quiet? You have your wife what you cheating on her for….look at problems mister creating for his wife…poor wife! As for the infected lady, you see, Dominicans on a whole don’t have a habit of testing regularly, once you sexually active you should get tested annually and you should trust absolutely no one with your health. For all you know she had this disease for years and was completely unaware of her condition.

    the world is becoming a sad sad place, wives have to start making their husbands wear condoms! And some husbands have to insist on wearing their condom. Unprotected sex these days is risky business, because you may be a faithful spouse and AIDS can come right at your home and meet you far less for if you have multiple partners. Man I know people like to talk about having fun and ‘flexing their sex muscle’ but dem times there young, old, sexy and unsexy need to start thinking about exercising sexual restraint and sticking to one partner.

    In these times we living in we need christ, serious, is not enough to just love your wife or husband, you need to get divine intervention to safeguard yourself and your love ones from the work of the devil. Because yielding to sexual temptation is what sending endless people to early grave. God help us.

    Husband love your wives and vice versa, if what your spouse has no longer interest you…is either you stay without, or you ‘force-ay’ to like it again!

    • sweetness
      March 20, 2010

      I agree with your comment

  12. fanso - nigerian
    March 20, 2010

    Send a list of the names of all the men you slep with to DBS telling them to get tested annonymously.
    Then wait and see what will happen.

  13. Anonymous
    March 19, 2010

    This girl is wrong for asking if she should tell mr and her many other lovers but she had to get HIV from someone so the men are just as much at fault. It is so easy to place the blame on this woman but look at the men involved. They are the ones who are married. For all we know her current man is the one that gave it to her. The most important thing is for this girl to tell all of her partners about her diagnosis and start on her medication. Girl if your not comfortable telling the men to there face write a letter telling them to get tested or go online they have email notification systems where you can send them an email. Best of luck.

  14. Anonymous
    March 19, 2010

    what can i say? .. all these negative comments will not make the situation better, in fact it may even make it worse..i am not here to condemn you or judge you, i will leave that to the almighty, but the fact remains that you have caused much pain, and when the news is out in the open, will cause even more, but if you are really genuine, do what you have to do, inform your partners of the current situation, and try to avoid putting the life of others in danger through sexual activity.. i see you are getting much criticism because of the situation that you are in, but don’t be discouraged, don’t think of revenge, just try to keep a positive mentality and this will make your life a much happier and fulfilling one. you did not get it from a tree, you too were infected from someone else, but don’t continue the circle of infecting people, but help society…i also place much emphasis on persons who are in relationships, let’s try to be faithful, respect our partners, respect our life, be contented with what we have, be true.. if each one stays true to the one that he or she has, certainly the rate of transmission of HIV will decrease drastically..
    there is a God above, and he is alway willing to help us if we are willing to help ourselves, you have done a great thing in coming forth for advise, that is why i will try my best to be of some help to you.
    although HIV may sound like a deaf sentence, you are not alone out there, millions of people are suffering with this disease just as you are.. there are some excellent sites on line to help people in your situation, expert advise is offered and i recommend that you find one of those.. google it, something will come up.
    the criticism has just started, but you have to be strong, seeks God’s guidance for with him all things are possible and certainly he hears and answers. all the best out there!

  15. March 19, 2010

    i hope asking should u speak up about telling your partners that u are infected is a rhetorical question. YES you should tell them, why are u creeping with a married man, and for years been told that he would leave his wife and you no result yet u stay with him, think about it, you are aware he is lying and u have proof, i mean honestly would u like to b sleeping wit a partner that is infected and not have u told about it, i mean come. that a serious matter you cant play with people’s health risks.

  16. NO FACE
    March 19, 2010

    U r a dam b***. U should burn in hell eternally. U r a murder ,u should be sent to jail and die there. U know u have AIDS and u r speeding ? U r lucky u r not living in Canada cuz your arse would b thrown in jail for will full murder. May your soul b tormented forever.

    • dominican flower
      March 20, 2010

      y are these men having unprotected sex,,serve them right..its the men she slept with that is putting thier wife in danger,,after did the woman hold them down to have sex without protection..honestly some of u dont think before opening your mouth…

      • under the radar
        January 6, 2011

        or pants

  17. oh ok
    March 19, 2010

    Why are u people so gullible and love gossip, dont u see is someone siting at home with no work and just looking for attention? That person so knw dominicans like gossip of this nature, stop responding to that person lies. However is there is some truth to it God forbid, I urge u to give Christ ur life my dear, and come clean ok.

    • under the radar
      January 6, 2011

      even if this exact topic here is fictitious it still is a true reflection of the many unreported cases that happen in our community. it is put there to wake us up from our sleep.

  18. Realone
    March 19, 2010

    you people are just a bunch of pu……..the girl did wrong but we CANT speak this way….cant u people see she’s trying to seek help and because of STUPID people like all u, she’s scared ANYONE CAN GET AIDS ..AIDS DOES NOT CHOOSE …..PLUS SHE COULD BE UR WOMAN BEST FRIEND OR SISTA ….SO GET REAL

  19. Youthermist
    March 19, 2010

    A sad day for Dominica and Dominicans as whole. all sexually active and promiscuous men and women on our island should be tested immediately for this dangerous virus. The government should instigate a national health emergency to establish the rate of Infection on the Island before its to late..

    March 19, 2010

    Young lady / Man pretending to be a woman

    please find someone you can confide in and seek help. What you are doing is wrong and I know you know that. Stop doing it and ask God for forgiveness. Seek counseling from a pastor or anyone that you feel you can trust. But you need to be responsible. And do let the men/women that you slept with know whats going on. Please. There are wives out there who may be bringing babies in this world for the very men you may have infected or the other way around.

    “Trust” me when I say, (You are not alone)

    God sees, God hears, God Knows, God CAN, because he is able!!!!

  21. Young Man in Dominica
    March 19, 2010

    All who vex with my comment lost, i dont live for people. This person not only has aids but a curse with a high level of stupiity as well please. To ask a stupid question like this, as if you have a common cold please just do the world a favour. Drop dead

    • Candid
      March 19, 2010

      Well I don’t care either – I agree with you!!!

      • Candid
        March 19, 2010

        Not with the drop dead part because anybody can get aids but this is a serious issue and whoever this is put others help first and make it known and get some help!

  22. Dominican in NJ
    March 19, 2010

    You are very selfish. How would you feel if the situation was reversed? Take Bella’s advice
    and come clean to all the men that you have slept with because Dominica is too small for
    you and the men whom you have infected to continue to spread this disease. Good luck!

  23. cookoon satti
    March 19, 2010

    What a joke. This cannot be real. You are not just a “wicked sinner” in the eyes of religious people, but you are a homewrecker, a salop, a mass murderer and serial killer. Lady you confess to not just adultery but you say you have multiple partners, still.

    Take the advice Ms Bella gave you. I would only add that to even entertain a sliver of hope that you are redeemable you need to immediately turn yourself in to the police and plead guilty to multiple attempted murders (assuming some of your victims have not yet died).

    I cannot promise you sympathy from the public, but at least the attention, fame and notoriety your dirty lifestyle seems to be begging for would not have eluded you completely.

  24. madhead
    March 19, 2010

    fornication is a sin you b*tch. pleaz stop having sex wit the man and masturbate the rest of your life.

    • March 19, 2010

      I agree. Fuh real. She needs to mastrubate or get a dildo.

  25. lady
    March 19, 2010

    pleas change ur life syle because u will place other at risk. Give ur life to christ b4 its too late!

  26. Hmmm
    March 19, 2010

    Bella I am quite dissapointed in the way you responded to this persons letter. She specifically told you she wanted to “talk to someone” which you ignored. Missy I would advise that you speak with your priest / pastor. changing your life cant change the fact that you have AIDS Bella. SO she needs to get advise and moral support so that she doesnt spread it nor die from it. Girl please make sure you take your meds aight..I think its free.and quit the unprotected sex alltogether.

  27. Jepter
    March 19, 2010

    I suspect that this is a man speaking.

    • March 19, 2010

      Agree on this too. A man with more than one girlfriend. One is married.

  28. Anonymous
    March 19, 2010

    I have made a lot of mistakes in my short lifetime with many regrets. If I could go back to the tender age of childhood days I would. I fear for my life as well and wish I could undo the past. Who knows, I could have HIV or full blown AIDS.
    Take courage my dear, take life one day at a time always remembering to put GOD first, and most importantly try not to hurt anyone else.

    • J
      March 19, 2010

      one of the best posts so far. you are realistic, not hypocritical like some of the others. some of the holier than thou remember u can be faithful n ur spouse or partner can infect uso think before u condem. once we have life we are forgiveable. Thank God he is forgiving and not condeming lie us here on earth

    • just giving my 2 cents
      March 22, 2010

      i read these comments and cry – then i get to others and rage… gosh… people are so judgmental, easy to ridicule, easy to condemn. It is such a sad story- yet many people come in here and pass judgements. WHO amongst us has no sin- throw the first stone: this is what i remember when i am tempted to jump on board and criticise and make statements which are plain “stupid”.

      ANYONE CAN GET AIDS… AIDS has no name, no face, no shame, no game…ANYONE OF US CAN GET IT… it can be gotten in so many ways, not just sexually…. the individual may have had it for a long time and only just found out- she could have gotten it from living a “nasty” lifestyle, she could have gotten it from her first boyfirned- she could have gotten it anyhow. It’s just a shame that she chose the life of having multiple partners, now the 10 men she slept with, the 10 women whom they slept with, the 10 men whom these women slept with- you get my drift…… can all be infected.

      Just imagine being innocent and faithful and one of these 10 individuals happen to be your partner – yes, you are allowed to be mad. angry, ready to kill someone, but do not blame the woman who gave it to your partner – blame your partner…AND YES- YOUR PARTNER CAN BE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE – so before you judge, think …as they say it’s a small world…

      Blame is easy to put a face on… but things as i learn are never black and white- so i do not judge any book by it’s cover… this person is just unfortunate.

      I say to this individual – have a conscience and do the right thing – be not afraid of the people who condemn – they too are condemned – be afraid of the Almighty and ask for forgiveness…..

      move on and stop endangering innocent people. SAY SOMEHTING- TELL SOMEONE – but most of all – HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE WHAT YOU CAN… notify those who are infected, and you owe it to yourself and society to protect ALL innocent peole from getting infected….

      I PERSONALLY SAY- NAME THE INFECTED PERSONS, that way all people will be aware- what one doesn’t know can hurt- so let the world know!

  29. eccavilo
    March 19, 2010

    OMG do you have to ask Bella if you should tell the married man that you have aids? Girl, please suppose he was the one who was infected and you were infected how would you feel? Please take her advice and act on this right away.

  30. TGIF!
    March 19, 2010

    Question: why is she even asking if she should wait for the married man to leave his wife? She has HIV now, what kind of quality of sex life does she imagine she can contribute to their “relationship” now? She should get the next flight out of the country, and then when she is safely away, she can call them fellas and tell them to get themselves tested. Mamzell have a death wish, man?

  31. hee
    March 19, 2010

    @youngmanindominica. you’re an idiot…lol!

  32. Mouth of the South-West
    March 19, 2010

    Hi my dear I sympatize with you. But you need to stop running around and tell all your partners those present and past the truth because if you dont trust me if you really got a conscience in the long run it gonna bother u. Well I hope we young ladies and also the men take this issue as a valid lesson and STOP these PROMISCUOUS behaviours which is plaguing Dominica.

  33. The Day Has Come
    March 19, 2010

    ANNOUNCE ON THE RADIO YOUR FULL NAME AND ADDRESS, AND ALL THOSE YOU HAD SEX WITH, SO ALL WHO SLEPT WITH YOU WILL GO AND HAVE THE AIDS TEST. LEAVE THE MARRIED MAN ALONE PLEASE!!!!!!! GIRL I WARNING YOU. STOP MESSING WITH OUR FAMILIES!!! DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH NO MAN EVER AGAIN!!! You have caused wayyy too much problem in our families and community. Next thing, innocent people like me, looking for a husband end up with one of those you hopscotch on and give AIDS?! GOD FORBID! COME OUT CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN U HEAR ME? RIGHT. I serious oh. Just come out clean now and leave ALL man alone. DO US A FAVOUR IN DOMINICA, PROTECT OUR PEOPLE AND FAMILIES!!! I thank you. a quiz for u
    you like sex? yes
    you have aids? yes
    then stay away from our man and family!!



  34. March 19, 2010

    People like u going to hell.u know your rear is contaminated but u continue to spread it around.u do not need to write this letter..just stop spreading your poison legs and find god not Bella..

  35. Real dominican
    March 19, 2010

    would you have kill yourself if you had HIV/AIDS

  36. CB CUZ
    March 19, 2010

    Girl you a a morderer you son of a b++++. You a a killer you should be ashamed of yourself. I have never been so disgusted in my life you should have died with the guy form antigua. People like you need to be prosecuted for murder i hope when you tell your married cheating man i hope he take you life first.

  37. March 19, 2010

    well! well!
    this person is no better than the Antiguan guy. This is a lesson to all the fornicators and adulterers out there, it’s your wives, husbands and kids that are going to pay for it. Why would that person continue to kill others out there. Put a sign in your house stating, [ DIE AT YOUR OWN RISK, DEATH LIVES HERE ] they will get the message, believe that!

    March 19, 2010

    That’s sad though…..’The innocent are the ones who always pay for others sinful ways. Hope all cheaters read your message

  39. mike
    March 19, 2010

    i have a gun a bottle of gramaczone and i know a good cliff down t savanne side choose one ur nothign but a desease ridden whore u have gutts commign ad askign such a question oh by the way i have some rope to and know a big tree with strong branches that will be of some use as well

  40. Young Man in Dominica
    March 19, 2010

    do the world a favour and kill ur self please

    • unknown
      March 19, 2010

      lol lol lol

      • eccavilo
        March 19, 2010

        Not funny at all! This is a serious matter!

    • msp
      March 19, 2010

      very funny

    • Stoopid....
      March 19, 2010

      I Totally agree with u my partner..

    • jesus saves
      March 19, 2010

      how can u make a statement like that, you know one of the marriedc men she is having an affair with may just be having sex with your girlfreind or someone tht you have slept with. and if you found out that you have aids will you kill yourself?

    • TGIF!
      March 19, 2010

      AA! but who appointed you in God’s place nuh?

    • Girly
      March 19, 2010

      You should give better advise

      • March 19, 2010

        This is not funny, but hahahahahehehehe.

        On a serious note, it’s a lesson though for lots of married couples out there who are unhappy and just coexist while they go out with other people openly or secretly.

        I believe in separation even though it is difficult. Best go separate ways and avoid the hurt and deception.

    • mouth of the south
      March 20, 2010

      tellin someone go kill the self,,,,, dat is serious,,, if that person was to commit suicide then u can be held accountable,,,,, is time we stop dat americanized slang,,,, many has found out the hard way,,, twitter myspace etc

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