Follow your heart

Dear Bella: I am currently in a long distance relationship with my best friend whom I have known for seven years. He is a wonderful person however when we decided that we wanted to be with each other he hurt me after only two months.

He was confused because his ex was pressuring him to take her back, which caused a strain on our relationship so I broke it off. He was upset because he said he never told me he wanted her back but needed some time to get over her since we went into a relationship right after they broke up.

We are now back together and he has asked me to marry him. I am now a bit afraid. I am constantly approached by my son’s father to take him back. I know deep down that this won’t be the right thing to do because of our past. I am having mixed feelings. I don’t trust my current boyfriend as I used to. I am very independent and don’t need a man to take care of me and my son. My views on relationships are that they always fail. But sometimes I get real lonely.

I don’t want to live a life where I just use men when I feel the need to. It’s been almost two years since my break up with my son’s father and the pain from that relationship is still there. How do I move on? I have seen a psychiatrist and I have rededicated my life to Christ. I have forgiven my son’s dad and we are now good friends. How can I change my perception of relationships? How do I move on? I really want a family but I’m afraid to get hurt again.


Dear Afraid: It’s obvious that based on this letter that you have a lot of personal issues. You are insecure and you’re not trusting, as it relates to relationships. Only you alone can decide to do what’s right for you, and no one else. You can only be advised.

My advice is if you’re not ready to do something, do not do it. Most times people see something good about to happen to them, it’s good, but actually allowing it to happen gives them that doubtful gut feeling. Why would you accept the good thing if you’re not sure if it’s what you want? Do you prefer to feel miserable or trapped for many years to come? No I do not think so. So follow your heart.

Also, regarding your long distance relationship, you admit not trusting your boyfriend. It is very difficult to trust someone who you cannot keep tabs on, however, what’s the sense being in a relationship if you do not trust your significant other? You may be wasting his time.

As for your ex. Yes, he wants to come but you’re not sure. Well, if you’re not sure, then follow your feelings.

If you’re not ready to commit as yet or if you haven’t found the man that actually vanishes those gut feelings, then do not rush into anything. Marriage is a serious thing. Commitment is serious. Do not get involved in anything you do not want to.

But while you ensure that you look out for you first, do not be selfish and harm other people’s feelings. Be open with them, and let them know if you’re ready or not. Do not let your insecurities or mistrust feelings get in the way.

Just do what you feel is best for you.


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  1. sweet pum pum
    January 20, 2011

    yeah y’all are so right this long distance thing works it depends on the faith of the two of you
    :lol: like “BLIND FAITH” Its just like my boyfriend’s long distance girlfriend believes everything
    he tells her she has the majicjack and calls him at least 5 times a day smh I play along I stay
    quiet no background noises while we cuddle up and do whatever couples do when they are in bed together and yes I hand him the cell phone doing everything in my power to not choke with
    laughter :lol:

  2. mints
    July 21, 2010

    look babes theres no need to go bakwards cuz u already kno wats there keep movin forward and let go of any doubts u hv about ur current relationship cuz the fact is he wants to b with u he had a chance to prove it and he already did

  3. Dr. Finger
    July 2, 2010

    You wrong! The man say he need time and you break it up so what is your problem. Some women think they too moedee and run things. The truth is you want to have your cake and eat it too. What was good for the gander (you) is good for the goose(him). I get the feeling you still banging your ex and dont have the guts to say it. The best thing is call off both relationships and go find yourself. After your mind is settled you will find peace and trust in others. Only then you should get into a serious relationship. Unless you banging and treating it as just sex…….to satisfy a need. Just tell them cover up!

    Just what the doctor ordered…

  4. Anonymous
    July 2, 2010

    I see we are having lessons on our grammer but the topic is based on RELATIONSHIP and now how well we write.
    My advise to the young lady is to take time and not rush into things too quickly. You need time to get over your EX before you even consider marrying another guy. Think positively and things will work out for you. Pray pray pray and put your trust in the Lord. Nothing happens overnight. There is someone out there for everyone and if by any chance one of the two is destined to be with you he will

  5. rushand
    July 2, 2010

    @drlove: i do hope things work out for you, things are still in the foundation stage and it is apparently very shakey. I dont thing it is wise for a young married, or newly married couple to live apart…….thats just room for infidelity. Anyways once you cool with it your marriage may last.

  6. rushand
    July 2, 2010

    I am confused. I do agree with reasoning. Grammar is necessary for understanding.

  7. Reasoning
    July 2, 2010

    Punctuation is a good thing. We all learned it in school. Use it.

  8. drlove
    July 2, 2010

    my dear no pain no gain i was in almost the same thing as u were but the only thing i never broke it off it is a long distance and a few months after we were together my boyfriend (now my husband ) went to sleep with his ex and when i came home the woman called my phone and told me i was mad and i mea mad but then i seat down and think it was a short time and he and his ex children mother had sex i said to him ok you did it he did not lie to me he told me the truth and we spoke about it i understand i was away she was there they we kind of stll having sex when we started dating but he promise to stay away fr her and he did we a no married for almost a year now which is still long distance untile he can join me soon so am not saying it will work for u but talk to him and u guys can understand each other good luck

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